Dave Kashen coaches on why people claim to want authenticity but actually resist it because real growth means discomfort. A therapist told Speaker B that his resistance to joy and intimacy stems from staying in what feels familiar, even when it hurts.
A lot of clients will say things like, well, that, it just doesn't feel authentic, right? Maybe like a practice or an exercise like that, or, you know, I'll have a client and I'm like, well, the team really needs you to be a cheerleader right now. And maybe it's like a technical engineer, you know, founder. And they're like, that's not authentic for me. And I'm like, well, bullshit. It's just not comfortable. And I think a lot of us hide behind authenticity. It's interesting, you know, we want to talk about authenticity. I think that there's an interesting distinction here between like who I've always been and what feels safe and familiar versus being your full whole self and sort of that behavioral flexibility to just trying new ways of being, trying new things and being willing to be uncomfortable, right? I mean, it's like the biggest cliché in the world, right? If we You know, if we just do what's comfortable, we don't grow, right? By definition, growth is what happens outside of your comfort zone. So I think, yeah, one aspect here that's really important to recognize is like, we're not going to grow and expand ourselves and our connections by just staying comfortable. So I appreciate the recognition that like, yeah, it's not, it's awkward. And that doesn't mean you shouldn't do it. It's just like, oh, it's, it feels awkward, right? You feel scared. You feel Worried. And what I think is also important to point out is like, this is maybe the most uncomfortable stuff there is. Like, we tend to think like, oh, I really don't want to feel fear and sadness and anger. And actually, I think human beings are more scared of joy, love, and intimacy than they are of fear, sadness, and anger. Yeah. And I think it's really important to recognize what a limitation that is. It's like, who doesn't want to feel like appreciated and acknowledged and loved? And yet we're so stingy with our love and appreciation.
My wife sent me this Instagram post the other day. My therapist told me this and it changed my life. You're not healing to be able to handle trauma, pain, anxiety, and depression. You're used to those. You're healing to be able to handle joy and accept happiness back into your life. And I think it's, it's such a— to be able to actually be with it and feel it. And Andrew, you're so uncomfortable with it.
