Dave Kashen explores the belief that you're only worthwhile if you're busy, tracing it to shame. He argues that fully feeling the shame, rather than just challenging the thought, lets the physical sensations move through and breaks the pattern.
I'm not worthwhile if I'm not busy. That's the belief pattern. And, you know, frankly, for many years I would have mostly focused on, well, how is it, you know, can you see how that's not true, how that's not true for someone else, really try to dismantle the belief, which is still useful to do. Like, what evidence do you have that you are worthwhile even without being busy, you know? Right. And since this this, you know, episode's about emotions. What I'm recognizing is if you don't feel the— it's probably shame that is kind of holding that belief in place, um, and stop resisting it and like fully allow yourself to feel it, it's— it probably won't go away. You won't shift that pattern. And it's amazing how quickly it almost feels miraculous if you actually actually probably for the first time in most people's lives, 'cause who wants to feel shame? We spend most of our lives pushing it away, resisting it. Fully allow yourself to feel the shame without believing the story. By the way, that's the common pattern is like we don't feel the feeling, but we believe the story or the belief. You wanna swap it so you see through the belief or stop believing it, and at the same time, like fully feel literally like the physical sensations of it, like, oh, The shame is often like this hunched over, like small, wanna hide, you know, escape feeling. For me, as I tune into it, it's like, ugh, it's like hard to breathe, like my throat closes up, my chest and stomach constrict. But if I can allow all that and allow myself to feel it, the shame tends to move through and that pattern can shift. Yeah.
