Dave Kashen argues that sadness itself won't destroy you, but resisting it will. He says resistance to difficult emotions is what prolongs and intensifies pain, drawing on his work with coaches and clients on emotional regulation.
I'll say a story that our mind tells us that's kind of a fear-based story with most emotions, that if I allow it, it will, like, engulf me, right? Like, it'll never end, right? Like, people who have, like, a lot of repressed sadness. Oh, God, if I allow the sadness in, it'll never end, and I'll just be— I'll drown in it. And so that keeps us resisting it. It's not true. From my experience, other coaches, lots of clients, like, the energy does move through. It can come in waves, but it does move through. And so that's— I just want to make that point because what stops a lot of people from being willing to feel their feelings is this fear that they'll just be swallowed up by it. And in some way, the opposite is true. The resistance to it is what actually makes it so intense and keeps it around.
