Does Being Good Make You Happy?

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On today's episode of Timeless Wisdom.

Now I have a topic today which inverts, reverses exactly, it doesn't undo, it just reverses everything I always say about how we have a moral obligation to be happy, right? Because happy people do more good. Now I'm going to turn it all the way around 180 degrees and tell you that the opposite is also true, that good people are more happy.

That's coming up on Timeless Wisdom with Dennis Prager.

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Welcome to Timeless Wisdom with Dennis Prager. Hear thousands of hours of Dennis's lectures, courses, and classic radio programs. And to purchase Dennis Prager's Rational Bibles, go to DennisPrager.org.

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You have no idea how many of you write to me that I should sing. You have no idea. People stop me in the street, I'm not kidding, and I say this in Alan's presence. That's right, well, it's the Happiness Hour on the Dennis Prager Show, and I welcome you. Special welcome to, uh, Tom T. All right, here we go. Come on, Sean. There we go, everybody. Alan, don't listen. It's the happy, happy, happy, happy hour. Yes, it is. It's The happy, happy, happy, happy hour. Hi everybody, it's the Happiness Hour. Every week at this time, come hell or high water, whatever it might be, we devote an hour every week at this time to the subject of happiness. 'Cause happy people make the world better, and because we have a moral obligation to be happy, we owe it to everyone in our lives— our spouses, our children, our parents, our friends, our coworkers. The person we sit next to on an airplane. You ever sit next to a person on the plane who was sour? It's not a fun trip, and that's a total stranger, and that's just a couple of hours. So imagine somebody you have to live with or be related to. Yeah, it's very big subject. It's huge. Now I have a topic today which inverts, reverses exactly— it doesn't undo, it just reverses everything I always say about how we have a moral obligation to be happy, right? Because happy people do more good. Now I'm going to turn it all the way around 180 degrees and tell you that the opposite is also true, that good people are more happy. How do you like that? I want you to call me if you know mean-spirited people and think they're happy. And I'll bet I don't get many calls, because when you think about the people in your life, you tend— I mean, the people you know best, whether it is at the office or whether it is a relative, a relative, I won't say friend, because if you have a mean-spirited friend, you have a very strange choice in friends. So I excluded that. But folks, it should be, it should be self-evident on a moment's notice that the kinder folks that you know tend to be the happier folks. And certainly even more clearly, the mean-spirited ones are less happy. So how do you like that? Not only do happy people do more good The people who do more good, and I don't mean do more good on a macro level, see, that's a very interesting thing. In other words, they have joined a wonderful organization that raises funds for cancer research. As much as I'm for that and support it, of course I am, and that is a factor in a person's goodness, but I'm now talking about daily relations. Where in daily relations, in the micro realm, in the personal realm, the people who are less mean-spirited are usually the ones who are happier. Now, you— there's a question of which comes first, the chicken or the egg. Is it that they're happier and therefore they are more good, or they are— do more good, they are kinder, and therefore they are more happy? And the answer is Both. Both are true. In other words, goodness and happiness feed each other. The happy do more good, and the good are more happy. How do you like that? 1-800-PRAGER-776 is the number. 1-800-PRAGER-776. That's something for people to think about when they think about how they treat other people. There is all— there is really a selfish, in the best sense of selfish, component to treating people well. How do you like that? You think you're being selfish when you're selfish, and you are. But the truth is that if you were really concerned with how much happiness you will have in life, you wouldn't be so selfish. You would treat people better. You would be— you care about people more. As a rule, As a rule, there are many exceptions to this rule, but as a rule, you get treated back the way you treat people. And that will, that will increase your happiness. By and large, if you treat people decently, you will be treated decently. And if you think that you are going through life getting shafted by everybody, that, you know, you are the kind one and everybody is just treat you miserably, there is something probably a little wrong in your perception. Probably. It is possible that you are the victim of nearly everybody you know, but it is most unlikely. So I am giving you today the notion that, uh, you will be happier if you treat people better. Not talking about you will be happier if you if you go on a 26K walk for breast cancer or AIDS. That may well be too. I am all for macro goodness, absolutely. But I am now talking about the way in which we treat people in our individual life, not the, not the large macro values. So here's my question: do you agree that good people are happier? That's my question. 1-800-PRAGER-776. Or do you— would you say, you know what, Dennis, there is really no correlation? Unfortunately, a lot of selfish people are happy. A lot of people who treat others not so great, they're happy. That has not been my experience in life. That by and large, the people who treat other people well are happier. They get, they get back. And I'll tell you the biggest reward. You know what the biggest reward of goodness? Friends. That's the biggest reward. The mean-spirited do not have friends. They have acquaintances. They have, they have friends in the sense of you know, people that they could visit perhaps or go to the movies with. But, uh, mm-mm-mm-mm, it doesn't work because why would anybody really be able to trust you if you're not good? And without trust, there really isn't friendship. Let's be honest. 1-800-PRAGER-776. 1-800-PRAGER-776. Is the phone number, and let's go to some of your calls here on this. Do you believe that the kind people are happier, or am I talking an ideal, a sort of fantasy world? We begin in Chicago, and Dave— hello, Dave, Dennis Prager.

Hi, Dennis, long time listener, first time caller.

It's a pleasure to speak with you.

Thank you so much.

I just wanted to say I think happiness is a choice, and when you decide to put your treasure in someone or something, your heart is going to incline towards that. For example, I've been married 10 years and there are times where maybe the spark is not there, but if out of a decision of the will that I want that to change, I decide I'm going to bring my wife flowers once a week for a month or something like that, my heart begins to incline more towards her, and that's a result of the decision I made to act.

Right. I totally agree with you. I'm a big behaviorist. My motto in my lectures is the deed shapes the heart far more than the heart shapes the deed.

I agree. I'm a Christian, and it comes right out of the Sermon on the Mount where Jesus says where your treasure is, there your heart will be also, right?

So here's the question here is, how does this relate though to my subject that if you're— the more good you are, the happier you will be?

Well, I think it's—

you asked about the chicken and the egg. I don't think that good deeds come out of being happy.

Oh, they do, they do though. They don't only come out of being happy, but Dave, let's be let's talk real. Most people, when something very good happens in their lives, are far more inclined to treat people well than when they are unhappy, right? Okay, all right. So that's what I'm saying. You see, that it's very important to be real, folks. Very important. We sometimes— and I'm not saying Dave did this at all— but sometimes religious people, and I am religious, so I have no problem in saying this, sometimes religious people will cite verses and cite doctrines and cite beliefs, and they're all legitimate, but they somehow don't think that you can be fully human at the same time and real and look at reality. And the reality is that happy people, not just religious people, but happy people, will, will do more good. And not all religious people do more good. There are unhappy religious people. I've talked about that a number of times. In fact, I don't know if I've talked about that recently. We ought to do that one more time, another time. But right now I'm telling you folks, and it's worth telling your kids this, if they want to be happy, they have a much better chance if they treat people well than if they don't. Much better chance. In fact, the other way is impossible. The Happiness Hour on the Dennis Prager Show continues.

This episode of Timeless Wisdom will continue right after this.

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Now back to more of Dennis Prager's Timeless Wisdom.

You're listening to The Dennis Prager Show. This is the Happiness Hour. I begin almost every Happiness Hour by telling you that happy people do more good. And now I'm telling you that the more good you are, the happier you will be. They are both interrelated because a lot of people wonder, gee, why do these bad people have it good? That is one of the oldest questions in humanity, from the Book of Job on. Why do bad people prosper? Well, they may prosper in some ways, but are they happier? In your life, that's my question, not, not looking at the newspaper, in your life among people you know best, do you believe that the people who are the most mean-spirited towards others are just as likely to be happy as the people who are kind toward others? That's my question to you. That's the best way to ascertain, not in general, but from the basis on the people you know. 1-8-PRAGER-776. And in Irvine, California, Hugh. Hello, Hugh. Dennis Prager.

Hi, Dennis. I love your show. You're the greatest unknown professor I've ever had.

The greatest— you mean unknown in the sense that you don't know me?

Exactly.

Okay, fine.

Okay. Well, my question is this. I used to be a part of a 12-step, and as you know, you've probably heard of this, they had the whole fake it till you make it philosophy. Which, you know, I do agree with to a certain degree.

But then I've had a lot—

I'm also a Christian— I've had a lot of Christian friends that they're cool with 12-step, but they also say, you know, you don't want to be like a whitewashed tomb, like one of the Pharisees, you know, that's all clean on the outside but full of dead men's bones and desolation on the inside. So they're— they have also emphasized, you know, you need to work to clean yourself out on the inside, and then it'll sort of shape your outside behavior. And it's just one of the things that's kind of kept me up at night sometimes, you know, before I go to sleep. Like, is there a more right way?

This is a terrific question, terrific. And I, and I will be totally candid with you, this is one of those areas where— and I am, you know, one of the biggest defenders and advocates of, of, of the Christian American that the— that exists today. My life is devoted to Judeo-Christian values, but this particular idea is not my idea. I agree with the 12-step program more than I do with many of your fellow Christians on this matter. I don't even, I don't even understand how, how one goes about cleaning one's insides fully, because we're— God didn't make us saints, he made us human, and our— and inside of us is a whole host of conflicting emotions, desires, lusts, etc. And I am much more interested, and I think God is— people say God measures the heart, and I agree with that. I think God does judge the heart, but the heart of the person who is willfully doing good is a good heart. You see, the very fact that you have decided to treat others well before, so to speak, cleaning up your insides shows that your insides are already very good. The very fact that you want to do good, what does that say about your heart?

Very, very— yeah, very well put. Thank you, Dennis Prager.

Okay, thank you. Boy, am I happy you called. I mean, I get that a lot from, from religious folks. Especially Christians, to be precise here, about the, you know, this laying awake, lying awake, asleep, lying asleep. Boy, that's pretty bad, lying asleep, I tell you. Lying awake at night and not being able to fall asleep, whether metaphorically or literally, because they know that they're, they're not pure inside. There's no such thing as pure inside. It doesn't exist. It It's the issue is our behavior. And the very fact, you see, when Jesus was criticizing the Pharisees, it wasn't over their acting ethically and having impure insides. It was their acting ritually and having impure insides. That's the difference. Jesus never said, look, all the kind things that you're doing, but I know inside it, you know, you're not kind. No, never. It's a misunderstanding. And it certainly— and he certainly didn't apply it to all Pharisees. I mean, that too was important. But yes, there is an element of ritualistic observance in religion that is not accompanied by goodness, and it is disgusting. And it was— and Jesus was not the first Jew to say that. Isaiah spoke, "I don't need your sacrifices." if you're not good people. You can keep your sacrifices, in other words, keep your rituals, but never, ever, ever think that your insides are more important than your, than your ethical, decent behavior. Never. Not in God's eyes, not in humans' eyes. I'm glad that was raised because a lot of people are confused on that matter. And, and again, doesn't it show how good your insides are that you do want to act good? What does it say about you that you do fight your, your other parts? You will never as humans have a pure inside. Never, never. And some of the very best people on Earth have a particularly impure inside which they know that they have to fight. In fact, there's a famous Hebrew saying that the bigger the righteous man, the bigger his will to do bad. That a person who has no will to do bad is less likely to be a particularly good person. Alright, 1-8 Prager 776. So I return to this matter of— remember, this is the Happiness Hour. Is not a theological hour, but I'll take— I take anything, that's fine. And if you feel there's a conflict, as you just heard, then call in. I don't believe there's a conflict. I believe that the best religion wants us to be happy, that God wants us to be happy. In fact, I think God considers it an insult if you walk around unhappy, especially if you appear to be religious. So I go back to my thesis of this particular Happiness Hour. Just as the happy do more good, those who do more good are more likely to be happy. And people don't think that all the time because they often think that the bad are prospering. Uh-uh. All right, let's go to, uh, righty, Beaverton, Oregon, and Gregory. Hello, Gregory. Dennis Prager.

Hi there. You know, I'm really glad to get on. It's a great topic, and I think people who love people are by definition happier.

Yeah, that's certainly true.

Isn't that really what you're saying? We're being nice and doing good is a way of expressing love and a way of loving people, and then you get more energy back. And there's that great balance of give and take that, that kind of engages in like, oh, this feels good, so I'm going to do it more. And what I'm doing is a benefit to others, and then I'm getting back something that's a benefit to me, which is more energy. And that's right feeling.

That's right, that's right.

You're on the same page. So, and you know, because it's the network of relationships that we build in our lives that really determine a lot of our happiness. When we think of a favorite vacation spot or a favorite town, a city that we've lived in, then what we're really usually thinking of is the nature of the relationship, the people that we were with, or the people that we love.

That's exactly right. Anyway, goodness generally brings back goodness to you. And you know what? And if it doesn't, so it doesn't. So you'll be hurt by somebody. Okay, better than wearing, wearing an armored suit. Back in a moment.

This episode of Timeless Wisdom will continue right after this.

We live in a time where the moment you question the narrative, you're told to stop thinking and start complying.

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Now back to more of Dennis Prager's Timeless Wisdom.

You're everything to me. Yep, that's right. If you win it, comes in gold. I would like to know if this song, Alan, touches someone in his or her 20s as it does those of us who are older. I really— I, I'm wondering if, if— I mean, this precedes our generation too. I mean, I, you know, he was not singing when I was listening to music, but I do wonder if it's generational.

I don't think it's so much generational. I think though you have to have some experience in life. You have to sort of have seen a lot of things. There's something about Jimmy Durante that when you get a little bit older, there's a tone in his voice of—

that's right, the bittersweet.

Yeah, the bittersweet. And you don't have a sense of bittersweet until—

all right, that's a good point. So it's not a matter of what you were raised with, it's literally a matter of experience. That, that I would— that's That's what I would say. Yeah, you're probably right. 1-800-PRAGER-776. This is the Happiness Hour. I am making the point that isn't made often enough, and that is the one that I make that's almost never made, that happy people do more good. That I make every week. But I am now just reversing it, that the people who do more good are also happier. And I am, and that's why that call earlier was so important. And forgive me, I just forgot, do you remember the man's name? It was such a good and important call and I treasure, I really treasure that call 'cause he was so honest. I am, my friends, a huge behaviorist. And I'll put this down for a future Happiness Hour. I believe that Behavior is more important than feelings. I don't believe that always. In other words, I don't believe that, for example, in purely religious ritual. There I believe that the, the intent and the— is also critical. But in, in, in daily life with behavior toward humans, there's no question behavior is more important than feelings. Of course. Do I care whether or not the vast majority of people— or you care, okay, forget me— but do any of you care whether the vast majority of people you meet in daily life love you? No. You care about how they treat you. I don't expect the waiter to love me. I expect the waiter to treat me nicely. That's what matters to me. Behavior is so important. That's why people have lost this. This has been lost completely. That's why people say it doesn't matter how you dress when you go to church. Doesn't— that behavior is irrelevant. All that matters is that you are there, that you have a religious heart, that you are thinking about God. God doesn't care how you dress. That is, we live in an anti-behaviorist age where it's all your intention, not your behavior, that matters. But I, I believe that casual dress, going to church in shorts and a tank top Reflects some— something inside of you, because you wouldn't do that at the Academy Awards, would you? So what you're saying is that you will treat actors and actresses better than you will treat a house of God. That's what you're saying. So I don't even— I judge people by their behavior, period, end of issue. And so that's My, my argument is even if you have selfish— and who doesn't— selfish desires, and even if you have impure insides, act good. Act— treat people in your life nicely. You will be happier. That's my argument. Don't wait for a change of heart. Don't. Alrighty, let's go to some of your calls here. 1-8-Prager-776 is 877-243-7776. John in Chicago, hi.

Hi, Dennis.

Hi.

Hi, I just wanted to tell you that, uh, that song you were just playing— I'm 23 years old, and they— I was just thinking as it was playing, what a great song. You know, I was listening to the—

well, there you go. Isn't that nice? 23-year-old loves it. We got to get him the name. Where could he find that? Well, I'll let you know as soon as we come back. We let people know where the music is from. We'll be back in a moment. You're listening to The Dennis Prager Show. Alrighty, the Happiness Hour on The Dennis Prager Show. Happy people make the world more good, and the people who act more good are happier. So I'm talking about part 2 here that those of you who think that the mean and the selfish prosper and the good, they get— they're losers, or they lose out in the happiness sweepstakes, you're wrong. They may make less money, I'll acknowledge that. I don't say that if you are good you will make more money. I say you'll be happier. 1-800-DENNIS-PRAGER-776. And let's go. So we're gonna now— where does this— so the Jimmy Durante song, the young man in Chicago wanted to know what— what— you give me— I'll announce it on the air or what? All right, so find it for me. I'll announce it. All right, let's go to, uh, is it Ita? I'm sorry, Isla in Los Angeles. Dennis Prager, hi.

Hi, um, I think that both it can go both ways. You know, people who are kind do the good acts, do good deeds, but that sometimes also doing good deeds can make somebody more kind. And there was actually a study where they took prisoners and they gave them animals, and they were to care for the animals. And through caring for them, they actually learned— some of them for the first time— to actually care for another living being, and they became more kind because of that. And I— there were less behavioral problems with them as well. I think it can go both ways.

Yeah, it does. And, and that's a behavioristic, uh, point. In other words, they started to act good and so they became better.

Yes.

Yeah, that's right. We're talking happiness, but that's absolutely accurate. By the way, I will say that it is my general belief that the treatment of animal issue goes more the other way, that people who are cruel to animals will be cruel to people. I find that to be truer than people who are good to animals will be good to people. But I think in the specific case of inmates, having to take care of a, of an animal may, may help them become more orderly and, and, and, you know, all the good things that we want from an inmate. So yeah, I'm prepared to believe that. I thank you, Isla. And let's go to Oak Brook, Illinois, and Chris. Chris, Dennis Prager, hi.

Hi, Dennis. Um, I do work for Mother Teresa's nuns here in the city. Oh, wonderful. They do a soup kitchen, they run a shelter for unwed mothers. These nuns, I mean, I'll take them to the eye doctor or whatever. You're around them, they're constantly smiling, but it's genuine. It's not, you know, an artificial smile. It's a genuine smile, and they're constantly sacrificing and helping other people in the inner city. And it's like you get more out of going there and being around these nuns.

Yeah.

And they get from you helping them.

I believe that. I beyond believe that. I am sure you are right. Talking specifically about nuns, I remember being in Phoenix I have this on video because it would— remember, I don't know, some of you who really follow my show will recall I had a New Year's resolution for 2005 to make a video diary of my year, and I pretty much kept it up. And I, I took therefore my video on my lectures around the country, and one of them was in Phoenix, and it was at a synagogue, and there were nuns who came. And these nuns afterwards at the reception after the talk They did it. They, they— this was the nuns' order responsible for the plaques at the Grand Canyon, that those little plaques from that had verses from Psalms, "How great are thy works, O Lord," for example. And I fought for those plaques after the ACLU, and you know, the ACLU has an entire division to find anything that smacks of Judeo-Christian values to remove them. From the public sphere. This is— this, this— the ACLU considers this a virtue to do that. It's twisted, but that is, that is their view, that America would be better without that plaque, that little plaque at the Grand Canyon. It's a better country. And I fought for those, and they got them back with the help of my friends like Senator Blendo and the Arizona legislature. It— we got them back. There. So they came and, and these nuns did a dance around me, and they just radiated joy of life. They just did. And I feel that way within— that's a Christian example. I'll give you a Jewish example. The Chabad rabbis around America who, who have their Chabad houses in, in virtually every city in the country, and that the distinguishing feature of them is their happiness, is their joyful personality. Now, do they ever go to bed worried or depressed? They may well. I'm talking to you though about their demeanor, and I, and I think it has a deep effect. I know it has a deep effect on others. I think it has a deep effect on themselves. Where is the verse, uh, uh, uh, you should serve, serve the Lord in happiness, serve God in happiness? Is it from the Psalms? "Yivdu et Hashem besimcha." That's what I remember. I don't remember where it's from. Anyway, it's a great point. Unhappy religious people, you know what I say to unhappy religious people? This is what I say to them. Please get happy, 'cause you give God and your religion a bad name. But if you can't get happy, please stop being religious. 'Cause it's a disservice. Josh, Monument, Colorado. Dennis Prager, hi.

Hey, ma, how are you, Dennis?

Good, thanks.

Um, I just was considering that, uh, that song from Jamie Durante. I'm 25, and I guess, uh, well, I guess what Alan had was talking about, um, how it's more of a life experience, right? Well, in my case, I think it's more, um, the values I was raised with. Mm-hmm. Because the values from that song and the period were very different from the values of songs of now. I mean, it's just—

Wow, and you're 25 and saying that. By the way, are you saying that Alan was wrong?

Not wrong, but—

Well, that's good because he's very hurt. Oh, he is?

Tell him I'm sorry.

All right, I'll tell him, I'll tell him. Anyway, oh, it's Sleepless in Seattle. That's it. The soundtrack. Alan and Josh and everybody listening, that is one of my 5 desert island discs, the Sleepless in Seattle soundtrack. One great love song after another, including the Jimmy Durante. All right, we'll be back in a moment. Final segment of the Happiness Hour. If you want to get in, 1-800-PRAGER-776.

This episode of Timeless Wisdom will continue right after this.

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Now back to more of Dennis Prager's Timeless Wisdom.

Alrighty everybody, final segment of this edition of the Happiness Hour.

She's getting better.

Don't let anybody fool you into thinking that the bad are happy, or the selfish. It's not true. They may make more money for a while. After all, crooks will do better for a while. It's just the nature of things. And the selfish may prevail in other ways, but I'll tell you what they don't have. They don't have close friends. And you can't be happy without close friends. That's definitional, my friend. So my argument this hour is not only do happy people do more good, but the people who do more good— and I don't mean just macro, I mean primarily even micro— In other words, interpersonal relationship good. A lot of people have unfortunately substituted macro-idealism for personal decency, and that's a big problem. Alrighty, let's go to David in Chicago. David, Dennis Prager, hi.

Hi, Dennis. Um, I just wanted to comment on, um, well, you made a comment about it's more important to be do nice things and that will change you on the inside. Yes. And I, I just, in a way, I understand what you're saying as far as when you do good things, it makes other people happier and it makes you—

and it makes— and it changes your insides too.

Well, that's where I'm kind of— I kind of disagree because I'm with the nuns. They do good things and it made the other guy happy. And that's understandable because they have something that he was missing in a way, maybe possibly for some people. But I think if you're dealing with things on the inside, these things that make you unhappy, then they need to be addressed first, whether it's repentance or just recognizing it and trying to turn from it.

And, uh, well, how can you repent without changing your behavior?

Well, that, that's what I think. If you try to just change your behavior, then it kind of— in a lot of people's lives, they live a double life. They look like someone on the outside, but then when they go home at night and they have immoral problems or they have, um, just other self-esteem problems, whatever it is, that's still there.

Well, yeah, but, but it doesn't negate the good that they have done. What would you rather them do, continue to do bad during the day?

No, I mean, for example, if someone's struggling with, uh, immorality, like what, like, like what?

Struggling with what? Everybody struggles with immorality. What are you referring to?

Okay, say someone is struggling with, um, I don't know, or say someone's struggling with pornography.

Yeah.

Okay, and it's making them— that's their way of satisfying their needs, right? And so that they do that, but then they— then when it's all over and done, they're still just as sad and unhappy as before. And going and doing something nice from somebody doesn't take that problem away.

It doesn't take that problem away, but it takes other problems away, and it still will increase their happiness. I am not— I always say, folks, I'm not for producing saints, I'm for producing better people. By the way, Jerry in Long Beach, I wish he was Jimmy Durante's mailman and said he lived the message of the song. Now folks, call in on anything you want.

On tomorrow's episode of Dennis Teaches the Torah.

Now you have to understand something here. I'd like to point out a very important thing here. If your brother came with this dream to you, would you answer him and say, hey, do you intend to reign over us, you and your other siblings? You'd say, what kind of pompous idiocy 'Go, go back to sleep and dream your egocentric dreams and have a nice night,' right? But would you be disturbed? They're disturbed. They don't make fun of him. They don't make fun of the dream. The problem here is the problem of the Jews historically.

Come back tomorrow for Dennis Prager's signature series on the first 5 books of the Bible. Dennis Teaches the Torah. This has been Timeless Wisdom with Dennis Prager. Visit DennisPrager.com for thousands of hours of Dennis's lectures, courses, and classic radio programs, and to purchase Dennis Prager's Rational Bibles. We want to take just a second to thank the team at Life Audio for their partnership with us on the podcast. Go to LifeAudio.com to find dozens of other faith-centered podcasts in their network, including shows about prayer, Bible study, parenting, and more.

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That's why what Angel is doing matters.

With eye-opening documentaries like Thank You, Dr.

Fauci and RFK: Legacy, Angel is willing to explore the issues others avoid. In a culture shaped by gatekeepers, Angel offers something rare: a platform for truth-seeking storytelling that isn't constrained by fear or conformity. Go to angel.com/prager, join the Angel Guild, and watch these films today.