Fear Is a Serious Problem - Sunday Fireside Chat

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Hi everybody, Dennis Prager here with Otto. What's Otto doing? Licking the air. He's licking the air. That's exactly what he's doing. Hey, Otto! It's a very funny dog, there's no question about it. Bulldogs are a crack-up. Everybody who owns one— are you allowed to say that, by the way, owns a dog? I think no. No, according to the animal rights organizations, you cannot say you are your pet's owner. You are your pet's human companion. Just wanted you to know that. So he doesn't care, by the way. He's, he's very happily owned. So hi everybody, these are spontaneous, all of them. I take your questions after I open up with a few comments. I'm going to be very brief on the opening comments because 2 episodes ago— not episode 2, yeah, episode 2 episodes ago, 211, I spoke about fear. I have another thought about fear I just wanted to share, and it actually arose since then. It's not a thought I didn't mention then, it's a thought I hadn't thought of then. It hit me because I've been thinking about fear so much. That fear is arguably the strongest emotion humans have. I used to think it was either love or hate, and now I believe fear. Fear in most people is the dominant emotion, and I, and I see that happening There are people I know, really wonderful people, who have stayed indoors for more than a year. And that, of course, was induced entirely by fear. It's so powerful. It is also a terrible source of hatred. People hate what they fear. I'm not talking about inanimate objects like a virus. Well, might be animate, but you know what I mean. But if there is a group, for example, there is real hatred of the non-vaccinated in the Western world and in the United States specifically. I mean hatred. I mean even a desire to see that they die. There are people who write comments on the internet that the non-vaccinated should not be treated in hospitals. They have chosen not to get vaccinated. Let them live with the consequences so that if they get really ill, let them die. Now, it's, it's so interesting because these same people, if you asked, well, what about a, a person who, uh, who kidnapped a little girl, tortured her to death Should they be treated in the hospital if they're wounded by the police? Oh, of course. And then confront them. So you think if you torture a little kid to death, you deserve to be treated in a hospital, but if you didn't get the— a COVID vaccine, you don't? That's— that is hatred. That's genuine, genuine hatred. And it comes from fear. They'll kill me, or they'll kill my grandmother. If my 5-year-old now is not vaccinated, kill me or somebody else, 'cause everybody knows 5-year-olds are not dying of COVID So they'll kill somebody. Anyway, fear is, is the, the way in which totalitarian regimes focus hatred onto a group. In communist countries, that is how they focused hatred on, let's say, landowners or business owners or the bourgeoisie. The middle class, the capitalist. They— you should fear them. They, they are trying to hurt you. That's how the Germans did it with the Jews. It was fear of the Jews that enabled people to accept the horrors of what the Nazis did to Jews. Fear is really scary. As odd as that sounds, fear is frightening. So it's not only good for you, it's also horrible for others to live in fear. That I spoke about last time. So the question has arisen by people who take these fireside chats to heart: how do you become a less fearful person? And like just about everything else in life, it's a choice you make. What is the difference between a courageous person and a non-courageous person? It is not that the courageous person does not have fears. It's that they don't act on them. In the arena of fear and courage, I am a behaviorist like I am in every other area. Act what you believe you should do. So it started with my understanding of happiness. You should act happy even if you don't feel happy. If, if you have physiological, neurological issues that absolutely prevent you from acting happy. That's a separate issue. But for most people, you can act it even if you don't feel it. That's a very big deal. That is the biggest deal in life, to not allow feelings to determine your behavior. You behave the way you should You don't behave the way you feel. That's the most important moral lesson there is. What are my shoulds? Not what are my feels? Act on feelings, you will lead a miserable, narcissistic, and probably bad life. So with regard to fear, I would argue the same thing. You won't get rid of your fears. Well, you will eventually, to a certain extent. But you can't wait until your fears leave you to act less fearful. You act less fearful, and then the fears will begin to leave you. That is the way it works. Get the hell out of your house. And one, one way to understand it is I have to weigh the, the pathetic life I'm living cooped up in my house for a year and a half, or not allowing my children to play with other children because I am fearful for them, even though they, they— there's virtually zero chance of their getting very sick, let alone dying from COVID Preventing your children from playing with other children has a— might have a permanent detrimental effect, or having them wear masks and not seeing faces for a year and a half now, or more than a year and a half. These are bad things, and they're all the results of fear. So you just, you just decide one day, my children must play with other children. I, I must get out of this house. Now, in the final analysis, you have to grapple, I guess, with the question of, gee, what if I get sick? Okay, so you got sick. What if you die? It's not a good thing to die, certainly prematurely. It's not a good thing to die probably at any age. It just, it's a lousy end to life. But you, you can't be absorbed with What if I die? That can't be the animating question of a good life. As I said, and I have the— I've had this attitude my whole life. I adopted it, I think, as early as high school. I would like to live long, but it is more important to live fully. It is more important to live fully than to live long. That's really something important to remember. I have not led my life guided by the question, "What if I die?" If you do, you won't do anything. I would never have visited 130 countries. Some of them were dangerous. Now, I don't take silly risks and I do wear seat belts. I don't want to die, and certainly not for a stupid reason like not wearing a seatbelt. Anyway, that has no effect on the quality of my life. On the other hand, masks do have an effect on the quality, not just of your life, but of society's life. Not seeing people's faces for over a year and a half, we pay a price for that. People, I read all the time, what's the big difference, you know, a little piece of material over your face? You have to be kidding. A piece of material over your face is a veil. People who wear veils, like in the Middle East, women who wear veils, many of us, certainly I, have said for years it's dehumanizing. It's literally dehumanizing. The human is known by their face. Not by their arm, not by their leg or stomach. You're known by your face. Hide your face, you hide you. I think it's awful seeing— not being able to see people's faces for this long. We are paying a real price, and kids are paying a worse price not seeing other kids' faces and not seeing adults' faces. Anyway, Oh, another time. It doesn't happen often, maybe 20 times out of 213. But I don't own him. That was a joke. I do own him, but I don't control him. That's what I want. Maybe he'll come back. So here it is. The decision is yours. Not will you stop? Don't ask, will I stop being frightened or stop being fearful? Ask, will I act on it? Not, I like, act non-fearful even if I feel fearful. That's what you have to do on happiness and every other subject. Act, choose how to act, and then the feelings will follow. Because if you let the feelings guide the actions, nothing will change. All right, it is time for your questions. Okay, here we go. Hi Dennis, my name is Sophia. I am 18 years old. I'm from Ventura County, California, and my question for you is, when do you think that, um, states like Texas and other do you think Texas and other very conservative states will follow in the footsteps of California and other leftist states? That is what we call a pessimistic question. That's funny. What do I think that they will follow? I don't, I don't, I don't see that happening. It depends. Look, it could happen. You know when it could happen? If enough Californians move to Texas. That's what they did. Californians did to Arizona. Californians did it to Washington and Oregon, so it might happen, it might happen, uh, to Texas. Texas is not a scared state. They're proud of the fact that they, they don't operate on fear, just to, uh, tie it into what we said earlier. All right, that was quick. All right, Jenna, 46 years old, El Segundo, California. Hi Snoopy, Otto, and Dennis. Thank you. Snoopy's not here, but Otto just— it's so funny, like, did he go out to get a drink? God, was that graceful. That's his middle name, Graceful. Hi Snoopy, Otto, and Dennis. I can't even tell you how much I appreciated your Don't Raise Fearful Children fireside chat. There we go. I'm a single mama raising an 8-year-old boy and a 2-year-old girl. My son's father is one of the most fearful people I have ever met. He leaves his packages on the patio for 3 days after a full antibacterial wipe down. Oh my God. In the book of opposites, there's me and him. At all of my son's Cub Scouts meetings, his father tells my son to, quote, lift the mask every 7 seconds. Oh, because then— oh, it's not being— I don't understand. Lift. Oh, I see, because it's below his nose. We are polar opposites when it comes to fear. I have wondered for years why his father is so afraid of everything, capitalized. Your fireside chat led me right to the source of his fear: his mother. I will never forget the time his mother asked if he needed help cutting his meat. So he wouldn't cut him— wouldn't cut himself. And he was 50 years old. Oh my God. I didn't like if my mother cut my meat when I was 5. And she didn't. His parents bought him a house, paid his property taxes, a car, housekeeper, his gardener, and even paid his doctor visit copays. He has always been coddled. My son's father thinks a good parent is a helicopter parent. How do I ensure that my son isn't a scaredy-cat shaking in the quarter of life, but instead takes calculated risks to discover, navigates his way through challenges, and learns by doing life? One tough mama, Jenna. Yeah, you're my kind of woman, Jenna. You know what? The kids are lucky they have you. Here's a very interesting question here. Can a healthy parent compensate for an unhealthy parent? He's very restless today, by the way. The— there he goes. Okay, bye-bye. This is a very interesting question. Can a healthy parent compensate for an unhealthy parent, or does the unhealthy parent overcome the health of the healthy parent? I don't have a standard answer on it. It would be interesting to ask 100 psychiatrists or psychologists. I don't know. Or just 100 people who had both. My sense is that the healthy parent has, has that advantage. I think you can undo your scaredy-cat husband. So that's the good news. You just, you just continue without necessarily badmouthing him. I don't think parents should badmouth another parent even after divorce, uh, but just say, look, uh That's not my attitude toward life. Go out there and conquer the world. Samantha, 33, Portland, Oregon. Hi Dennis, and hello to the usual suspects. That's you guys. I recently started listening to your fireside chats and PragerU videos. I wish I had known about them in college. Let's see, she's 33. She was in college 10 years ago. We weren't in existence. So you can drop the regret. I wish I had known about them in college so I could better and more confidently defend my position. Though, Prager, you started about halfway through my years there. Oh, all right, good. I was thinking the other day about men versus women and wondered your thoughts on the idea that women use their words as weapons. Extreme feminism tries to portray women as less violent than men. I agree women are less prone to react physically to a situation, but this is in part because we tend to wound with words. It is not because women are more moral than men. This is the assumption in statements such as, if women were in charge, there would be no more war. Thank you. Well, you're a quality woman because the trick is to be able to be objective about your own sex, your own group, your own religion. Your own anything. And you are. That is exactly right. So here's my theory. There are as many awful women as awful men. There are as many wonderful women as wonderful men, and vice versa, obviously. That is a very, very deep belief of mine. But they express their characteristics in different ways. Women's awfulness comes in its direction. Women are disproportionately involved in tearing down our universities and high schools and elementary schools. They just are. But they're not doing it physically. Men are disproportionately involved in murder and rape and theft. There you go. That's correct. Each, each Uh, let's put it this way. Each one does its destructiveness in its own way, and each one does its constructiveness in its own way. Men and women are quite different. That's the way God made the world. But this notion, if women ran the world— I'm watching it take place in the United States, watching it take place in New Zealand. Where the woman who was Prime Minister said, "If you don't hear it from the government, it isn't true." I played that like 10 times on my radio show. All truth comes from the government, from the state. That's quite a statement. That's scary stuff. There is no other truth other than what the state tells you. I played the recording of her saying it. Would you like the world run by such leaders? All truth comes from us. There are no other versions of truth. There are no— no dissent is admirable. Okay, that was a good question, and I salute you. Stephen 38, Plattsburgh, New York. Dear Dennis Prager, I love the fireside chats. I await the release of new episodes every week. I am a white privileged male seeking advice. I'm currently engaged to a woman I love deeply who immigrated to America and is now a citizen. Before Trump's presidency, political issues were never a hot topic within our nearly 8-year relationship. However, these issues continued to the point I decided I was not ready to marry. COVID also made it difficult. She is a strong, opinionated woman with a great heart. I've attempted many different suggestions from friends, family, Google, to no avail. What would you do in my shoes? Don't hold back, please. Okay, I won't hold back. Find somebody else. If you're already married, I, I have different suggestions to people on how to work out very big differences, whether it's COVID or politics. But if you're not yet married, Why would you want to enter a marriage with such huge differences? Marriage inevitably has its own challenges just because of life. Why would you want to add, we don't share some very basic values? As I said, had you been married, and especially if you had a child, I would give different advice. I would say, for example, don't talk politics. Why, why invite a fight? But, but obviously you're suppressing a big part of yourself if you don't talk about those things. But it's worth suppressing that part of yourself to keep a marriage happy. But you're not married, so what's, what's, what's— I don't even know what the question is. I know what the question is. You love her, and that's powerful. But now, as like Every time in life, you have to be guided by your mind, not your heart. Victor 39, Timisoara, Romania. Hello, Dennis Prager team and furry friends. Cool. Firstly, thank you so much for helping us be better and happier people. Me and my significant other drive every weekend to visit my parents and her grandmother of 94 years old. And Sunday is always fireside chats day on our way back home. My secular upbringing makes me struggle to understand why marriage is so important. I'm very in love with my best friend of more than 20 years, 10 of which we spend together, or spent together, have spent together. How can a piece of paper make our relationship more than it is right now, other than in legal ways, of course? Much love from Romania. Well, love to you in Romania. I gave two speeches in Romania a few years ago, had a great time, really great time. So this I hear a lot: why get married? We love each other, we're committed to each other, it's just a piece of paper. So I turned the question around 180 degrees. If it's just a piece of paper, why not do it? You don't believe it's just a piece of paper. If you did, okay, why not? So here are a few, a few basic arguments. There's no comparison between calling your significant other my girlfriend or my partner versus my wife. It's a different world. The day you say my wife, everything changes. Hopefully for the better. But not even necessarily better or worse, just changes. That's serious. That's an announcement to society that we have committed to each other in every way. Yes, including legally. Formally, if you will, if you wish. You are no longer her boyfriend, you're her husband. It's a big deal. Ask anybody who has made the change after being together more than, let's say, 5 years, from girlfriend to wife, boyfriend to husband. They will tell you how different that is. And if you want children, you owe it to them to be married. That is your official statement. Mommy and Daddy are also husband and wife. That, that's a bond that is different from boyfriend and girlfriend. So, uh, now you're right, the religious world is much more pro-marriage than the secular world. You probably heard that here. It's one of the many differences between secularism and religious life. So it's an argument for religious life, but you don't have to be religious to get married, obviously. But it is a huge difference. It's not just a piece of paper. It's like saying, you know, I know how to drive. A license is just a piece of paper. But getting a driver's license is an official statement of your ability to drive. A lot of people know how to drive without that official statement, but we need official statements. It's better for you, better for her, and better for society. We don't think anymore what's good for society. That, that question has sort of died. But that is one of the reasons for people to get married. It is better for society that people bond and take care of each other and not rely on the state to do so. Let's see. Oh boy. All right, here's a, here's a depressing one to end with. Liz, 30 years old, Jerusalem, Israel. I'm an Orthodox Jew, and you would think being religious has me covered. Maybe it would be enough if I didn't deal with chronic depression, but as it is, I don't see much of meaning to life, and I wish I had never been born. How can I find my meaning, or just any meaning, to help me in the more difficult days? I do think it's important to add I'm not in any danger of self-harm, just deep misery. Thank you. I love your fireside chats, by the way. Well, my heart goes out to you. You're 30 and you wish you hadn't been born. I can't say that I've met many people who wish they hadn't been born. That's— that was a very revealing statement, and it really, it, it hit me hard. That you're walking around thinking that. It is clear you are clinically depressed. My, my argument that most people should act happy even if they don't feel it is not really applicable to people who are— have clinical depression. So for people like you, that's why they have psychiatric drugs. Have you tried any? Maybe manipulating some aspect of your brain will, will, will have you look at life differently. Without obviously speaking to you, and I, and I, I'm not a psychiatrist either, I certainly can't provide you the answer, But I do think you didn't mention you had looked into, into psychiatric drugs, and you should. There's no shame in taking them. Taking a psychiatric drug is no more shameful if you need it than getting a cast for a broken arm. You need it. You shouldn't feel this way. No one should feel this way. That you wish you hadn't been born, and you're, and you're that depressed. There are so many reasons to live. There are so many things that give healthy people meaning. Friends and relatives, marriage and children if, if you have that, and hobbies and interests and passions and music. I mean, if the list is endless and none of them seem to work for you. That's, that's, that's clinical depression. And you must treat it as such. I would be interested in hearing from you again. Anima akeilah hatzlacha. I wish you success. Okay, y'all. Great to be with you. I'm Dennis Prager on behalf of Otto. I was just saying Snoopy, but he's not here. On behalf of Otto, thanks for watching. Oh, Otto's not here either. On behalf of me and Megan, who is officially producer— yes, that, that, that— she, boy, did she earn that. They didn't rush in giving you that title, but you, you've earned it. See you next week. Tomorrow on Timeless Wisdom with Dennis Prager. This is a great story. This is truly a treasure. And I, I couldn't make it up. Join us tomorrow to hear more on Timeless Wisdom with Dennis Prager. This has been Timeless Wisdom with Dennis Prager. Visit DennisPrager.com for thousands of hours of Dennis's lectures, courses, and classic radio programs, and to purchase Dennis Prager's Rational Bibles. [MUSIC] [MUSIC]