How To Choose Your Friends Wisely

On today's episode of Timeless Wisdom, I know a guy who for years associated with a guy because he was interesting, he was intelligent, but he had a horrible character. Horrible. And got, got burned. Really burned. Burnt to a crisp. There are so many reasons people choose to be in association with people And most of them are wrong and self-destructive.

That's coming up on Timeless Wisdom with Dennis Prager.

If you're eating less, staying disciplined, and the weight still isn't coming off, the problem may not be your effort. It may be your metabolism. After years of stress, dieting, and lack of sleep, the body adapts. It slows down and holds on to fat. That's why PhD Weight Loss focuses on your metabolism first so your body stops working against you. Mention Prager today and receive 2 free weeks plus plus free food, a $1,500 value. Call 864-644-1900. That's 864-644-1900.

Welcome to Timeless Wisdom with Dennis Prager. Hear thousands of hours of Dennis's lectures, courses, and classic radio programs. And to purchase Dennis Prager's Rational Bibles, go to DennisPrager.com.

It's the happy, happy, happy, happy hour. Hey everybody, it is, it is indeed the happy make the world better, the unhappy make the world worse. Every week at this time, second hour on Friday, devoted to happiness. Yes, it is. It is.

It is.

Oh yes, it is. Great lyrics. Yes, it is. Folks, we got one chance at this life unless you believe in reincarnation, but even then you're coming back as somebody, somebody else. You're coming back as somebody else. That is the case. Even if there is karma. All right, everybody, it's the Happiness Hour on the Dennis Prager Show. Pleasure to be with you. We do— we've done this now about 15 years, is that right? Yeah, about 15 years. Amazing. Whoa, 15 years. What's 50 times 15? 750, correct? Yep, 750 Happiness Shows. That's serious stuff there. I would like to see the 750 topics. Is there any way to resurrect the topics? Because I should do a second volume on happiness. Take a look at how many— I mean, now, now, we don't have 750 different topics, as I've restated certain basic topics, but I would say we have 300 different topics easily. Here's going to be— I'm going to give you a different topic today, in fact, courtesy of Triple G. And it's a great one. It is a great one, and it will change your life if you— and by the way, it will change your life, but it will not be easy to do. This is a tough one. You're not going to be happy in the long run if you don't surround yourself with good people. Oh, now you might say, well, hey, who doesn't know that? I'll answer. You may have asked that as a rhetorical question or posed it as such. However, there is an answer, and the answer is very few people. People don't choose whom they spend their time with based on character. They do it based on fun, based on power, based on glamour, based on popularity. But not based on goodness. That's right. I've asked people, so why, uh, why are you friendly with so-and-so? Because he's fun, she's fun, or popular, or rich, or powerful. Choose your friends in fact choose as much as you can choose. I mean, you can't choose everybody you work with. In that regard, Triple G's a very lucky man. But does everybody finally know who Triple G is? It's sinking that it's Shawn. Triple G, just like the Living Martyr is Alan, Triple G is the gentle, gentile giant. And it's It's a wonderful, wonderful name for a good man who really enjoys his work because he's associating with good people, as we are. I have known this. I have been very fortunate. Some things you learn the hard way, and some things are built in. I did not learn this the hard way, believe me. Much of what I have given over on the Happiness Hour has been learned through pain. This is not one of them, I will say. I knew from elementary school, choose friends based on their goodness. Uh, don't associate with bad folks. I know a guy who for years associated with a guy because he was interesting, he was intelligent, but he had a horrible character. Horrible and got, got burned, really burned, burnt to a crisp. There are so many reasons people choose to be in association with people, and most of them are wrong and self-destructive. This is such a big topic that it's got to go into the Hall of Fame of topics on happiness. This would be, this would be one I would put in a new book on happiness. That's how important it is. So once again, Triple G, I thank you. I knew from childhood on stick to the kids who were decent, otherwise you're going to get hurt. I remember at summer camp, and I went— when I was a kid, we went to summer camp for 8 weeks. 8 weeks. It's unbelievable. From the age of 5, I, I was away from home for 8 weeks, and I didn't like it at 5, but I also didn't like it at home at 5. I'm just kidding. Yeah, I'm not kidding. Anyway, it's a separate story. You'll read it in my autobiography, which I am working on. I knew from the earliest age, stay— steer away from the mean types. I didn't care how popular they were. In my summer camp, I remember, I, I, it was really— this I did learn. Because I went against my gut instinct. They— we had a, a bunk of 8 kids, okay? I was about— how old was I? I got about 10 years old or 11, 10 or 11 years old, definitely not more. And 4 in the bunk formed a, a You know, we named ourselves the Eagles. I'll never forget that. 4 kids. And I knew that one of them was not a nice kid. But I decided that I would join because it was better to be with the kids who made a, you know, who were powerful. I didn't want to get hurt. I must have been 10. I didn't want to get hurt, and I knew that it was sort of an insurance policy, like, you know, with the mafia. If you pay your debt— what is it? What do they pay, huh? Yeah, protection money. That's right. I thought— I remember thinking, this is sort of a protection scheme for me. If I join the Eagles, then the Eagles won't hurt me. But I remember thinking, I don't like them, especially the one who started the Eagles. I don't like them. But hey, I was 10, I went where the power in the bunk was, and it stayed with me through the rest of my life that it wasn't— the Eagles were not formed to be nice. Anyway, that was the last time that I befriended a not nice person. And so I've been unbelievably fortunate that I've never been hurt by a friend. I have been hurt, but, but my friends have never hurt me because I had an instinct for who's not nice. And by the way, that's another— you should do that as one of the topics too. How do you know who's nice? See, I have built-in antennae, so I, I've been very lucky. It's just, I don't claim credit, take credit for this. I had built— I have to this day, I have built-in antennae for whom to trust and whom not to trust, and I don't get burned. Because it's a built-in ability, and I'm just lucky. It's like some people have perfect pitch, so that they— they— you sing a note, you play a note, they go, oh, that's an E, that's an F sharp. It's unbelievable to me. In that sense, I have a sort of perfect pitch on that one. I certainly didn't on many other things, but I did on that. But you don't need perfect pitch. To know. You— here's what you do. Very simple question to ask yourself: am I associating with this person? No, not am I. Why am I associating with this person? Now, you might— because you want gain, but then it's not character, right? Then it's not because the person's good, so you may very well get hurt. You might— if you might— you're in high school and one of the, you know, prettiest girls wants you to be a friend, and you'll— wow, the most— one of the most popular girls, you know, every—

all—

everybody so jealous of her, and she wants me as a friend. That's great. But you didn't choose her for her goodness, her decency, but for, for her popularity. That's what people need to ask. That's why I never went— it was of no interest to me my whole life. I live in LA. I've lived in LA almost my whole adult life. I never in my life did I seek out a celebrity, and I'm in the— I'm in public life here. I've never sought to meet them. I'm not against them. Some of them are fine people, but I've never sought them because it doesn't interest me. It just means good people. This, this is a real big issue in happiness. 1-800-PRAGER-776. Back in a moment.

This episode of Timeless Wisdom will continue right after this.

If you're eating less, staying disciplined, and the weight still isn't coming off, the problem may not be your effort. It may be your metabolism. After years of stress, dieting, and lack of sleep, the body adapts. It slows down and holds on to fat. That's why PhD Weight Loss focuses on your metabolism first so your body stops working against you. Mention Prager today and receive 2 free weeks plus free food, a $1,500 value. Call 864-644-1900. That's 864-644-1900.

Now back to more of Dennis Prager.

God is waiting to take your hand. Shout hallelujah! Come on, get happy! We're going to the promised land.

We're heading across the river. Wash your sins away in the It's also peaceful on the other side. Forget troubles, come on.

You know, I've been doing the Happiness Hour for so many years, and you'd think I would have covered this topic, and yet I don't think I did. Now, I, I must have covered something analogous. I've talked— oh yeah, I've talked about how important friends are so often. And even how to find friends and so on. But I— but this, how it eluded me. And then Triple G comes in and, and, you know, actually is this very touching— he, he kneeled and requested that we do this. It's very, very moving. Yeah, yeah. It's big. It's a life changer. Choose friends that meet character, a certain character level. Uh, we people choose friends. It's so interesting. Ask yourself why you're friendly with X, Y, or Z, and but be honest and ask yourself, okay? Ask yourself. And the answer is so interesting for so many people. They're popular, they're fun. They're fun's a big one. They're fun. Look, I didn't say goodness is enough. There are good people who were boring. But I will tell you this, this I will tell you, and all my friends can vouch for the truth of this. I don't find mean, bad people interesting, no matter how brilliant or fun they are. I don't find them interesting. I find bad people boring, even if they're interesting, as odd as that sounds. All right, 1-800-PREGGER, 776 here. And let's go to San Antonio and Franklin. Hello, Franklin. Dennis Prager.

Ah, Dennis, hi. Hi. I have got to thank you so much for this Happiness Hour. It is the highlight of my week.

You're welcome.

I love listening to your opinions, uh, and the, the callers that call in. I have to tell you, uh, I don't have any friends. I have one friend up in Austin, and, uh, everybody else is basically dead. But I was—

wait, why, what do you mean? What do you mean? Why did you have friends much older than you? No, uh, wait, it's according to this, it says you're 60. People don't die generally at 60.

No, but, uh, I lost some of my friends in Vietnam.

Oh, oh, well, that— all right, but that's 40 years ago.

Yeah, yeah. Well, uh, I'm not a very outgoing— well, I am, but you know, it's like—

are you married?

Yes, I am, and she's my best friend.

Okay, well, that's the most important, that she's your best friend. That's great. But you still need friends.

Yes, yes, it— and it is wonderful. But you know, you said something that really struck a nerve to me. I have never had anybody ask me to be my friend. Uh, it's, it's kind of odd, uh, I guess. I, I don't know. I've been a very solitary person most of my life, but, you know, I interact with the world, and I, I follow your advice before you even gave that advice. I'm a very happy person. I, I, uh, I try Every day I, I feel it a wasted day if I don't get somebody to smile and laugh.

So why don't— why, why haven't— did you— have you wanted friends? Uh, you see, it sounds to me like it hasn't been a particularly great desire.

Well, no, in, in one sense it has, because I, I feel that people do need to have friends in their lives, and I think it's a very important thing. To have friends and to have people outside of your immediate—

well, it really, really is. And I hope that this will spur you to make that chase. I've said— I've— look, this is not about the importance of friends, so I'm not going to talk about that with callers. I try to stick to the topic. The topic is don't befriend people who you do not know to be good. Popularity, brains, looks, power— those are not good reasons to be friends with somebody. You will get hurt. And I'm, I'm not saying goodness is enough. Obviously, you can't be friends with every good person that you meet. But it is, it is necessary even if it is not sufficient. It is necessary. This is, this is a very— I'm not going to feel silly saying again how important it is. All right, let's go to, uh, JC in New York City. Hello, JC.

Hi, good afternoon, Dennis Prager.

Hi.

I reacted when you were talking earlier about your innate sense.

By the way, are you speaking on a speakerphone?

I'm sorry, let me just put that off.

Okay.

Yeah, sorry about that.

Wow.

I reacted to your talking about your innate sense to pick friends with the whole goodness angle. And when you said that, all of a sudden it popped into my head this phrase psychological stop and frisk, which— because I live in—

well, well, it's not— I know that, I understand, uh, and that, that is endangered with your, uh, new, uh, who will be your new mayor. But I, I, I just want to point out that we have to be careful. It's not psychological stop and frisk, it's character stop and frisk.

Okay, better, better phrase. And I think it just plays into— I didn't think of it in that way, but I think it plays into your point that You know, that's how you— if you're going to be happy, you have to surround yourself with good people, as you said. And the only way you can do that is to— you have to make a judgment on the person that you're—

well, that's right. And, and thank you. That's right. And the thing is, you have to ask yourself, this is— these are all conscious things. Remember, everything I do appeals to your mind. And so your mind has to guide you again and say you've met somebody And they may even be charismatic, and there are a whole host of reasons why. Or your status in life is upped if you are friends with so-and-so. Wow, this, you know, this person has prestige or is honored by people, and now I could be a friend. Wow. Means nothing, folks. Zero. Zero. If the person is not a good person. And now here, the, the question is, if you don't have antennae, how can you tell? Well, one way is to watch how they treat other people. That's, that's the most obvious. Watch how they treat other people. Then over time, ask yourself another question: do I walk on eggshells with with this person? Can I, can I truly be myself? Or how about this, my favorite of all questions: am I a better person for being so-and-so's friend? That's the biggest of all the questions you can ever ask. You're listening to the Happiness Hour on the Dennis Prager Show.

This episode of Timeless Wisdom will continue right after this.

If you're eating less, staying disciplined, and the weight still isn't coming off, the problem may not be your effort. It may be your metabolism. After years of stress, dieting, and lack of sleep, the body adapts. It slows down and holds on to fat. That's why PhD Weight Loss focuses on your metabolism first, so your body stops working against you. Mention Prager today and receive 2 free weeks plus free food, a $1,500 value. Call 864-644-1900. That's 864-644-1900.

Now back to more of Dennis Prager's timeless wisdom.

So important to make someone happy. Make just one someone happy. Make just one heart to heart. You, you sing to one smile that cheers you.

One face that lights That's right, everybody, Dennis Prager here. The Happiness Hour. This is gonna make its way, I trust, to the evergreen, meaning that on those rare occasions I replay a Happiness Hour— it happens about twice a year— this would be one of them. That's how important I think this topic is. And again, I salute Triple G for giving it to me. And that is, you see, I've talked about surrounding yourself— well, I've talked about making friends, the importance of friends, talking about having happy people in your life, but I haven't— I don't recall, I may have, but I don't recall just zeroing in on this specific thing of choosing friends. Let's put it this way: excluding friends who are not good people, because people choose very poorly because they don't choose with that as a criterion. You with me? Popularity, brains— people are seduced by different things. Uh, I know, I, I know two people well who have chosen people overwhelmingly for their brilliance. They love, they love brilliant people, and I've always been confused by that because I don't. I love good people. Now, if the good person happens to be brilliant, that's fine, but I'm not— I've never been mesmerized by brilliance. I've never— it is never, uh, it doesn't do anything for— it doesn't turn me on, so to speak. But there are so many reasons people will choose people. This one loves brilliance, this one loves beauty, this one loves popularity, and so on. Okay, this is my argument here. Now here's an interesting— I make these observations periodically because I like to tell you everything I can. Uh, is TJ male or female? Do we know? You usually— what's TJ? Uh, because just assume that because initials are usually just males. Oh, TJ sounds like a male. Yeah, there's— that's a better reason. TJ sounds like a male's initials. Triple G, I compliment you this whole hour and you make one of the dumbest comments. All right, be that as it may. No, I mean, I just wanted to say it was interesting to me that all but one of the calls— I mean, of course it's not scientific because it's hard to get in, but are males now, because I would love to know how women have been burned in this area just as men have. All right, anyway, let's take the calls that we do have, and let's, uh, let's begin with Bobby in Houston. Bobby of Houston, Dennis Prager, hi.

Hi, Dennis, thanks for taking my call.

You're welcome.

I just wanted to say that I've always tried to surround myself with really good people, and some of my closest friends are two of my high school teachers, who I'm very close to. And they've always been really instrumental in my life. And I've had a couple mentors in college as well that really took an interest in me and really helped me to grow personally and emotionally and things like that. But one of the things— and you hit this on the head just before break— saying that I'm a better person, I'm a better man for knowing these gentlemen because of how they impacted my life and how they formed my moral compass and kept me on track when I felt I might be going astray or if they thought I was heading in a wrong direction. But the thing is too is that these values, I mean, kind of translate into what I watch on television. For instance, You know, I don't like watching Big Brother or Jersey Shore, shows like that, because I look at these people and I think, you know, these aren't people I would want to be friends with.

No, boy, is that right.

Why waste my time watching them on TV?

Well, people watch freaks on TV. I mean, you know, people watch stuff that they— and I understand that. Nobody's asking you to befriend people you're watching on TV. I don't happen to find that stuff particularly interesting. Watching what I have seen of those programs I say to myself, are many of my fellow Americans really that shallow? That's my first reaction, because I have this sort of romantic view of the American people, and I don't want to abandon it. We're back, be back in a moment.

This episode of Timeless Wisdom will continue right after this.

If you're eating less, staying disciplined, and the weight still isn't coming off, the problem may not be your effort, it may be your metabolism. After years of stress, dieting, and lack of sleep, the body adapts. It slows down and holds on to fat. That's why PhD Weight Loss focuses on your metabolism first so your body stops working against you. Mention Prager today and receive 2 free weeks plus free food, a $1,500 value. Call 864-644-1900. That's 864-644-1900.

Now back to more of Dennis Prager's timeless wisdom.

You're listening to the Happiness Hour on the Dennis Prager show, this will significantly impact any of you take it seriously, if it applies to you, obviously. And that is choosing friends, or better, excluding friends who don't have good, uh, character, who aren't good people. And I, I said something which the last caller pointed out, and I want to repeat: good people make you better. And it's very simple to figure out if you're made better is just have the ability— so not many, not everybody has this ability, and you should— you— everybody has the potential, but not right, but they have to cultivate it— to see yourself from outside of yourself and ask, when I am around this person Do I act my best or not? Am I my— am I— and best in— I don't mean am I best at my job. That's not what friends generally for. But do I act my best in terms of does he, he or she bring out my goodness or my cynicism? Or whatever it might be. Because remember how many bad reasons people choose friends. I didn't mention— I mentioned powerful, but I, I should have mentioned under that heading people who you think can do things for you, get you ahead. That is very common in choosing friends, and it's a lousy reason because the odds are they won't end up helping you. And at best, you will have wasted time, and at worst, you will have gotten burned. If they ain't good, don't choose them. Karen in Denver. Hello, Karen of Denver.

Hi, Dennis Prager. Your show today and so happy to get through.

Thank you.

This is an issue I've been struggling with for about 2 and a half years. In a nutshell, about— I got married a little over 2 years ago. I'd been single for quite a number of years and finally met a wonderful man and got married. And prior to that, I had a really good close circle of girlfriends that were work friends as well as outside friends. There were a group of 6 of us, and we all hung out together and we did things together as women group and then also if we have significant others or husbands as well. And one of the women is married to a man that a lot of us never really cared for a lot, but we sort of just tolerated him because one of the women in our group was such a good friend. So we just all sort of let his bad behavior— we always made excuses for him. Well, then once I got married, we had a party at our house after our wedding and we had an incident in our home in which this man was injured in a fall, and he has subsequently decided to sue my husband and I without much evidence that he was really injured in our home. And so it's been going on for a number of years now, and I have had to completely break off friendship with this woman because of her husband, because his— of his character and lying and making up stories. And it's completely fractured our women's group because all of these women were friends with her but she's chosen to side with her husband even though, you know, a lot of what he says are lies and just not true. So it's been very challenging, and so I continue to have to work with her.

What a terrible story.

It's all— I have to work with her, so I've had to make it be just a pure work relationship and no friendship, and it has been gut-wrenching.

No, it's terrible. It's terrible. And there's not— I don't— I can't think offhand, and maybe after 6 months I couldn't come up with a solution. It's terrible.

And each—

the only thing—

group has had to decide at what level they want, right?

I mean, because she's in effect— the group is like having to choose after a divorce.

It's, it's just like that. Exactly.

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

Because she wants to feel bad because we go out as women.

No, it's terrible.

And we're secretive. Are we going to go? Are we going to invite? You know what, I can't make you guys choose if they want to see her on the side. But most of us have kind of come to the realization that if she's willing to choose to be with a man with such low character. How can we be friends with her? Just over time, without me—

yeah, well, they're, they're right. No, it is. I, I, I, I even feel bad for her, believe it or not.

Yeah, I've, I've finally— now that I'm getting past a lot of the anger, I'm feeling that. But I will tell you, one thing that I think has been the hardest to grapple with is to know that you've chosen a friend that has disappointed on such a level. Because I know you talk about expectations, right?

But the only way that But the only way she couldn't have disappointed you is, in effect, to have caused an irreparable rift with her husband.

Exactly.

Yeah, well, that's tough. That's why I feel bad for her. Even if she's not a saint, she's probably a pretty good or pretty decent person. That— oh, look, if your spouse is not a person of character, your life is screwed. Sorry for the language, but I can't think of a better word. What's a better word? What— there is no better word if you, if you go to the more polite language. That's why, I mean, if what I'm saying is true for friends, how much more so for spouse? That you better, you better monitor the person's goodness. And it's easy to be blinded. Women are blinded by charm, men are blinded by beauty, and the whole— and, and that's not, not to mention money and power and a whole host of other things. Very big stuff. All right, let's go to, uh Let's go to TJ in Glendale. And TJ turns out to be a male, right?

Yes, sir, I am.

Now, now, are you sure you're a male? Because we're in an age where people, you know— did you wake up today feeling male?

I, I— most days I wake up feeling male, if not all days.

So, all right, no, no, I'm just checking. All right, we'll be back with you, TJ. And you know what, if he changes during the break Who knows? Maybe that's the advantage of being known by initials. It goes either way, except for Sean, who thinks that TJ are male initials. That, that it's— well, look, we chose you on goodness. We'll be back in a moment. You're listening to The Dennis Prager Show, the Happiness Hour.

You can be happy if you've a mind to. You can't take a shower in a parakeet cage. You can't take a shower in a parakeet cage. You can't take a shower in a parakeet cage.

Why can't you take a shower in a parakeet cage? Because it's open and the water will splash? I don't think that's accurate. I'm not sure. And what was the other one? Can't skateboard with the buffalo herd? Why not? Huh? Roller skate. Why not? You get trampled? No, no, no, I'm analyzing. So wait, he wants to know if there are buffalo herds and you think you would get trampled? A guy on roller skates does not go faster than a buffalo herd? Why you looking at me like I said something wacky? Alright, and what about the parakeet cage? Is that accurate? All right, no, you can't. Of course I couldn't. You couldn't get into a parakeet cage, Egypt, either. No, but if the parakeet cage is like a, a, uh, what do you call where they, where you keep birds, an aviary, then you can shower in it. All right, all right, let's keep going. You know, it's, it's wasting TJ's time. TJ wants to talk and we're talking about the silliness TJ, back to you, sir.

Thank you, sir.

Thank you.

Just had a comment, actually, very experienced, right in line with what you're talking about.

I had, I guess, an open-door policy with people in my life years ago, and, you know, if you were, you know, seemed to conduct yourself well or you seemed to be friendly, I, you know, didn't mind welcoming you into my home. I didn't mind you having over for holidays. Ironically enough, I guess last year during the election cycle, I wasn't— I was never politically, I guess, aware. And due to everything that was happening, I did some, I guess, soul-searching and research. I found I was a conservative. And a lot of my friends, including people in my life like my literary manager and other people, found out that I was not supporting President Obama in the last election. And Needless to say, the comments and the hate and the resentment were— it was like a tidal wave.

Well, that's important not because of politics. That's character. Because you wouldn't have done that to somebody who did support President Obama. See, that's a character issue. So that meets the criteria of this discussion. The criteria are all aspects of decency. It is— to ascribe nefarious motives to somebody who disagrees with you politically is a character flaw in you. Alright? That's why I say so often there are good people on both sides, bad people on both sides. Doesn't mean that one side isn't doing terrible damage. But you If as soon as you assume everybody who has a different political view is bad, that, that's— that doesn't speak well for you. Anyway, the, the theme of this Happiness Hour has been that you have to surround yourself with good people. And a great question to ask is, knowing this person, being in this person's life, am I a better person as a result or not? I'm Dennis Prager. Now call in on any subject there is nothing new under the sun. On tomorrow's episode of Dennis Teaches the Torah, if you speak to secular people, they'll always challenge religious people. Hey, how can you be religious? Look at all this evil. How can you believe in God? There were kids with cancer. And they're right, those are the legitimate questions which religious people should struggle with. But what if you turn it around and say, okay, I have to struggle with kids with cancer, but do you have to struggle with kids with no cancer? You have to struggle with the fact that there are kids, period.

Come back tomorrow for Dennis Prager's signature series on the first 5 books of the Bible. This has been Timeless Wisdom with Dennis Prager. Visit DennisPrager.com for thousands of hours of Dennis's lectures, courses, and classic radio programs, and to purchase Dennis Prager's Rational Bibles.

If you're eating less, staying disciplined, and the weight still isn't coming off, the problem may not be your effort. It may be your metabolism. After years of stress, dieting, and lack of sleep, the body adapts. It slows down and holds on to fat. That's why PhD Weight Loss focuses on your metabolism first, so your body stops working against you. Mention Prager today and receive 2 free weeks plus free food, a $1,500 value. Call 864-644-1900. That's 864-644-1900.