Know Someone Who's Playing the Victim? Send Them This.

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On today's episode of Timeless Wisdom.

I'm going to raise with you a very difficult subject today, and one I have raised in, in a different context than this. And it is about two things, though they are utterly related, and that is psychotherapy and your perceiving yourself as a victim. Now I have— I wrote a chapter in my book, and I have talked about this, though not recently, about how it is impossible, impossible to be a happy person if your self-image is that of a victim.

That's coming up on Timeless Wisdom with Dennis Prager.

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Welcome to Timeless Wisdom with Dennis Prager. Hear thousands of hours of Dennis's lectures, courses, and classic radio programs. And to purchase Dennis Prager's Rational Bibles, go to DennisPrager.com.

Hey everybody, welcome to Welcome to the Happiness Hour on the Dennis Prager Prager Prager Show. Hey, my friends, this is the hour we devote to the subject of happiness because— all right, you take it away. Happy, happy, happy hour. Yes, it is. Yes, indeed, the Happiness Hour on the Dennis Prager Show. An hour every week, come hell or high water, frogs lice, vermin, smiting of the firstborn, rivers turning into blood, doesn't matter. We will talk about happiness at this hour. The older I get, the more I value it. I wrote a book on it. I spent 10 years writing a book on it. It's called Happiness Is a Serious Problem. That's because for so many, for the vast majority of people, it is. It is an art. And it is in some ways a way, a test of whether or not you've done life well. It is. That's, that's really a test.

There are other—

it's not the only test because you also have to have integrity. But a very real test about whether or not you have done life well is How you walk around. What is your— what is your state of happiness? And I don't mean are you giggling all the time, and you know I don't mean that, but I just needed to say it anyway. So this hour is devoted to the subject of your happiness. It is totally apolitical, and so everybody— everybody's invited to every hour of my program, but this one in particular, we steer away from anything in that arena. Well, a lot of the hours do, in fact, to be honest, to my own show. I'm gonna raise with you a very difficult subject today, and one I have raised in, in a different context than this. And it is about two things, though they are utterly related, and that is psychotherapy and your perceiving yourself as a victim. Now I have— I wrote a chapter in my book, and I have talked about this, though not recently, about how it is impossible, impossible to be a happy person if your self-image is that of a victim. One of the reasons I am so angry at those who tell members of any given group in this world how, uh, how victimized they are is that they are ensuring that members of that group be angry and unhappy, or unhappy and therefore angry. It is a staggeringly awful disservice to people to tell them to define themselves by their victim status. And there are any number of examples, but I won't give them now because I don't want to politicize this hour. You can think up your own examples of groups in this world and in this country that define themselves—not every member, obviously, but largely—as victims. Poor folks will never be happy. But I'm now talking not about groups. I'm talking about you and me and every individual. There are— every one of us has been a victim of something. Every one on earth. You name it. An unfair home life where parents have failed them. Bad siblings. Unfairness at school. Unfairness in the physical endowments that they may have been given from birth. I mean, it is endless. It is endless. Everybody has a capacity. Every one of you listening, I could create a biography of any of you listening, a 2-page bio or a 10-page bio, showing how much a victim you are. Now, this is not to say there are no victims. I'm not a fool. Of course there are victims. Obviously, your beloved has just been killed by a drunk driver. You're not a victim, obviously your beloved is, but you are, of course you're a victim. My point is though, not that there are no victims, there are, and of course in varying degrees, everybody has had a victimhood status. It is, do you walk around with that self-perception? But now I want to give something additional that I have not talked about before. And go a little deeper into this issue of victimhood, and that is that there is something in psychotherapy, and that is going to a therapist, usually a psychologist or a psychiatrist, and I am for that, I am for people going, that reinforces, reinforces your victimhood status rather than undermines it. And enables you to deal with life better. In other words, very often therapy can hurt you, and I am pro-therapy. I advocate that. I advocate religion as two major things to help people to be happy. But of course, I mean good religion and I mean good therapy, and there's, uh, they're not exactly redundant because there's bad religion and there's bad therapy. But how, how then does you're going to a therapist reinforce your victimhood status? I'll give you an example which actually did take place on my show many years ago. I had read an article at the time, it was in the Los Angeles Times, about the number of adult children who have simply decided to have absolutely no communication with one or both of their parents. None. They, in essence, they play dead. And as a parent, the thought of a child, of one of my children not talking to me, was so painful, was so frightening, that I decided to do a show on it. And call me up and tell me if your adult child is not speaking to you at all, at all. I don't mean infrequently, I mean at all. And infrequently is also sad. And the lines lit up and, and just constantly it was either an adult child or a parent of an adult child telling me that that was happening. Now you can never tell from phone calls to radio show how many people it represents, but given the article— and given the calls, I decided in a number of lectures to ask the audience, "Would you raise your hand if you know anybody?" That way I take it out of their family. Just if you know anybody who is not talking, any adult child who is not talking to a parent. And I am stunned, about a third of the audience routinely raise their hand that they know some situation. Wherein that happens. So now, what does this have to do with my story? I'll tell you. A young woman called up in her 20s, says she doesn't— she's not talked to her mother in 8 years. 8 years. I think she was 27, so since she's 19. I said, really? 8 years you have not talked once to your mother? Did your mother abuse you? No. She sexually abuse you? Molest you? Did she physically or verbally abuse you? No. Said, then I'm totally confused. Why? Why have you not talked to your mother? He said, well, if I let my mother reenter my life, she will dominate. She will dominate it. I said, you don't talk to your mother because she has a dominating personality? You have done this incredibly hurtful thing to your mother Because she has a dominating personality? And she said, well, yeah, my therapist said it was not healthy to be in touch with her. And I tell you, if I could have BB gun, not bullet gun, BB gun shot that therapist, I would have. My anger at that therapist was so deep. Now, I'm only hearing this from the patient, I fully acknowledge. I fully acknowledge, but I'm assuming, let's just assume that that is true, that the therapist is not yelling at her, "Talk to your mother, that is not right." It is morally not right. Are you allowed to say that to a patient? It is just wrong, and B, you will regret it when your mom eventually dies one day. You will deeply regret it. So even from a therapist standpoint, it's a bad idea. But my point is this: what the therapist did for that woman was reinforce the belief, "I am a victim of my mother." And you can have that. "I am a victim of my spouse. I'm a victim of my mother, of my father, of my siblings, of my, of my boss, of my coworkers, of life." of— and you just name it, you could be a victim of anything. My worry is that a lot of therapy reinforces your self-image as a victim. Tell me if I'm wrong, tell me if I'm right. 1-800-PRAGER-776. It's important that you call in if you have experience in this in either way, as a therapist or one who was gone to therapy, reinforcing the sense of victimhood status. 1-8-PRAGER-776 is 877-243-7776. This is the Happiness Hour on the Dennis Prager Show.

This episode of Timeless Wisdom will continue right after this.

For nearly 3,000 years, Homer's The Odyssey has shaped Western imagination. It tells the story of Odysseus as he faces monsters, shipwrecks, false comforts, and and impossible choices on his long journey home. As one of the foundational works of Western literature, Homer's epic is more than mythology. It explores permanent questions about courage, duty, loyalty, family, leadership, temptation, and the search for home. In one of the epic's defining moments, Odysseus rejects the offer of immortality from the goddess Calypso, choosing instead the long and difficult journey home. His decision reveals one of the central themes of The Odyssey, that a life of duty, family, and home is greater than a life devoted to comfort or glory. Achilles chose glory. Odysseus chose home. That's why Hillsdale College has released its newest free online course, The Odyssey. Taught by Professor Benedict Whalen, the course reveals why Homer's masterpiece remains one of the greatest works of Western literature. Find this free course at hillsdale.edu/startnow. The Odyssey from Hillsdale College. Go to hillsdale.edu/startnow.

Now back to more of Dennis Prager's Timeless Wisdom.

Alrighty everybody, you're listening to The Dennis Prager Show. And I try to make every one of these hours on the Happiness Hour a show that can change your life. Boy, this one, this hour certainly can. And if you got in, please stay on. And if you haven't called and you have comments on this, it'll help you and help the world for you to get through. And that is, I have discussed on a few occasions and in my book Unhappiness. How perceiving yourself, walking around perceiving yourself as a victim, ensures you can never be happy. It is not possible, literally not possible. It is, it is like cutting off your legs ensures you cannot run a marathon. It is that, it is that precise. Now my question is, has therapy reinforced your sense of victimhood, and I am pro-therapy, but I am very wary about this aspect of it. And I'll tell you one obvious reason: the therapist only hears your rendition of events. That's why it's totally understandable. You know that, isn't it true? Every time you've spoken to somebody who told, told you about how troubled their childhood was or troubled their marriages. They're always the one who's the victim, right? That— it's just— that's the way it is. We paint ourselves as the bereaved party, as the aggrieved party. That's natural. All right, let's go, let's go to your calls here. And we have a psychiatrist in Cherry Hill, New Jersey. Alan, thank you for calling.

Hi, Dennis Prager. It's an honor to talk to Well, that's very kind.

Thank you.

Yeah, I just wanted to agree with you that I think it's a big mistake to nourish the idea of victimization in any patient. I mean, sometimes I'll see patients and their therapist will have told them, "You got to write this long letter to your mother and ventilate all your resentment." I said, "What is that going to accomplish in the here and now?" because the fact is, at least the way I look at it, is that one's self-image is based on the reflection of what the child saw through their parents' eyes when they were children. That's the psychological impact. That is timeless. That's what needs to be worked on. Anything that goes on in the here and now is not going to undo that.

Mm-hmm. And therefore, what should one do? Therefore, um, what does one do if one does perceive that, that typical, uh, this is how my parents screwed me up attitude?

Well, it's important for a person to understand your parents are only human beings. They've got limitations. They tried to do their best. This is how you perceived it. This is what helped form your self-image, and the idea is to depend on yourself to modify your own self-image.

Yeah, yeah, that's it. Well, you have lucky patients, Doctor. Oh, thanks a lot. Thank you very much. That's right, you may— I don't remember, I'm not denying that you may well have been a victim. I've said the opposite. I've said that everyone that I know has been a victim of something. Everyone I know. So our question is now, if you want to be happy— remember, that's the purpose of this hour— is what do you do about it? If you spend your life, and many people do, lamenting the fact that they have been victimized by X or Y or Z factor, then there's no chance for happiness. And there's another factor with the parents issue. I remember years ago when I, when I went for therapy It was, uh, I wish I, I don't know if I wish I went longer. I wish in the sense because he was a, he was a wonderful, brilliant older man, a psychiatrist. I learned so much from him, but I really felt after 6 months that I had done what I needed to do, and so did he. But I'll never forget when I discussed a matter, a story from my childhood, and he said, you know, Dennis, it may well have occurred that way, On the other hand, I wonder if we had a video of that event whether it exactly occurred the way you remember it. And it had such an impact on me, such an impact. And as a parent, I'm often thinking, what are my kids going to tell their therapist? What about some story wrenched out of context perhaps in the way that I raised them? I don't know, I don't know. Alrighty, let's, uh, let's continue here. Oh, here's a good one in, uh, 1-800-PRAGER-776 is the number. Carrie in Phoenix. Dennis Prager, hi. Hi.

Hi. I've had both my family therapist and a psychiatrist tell me that I shouldn't speak to my mother because she has been such a negative influence in my life.

Yeah, can you talk more directly in your phone? It's very important. It's all right. It's important that everybody hear that. Say it again.

My family therapist and my psychiatrist have both told me not to speak to my mother because she has been such a negative impact in my life. That's unbelievable.

How old are you? How old is your mother?

I'm 31 and my mom is probably 52.

So in other words, you're a mom who easily— can we assume 30, 40 more years of life— you're not supposed to speak to for 30, 40 years?

Correct. Yeah, I mean, I think that I am much happier now that she isn't in my life.

Oh, I believe that. Now, I— listen, was she abusive? Verbally, yes. Well, you see, the verbal— verbal abuse is a very elastic term. It does exist. Can you give me an example as an adult how she would be verbally abusive?

Um, I thought more in my kids. I think that she was starting to put it onto my children.

What did she do to your children?

She, um, I have a young— my son is younger and, um She called him a jerk one day. She told him, you're a jerk just like your dad. And I thought, well, that's not okay.

That's the man you're married to. That's not her son. I was a son-in-law, right? All right, well, let me tell you a story. Let me tell you, this is very— this is— see, this is an interesting and tough issue. Let me put you on hold because of the static. My grandmother, my father's mother, when I was a kid, she, she was She could have written a book on how to verbally abuse people, only relatives I should say, how to verbally abuse relatives. And my grandmother was on the phone with me, I was about 8 years old, and she said, "I vant you to know your mother is a Hitler." Now, you know, jerk. Is really less than Hitler, especially from a European Jewish woman. Hitler is pretty much the worst thing you could call anybody if you're Jewish. It's pretty much the worst thing you call anybody if you're not Jewish. And she said that, and it became a running joke in the family instead of a form of of victimization. This is Grandma. That's the way it was told. This is Grandma. Now, did I think my mother was Hitler as a result of it? Nope. No, my mother failed the criteria of Hitler in many arenas. I mean, we took it as an ongoing thing. Do you know what is good for kids? To know that adults could be like that and that they're not, you know, and they're inoculated. I have seen kids with awful grandparents, awful. So, uh, Carrie, I gotta say, I mean, I don't know the specifics and there may be cases where it's good to have no contact at all, but you know, your father is a jerk, you're a jerk like your father, is not enough from my perspective. We'll be back in a moment.

This episode of Timeless Wisdom will continue right after this.

For nearly 3,000 years, Homer's The Odyssey has shaped Western imagination. It tells the story of Odysseus as he faces monsters, shipwrecks, false comforts, and impossible choices on his long journey home. As one of the foundational works of Western literature, Homer's epic is more than mythology. It explores permanent questions about courage, duty, loyalty, family, leadership, temptation, and the search for home. In one of the epic's defining moments, Odysseus rejects the offer of immortality from the goddess Calypso, choosing instead the long and difficult journey home. His decision reveals one of the central themes of The Odyssey: that a life of duty, family, and home is greater than a life devoted to comfort or glory. Achilles chose glory. Odysseus chose home. That's why Hillsdale College has released its newest free online course, The Odyssey. Taught by Professor Benedict Whelan, the course reveals why Homer's masterpiece remains one of the greatest works of Western literature. Find this free course at hillsdale.edu/odysseus. Hillsdale.edu/startnow. The Odyssey from Hillsdale College. Go to hillsdale.edu/startnow.

Now back to more of Dennis Prager's timeless wisdom.

Alrighty, everybody, you're listening to The Dennis Prager Show, and, uh, boy, too bad there was a caller from Atlanta who dropped off who, uh, thought I shouldn't take issue with psychiatrists. It's pretty ironic since I defended psychiatry, uh, I think it was just this week, with a Scientologist caller. But you see, I have, as in most areas, believe it or not, I have middle-of-the-road positions. Psychotherapy is extremely helpful, uh, but most psychotherapists don't do a good job. That's all. It's unfortunate, but that is what I believe most psychiatrists and psychologists I've spoke to— not believe, I know that's what they've told me. That's secondary to the issue though. The issue is primarily if you perceive yourself as a victim, you can never be happy. Even if you are a victim. Even if you are. If that is the way you self-perceive, And it is easy to lapse into that. Now I have one more thing to say to Carrie, uh, who in Phoenix, the last caller, whose mother she does not talk to at all. Now I can't judge, uh, Carrie, Carrie's decision because I don't know almost any facts except that one mother is verbally abusive and she has cut off all contact with her mother. I learned— I gave you the example of my grandmother who would make disparaging comments about my mother, that is her daughter-in-law, regularly, like she was Hitler. And what I learned from my parents was you respect parents even then. See, this is where two values come in. It says honor your father and mother. Remember, it never says love your father and mother. It's one of the reasons I'm a big Bible fan. It says love the stranger, says love God, uh, but it never says love your parents. What we have is honor your parents. It is like when I arose, when Jimmy Carter came into my radio studio to be interviewed by a host following me. I think Jimmy Carter was the worst president in American history. I truly believe he left the country worse off, and I think he's deteriorated since. But I stood up and shook his hand because he was President of the United States. I honor a president even if I think he is doing a terrible job. I— you honor a parent. There is parental honor owed Now I know that there are exceptions, of course there are. If the parent has broken off contact, then that, that's it, that's the parent's choice. And other examples where you have truly a parent who is a sadist, who is, who is pathological, who's a sociopath, I mean obviously that you can't have them in your life. But the, the normal crotchety type parent I, I learned, uh, that you honor them. And my, my one comment to Carrie is, will your kids do the same to you for whatever reason later because they saw the model of your doing that to your mother? And it's, it's not a challenge. It's a challenge. It's not a, it's not a condemnation. It's just something to think about. Alright, let's continue here. The overriding theme is, has your therapy, or you as a therapist, do you perpetuate the victimhood status of your patient, or has it been undermined? Okay, now let's go to Glendale, uh, Glendale, California. Helen. Hello, Helen. Dennis Prager.

Yes, hi, Dennis. Hi. Oh, nice to talk to you. I always listen to your radio station. Um, a little bit nervous But my problem is that I leave, I actually feel unhappy around, surrounded by these people who are my mother-in-law and my father-in-law, who are not being talked from their, from my sister-in-law. I have two sister-in-laws. They don't talk to their parents because they blame them for matchmaking them with these people who they don't love. One of them got divorced. She went to a therapist. I guess the therapist told her that negative impact is from your parents. Stay away from them because, you know, if they're giving you unhappiness and you're not happy when they're around, then don't talk to them. So this is her dilemma where she doesn't talk to them. And I, every single day, every time I see them, which we see a lot of each other, they are very sad within deep inside of them. They're so sad that You know, I can feel their pain.

Sad that they're not talking to their parents?

Yeah, because the daughters don't talk to them, even though they have tried.

Oh, you mean— wait, who, the parents are sad or the daughters?

No, no, the parents are sad because the daughters don't talk to them.

It's beyond sad. Imagine as a parent, it's living death. That's right. We have to figure out ways, all of us, to relate to our parents and work out our happiness. You don't do it by ignoring them.

We'll be back. Hi, my name is Dan Holberg. I'm calling from Rogers, Minnesota. It's a suburb just outside Minneapolis. And I just wanted to thank Dennis for the wisdom, the rational way of looking at things. It's been instrumental in my life. I started listening to Dennis about 15 years ago, and oddly, I was praying for peace of mind and wisdom, and you were introduced. And, um, my life is not a utopia, but it has been improved, and I appreciate that. So much of it has to do with Dennis Prager. So thank you, Dennis. If you're listening to this, please know you have made a huge difference in this person's life, and it's cascaded into others that are close to me. Love you. Take care. And thanks again.

Are you enjoying Timeless Wisdom? We'd love to hear from you. Call 877-243-7776 and leave a review, share your thoughts, or just even an encouraging word for Dennis Prager. Your voicemail might just make it on the show. That's 877-243-7776. That's 877-243-7776. Thanks for listening and for your support. Dennis Prager here.

If you perceive yourself— if this is your dominant self-perception of the victim, even if you are one, you can't be happy. This is the Happiness Hour on my show, The Dennis Prager Show. That's so obvious that I won't even develop it right now. The question that I am posing is on an aspect of it. Has therapy reinforced your sense of victimhood? And that's a problem, even if you are one, and you need to confront it. It's one thing to acknowledge you've been a victim, and it's quite another to walk around thinking of yourself as one. Do you get the difference? You can objectively know, my parents hurt me, my spouse hurt me, my children hurt me, my boss hurt me. Whatever it is, that they may be objectively true things. The question is, do you choose— and it is a choice— to walk around as that as your self-image? All righty, let's continue here. Uh, let's go to another, uh, another therapist, and that is, uh, Deborah in Los Angeles. Deborah, Dennis Prager, hi.

Hi Dennis, thank you for taking my call. Thank you. Um, you know, that is inevitably a part of therapy. Someone does want to come in and tell you, yes, I was a victim of whatever happened to me as a child. And what we try to do is help them make this kind of cognitive shift from that's what happened then, this is what's happening now. And when we get to that point, I usually say to them, Who in your life, your loved ones, your family, your friends, your workers, your boss, are affected by this? And they usually have a whole list of people that say, oh, they want me to shut up already, they're tired of hearing that from me. And I say, well, you know what, do you want to— since I'm a marriage and family therapist, I say, do you want to improve those relationships and not project, as you know, fancy schmancy therapy word, all of your stuff onto them? And they usually say no. And I say, well, then that's what we have to do. We have to make a conscious decision to not do that. As well, I have a guest appearance. I usually say, who in your life is the most affected by the victimhood? And they'll say usually their loved one, their significant other. And I go, let's see, after a rapport is established, can we bring that person into your session?

You are— you're one of the giants of therapy. This is, this is one— I wanted to raise this. I may raise this as its own topic once. The absolute necessity in many instances for any therapist to bring in at least one person. Absolutely. So that you get a, you get aspects of that person that are not observable in 50 minutes. That's right. What do you know of your patient even if they come in for 4 years? You haven't seen them once at lunch. That's right. You haven't seen one interaction of that person with any person in that person's life. Mm-hmm.

And you know, with the status of therapy today, so many people have managed care companies, and I say to them, "Look, you don't have a lot of time here. Let's see what we could do together to collaborate and make your life better." You know, it's— you don't have the Woody Allen thing to sit for 25 years. Yes.

And, and did it help him? No, I don't know. I, I don't mean crazy. Well, I don't mean it sarcastically, but it doesn't appear that it does. Anyway, your patients are lucky. And I'm not— I don't patronize people when I say that, you folks. Do you know that? I mean, I've told callers that they, you know, they're, they're troubled souls. But, uh, that's a great approach, Deborah, and I wish every therapist considered it in, in many cases. Let's bring in the significant other. Can I speak to them for a moment just to get an idea of how others might perceive what's going on in your life? Yes, indeed. And can you imagine if the police only took an eyewitness account from one person? 20 people see an accident and they only talk to one who was in the car. There are 20 people who watched what happened, but the police will never talk to them. How does a therapist make a good observation on a person's life when it's only the one in the accident that they talk to? Here's another psychologist in Cleveland, Lois.

Hello, Lois, Dennis Prager. Hi, Dennis, thanks for taking my call.

Thank you. I agree with Deborah 100% what you just said also, but one of the things I see in, in psychiatry and psychology is a Attempts to go over and over and over the old things, and people don't get better that way. No, that's exactly— but some of the newer therapies like cognitive therapy is very helpful, being able to get people to break these, these tapes they have in their head from whether you're a real victim or an imagined victim. These things you say to yourself over and over again build a life of bitterness And you can't be happy with all this bitterness inside you. And cognitive therapy has homework which gets people to identify the things that they're saying to themselves and then to argue back with them. Some of the founders of this are Beck at University of Albert— University of Pennsylvania and also others who have, um—

Well, I'm going to look into that myself, Lois. I thank you for your call. It's another— that's a good point about the tapes that keep playing in our head. Let me take, uh, let me take, uh, Kathy in Denver. Hello, Kathy. Dennis Prager. Yes, sir. Hi.

I'm really angry at you right now. Okay. Because I think you're dabbling in something you don't know. As someone who was advised by their psychologists not to see their parents for a period of time, right? It was absolutely necessary for my mental well-being.

I believe that. And when you so cavalierly— I don't cavalierly— I suck. That's not fair. I didn't cavalierly—

Well, that lady that called and said she called her— they called the husband a jerk, and then you told a story about being called a Hitler. I'm sorry that you made a joke out of it, and I felt like— Well, you know, you know what?

No, I didn't put her down at all. On the contrary, I was saying that it is so common, uh, that you have that, that you have the choice whether or not to do the most terrible thing you can do to a parent, break off all contact, or laugh about it, or teach your children that, that, uh, Grandma or Grandpa's real crotchety, and to, and to deal with it.

But not if you've been raised and you've heard all your life, you're ugly, I don't know why you were ever born, I don't know why you're 100% 100% right.

And Kathy, Kathy, I said at least 3 times just this hour, there are levels of abuse that do merit not speaking. I want to keep you on though, because as far as I know, you did resume contact. We'll be back in a moment. You're listening to the Happiness Hour on the Dennis Prager Show.

This episode of Timeless Wisdom will continue right after this.

For nearly 3,000 years, Homer's The Odyssey has shaped Western imagination. It tells the story of Odysseus as he faces monsters, shipwrecks, false comforts, and impossible choices on his long journey home. As one of the foundational works of Western literature, Homer's epic is more than mythology. It explores permanent questions about courage, duty, loyalty, family, leadership, temptation, and the search for home. In one of the epic's defining moments, Odysseus rejects the offer of immortality from the goddess Calypso, choosing instead the long and difficult journey home. His decision reveals one of the central themes of The Odyssey: that a life of duty, family, and home is greater than a life devoted to comfort or glory. Achilles chose glory. Odysseus chose home. That's why Hillsdale College has released its newest free online course, The Odyssey. Taught by Professor Benedict Whelan, the course reveals why Homer's masterpiece remains one of the greatest works of Western literature. Find this free course at hillsdale.edu/startnow. The Odyssey from Hillsdale College. Go to hillsdale.edu/startnow.

Now back to more of Dennis Prager's Timeless Wisdom. Well, I'll tell you, it certainly goes Fast, the, uh, the Happiness Hour.

It's a very intense, uh, version, this particular, uh, segment, or this particular hour. I, I can't stress too strongly that if you walk around perceiving yourself as a victim, you cannot be happy, even if you are a victim. I'm not denying that people are victims. Many people are. I'm merely telling you you can't achieve happiness Purpose of this hour is happiness, not to determine whether or not you're a victim. And, and, uh, my question was, has your therapy— or if you're a therapist, does your therapy increase and perpetuate the sense of victimhood? Now Kathy in Denver is annoyed with me over, uh, what she feels has been a cavalier dismissal of those who stopped talking to a parent because of verbal abuse. Did you resume speaking to your parent, or was it both parents?

I resumed speaking with both parents.

Was it both parents you stopped speaking to? Yes. And why did you resume?

We had several significant major tragedies in our family that absolutely demanded recommunication, but when I did start re-communicating with them, it was on my terms and not theirs for survival. Okay, that's fine with me. Mm-hmm. And I agree with being, being a victim. I agree with what you're saying in principle about being a victim and, and living your life as a victim. My concern is, is that there's no absolutes.

I agree there isn't. Well, there are moral absolutes, but in this case you're right, there are no psychological absolutes. I couldn't agree more. All I'm saying is that I believe that a lot of people who have done this, the most draconian thing you could do to your parents short of murdering them, is to stop talking to them. Are there a handful of parents who deserve it? Or in fact, are there many parents who deserve it? Yes. Should it be done? That's a separate question. I can't answer, Kathy, for anybody listening. I can't answer. I can only raise this point that it may be too severe a response. Maybe it's good for a period of time like it was in Kathy's life, but this is a critical subject for everybody to think about. And my issue was not— I only gave that as an example. My issue is therapy as reinforcing a sense of victimhood. Mary Lee in Marietta, Georgia.

Hi. Hi, Dennis.

It's a privilege. Thank you. Talk to you. There was a couple of things I wanted to say. Number one, I was divorced, um, 11 years ago after 30 years of marriage. Uh, my daughters that are in their 30s have chosen to honor their daddy because it honors God.

They told me this.

They do not respect him, but they will honor him. And so I am, I'm a very lucky mother to know that they are following what I taught them.

And he, and he wanted the divorce and not you?

I divorced uh, him because, uh, he's married to our neighbor, uh, where in my town I came from.

Oh, okay, but he, he fell in love with somebody? Yes. I see. And yet you want your children to honor him. This is where values come in, folks. What a very impressive woman, Mary Lee.

On tomorrow's episode of Dennis Teaches the Torah, you know, it's very interesting What is the purpose of family?

It's an interesting question. What is the purpose of family? There, of course, people will have all sorts of answers, you know, haven in a heartless world and all sorts of things. I would argue that there are many, but one that I want to focus on here, at least insofar as the siblings are concerned, not parents, is that that is where you work out the ability to deal with the world. After all, that is your world when you're growing up. That is how you start to learn, for example, not to be selfish. Now, will you please share the toy with your little sister? You have 76 cookies. Why are you eating all of them? Did you ever see little kids hoard? It's, it's incredible to watch. They will take all 22 cookies And they don't even eat them because the cookies weigh more than the kid does. But if one other kid wants a cookie, they, they run away with the entire batch. How do you ever learn to share? How do you learn you're not the center of the universe?

Join us tomorrow to hear more on Timeless Wisdom with Dennis Prager. Visit DennisPrager.com for thousands of hours of Dennis's lectures, courses, and classic radio programs. And to purchase Dennis Prager's Rational Bibles. We want to take just a second to thank the team at Life Audio for their partnership with us on the podcast. Go to lifeaudio.com to find dozens of other faith-centered podcasts in their network, including shows about prayer, Bible study, parenting, and more.

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