Marie from Minneapolis describes seven failed engagements and a marriage to a man with severe alcohol abuse, erratic behavior, and mental illness before his suicide. She tells Dennis Prager what she'd tell other women: if a man drinks, walk away. She remarried the next day to someone she calls Saint Joseph.
All right, let me take your calls here, and I'm interested in every aspect. If you're dating, what's a red or yellow flag? But if you're married, did you miss a yellow or red flag? That, that's a good one. All right, Marie in Minneapolis. Hello, Marie.
Oh, hello, Dennis. Um, yes. So my first husband, it was— I'll list it off for you: alcohol use, expletive use, erratic behavior, was a Gypsy. He didn't have his green card, entered this country illegally, but he was smart, well-read, well-traveled. Um, you know, you would meet him at a party and he was the life of the party. He was romantic. Chivalrous, wanted kids. But what I thought was head trauma was probably a little bit of mental illness. And, um, I had been engaged 7 times before I finally married him, and my mom was kind of pushing me because I was 34, had never been married and never had kids. I took the leap of faith and, uh, got pregnant on our wedding night. And then again, and then he took his own life in, uh, 2016, but he had abandoned us after I let him back into the country. And, um, but my point was that despite that, I saw all those red flags. I really saw the good in him and there were many good things. And I thought, oh, well, maybe if he had a green card, it would be different. You know, um, even though he drank, he wasn't drunk. He was South African, so that's kind of the lifestyle over there. But, um, the red flags were all there, and those red flags are a little bit in my daughters. So, um, I'm certainly paying the price, but I don't think I would change anything because I have two beautiful children.
Um, you never remarried?
Oh yes, the day he abandoned me, the next day I met my current husband. Who is Saint Joseph in all the ways that you could ever imagine? So it's quite a—
well, you know, among, among the many reactions I have is you're a living example of something I believe as strongly as I believe that I'm speaking to you now. Everyone has an incredibly interesting biography in them, or autobiography, if you will. Your, your story is mesmerizing. I didn't interrupt you, and I, I actually bit through my lip so hard I'm bleeding. Yeah, I so wanted to say, when you said you were engaged 7 times, I wanted to say, you were engaged 7 times? How does that, how does that even happen? You don't have to answer it now because we don't have the time, but I just want to tell you that really took my breath away. I— you're, you're the first that I've met who was engaged 7 times. How long were you two married?
Um, well, total is 3 years, which produced 2 children.
So you said— yeah, I'm very curious, are these 2 daughters? Is that right?
Mm-hmm. Yeah, they're almost like identical twins, 15 months apart. Um, when he entered back into the country, that's when this— well, when I left South Africa, that's how I got the second baby.
All right. Well, that's not my question. My question is, you said something to the effect that they had some of his characteristics.
Um, uh, and probably some both of mine, but I've always had a job, been employee of the month, high achieving. Um, and he was many—
no, no, wait, do they have any of his problematic characteristics?
Yeah, yeah.
Like, are they— are— do they drink?
Yes. No. Well, the middle child, she's only 15, but I know the experiment.
How do you have them that way? How do you have a middle child if there are two of them?
Because the third child came from my second husband.
I see.
Okay, the third girl.
So what— all right, so, so I have one more question because I got to go to other callers. Just, I have to admit, you're fascinating to me. So what lesson would you learn that you would pass on to women dating? If the man drinks, say goodbye.
Um, I think I let go of a lot of things as a devout Catholic my whole life. I had a list. I'd been around. I had wonderful people that I wasn't before, but at 19 I wasn't ready to get married. At 22 I wasn't ready, but I felt like my dad had passed at that.
All right, okay, listen, thank you, bless you. I'm glad you, you're married to Saint Joseph. I wonder if my wife would say Saint Dennis.
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