Timeless Wisdom: A Talk to High School Students - Happiness and Life

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This is not something you should even be pessimistic or sad about. Life is hard. So what? It's hard to play piano. Everything worthwhile is hard. But it is worth it. Life is worth it. And you are gonna have to figure out a way to stay happy within the issue of what happens. But let me tell you another rule that I learned in life. I have found overwhelmingly— there are a tiny handful of exceptions, of course— overwhelmingly, the happy are happy under every circumstance, and the unhappy are unhappy under every circumstance. The unhappy think that they are unhappy because of their circumstances. Wrong. They are unhappy because they are unhappy. And they think that the happy have it easy. This is the general view of the unhappy of the happy. "Oh, are you lucky to be happy?" No, I have worked hard to be happy. That's why the title of my book is "Happiness Is a Serious Problem." Because it is. Just as violin playing is a serious problem. Everything that you attain that is difficult is a serious problem. That's the way— nothing worthwhile comes easily, including happiness. As Abraham Lincoln, who had to battle a nation at war and a depressed wife, as Abraham Lincoln said, "We are as happy as we decide to be." You just remember that, that this is great stuff. Happiness. I wish I had been told this when I was your age. But, you know, there's a level of luck in life, and you're lucky to be hearing this. The earlier you know this stuff, the better it will be for you. You are not unhappy because of circumstances. You're unhappy because you've allowed yourself to be unhappy. And I don't have much patience for it, and neither should anybody else in your life. And if you want a happier life and you want to be a better friend and a better spouse and a better parent and a better worker, cheer up. One political scientist did a fascinating study of American presidential elections. Said that he found that throughout his study, the happier candidate always won. Didn't matter Republican or Democrat, the happier candidate won. People don't want to be led by a morose president. They want to be led by someone who has a cheerful disposition. The most obvious of those in the last 30 years or so was Ronald Reagan. He had the cheeriest disposition of American presidents, and the one with the least cheery disposition was Jimmy Carter, the man he defeated. And it was a landslide. The happiest against the unhappiness. There was no chance. Now, there are people who associate unhappy with deep. I associate unhappy with selfish. It takes no depth to be unhappy. It's very simple. Some of you were blessed. You were born with a happy disposition. You're very lucky. Some of you were blessed with being able to play piano with almost no lessons. That's true. But most people need lessons in happiness, and most people need lessons in piano. Finally, I'll just give you 2, 3 ideas, because I want to open up for questions on anything you'd like to pose to me. I will open up, I will offer you 3 suggestions with regard to attaining happiness. The first is to know that you have to be it. That's the biggest immediately. That you don't let your feelings determine whether you're happy. You can say, "Look, I have unhappy feelings." I don't want you to deny your feelings. Feelings are beautiful. That's what makes you not a computer. You have feelings. You should be totally aware of your feelings. Half the time when I am, I act happy and, you know, I've had unhappiness in my life like any of you, or any of you will. That's the way it is, but I didn't act differently. When I was with people, yet I would open up to them, you know, "I have pain now because of X or Y." At my 50th birthday party, my son, who was a teenager at the time, got up to say some words. He didn't have to. I didn't force him to say anything. And, you know, teenagers don't like to praise their parents as a general rule, and he was no different. But he got up and he said something very interesting. He said one thing, "I just want to thank my father for being a happy parent." It's the best thing he could— if he would have said loving, it would have been nice, anything he could have said, but he said the thing I was most happy, and I had no idea what he would say, none, zero. But he was so particularly appreciative of the fact that he knew on any given day coming back home that his dad is going to be in a happy disposition. If you have a parent that you don't know what their disposition will be and you have to walk on eggshells every single day, You know what a big deal that is. A predictable parent. Predictability in mood is a great virtue. That you know basically my girlfriend, and I mean here girl vis-à-vis girl, where, you know, her friend is gonna be in a good mood. When you have to worry every time you call or talk to a friend, or a parent, or a spouse, or a kid, What mood are they gonna be in? That's awful. That's a curse. It's good to be predictably in a good mood. Even if you are not feeling super happy at that time, nobody feels super happy all the time, except perhaps the severely mentally handicapped, who may just have a permanent smile on their face. Nobody has only happy feelings. But you can have happy actions. So the first one was the moral obligation. Number 2, mind versus brain. Number 3, you cannot be happy if you are not grateful. It is not possible. The magic, the magic key to happiness is gratitude. And if you walk around feeling ungrateful, it is impossible to be happy. Impossible. There are many things to be grateful about, obviously. Health is an obvious example. Friends is an obvious example. I walk around virtually every day grateful that I was born in this country. Unbelievably lucky. The vast majority of mankind did not get the opportunities I got because they didn't happen to be born in this country. It's pure luck. That's my feelings towards this country with all its flaws. I walk around with a permanent gratitude for it. I have gratitude for 100 things. Gratitude is the key to happiness. It's also the key to goodness. Gives you an idea of how important gratitude is. Number 4, you need meaning. Secular society has many virtues, but its biggest non-virtue its biggest challenge is that it provides no meaning. That's where religion has been particularly good. It gives people a sense of meaning. Meaning is a bigger— according to Viktor Frankl, one of the great psychoanalysts, meaning is a greater source of happiness— is a greater need than sex. And there's a proof. There are people who are happy who have little or no sex, but there is no one who has been happy without meaning. No one. So as important as sex is, and especially the sex-drenched society in which you have been raised, just know that in terms of happiness, you will get infinitely more from meaning than you will from sex. And I am pro-sex, in case there is debate on that particular issue. And number 5, never ever ever confuse fun with happiness. It's an unbelievably easy thing to do, especially when you're young as you are, to confuse fun with happiness. They are only tangentially related. There are people who have a great deal of fun and they are miserable. There are people who don't have much fun and they are incredibly happy. Fun is a party. Okay? The vast majority of people who leave a party are not one whit happier than they were before they went to the party. Fun is fun, obviously, and fun is terrific, but never confuse it with bringing you happiness. So here is a little rule of thumb that I advise you to try to apply for the next week. And if you can do it, do it the next week too. If you can do 2 weeks, do it the rest of your life. Before you do anything, ask the question, not, "Will this be fun?" Mm-mm. Ask, "Will this increase my happiness?" Example: Is it fun to watch TV? Yes. Does it increase happiness? Every single study ever done about television watching said that after about 1 hour, it decreases happiness. One hour is about neutral. After an hour, it decreases happiness in most people. Let's say, for example, right now I were to say to you, "The next year, watch no TV, and during that time, learn Portuguese." Is it fun studying Portuguese or any foreign language? For most mortals, it is not fun. Here's the question: a year from now, when you can get along and read Portuguese, will you be happier than you were now, instead of, or versus, a year of watching TV during the time you would have studied Portuguese, or piano, or whatever else? See? The question of what is fun and what brings happiness give you totally different answers. Totally different answers. You can even apply that when you think of hooking up, if the lingo is correct, with somebody. Will this be fun? Probably will. It's a very brain-centered act. Will it bring you happiness? Probably won't. And that's worth asking, forgetting all the values questions of life, forgetting any religious questions, just on the happiness question. I'll tell you something that I learned from callers. I'm doing radio for 25 years. I've talked to people every day for 25 years from every background, every ethnic, racial, religious background, from every walk of life, from the White House to unemployed homeless people. I've talked to everybody. One of the interesting things that I have found out from people is, by and large, and this is not an advertisement on any religious ground or whatever, I'm only talking happiness here, by and large, those who deferred sexual activity till later enjoyed sex longer in life than those who started it earlier, especially vis-à-vis women. To be perfectly honest, I have to tell you the truth before I give you any propaganda. Women who deferred sexual activity enjoyed sexual activity in later life more than those who had been promiscuous early in life. There are reasons for that, but it goes beyond the specific talk. All I'm saying is, my point is not to tell you what to do sexually. My point is to have you ask the questions the question, "Will X make me happy?" Not, "Is it fun?" That question has nothing to do with whether you will be happy. The things that have brought me the most happiness in my life have generally not been fun. I've gotten great happiness from all of, uh, well, from writing my books. Writing books is not fun. It stinks. You stare at a computer screen and you have to make something that others want to read is rather difficult. And I write for a living and it's still difficult. But it has brought me some happiness. Children are not generally fun. However, they can be a source of unhappiness. There are many things like that. Fun and happiness now. I believe you should have as much fun as possible doing the things that'll make you happy. So I have tried to make child-rearing a lot of fun and so on, and that I agree with. But if you pursue fun, you have no chance for happiness. You should make what makes you happy more fun. So those are some of the thoughts. I hope that you can hear this again. And again, and again, because they're mostly probably new thoughts. And I promise you, I promise you, I have no, zero agenda here other than to bring you happiness. I'm not even paid for the lecture. I am here just purely to bring you a good idea about happiness. If you take these ideas seriously, you will change your life, You will bring better people into your life. You will affect others positively. They will love you for it. It's a wonderful thing, but you have to make the decision that Abraham Lincoln said, "We are as happy as we decide to be." Thank you very much. Okay, that was wonderful. Thank you. This episode of Timeless Wisdom will continue right after this.

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Hi, my name is Kaylin, I'm from Atascadero, California, and I was just wondering what some of your arguments against atheism were.

Okay, you'd like to know what some of my arguments against atheism were, since I had mentioned that in passing. I told you you could ask anything you'd like, certainly, obviously, regarding happiness as well. First, if you go to my website, DennisPrager.com or PragerRadio.com, you will find You can download a lot of these talks, and I have a lot of talks against atheism. And I'll give you the one that I find most persuasive, for me, for me, Dennis, is that nothing has ever come from nothing. There is no such thing as nothing comes from nothing. Atheists believe that, in other words, that something always comes from something, Nothing comes from nothing. So you never have a something that comes from nothing. Atheism posits that the universe came from nothing. It makes no sense to me. Literally no sense. And I'm not here to push any given religion. You'll do what you'll do religiously. I happen to be a religious Jew, but you'll be what you'll be. But I will just tell you that There is the idea that— I'll just give you the example I always give. If somebody found a computer on Neptune, I think they would assume that a computer maker had been to Neptune. Since we humans are infinitely more complex than a computer, the notion that it came about on its own, utterly unguided, by sheer chance, strikes me as bizarre on an intellectual level, just a purely intellectual level. Everything came about on its own? There was a Big Bang out of nowhere? It makes— literally, it is to me nonsensical. So that's the most— the single most effective argument that I can give you for there being a Creator, Designer of the universe. There are many, many other issues, but If somebody wants to have a second question on it, I'll give you a second answer on it. Yes, sir.

My name is Sean Lee and I'm from Riverside.

Do you believe there are different levels of morality?

For example, do you believe that actively killing someone is more wrong than knowing that someone will die and you can prevent it but you don't?

Well, there are two separate questions. One is, do I believe that there are levels of morality? Of course I do. Saving the life of somebody being pursued by a murderer is a greater good than preventing a ballpoint pen from being taken from the office. Or, if you will, murder is far more serious than jaywalking, or for that matter, stealing a stapler from the office. There are gradations of evil, there are gradations of good. It's common sense. I've had religious people argue with me that all sin is the same, and that's when I want to write my book, "God Has Common Sense." I hate when God is portrayed as not having common sense. Of course God looks at murder differently than taking a stapler from the office. They're both wrong, but of course they're different. So, yes, there are gradations of good and gradations of bad. And that's why I am so strong on the evil of murder, because that's the worst of all the gradations that there is. Okay, back there, either the female or the male. You have to slug it out. Okay.

I'm Crystal from Rutgers, and I was just wondering what made you decide that you wanted to write a book on happiness?

Very good question. What— well, it's actually, I have a long answer, and I will try to make it as brief as possible. It's the last thing I ever expected I would write a book on. The last. I would sooner thought I would have written a book on medieval philosophy. Than on happiness. I had a very— in fact, I even had a disdainful view of people who wrote books on happiness, because I was sure that they only made the authors happy as they collected their checks, and it didn't really have any effect on anybody else. So I'll be very brief here. It's a fun story, actually. I was invited by a rabbi at UCLA to give a lecture to Jewish students at UCLA. This was I'll tell you exactly, 20 years ago. He said, Dennis, you know, they hear you on the radio, we'll get some students here, I'd like you to come and speak to some of the Jewish students here. And I said, Daf, Rabbi, I'd be very happy to, what would you like me to speak on? So he said, I said, would you like, I assume you want me to speak on something religious. He said, oh no, nobody will show up. Which was in and of itself a sad statement, but so be it. I said, "So," he said, "I would like you to speak on something light." So I said, "Like what?" And he said, "Well, like happiness." And I said, so help me God, I said to him, "Rabbi, happiness is not a light subject. In fact, happiness is a serious problem." To which he said the fateful words in my life. He said, "Excellent title." That's how my book and every speech I gave on happiness had that title, by my objecting to his claim that happiness was a light subject by saying happiness is a serious problem. When I gave the lecture, I had not spoken on this before, I made a lot of notes, and the reason I thought I could even give a lecture was that I had worked out for me a lot of thoughts on how to be happy. Because I had my own struggles, just as everybody else does. So I figured maybe some of my ideas would help some of the listeners. I gave the talk, and the first time and only time in my life, I went home and listened to my own lecture after I gave it. I recorded it, thank God. Had I not recorded it, none of this would have happened. I recorded it, and people subscribed to my lectures. They get a lecture from me every month, every 2 months. First it was tapes, now it's on CD, now it's on download from the internet. And I listened to it, and I remember as I listened thinking, "That's a good idea. Gee, that's a good idea. That's a great point." I wasn't listening to me. I was listening to this guy named Dennis Prager giving a talk on happiness. And I figured, "Wow, if I like it," because I'm very critical of my own talks, "it must be a good talk." So I sent it out to subscribers to my talks, certain that was the last time I'll ever speak on happiness. About 6 months later, I get a call from the articles editor of a women's magazine called Redbook. Any of you ever hear of Redbook? Okay, fine. So Redbook is a popular women's magazine. It's got millions of readers. I never opened it in my life. Somewhat like women's shoes, my eyes glaze over. And when I see, you know, the women's magazines at the airport rack, But Redbook I had heard of anyway. She said, "Dennis Prager?" I said, "Yes, hi, I'm so-and-so, the literary editor or articles editor at Redbook. I'd like you to write an article for Redbook on happiness." And I was totally puzzled. And I said, "Why?" Which is not a good way to sell yourself, by the way. Just, you should know, in future business deals, if somebody wants to hire you, you don't say, "Why me?" you say something more positive. But I was very honest and I said, "Why?" She said, "Well, I heard your lecture on happiness and I loved it." I said, "Really? You subscribe to my tapes?" She said, "I didn't even know you have a subscription service. I heard it on New York radio." Well, as it happens, some station in New York, totally against all FCC rules, with no permission from me, let alone no payment, broadcast my entire talk on happiness on their station. These crooks changed my life. I bless these crooks at that station. They were a godsend to me, as you will see in a moment. So she said, I sat in my car in front of my building in Manhattan till I heard who was this person speaking. And then I traced you down in Los Angeles. And she said, "So, will you do it?" I said, "Sure." She said, "Is $3,000 okay?" At that moment, what went through my mind was, "I knew it. The only people who get happy from writing happiness books are the authors." $3,000 for an article? Do you know what I got for writing for Commentary? 7 copies of Commentary. That was my payment. And now I'm offered $3,000 for an article on happiness? So I wrote it, they published it, then Reader's Digest called me. They said, "Can we excerpt, condense your article and put it in all of our international editions?" I said, "Yeah, of course." Then I get a publisher calling, "We want you to write a book on happiness." I said, "I don't have a book in me. I have one lecture." "and one article. I do not have a book. Thank you." But I kept getting calls about the article and the lecture. And I'm trying to condense this story. It's just life-changing for me how I'm here to speak to you on happiness. And finally, I said, "All right, look. I'm going to give a course on happiness in LA to adults, and I'm going to give 8 sessions of an hour and a half." If I can talk for 12 hours on happiness without bull, and I never bull, because I speak very condensedly, concisely, like I write, then maybe I have a book. I gave the course, and I said to myself, well, it really— I did have 12 hours of things on happiness to say, but I want to test one more time. I'm going to give a 16-course, 24 hours on happiness. I gave that course, then I said, "Okay, I have a book in me." And then I got a book contract and the book became a number one bestseller, "Happiness Is a Serious Problem." And I've ended up speaking on happiness on all the continents, including Antarctica. Just tell you about the Antarctica for a moment, it's a cute story. It's on my website, you can see a picture of me giving a lecture in Antarctica. But I faced a certain problem. I have lectured on all the continents, and really wanted to say I lectured on Antarctica. Now, as it happens, I lectured on a ship off Antarctica, and that is Antarctica waters, so you can say I lectured in Antarctica, but I like to lecture on land too, to say I lectured there. But there's a problem about lecturing in Antarctica. Nobody lives there. But I solved this problem, because when I say I've lectured on 7 continents, I don't say to people. So there is a picture of me on my website lecturing to about 112 penguins. It's a very humbling picture because I've studied this picture. It's a very cute one. One out of the 112 is looking at me. Most of the others have their faces in another penguin's behind. I think they're big on that for whatever reason, and that's fine with me. I have a penguin. If he wants to keep his nose in a behind, it's fine. But anyway, I didn't have much attention, but that's how I say 7 continents. That's how it all started. This episode of Timeless Wisdom will continue right after this. What's better than receiving rent on the 1st?

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I'm Mo from Anaheim, California, and I wanted to ask what or who is your inspiration?

What or who is my inspiration? That's a very good question. Well, I am inspired by all— this is not going to be a great answer for you. Or maybe it will be, it depends on what you do with it, I guess. But I'm inspired by a lot of people every day. Well, not every day, but often. Whenever I meet— I'll give you an example. A woman named Christine from Phoenix called up my show. And I devote one hour of my national show each week to happiness, the Friday hour. It's broadcast here. My show is, by the way, 9 to noon, 870 KRLA. You can also go to Prager Radio and podcast it without commercials. Every Friday I have an hour on happiness. A woman called up to prove the point that one strives to be happy no matter what one's circumstances. This woman had 4 children, lost one of them as an adult, the child was already an adult, to cancer, and one in a car crash. You are not parents, I assume. You cannot know, and thank God I have not known, and I pray I never know, the pain of the loss of a child. But I know as a parent that is the darkest place my mind can ever travel, the thought of one of my children dying. And here is a woman who lost two of her children, one to cancer and one in a car crash, and had a cheerful, beautiful, non-self-pitying, non-victim demeanor. And I was so moved by her, and now 2 years later, I just went to Phoenix to give a talk, she came to the talk and introduced herself, and I told her, "You have been an inspiration to me." We think about inspiring people, we go back in history, and that's fine. That's perfectly the way it should be. But there are inspiring people that you will meet anywhere at any given time, and you should allow them to inspire you. This woman deeply affected me. Look, look, by golly, look at what she decided to do. She was not going to allow the death of 2 of her 4 children to end her ability to have some love of life. And then I think of the problems that others have that make them morose, and I go, do you have any idea what a struggle is? Speak to Christine of Phoenix. Okay? Yes.

My name's Kevin, I'm from Huntington Beach, California.

Hi.

In the beginning you stated that you are morally obligated to be happy and that unhappy people join groups such as terrorist groups and communist groups. What would you say to a person who joins a communist group because they're unhappy with the government and in their pursuit of happiness, this is what they want to do?

Right. Well, did you hear the question? What do I say to a person who— I was talking about unhappy people joining movements. Well, what about a person who is unhappy about the government, joins the Communist Party in order to make a happy place? That's exactly what they do. The unhappy have a utopian vision. Oh, I am unhappy because my government is corrupt or whatever, so if I just have a revolution and imagine utopia, I'll be happy. That's exactly— you described brilliantly, in fact, what people join the Communist Party to do. The unhappy join a group and assume they will change society and then they'll be happy. But you're not unhappy because of society. You're unhappy because of you. That's what they didn't understand, and they inflicted their utopian visions on the rest of us. And what did they end up making? Unbelievable unhappiness. When you ascribe your unhappiness to society— now sometimes it is true, obviously, a Jew in Nazi Germany, or a Ukrainian under Stalin, where he starved 7 million Ukrainians to death, had a reason to say, "I'm unhappy because of society." But most of us are not Jews in Nazi Germany or a Ukrainian under Stalin. We have the normal issues of life. And for us, any utopian scheme just makes things worse. But you're right, that's what the unhappy did think. Make a communist world, then I'll be happy. Yes.

Hi, I'm Rachel from Orange, and my mom loves you. Oh, she told me that this is the speaker I should be most excited about, and she told you to say that she wanted you to come to dinner at her house, but you're probably too busy anyway.

So that's very sweet. Tell your mom I'd love to.

Okay. Oh, awesome.

Okay, I won't be able, but I'd love to.

I want to know, what's your definition of happiness? Like, if you could define it in a few words.

Yes, what is my definition of happiness? And I, in my book, Happiness Is a Serious Problem, and I don't care if you borrow it, I don't care if you buy a used copy, I don't rely for my income on that book, but please do read it, especially having heard me on this. In the very beginning of the book, I say I do not define happiness. I provide the dictionary definition, and it's useless. Happiness is essentially something where you know it when you perceive it, and you know when you're not. Whatever you define it as is fine with me. I'm gonna tell you how to achieve happiness wherein you are happy to greet the day, where you have an open and warm outlook on humanity or on the people of your life, It doesn't mean, by the way, living naive. I don't have a very positive view of humanity, and I'm very happy. I think humans are great and humanity stinks. You should all, if you really want to have fun, go to Prager Radio, go to me, read my columns from the last few years. And I even have one of my columns is, "People are beautiful, humanity stinks." And that is the record of humanity. It has not been a good record. It's been a lot of evil. But I am happy, and now one of the things that keeps me happy, I will acknowledge, friends are a spectacular factor. Spectacular factor. I am blessed, always have been, with very close friends. By the way, on friendship, I have a word to tell you. If when you are— when you are looking for somebody to marry, and this may hurt some of you, and I don't mean to hurt you, I mean to help you, but I want to just tell you, it is not a good sign if the person that you are considering marrying does not have any close friends of the same sex.

What? The same sex?

It is not as the same sex as that person. If you're dating a female and she has no close female friends, that's a bad sign. If you're dating a male and he has no close male friends, it's a bad sign. Not always as bad, because guys are more of the loner type in that sense. But I personally have always had close male friends, and it has been a major factor in my happiness. But the biggest one is I believe a good God governs the universe, And that keeps me sane through all this horrible stuff. This episode of Timeless Wisdom will continue right after this.

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My name's Laura, I'm from Victorville, California. I was wondering, in your lifetime, is there any goal that you would like to achieve that you haven't achieved yet?

Are there any goals that I'd like to achieve that I haven't achieved yet? Yes. Constant. Are you kidding? I would like to be on 3 times as many stations I would like to be on the radio of every country with simultaneous translation into the local language. It's endless. This is why I need to tell you there is in my book a chapter on expectations. I have huge goals, almost none of which have been fulfilled. But I have no expectations and therefore have lived well beyond anything that I could expect and I walk around grateful. Goals and expectations are very different. I believe that the fewer expectations you have, the happier you will be, because you will be more grateful. I don't even expect to be healthy tomorrow. I have a goal to be healthy tomorrow. I hope to be. I have even reason to believe I will be, but I don't expect it. There is some man my age somewhere in America right now, just as healthy as I am today, who will have a heart attack today. I am well aware of that fact. So every morning I get up and I think, "Oh, God, I'm still well. Awesome." People, when they get hurt, ask, "Why me?" But when things are going well, they never ask, "Why me?" That's wrong. I ask, "Why me?" every day that things are good. "Did I luck out?" But people never do that when things are going well. Only when things go bad they go, "Gee, why me?" Did you ask that when things were going well? Nope. Because you expected things to go well as if you deserved it. Next. Let me go back there unless they think I'm— in the middle even. I didn't even go here once. Oh my God. The gentleman over there. Yes, sir. Yes.

I'm Barrett from Orange County. If you think, or you believe, that something can't come from nothing, then how would you explain having a higher power for creation?

Right. If I believe that, uh, that something has to come from something, nothing can come from nothing, how do I believe in a higher power? Where did the higher power come from? Okay, the definition of God by— with all religions that, that believe in God is that God is eternal. But we know the universe is not eternal. We know it had a beginning. But the definition— if God is not eternal, then God is not God. A born God is what pagans believed in. The monotheistic revolution is a God that was never born. Okay, stay there. Lady, yes, you. Yep, yep, yep.

Hi, my name is Rebecca.

Where are you from?

Oh, I'm from Riverside, California. Oh, well, obviously I was just—

What, you're obviously from Riverside?

No, I think everyone's from California.

Oh, oh, I see. Oh, the California was obvious. That's fair.

It's all right. Okay, but I just wanted to ask you, because you're talking about how some people were like born happy or were given the gift of being happy, and I was wondering if you had to learn to be happy yourself. Or if just one day you just decided, "I'm going to be happy." Yes.

Right. I did one day decide to be happy. I remember the day. I was 15. I grew up in New York. I was seated on the New York subway, and I was in a lousy mood. And I remember saying to myself, "You know, if I don't do anything about this, I'll be in a lousy mood forever." And I didn't like the idea, frankly. It struck me as a pretty crappy way to live. And so I I just decided that, hey, you know, I got it. This is not going to happen. This is the easy way out. It's easy to be unhappy. And that, by the way, if it was all natural to me, I couldn't have written a book. All I would have written is, "Be like me," or, "Get born with the right genes." But because I worked it out so systematically, I could write a book. Yes? Yes, please.

Yep.

Just yell.

My name is Tracy from Anaheim.

Hi.

I was wondering what the happiest moment in your life is?

Ooh. You mean that I can relate to you? Just to let you know I'm real, folks. I'm real like you are. But the happiest moment? Wow. I'm not evading your question by saying to you there probably isn't one happiest, but let me try to think of a— I've never been— isn't that odd? I thought I've been asked every question, and that one I don't recall being asked. Let me think. Can you answer it? What's the happiest moment you ever had? I'll go back to me. I don't know if that's a neat— it's a tough question.

The happiest moment of my life, like this year I was in ASP and I was in charge of planning prom. So when Ashley got there and everything turned out really great and it just—

Okay, well that's interesting. So your happiest moment. All right, so you feel the happiest moment of your life was when you had achieved something after hard work. Uh, that was what I was telling you. The happiest moments never come from fun. They come from— and it might have been fun planning, but it was hard work. Yeah. Let me think, let's see, happy, well, I mean, I've had, the truth is I've had so many, I am so blessed. I mean, from, I'll tell you, I'll give you a macro and a micro. My macro happiest moment was 25 years ago next month. When I was 32 years old. 32 years old and I was invited to a radio station in LA It's not the one I'm with now, but it was ABC Radio in LA, to try out for it to be a talk show host. They had me give a one night on the station as a tryout. The show was from 10 to midnight on Sunday night, a very popular show. At 11 o'clock, the station manager, or the program director, Wally Sherwin, slipped me a note on which it said, "Tell them you'll be back next week." I was ecstatic. I knew my life had changed. My dream of talking to people in large numbers was starting to be possibly realized. That was a huge moment. Micro, I've had so many. I mean, the birth of my children obviously would be an example. I have, but I will tell you, I have happy, really happy moments just about every week because I'm very close with people who are in my life, and I'm very— and I've had unhappy moments too. I mean, you know, please. So, but the one that stands out in the macro is that. It's interesting. I'll tell you. I have one, one of my children is biological and one of my children is adopted at birth. And oddly enough, the birth didn't bring me the same degree of joy that meeting the born child I was about to adopt did. I mean, I love them obviously. My birth child, I love him beyond words and he knows that. We've always been unbelievably close. But I think I was so nervous over the birth, and it was the first child, so I was very, very, very nervous, that that overwhelmed just the happiness. Whereas with the child fully formed, like waiting for dad to show up at the hospital, that was just— it filled me with unbelievable happiness. It's a great way to live. I don't know. Okay, you, the lady over there with the tag. That's a joke, everybody has a tag, yes, I know. Yes.

As a happy person, are you ever fearful of anything? Oh, I'm Mila Hersey from Long Beach, California.

Am I ever fearful of anything as a happy person? Yes, absolutely. I, of course, I— you mean on a personal level or anything? Well, first of all, I tell you the truth, I fear for my country. I do. This bothers me a lot. I think that there is a real loss as to what has made America exceptional. In fact, the very idea of America being exceptional is loathed at the average university, is loathed by the elite of our own society. And so I'm worried about 'Cause good countries are rare, crappy countries are common, and there are huge powers trying to bring America down to the level of other places. So I'm worried, that is a fear. And on a personal level, listen, I know of mortality and I fear death, not for me, I don't fear what will happen, but I fear its effect on my loved ones. So that always is, anyone who reaches my age, any parent thinks that, even younger than me. You worry because you know how fragile life is. And so you do worry, so those, I'm being totally open as you can see. By the way, about being open, let me tell you something. I am totally open as you can see. I am open privately and I am open publicly. Most people fear to be open even privately. And let me tell you, transparency is one of the great gifts that you can give yourself and the people around you. Worst comes to worst, you get hurt. My father had a great motto about pain. It's only pain. Pain never killed anybody. And it's something you should remember, because a lot of people remain closed because they're afraid that they'll be hurt. Well, let me tell you something. Don't be with people you're afraid will hurt you. And if you're gonna be with people, then open up. I can't be with anybody I think will hurt me, and I can't be with anybody that I won't open up to. I mean, I've been more open with you about my life than a lot of you are with your friends. That's not good. Well, what are you guarding exactly? Are you that fragile that so your friend will use this information and it will backfire? Okay, then you go to a better friend next time. But what is your choice? To remain closed? What is the good of that? What the hell is the good of that is what I was about to say. The gentleman back there in the lovely purple shirt, or magenta, magenta. I don't know if it's purple or magenta.

I'm Connor out of Burbank, California.

Hi.

And I was curious because you have said you're religious, and I wanted to know if you've always been religious or—

Yes, I was raised religious. I was always God-centered, but I dropped my religious practices that I was raised with because I didn't want to be what I was out of habit. I wanted to be what I was out of conviction. And in Judaism, practices are the way in which one is religious. It's a law, it's a religious law-based religion. So I dropped most of those laws and then went back to many, but not all of them. And I've worked out a whole theology of that. It's a favorite subject of mine, but it wouldn't interest most of you because you wouldn't know that much about Judaism to understand what I've worked out that way. But Judaism does not believe that you have to be Jewish, that God does not demand that everybody be Jewish. God demands that everybody be good. And so I am very I have a very easy way of helping bring people to whatever religion will make them good. I was greeted by someone who told me that, what was it, I'm greeted all the time, in fact, by many Christians who tell me that I brought them back to their Christian church or their Catholic church, and I'm delighted, I'm just absolutely delighted. And I always say, just remember that it was a Jew who brought you back to your Christianity. You know, I just want to give credit to the source, that's all. Reminds me of a Christian woman who got up at a lecture that I had in some city, I think it was Phoenix, and she said, "I'm a Christian and I want you to know you are my favorite Jew." And I said, "No, no, no, I'm your second favorite Jew." I just wanted to make it clear. She appreciated the correction. Yes, yes. How many? Oh, it's so sad. Okay, 2 more. Okay.

Hi, my name is Gina from Orange County, and my question is, what do you think is the best way to help someone who isn't happy?

The best way to help someone who isn't happy? Give them a copy of this lecture. There's nothing you can do. Please know that. This is a very depressing for you, this answer, maybe. You cannot make an unhappy person happy. Only they can make themselves happy. All you will do is enable them, like a drug dealer enables addicts. You will enable them to stay unhappy by being constantly understanding of their unhappiness. The best thing you could do is say, "I am sick of your unhappiness. Either get happy, or I get another friend." I know this sounds cruel to you. It is not cruel. It is cruel to enable the unhappy to stay that way. They have to change themselves. You are not God. We think we're godlike, that we can change people. We can't. You have to change yourself. That's why I said give them this lecture. I wasn't kidding. Because they're prepared to hear from a stranger what they're not prepared to hear from a sister or a friend or whomever. But you cannot make them happy. No husband can make a wife happy. No wife can make a husband happy. Unfortunately, a wife can make a husband unhappy. A husband can make a wife unhappy. But our power to make another happy is very, very small. Oh, very good question. Was there any time between that 15-year-old ride, 15-year-old riding on the New York subway, and now that there was a time where I couldn't be happy? I have gone through real serious painful periods in my life. I think my friends can acknowledge that they knew that I was in pain. But I can't say to you that I devolved into what would normally be called an unhappy person. I'll tell you one of the things that kept me sober, and I don't mean not drinking, I mean emotionally sober. I don't happen to like alcohol. What did was, there were many things, but one thing, and this is a good one to end with, there's a story told about King Solomon, who was supposedly the great wisest man of his time or ever. And he asked his wise men, I want you to make me a magic ring. What will this magic ring do? If I ever get a little too bubbly and, you know, manic, if you know what that psychological term is, you know, irrepressibly, crazily happy, and I want it to bring me down a little into reality. And if I ever get too unhappy, I want it to raise me, lift me back up. And the wise men made him a magic ring, And on the magic ring were the Hebrew words, "Gam zu yavor," which means, "This too will pass." That kept me going, that ring, during the toughest periods. I knew I needed patience, I knew I had to wait it through, I knew not to lose my calm, and indeed, thank God, it did in fact pass. Good luck, folks. Life is a real challenge. Thank you very much. This has been Timeless Wisdom with Dennis Prager. Visit DennisPrager.com for thousands of hours of Dennis' lectures, courses, and classic radio programs, and to purchase Dennis Prager's Rational Bibles.

In times like these, we all need a word of encouragement. From pastor and bestselling author Max Lucado comes the Max Lucado Encouraging Word Podcast. With over 40 years of ministry and more than 145 million books sold in 50 languages, Max shares the greatest story ever told, the living Savior who brings hope for a lifetime. Through rich biblical insight, heartfelt storytelling, you'll be reminded that God is always near, always for you, and always in you. Listen to the Max Lucado Encouraging Word Podcast, where hope meets your day. Subscribe now wherever you get your podcasts.