Timeless Wisdom - Happiness Hour: Valentine Happiness

Welcome to Timeless Wisdom with Dennis Prager. Hear thousands of hours of Dennis's lectures, courses, and classic radio programs. And to purchase Dennis Prager's Rational Bibles, go to DennisPrager.com. There it goes, everybody. It's the happy, happy, happy, happy hour. Yes, it is. Hello, my friends. The happy make the world better. The unhappy make the world worse. Therefore, it is a moral obligation to act happy, if not be happy. It is, it is, it is. Oh yes, it is. Oh yes, it is. Yes, it is. Oh yes, oh yes, oh yeah. Great lyrics, eh? It's the happy, happy, happy, happy— I don't sing much on the radio, and there are very apparently valid reasons for that. I don't have a bad voice, and I don't have a great voice. I am in the fat part of the bell on the bell curve of voices. I can carry a tune, which not everybody can. You ever been in church or synagogue next to somebody singing who can't? Carry a tune, who's tone deaf.

It is—

I must say, I find it hard to stay on tune next to the guy next to me who is singing on a different key with each note. It is sort of Arnold Schoenberg at services. That's how I feel about it. If you don't know who Arnold Schoenberg is, then you have a certain good fortune. Not to knock the poor man, but he was a father of atonal music, which I can in fact imitate, but I won't. Welcome to the Happiness Hour on the Dennis Prager Show, and we do this every Friday. The second hour of the show is Devoted to happiness. I am very gratified, and not for financial reasons. I am very gratified that my book on happiness continues to be a good— I can't say bestseller. No book is a bestseller for, let's see how many years, 15 years, but it's a very good seller. Happiness is a serious problem. I, I have had to work through these issues, and the culmination is this show, my lectures on happiness, and the book. Today's Valentine's Day. How often does Valentine's Day fall on Friday? Not often. And so as a result, I'm going to talk to you about Happiness and love. The very fact that I even mention them makes— makes for a certain seriousness. The human being, the normal human being— there are truly psychopathological ones— but the normal human being wants to be loved. It's an interesting issue, the whole love issue. By the way, it's very interesting that, like every other thing in life, there is nothing that can't be distorted and ultimately unhealthy. The human being wants to be loved, I said, but here's a problem: if you want to be loved by everybody, you won't lead a good life. And you won't do what you need to do in your positions. If a parent's primary aim is to be loved by his or her children, the person will not be a good parent. If a teacher's primary aim is to be loved by his or her students, they will not be a good teacher. And I think most of all, if a national leader aims to be loved by all of his or her people, then there will be failure in that department. The, the time that we should most want to be loved, or the people we should most want to be loved with, are peers. And that is specifically friends and spouse. That's though, that's if you get love and give love, I assume. If you give and get love from a spouse and friends, and sometimes a spouse and/or friends— not everybody can have or does have a spouse— you will be deeply enriched. But nothing— uh, here is my statement, and I make it Even in light of the fact that I know that it is a painful statement for a fair number of you to hear, it's not an, it's not an attack, obviously, and it's said with utter and total sympathy. Some of you have lost your loved spouse, and so I, I recognize that. Some of you never got to have one and did want to have one. I recognize that. Some of you have a spouse, but it is not a loving relationship. I recognize that. But because a reality is painful to many, it doesn't mean we can't offer it, continue to offer it as the reality. The reality is that that is the relationship that at its best provides the most happiness. It's meant to. The parent-child love is unique, okay? I, I have been fortunate in, in receiving and giving love to a good number of people in my life, and I can say, and it is no brilliant insight, every parent knows this, the love you have for your child is unique. So I, I understand that. I know it, I understand it, I feel it. Every parent, every normal parent feels it. And in that regard, most parents are normal. But I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about happiness. It is the Happiness Hour, and because it's Valentine's Day, I'm using the subject of love. When you have a good relationship with a spouse, that is the relationship that can provide the most happiness. I don't think it's sufficient, although for some people it was. It was for my father and mother, for example. Most of us also really want friends. As good as the relationship is, if it's a perfect relationship with your spouse, the richness of friendships with other couples, with other individuals, and I usually specify of the same sex, is also of incomparable importance to happiness. But primus inter pares, first among equals, is the relationship with your spouse. You're not presumably sleeping with your friends. You're not with them as much time. The intimacy is the brilliant biblical word for intercourse between husband and wife is to know.

It—

there is no— I don't think it is ever used. It is not used for non-married people who have relations. That says they lay with, but not they knew. And so, and Adam knew his wife Eve. That knowledge is only available in marriage, that in the spousal relationship. So if you get that right, you are a very fortunate human being. And if it's really bad— I wouldn't even say up and down— if it's really bad, it's very hard for you to have a happy life. My, one of my two favorite composers, and I am very, very involved in classical music, is Haydn, the father of the symphony, the father of the string quartet, the father of the sonata, piano sonata. He is unbelievable. I love, love his music. He had a terrible marriage. He was deeply in love as a young man. He was very self-conscious. He didn't think he was at all able to attract women. He didn't think he— he thought he was particularly not good-looking, for example. He fell in love with a girl, a beautiful girl who fell in love with him, and he was extraordinarily happy for a very short period of time. But her parents wanted her to become a nun, and so she was sent to a convent. And then the parents said to him, so marry her sister. And her sister was the opposite of the girl who went into the convent. This girl should have gone into the convent. Their marriage was so bad that what I am about to tell you will sound unbelievable. She actually would take some of Haydn's musical manuscripts and wrap fish with them. He was not happy at home, although his music is the happiest classical music written. 1-800-PRAGER-776. Reflecting on love on this Valentine's Day Happiness Hour. This episode of Timeless Wisdom will continue right after this. Now back to more of Dennis Prager's Timeless Wisdom. Hello, my friends. I'm Dennis Prager. This is the male— no, it isn't. I was thinking male-female because of the Valentine's Day subject. It's funny, at least my brain is not an automatic. See, that shows. Well, I got out of that one. Oh, happiness hour, Dennis Prager Show, second hour every Friday. It's Valentine's Day and I thought I'd talk to you about love. And I already acknowledged that there is a unique love of parent-child. There are many, many forms of love— the love of close friends. But there is the possibility of a relationship. We're talking here, and I don't deny other existences of love relationships, but overwhelmingly we're talking about man-woman love. And if you have a spouse that you love like this and who loves you back, you're, you're very fortunate. And we should raise children to understand that this is going to be their greatest source of happiness and how important it is to choose right. So if, if you have discovered that, if you— or you might disagree with me I'd say there were things that are tied with it or even things that supersede it, but it would be nice given it's the Happiness Hour and we're talking about spouses. It would be nice to talk about the joy that yours gives you if you could express it. Look, we— the, the Happiness Hour before Mother's Day, we talk about mothers. Happiness before Father's Day. We talk about fathers, what is it, once in how many years, or, you know, twice in 20 years, or twice in 15 years, whatever, that a Valentine's Day and a Happiness Hour day, a Friday, will coincide. So talk to me, be eloquent about your— the source of joy that you're— if you've lost that person, even, I'm prepared to hear I think it's good for people to know this. I read in the first hour of the show, I read a piece in the Wall Street Journal. By the way, the phone number is 1-800-PRAGER-776. This is your chance to give to a national audience a sort of verbal valentine to the love of your life, if you have a love of your life. Not everybody does. 1-800-PRAEGER-776-877-243-7776. I read an article in today's Wall Street Journal, a woman saying, you know, young women, you ought to shop around for a husband while you're in college. It's the time you will be in the company of the most quality men in your life in terms of numbers. And you, uh, you'll get a lot more happiness out of that if you choose right than you will even out of a career, which of course is true, especially for women. For most women, nothing is true for everybody. The other day I, I met a woman, the mother of someone who I have known for years, and the woman I knew She lost her dad, so I met her mother. I met her only once or twice in my life. So it was just actually a little over a week ago that her— or 2 weeks ago— that her husband died after, I think, about 60 years of marriage, 50 or so, 50, 60 years of marriage. Without seeking sympathy, without complaining. She was— I asked her, how you are? And said, well, to the effect, how can I be? I lost my best friend of 50 years. And I know from my father, who was with my mom for 72 years— no, 73 years, '69 married, 4 before that. 73 years. The loss is incalculable. Incalculable. When I was a kid, I, I was preoccupied with this— the big issues. I just was. I was born with a very, very— and still have— a kid's spirit, but I always had an adult's thinking. I just thought about heavy-duty stuff from an early age. I remember reading somewhere that the loss of a child is the most searingly painful, but the loss of a spouse in a good marriage is the, uh, is the most, uh, constant loss, or the— I don't remember the words, but it had its unique element of pain. Which is true. We see, we don't want to admit this because we live in a stupid age that doesn't want to acknowledge how vulnerable and how ultimately, in the best sense, dependent we are. I'm a pretty strong guy, but I'm dependent on my wife and vice versa. I mean, she's a tower of strength. But if you have something beautiful, and my life has not been easy in that way, but it is blessed now, you have something very special in life. But we don't want to acknowledge it because, you know, women have been told, you know, a woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle. It's the antithesis of the Valentine's Day message. You know, fish don't buy bicycles, flowers on Valentine's Day. So young girls are taught from a very early age, oh, you don't need a man. Now why would they be told such a lie? Of course they need a man. Every man I know acknowledges he needs a woman. There's something wrong with you if you don't need— if you're a woman, you don't need a man. And I'm not talking about gays right now, but if you're— if you are the overwhelming majority of women, the 97% who are straight, and you believe you don't need a man, you have been told you don't need a man. And some have that nature, and I'm not going to get there. I'm not going to go— if you have to say anything that fits every human being, you will never say anything. All right, for most people, nuts are good for them. Did you know that? Nuts are a very healthy source of, of protein, for example, and good fat. On the other hand, they kill some people. So should we stop saying nuts are good for you? Have some nuts? Yes, we need the other sex, that's correct. I'll take your calls. Valentine's Day Happiness Hour. I'm Dennis Prager. Anybody want a peanut? This episode of Timeless Wisdom will continue right after this. Now back to more of Dennis Prager's Timeless Wisdom. Second hour on Fridays is always devoted to happiness, hence it's called the Happiness Hour. I'm Dennis Prager, and hey, it's Valentine's Day. I can't avoid the subject of love, and it's a very serious hour I'm devoting to its importance, and especially the spouse, the husband, the wife. And if it's good, how incomparable it is among relationships in life. And I'm big on love of friends, and I spoke about the uniqueness of a love for children, obviously. But that's where it is. And I know that there are, there are faith traditions that do not allow for, or or deeply, deeply discourage, and I acknowledge that. But putting aside for a moment theology, it's hard to imagine that it was God's vision for people to live in a terrible marriage for their whole lives. You fight for a good marriage, you celebrate a, even a, an average type marriage. Absolutely. But where there's toxicity, I don't— it doesn't seem that that would be God's will, if you want to talk religion. And it doesn't make sense for, from a human perspective. And those who are in a good relationship know what I'm talking about. So do those in a terrible one, for that matter. Heather in Gilbert, Arizona. Dennis Prager, hi. Hello, Heather.

Hi, Dennis.

Hi.

Happy Valentine's Day.

Thank you.

Um, some of the greatest happiness in my life has come from being married. It's also the greatest challenge, and the happiness my spouse has brought me really has been in his being patient with me and allowing me to learn how to fully love, or more fully love him. And he's also given me 3 children and is a wonderful father to them. So those are my greatest joys in life, being able to continually work on a relationship. We work really hard at it. It has brought me tremendous happiness.

Give me an example of something you work at.

Something? Oh goodness, how much time do we have on this call?

I'll judge. Let me hear.

An example of something we work at, for one major thing, would be communication. Learning to effectively communicate what our expectations are of one another, coordinating schedules, especially with 3 young children. It's a daily, almost like business meeting, trying to communicate all the things that need to be relayed. And more importantly than all that is, you know, getting our feelings to come across in a respectful manner, I think.

Let me add, this is not related to that. I'm just curious, and you just give me the first answer that comes to mind. Who comes first in the pecking order for you, husband or children?

My husband.

You're both very lucky. Thank you, and a happy Valentine's Day to you. And let's go to Christina in St. Paul, Minnesota. Hi, Christina. Dennis Prager. Hello, Christina.

Hello. Hello, Rabbi Prager.

Well, I'm not a rabbi, but I appreciate the ordination.

Well, you're mine.

Okay, that's fair. I'll accept that.

Thank you. Just wanted to say, uh, Happy Valentine's Day to my husband Nate.

That's wonderful.

Sorry.

No, I think it's great. Are you crying from, from happiness or from unhappiness?

Yeah, he's, um, he's just amazing, and I just appreciate, um— oh, sorry.

Well, you've set a high bar for others to match, I must say. If they don't start bawling. I'll wonder how much they love their spouse. Listen, I love that you did. I did. I just want you to know you're bailed out by the music. I think it's beautiful that she just wells up in tears at the mention of what she has with her husband. I don't want to make those of you in awful marriages unhappy, but I can't Deny reality about the significance of an important, of a good relationship between husband and wife. On this Valentine's Happiness Hour day, I'm Dennis Prager. Hi everybody, Dennis Prager here. This is the Happiness Hour, second hour every Friday of the show. Second hour of the show every Friday. It's Better English. Devoted to happiness. It's Valentine's Day, so it's a rare confluence of the two. So how could I not speak about love, and specifically the love of a husband and wife? There are many other forms of love, and they're all legitimate, and I understand them. And I have many of them, not just legitimate, some are great. I don't know what I would do without my friends. And of course my boys. The love I have there is very deep and unique. In terms of daily happiness though, it's the spouse. Kids leave the house, they're supposed to leave the house at any rate, among other things. And they're not peers. They become more peer-like as they get older, of course, but they're never quite peers and they're not supposed to be. So it's huge, and if you have it good, you're very, very fortunate. I know a lot of you have lost such a love, so this is a painful hour. Some of you never got such a love or in a bad marriage, and so it's a painful hour. When I choose these subjects, I think about that. I think about, well, will this topic hurt the feelings of some people? And the answer is yes, and obviously not intended in any possible way, but I can't avoid telling a truth. We have to tell at least the next generation how central the husband-wife relationship is to happiness. That's why I read in the first hour the— this article. It's up at my website, incidentally. By this woman in the Wall Street Journal telling girls, yes, you should shop for a husband while you're at college. It's exactly right. This notion that you're gonna, you're gonna get your greatest happiness from career, especially for a woman, is nonsense in the vast majority of cases. Not in all cases. All right, let me take some more calls. And the last woman I'd asked you to call up you know, basically just, uh, to give a sort of verbal Valentine on national radio to the love of your life. And the last woman, as soon as she started talking, just started crying. That's how much she loves her husband. I was very touched by that, as it happens. Okay, uh, let's go then. And, uh, it doesn't really matter, they're all good calls here. Patrick in Denver, hi.

Hi Dennis. I don't know if I can follow up, uh, the woman that was crying.

It's not followable. I said she raised a high bar.

Yeah, but my, my, uh, wife, she's the one that got me talking or listening to you.

So, um, for that alone, you owe her a lot.

I do. I do. Um, and I don't know, I, I thought I'd start this off by saying that we're, we've only been married about 4 and a half, uh, months now. So We very well could just be in the honeymoon phase, but, um, I think she— like, my wife is just the best woman that I've ever met, and, uh, she makes me the best version of myself that I could possibly—

well, now, now, that, my friend, is what they say, and I don't usually use clichés— bingo. Everybody in your life is a great subject for another time, but everybody in your life should make you a better person, or they shouldn't be in your life. That's a big suggestion. And number one, your spouse. If you are not a better person because of the person you are married to— deeper, more mature, kinder, finer, you name it— Morally, psychologically, temperamentally, professionally, you name it. If you're in a profession, then it's not— not, uh, shouldn't— person shouldn't be in your life. Well, there's another thing he said that I'd like to comment on. Well, we're in the honeymoon phase. He will— he would be surprised because he's off the air by now, and I'm saying it therefore in third person. He would be surprised to know How many people in the honeymoon phase think, uh-oh, how did I get into this? Which I should do on a male-female hour. How many of you knew it was a bad idea on your wedding day? Oh, Sean, you have no idea. It sounds like an awful hour. No, it will be a fascinating hour on an awful subject. That's the way you should have phrased it. Alrighty, let's go on here. And Susan in Calabasas, California— is that Pumpkins, California? Is that correct, Susan? Whoa, Susan going once, Susan going twice, Susan Hello? Uh, where were you, Susan?

You know, I have to admit I had the mute button on because I was listening and didn't want to disturb the call, so I apologize for that.

That's all right. Thank God I did going once, going twice. So you're in— you're in— uh, by the way, Sean says that is the closest anyone ever came, so you hold some sort of record.

You tell, uh, Triple G I love him.

You know what? Too many people love him. It's going to his head, and I don't want— I will not tell him.

All right, well, I just wanted to call in for two reasons. One, to tell you what a wonderful, wonderful husband I have. We will be married for 40 years.

That means you got married at 21?

Yeah, well, actually, with the months differential, I was just turning 22, but yes, I was young.

Yeah, yeah. All right, hold on. I want to hear that. I want to hear it. 'Cause I said, you know, so often we talk about difficulties in marriage on the Male/Female Hour. It's Valentine's Day. Let's have some ode to male/female love today, okay? It needs it. We'll be back in a moment. Happiness Hour, Dennis Prager Show. This episode of Timeless Wisdom will continue right after this. Now back to more of Dennis Prager's timeless wisdom. Hi everybody, Dennis Prager here. With the coincidence of happiness hour and Valentine's Day and talking about male-female love, celebrating marriage, because we talk a lot about problems in marriages and so on. So today is the perfect day to speak about how good life is if you have it good in that department. Beautiful calls here. And we'll go to Lindsay in Irvine, California. Hi, Lindsay. Dennis Prager.

Hey, Dennis. Big fan.

Thank you.

Hey, honey, go ahead. I just want to wish a big happy Valentine's Day to my best friend. And it's hard not to get emotional when you talk about someone who means so much to you.

You're referring to your husband?

Yes, I am. And he's just such a good, honorable man, and he's so inspiring. With whom I've spent the best years of my life with. We laugh a lot and he just has so many character qualities that I appreciate. He's honorable and he's kind and he's a great example to our kids. I tell my kids all the time about that.

Well, I love this. And I, uh, I want to know, are you in any way going to be able to play this for him?

He's listening now.

Oh, he is?

Yeah.

What's his name?

His name is David.

David, you're a blessed man, David. And you are a blessed woman, Lindsay.

I am indeed. I am indeed.

Thank you. You know, and women calling in, choking up as soon as they start talking about their husbands, the, the You know how powerful that is? I did? Oh, okay, you're right. Calabasas Susan, I forgot I had you on. Susan, take it away. I'm sorry, we only have a little time, so go ahead.

That's okay. I just wanted to let the people out there that do not have such a wonderful marriage know my story very quickly. We got married very young, and my husband has always been a wonderful, caring, loving person. But I was not so much that way, and I had to work on my relationship and myself. But the point I want to make is my husband hung in there, worked with me on getting better, and we have the most amazing marriage I could ever imagine. I'm the luckiest woman in the world.

You're going to bring tears to my eyes. Happy Valentine's Day to all of you lucky enough to have such a thing. And now call in on any subject under the sun. This has been Timeless Wisdom with Dennis Prager. Visit DennisPrager.com for thousands of hours of Dennis' lectures, courses, and classic radio programs, and to purchase Dennis Prager's Rational Bibles.