Timeless Wisdom: Male/Female Hour - Don't Be An Idiot

Welcome to Timeless Wisdom with Dennis Prager. Hear thousands of hours of Dennis's lectures, courses, and classic radio programs. And to purchase Dennis Prager's Rational Bibles, go to DennisPrager.com.

I am old-fashioned. I like two sexes. Then another thing, all of a sudden I don't like being married to what is known as a new woman. I want a wife, not a competitor. Competitor. Competitor.

Talk about a bit this crying in the morning thing, this depression, you know, let's get that fixed.

That's what men think, isn't it?

What?

Unless you've got the answer, unless you can say, oh, I know this bloke in the Essex Road who could fix that, then there's no point bothering.

How do you write women so well? I think of a man and I take away reason and accountability.

I love him, I love him, and I don't care what you think.

I love him for the, for the man he wants to be, and I love him for the man that he almost is. What do people have rows about? Uh, money, sex, sex, money. He wants, she doesn't want. She wants, he doesn't want. Women have always been a big problem to me, Dr. Fosbend. Are you listening, doctor?

Yes, yes, yes.

Go on, go on. And welcome everybody to the Male-Female Hour on the Dennis Prager Show. I have a big smile only because I love that opening so much. It always gives me a smile, especially— are you listening, Dr. Fussman? Yes, yes, yes, yes, go ahead, go ahead. I love it. Well, I have a, a little anecdote to report to you, uh, which, uh, made me feel very good about the impact of this hour. And it will be a good introduction to a different topic, but very related, uh, as you will see in a moment. At a recent talk, a woman came over to me, an attractive woman in her 30s, and told me her story, as men and women do open up to me a lot, and it's very helpful because then I can report even more honestly about men and women in the program and in my, in my writing. And she explained that in her, I guess, late teens, early 20s, she had been a stripper. And, uh, had then become a Christian and, and stopped that work, gotten married, and has a wonderful husband and children. She said, until I, I heard your, your explanation of men, I had this long-standing belief that men were— especially the men who came to see my work in my pre-Christian days were pigs. Men were just pigs. And I realize now that that's, you know, that's not the case. Not to say that there aren't men who are, but that normal men are normal men. And it obviously helped her understand her husband better. And this is, this is terrific. This is why I am writing my book on male sexual nature. It's part of why I do this program. The reason I tell you the story, aside from I think it's inherently interesting, is as an introduction to something else. Because I'm known for explaining men, but that doesn't mean that I always defend men. There are a lot of things guys do that drive me nuts vis-à-vis women. And I want to talk to you about that today and hopefully help men here in better understanding themselves and the way they can come across at times. I just recently did the show on men looking, quote, that way at a woman and telling women and explaining to women, and a lot of women called to agree, that unless a man overdoes it, and some men do, It's a real compliment. And when later in life, or at any given time in life, that stops, a lot of women miss it and feel quote-unquote invisible. So one should not knock men looking at women that way. But of course, there's that way, and then there's that way. And there could be a that way that, that is, you know, constant staring and particularly foolish comments, especially guys who are dating. And I have overheard this at restaurants. I have been told this by women. Guys have told me, just because, gentlemen, just because sex is on your mind much of the time, it doesn't mean you need to talk about it as much as it is on your mind. And so there are comments that men could make that just don't reflect well on you in the life of a woman, especially if you're courting a woman. To make some sexual innuendos on the first date, or second date I presume, is not the most brilliant thing. The trick is to attract a woman is to work against the stereotype. And so, you know, "Oh God, are you hot!" Or saying, you know, "God, I'd love to be with you." I mean, and I'm being uncrude here. I mean, these are not wise things for a man to say in the early stages of courting a woman. So I want to develop in this hour, and women would be very helpful here for men to hear, just as it's been so helpful for women to hear about men, uh, and, and better understanding men. It's— I want women to call. Men are certainly invited as well, but women especially, about no-nos you think should apply to male behavior in social settings or on a date or, or what have you. 1-800-PRAGER-776. 1-800-PRAGER-776. I mean, there are times when, I mean, for example, I'll give you one example that has always driven me nuts, is when a man is dating a woman and says, this came up, I just spoke in Chicago about male sexuality, and an attractive woman raised this issue. I would say the woman was about 35 years old, or late 30s, and said, well, what do I say, what do I do though? And it was a particularly attractive woman, interestingly enough. Where when a man says to me, well, if you really loved me, you'd go to bed with me. And I look at this woman who obviously had a highly educated, very bright, clearly from at least from an attractiveness standpoint could have the pick of many men, and even she is falling for this line and not knowing what to answer. I mean, any guy who gives you that line, if you loved me, you're not married, you're not on your way, you're not engaged, you're not on the way to marriage, and I'm not talking here about morality and religion and so on. And I do believe that intercourse should wait till marriage. I think that is the ideal. But I also believe that some sexual activity should take place because you need to know about the person. And if there is any— if there is incompatibility there, it's better to know it before you marry than after you marry. So I'm on a middle road there. But this notion, if you loved me, you would sleep with me, The answer, of course, is if you love me, you wouldn't say something so stupid. 1-800-PRAGER-776. What are— what are you women— you have the forum now, you have a lot of men listening.

Do—

is there— are there no-nos that you would like men to know, whether it is dating or whether it is in a social setting, uh, or what have you? I mean, I have asked that women understand men better, and a lot of women have. I mean, the letters and the comments that I get when I speak are very, very heartening from women. But there are things that guys do and say that drive me, as a man, I'm almost embarrassed. I almost want to undergo a sex change for 10 minutes when I hear some of these lines. And, uh, you know, you know, of course my answer to the other famous line, oh, why should we get married? Marriage is just a piece of paper. To which the response is, if it's just a piece of paper, why not get married? And that pretty much ends that, doesn't it? I always get a kick out of that argument. It's just a piece of paper. So why is he so adamant about not doing it if it's just a piece of paper? All right, so let's begin here in Minneapolis and Lori. Hello, Lori. Dennis Prager.

Hi, Dennis. Longtime listener, um, first time I've ever called in.

Oh, great.

Thank you. Um, my comment is, and it's not necessarily a line, but—

oh no, no, no, it could be an action, not just the line.

My action is men who— they don't even have to be on a date, it can be a social situation. And thank God I've never had a boss who does this, but when men will just stare at your chest the entire time they're talking to you I don't know if it's— if they're doing it unconsciously, they're not even aware that they're doing it. If they are aware, what is their motive? What are they trying to gain?

Now, now, good. Let's analyze this because you do have— you do give some leeway to male nature that he will look, right?

Let's say I'm not dressed sexily at all, right?

Okay, so you're—

outfit on.

Okay, regular outfit on. Now, if he notices it, are you okay with that?

Um, for some reason, just stare at my chest the whole time.

Yes. No, no, no, that's what I mean. In other words, I want to talk about the difference between noticing and staring. So are you, are you opposed to noticing as well as staring, or just at staring?

Maybe a quick glimpse wouldn't bother me.

Okay, stay on with me because this— I happen to agree with you. I think it's, it's, it's almost— it's, it's buffoonery. I mean, if a man really I want to know though, is that common? Do men really do that? Just stare the whole time? Or is a woman reacting to a couple of glances? Back in a moment. You're listening to the Male-Female Hour on the Dennis Prager Show.

This episode of Timeless Wisdom will continue right after this. Now back to more of Dennis Prager's Timeless Wisdom.

Hi everybody, Dennis Prager here. And a particularly honest show is the Male-Female Hour. Honesty about the two sexes. That's why a lot of people listen and hopefully are helped by it. The Male-Female Hour each week, Wednesday, second hour of my program. I'm Dennis Prager. Thank you for being with me. And I have explained men and their sexual nature a great deal. A lot of women have heard it, and it's helped a lot of relationships, I am proud and happy to say. This doesn't mean everything men do or say is exactly intelligent or good, however. And as a, as a hopeful, instructive lesson to men, I'm having women call in, in particular. Men, though, are certainly invited. But in particular women, to speak of the no-nos of men's behavior or speech, and especially as it relates to women. That's what we're— I mean, we're all against men who rob banks, so don't call in about male violence. And obviously, that's obvious. I mean, if we have to have a program on why it's wrong for a male to be violent outside of protecting the innocent, then we're in bad shape. All right, uh, let's go back to Lori in Minneapolis. Thanks. Thank you again, Lori, for calling. So it's men staring at, uh, at your chest, uh. Now, uh, so a guy meets you in a business or social situation and his eyes glance downward, uh, or, well, I guess if he's much shorter, upward, but presumably downward or level, and, uh, that's okay, but prolonged staring is not. Do I have you correctly?

Right.

Okay, I happen to agree with you. Uh, uh, it's, uh, just know this, that, uh, think of magnets. Have you ever had two powerful magnets as a kid? You know, they, they, they just— they're, they're the staggering power of the attraction as they get closer, closer. Think of male eyes and women's breasts as magnets, and, uh, it will give you an idea of the willpower it takes for a man never to look. And by the way, I think it's a, a power he should exercise 99% of the time. If he, if he doesn't notice at all, uh, then, you know, then we, we have lost some of the, the playfulness of male-female interrelations, and that, and that wouldn't be good. Uh, but, uh, if it's prolonged, I am totally on your side. But please know that if it's prolonged, he's, uh, he's exercising self-control. Are you there?

Yep, I'm still here.

Sorry, is that okay?

Yeah, I guess my only added comment is it would happen a lot more when I was younger than it does now. And I guess now I would be apt to say something. When I was younger, I'd be a little, you know set back by it and startled and wouldn't say anything.

But I think, what would you— what would you say today?

Um, I would just probably say, sir, are you aware of the fact that you've been staring at my chest the entire time we've been conversing?

And what if he said, yes, I have been. Frankly, it's a very attractive one.

I guess I don't know.

I wouldn't know what to say at that point.

Exactly, exactly. All right, bless you, Laurie. I mean, it's very funny if that were actually to happen. I see. Now, Lori, remember, this is very important here because these things are far more complex than they seem at the outset. Of course, we're all against men just in a social interaction staring at a woman's chest, obviously. But what if the woman is, uh, is half uncovering her breasts and he starts to stare more than a glimpse? See, if she shows a lot, can't he look a lot? Now, I'm not advising men to do this, but I'm saying that there has to be a quid pro quo here. Lori has the right to protest because she's covered up much more than a woman who isn't. You show, he looks. All right, so let's go to, uh, let's go to some more of your calls. Phoenix, Arizona, Jody. Hello, Jody, Dennis Prager.

Good morning, how are you?

I'm well, thank you.

Good. I love these conversations that you have, and I used to be a dancer too, and just like that woman not realizing that I thought men were pigs until much later. But I have a wonderful husband, and one of the things that just happened yesterday which just blessed me to bits is that we were driving down the road and saw a billboard with this beautiful woman in a bathing suit, scantily clad, for a tanning salon, you know. And I was kind of looking at it and remembering when My husband just said, "How would you like to be up there on that billboard?" He said it with something in his voice that was like, "Huh?" So I said, "Well, are you kidding? Most women would want to look like that." I said, "What do you think?" He goes, "Well, I'd be embarrassed. What if that was your mom? What if that was your sister?" I was like, "What do you mean?" "you're mine." He says, "I wouldn't want you up there looking like that." And I said, "Well, would you be proud of me if my body looked like that?" And he said, "Of course I'd be proud of you, but I wouldn't want you hanging out like that." I said, "Well, you know, obviously my body doesn't look like that. What do you think now?" And he goes— he looked at me and he goes, "Baby," he said, "you will always look like that to me." That just really, you know, I just— it just renewed my honor and my dignity and, um, just made me realize again that, you know, um, that I don't know how to put that into words. It just renewed my, um, trust and my, um—

well, yeah, and I'm sure you loved him for it. I mean, it's a great comment, you know.

And, uh, and it was good because we could be okay.

By the way, do you— by the way, do you— do you take care to, to try to look as good as possible?

I do.

Well, I had a feeling that— I had a— let me give you back one second. Uh, what was the but? I'm sorry.

Oh, I, I said, uh, yeah, I do, I do take care of myself, but I'm not obsessed. I mean, I'm, I'm 53 and I'm not going to look 18 again, and I can't—

No, no, obviously. No, no, but the women at 53 could look rather good. I mean, we, we live in a new age thanks to nutrition, health, uh, uh, every so often, you know, maybe a, a nip or a tuck here if that's what a woman wants. Anyway, uh, if a woman takes care of herself physically— and I, I'm excluding cases where it's, you know, there's some impossibility— but if a woman does take care of herself, just that fact is a loving statement to, to her husband. This is one of the things that women don't know, or not all women know, let's put it that way. Many, many women do. That is so important for them to understand that the very effort that one might make through exercise or watching how she eats and so on, this and dressing in a non-frumpy way, this is a massive statement to your husband that I love you because you're doing it for him. And if you say you're doing it for yourself, fine, you're doing it for yourself, but he'll still take it as for him. In the meantime, his comment is true. Baby, you'll always be like that to me. There is a lot of truth to that. Because otherwise, no people growing past a certain age would be able to have any attraction for one another. So he wasn't completely, or he wasn't perhaps in any way exaggerating. All right, we'll continue talking about men here, about some of the no-nos. This is the Male-Female Hour on the Dennis Prager Show. We continue.

This episode of Timeless Wisdom will continue right after this. Now back to more of Dennis Prager's Timeless Wisdom.

Hi everybody, welcome back. This is the Male-Female Hour on the Dennis Prager Show. Behavior is that men engage in that women think are no-nos. I've been reflecting on Lori in Minneapolis, whose call I enjoyed in that we had a wonderful dialogue, and it was when men speak to her and stare the entire time at her breasts. And I bounced this off a number of women offline here who say that they, who have who are well endowed in that arena, and they have not experienced that. And I'm not saying Laurie hasn't. That's not my point at all. It's to raise the issue. Is it— obviously men look, but as to a whole conversation where a man stares, not looking ever at your face, that's hard for me to imagine. And I think a lot of men are goofy, but it's still— it's hard for me to imagine And so I would love to have a video and see how much is in the eye of the beholder, the woman, and how much is in the eye of the man, the alleged starer. Just, uh, just something to, uh, to think about as well. And it's one of those things where, as I've often felt, it would be so good if each sex could experience what it is like to be the other sex for a week. Or even a day. Of course, my theory is that if men got women's brains for a day, they would— there would be a large amount of suicide. The amount that would be going on would be so— would drive them out of their minds. They're not used to having so much go on at one time. All the conversations, for example, that would be reviewed. Whereas if women got our brains for a day, they would all be singing in the streets, free, free, free at last. Given how little was going on. All right, now let's go to Karen in Redondo Beach, California. Karen, hi, Dennis Prager.

Hi, how are you?

Good, thank you.

I'd like to make a comment about the male behavior no-nos, and one that I think of when I was younger was how men can be with you but they're looking lustfully at other women. And I always thought it was very disrespectful. I've been married for a long time and I understand that men are very visual. And my husband looks and I know he looks, but he does it in a very discreet and respectful way to me. And, um, I just wanted to—

Good. Let me talk, let me talk about this, Karen, because this is— I'm— I was hoping that somebody would raise this subject. So let me again be as open and honest as possible here. It takes a tremendous amount of willpower for a man not to look when a woman enters a room, or for that matter, when a woman enters within one square mile of where he is. That, that is how profoundly we men are programmed visually, as Karen was saying. At the— so women need to understand that, but men need to understand that there's a certain propriety to the way they do this. And I'll be very precise here. I'll give you with an example. I call the guy Radar Run. You're sitting at a restaurant with Radar Run, and every time a female walks by the table or into the restaurant, the guy just spends a little while looking at that woman and then returns to you. And to give you an idea of how wrong that is, I don't like that when I who am not the, the wife or the girlfriend or just another even female business companion. I'm another guy, and I don't like being at a restaurant with a guy who's doing that. It's rude to anybody. That's, that's the point. This is just simple common sense, which by the way most of life is, but this is certainly that. At the same time, he will notice, and one of the, one of the things that I think can help dissipate some of the tension that that might cause is first for the woman to accept that he will inevitably notice and that there be a time factor. If he just, if the conversation ends because he can't stop looking, that's when we have a very serious problem. Even 5 seconds could be a lot of time in that regard. Another thing that he might do is, if it is his wife or his girlfriend— again, I am very big on men being honest and open. That doesn't mean constant. See, that's a big difference. As I said, if men talked about sex as much as they think about it, they would be very boring. Back in a moment. You're listening to The Dennis Prager Show, The Male-Female Hour. Hi everybody, welcome back. It's the Male-Female Hour, honest talk about men and women every week at this hour, the second hour of my show on Wednesdays. Talking about— given all the explanations of male behavior, which I think has helped so much, I want to also let men know that none of this gives you, us, a green light to do anything or act in any way or speak in any way we want. And so, uh, some of the no-nos, at least in women's eyes, uh, need to be explained. And I have a middle-of-the-road issue on the one that keeps being noted, and totally understandably, men, men looking at women in a sexual way. What does that mean? I mean, you know, is the guy, you know You know, circulating his tongue around his lips. I mean, you know, and or something gross, or is it a glance? There's a very broad spectrum here. 1-800-PRAGER-776. And it's not always, uh, involved in a sexual thing, as we will hear from Catherine in Los Angeles.

Dennis Prager?

Yes, hi Catherine.

Oh, good morning, sir. Thank you so much. You make my life a better one, and you make me a better human being day by day. So thank you.

Thank you for telling me.

I know this is radio, so I put this into 5 quick bullet points if I could read them off.

Go ahead.

Number 1, sharing information about our intimacy with his friends to impress them. Number 2, lying to my friends to make himself sound more impressive. Number 3, being rude to service people on our dates. Number 4, talking about his big ambitions but doing nothing to get there. And number 5, comparing me to his ex.

Now, you have a husband or a boyfriend who does these things?

I am a single 26-year-old woman in Los Angeles, a conservative, so, um, it, uh, makes for slim pickings out here. But, uh, I have a nice boyfriend now, but I've dated a lot of guys that have just all exhibited this same—

Well, I mean, that is a perfect list of things for which I have contempt for all 5. You get no argument from me. Let's very quickly review them. Start with number 1.

Uh, number 1, sharing information about our intimacy with his friends in order to impress them.

Well, I've never understood this about guys after the age of 15, frankly.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, I'm talking about younger guys like my age. It's very, very hard to find male peers of mine that I can relate to.

Well, all right, it's so bizarre to me. I mean, what is there at the age of 26? And I assume the men that you date go up to 35 at least. And, and, you know, tell— hey man, let me tell you what, uh, what we did. You know, it's, it's, it's hard for me to imagine, but Anyway, and even harder for me to imagine that you would find out about it.

Well, yeah, he tells me, you know, oh, I told so-and-so about such-and-such, and boy was he impressed.

All right, well, I don't know what— if the such-and-such were the details of your sex life in order to impress them, uh, then you go on to the next guy. Next. Number 2.

Uh, number 2, sir. Lying to my friends to make himself sound more impressive.

Well, this, this of course is mind-blowing. Yeah, this drives me nuts. I mean, that, that is one of the rare things that I would say immediately invalidates somebody. I mean, it's one thing where somebody might exaggerate, you know, uh, an accomplishment. I, I think that that shouldn't be done, but, but, but outright make up stuff, uh, is— if that's what you mean, it's, it's unfortunately that, that is an immediate canceler. I agree. Number 3.

Number 3, being rude to service people on our dates.

You know, I have written— I wrote in my book, my favorite of my 4 books, is Think a Second Time, 44 essays. And in it I actually have a chapter. One of my essays is exactly on how we, we can pick people properly. And I say, watch how people treat people from whom they don't want anything, like a waiter or waitress. Don't look at how people treat someone from whom they want something, like a boss. Watch how they treat people whose social station is below them. How do they treat the plumber who comes to the house, or the sanitation worker, or whomever? Exactly. Okay, number 4?

Number 4, talking about their big ambitions but doing nothing to get there.

Okay, that's not fair enough. That's not fair enough. I knew somebody like that, and he lost all his friends as a result of it. Next. And fifth?

Final, comparing me to his ex.

Yeah, well, to your face? I don't even understand that. It's so bizarre a piece of conduct. These are all pretty self-evident. So what you need to do is you need to go on eHarmony and write about your values and, you know, find somebody hopefully. Anyway, I thank you, Catherine. I appreciate, appreciate you calling. There are conservative men in Los Angeles, by the way. I can identify at least 6 offhand. Now that was just a dark joke. Okay, there are more than 6. Okay, very good. Let's see here. Let's go to Marlena in Dallas, Texas. Marlena, Dennis Prager, hi.

Hi, Dennis, how are you?

I'm well, thank you.

It's good to talk to you. Um, my comment about male no-nos is, um, when couples are in the presence of each other and having, you know, whatever conversations, and say, um, somebody's husband comments on somebody's girlfriend in front of his girlfriend or his wife, um, that's pretty embarrassing. And it's—

are you mean comments in a very positive way?

And, and saying, she's, you know, look at, look at, uh, so-and-so, she's hot. I mean, she's a total babe.

Yes, terrific. You're not only— are you, Marlena, not only are you right about it in a male-female context, but this is a moral issue that I've always thought about. If I am talking to a violinist, I will never talk about great violinists It's just common sense that you don't make a person feel less than others of their same category, whether it's female or violinist or whatever the person does. Or if you talk to an accountant and you start reeling off the names of the greatest accountants you've known, just be sensitive to this. Human sensitivity. Back in a moment.

This episode of Timeless Wisdom will continue right after this. Now back to more of Dennis Prager's Timeless Wisdom.

You say goodbye and I say hello. Hello, hello.

Hello, hello, everybody. Well, this has been, I hope, very helpful to both sexes. Some of the no-nos that women perceive in male behavior. I have explained men so much in the course of the Male-Female Hour I don't know how long it's, uh, I've been broadcasting it. Is it a year or two years? I don't even know. And of course my writings on it, and now the book that I'm writing on it, that I also need men to understand that none of this is a big green light to do or say whatever they want at any given time. It's so interesting to me, like the last, the last one was such a, a fascinating thing to say in front of your girlfriend about how hot another woman is. Forget the woman factor. As I said earlier, if I were sitting with you, if I were sitting with you, okay, and you started saying how great another talk show host was, now I couldn't personally care less. I have deep ego fulfillment in my work. I'm rather balanced, but it would be insensitive on your part. Unless it came up and, you know, the name came up or I raised the name and said, you know, I'll tell you, among my colleagues that I really admire is X, Y, or Z. I mean, you just— it's just, as I said, it's just people don't think enough, what impact are my words having? So what was true, it's true about the woman, but it's true about anybody. It would just make sense. And, uh, you know, let's, let's maybe we'll try to get this call from an 80-year-old woman in Sarasota, Florida. Well, hello, Lorraine. Dennis Prager.

Hi there. Thanks. Thanks for listening to me. Thank you. I listen to you often when I'm in the car, and, um, I have to laugh. I'm going to be 80 years old in September. I have buried 3 husbands, and I have some very dear friends of mine even older than I am. We all feel the same way. When our husbands stop looking, then it's time to dig the hole deeper because there are many times where they would like to give us some advice and they're very hesitant because they're afraid we may not take it in the right direction. But when we watch them and we see what gives them some pleasures, uh, in looking at other women, then we in turn take those those looks and say, maybe, maybe I should do something about myself.

Lorraine, your 3 husbands were lucky men. If I come to Sarasota, which I intend to do, I want you to come over. I want to give you a big hug. That's right. When your husband— see, there you have to balance it. He shouldn't be staring all the time, but if he stops looking, you've got a problem on your hands. I hope this has all helped. Male-Female Hour, Dennis Prager Show.

This has been Timeless Wisdom with Dennis Prager. Visit DennisPrager.com for thousands of hours of Dennis's lectures, courses, and classic radio programs, and to purchase Dennis Prager's Rational Bibles.