Timeless Wisdom: Men's Sexual Nature (Part 2) - Understanding and Demystifying the Monster - Part 2

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Another aspect which is different from women and which is problematic, it's quantitative The male sex urge is quantitative rather than only qualitative. More. Not just more sex. More women. Or more men for the gay man. Variety is implanted in males. Did you— here's the proof that you know from the news. Did you ever see guys who were married to the most gorgeous models and women in the world, and then for $50 will go to some hardly gorgeous hooker, you know, on Santa Monica Boulevard? Did you ever wonder? I mean, people must think, "What, is this guy nuts? Did you ever see his wife?" It didn't matter. It was another female body. That urge for variety, quantity, is built in. And let me tell you, this is all sad. You know, and as I see, you know, there are a lot of women's— I can see your faces, you all see mine, it's great what I can see. You know, there are a lot fewer smiles than 20 minutes ago. And very understandably. But let me keep reassuring especially, but really both sexes that are here, and even the third sex that may be here. I just, because it is Southern California, one doesn't always know who's in the audience, but This doesn't mean that nothing can work out. Of course it can. And men can love, believe it or not. We have to learn how to love. It's not quite as natural in some ways. And to tie love in with sex, that has to be learned too in many areas, although sometimes it comes naturally. Nevertheless, it is— it can be done. And women shouldn't give up in trying to work with their husbands, their boyfriends in this arena. But first you gotta know the product you're getting. That's the whole reason for all of this. So quantity, variety, not just number of times of sex. That may very well be, especially for some women, she may want it. There are marriages where the woman wants it more than the man. Absolutely. But if you took that guy who doesn't want it that often with his wife and you sent him to a— and say, you know what, you can have a harem in Dayton, Ohio. This guy would perk up. Okay? Believe me. The variety would perk him up in a moment. And so, and by the way, there's another proof for the variety. It's a very funny proof. But it's, because it's so obvious, but most people don't think about it. If men didn't want variety, One issue of Playboy would suffice. Right? Hey, why do I need this issue? I have the one from February '76. Perfectly fine. This one's no more beautiful than that one. Right? That's the proof of variety, is the amount of pornography there is out there. If it was just fantasizing over a picture, Okay, I got one issue, I'm happy. There's nothing different in the new one. It's just instead of, you know, Lana, this one is, you know, Cheryl. And that's really, it's pretty interchangeable. But it's variety and it's different. And they throw out the old issue. I mean, once it's used, it's, the word for pornography really is used, it's consumed. Once it's consumed, it's done. It's almost like a meal that's eaten, you can't re-eat it. And that's, by the way, the proof though, when a man is capable of making love, having sex with the same woman over and over, that's a proof, by the way, of the power of love. Because without love it would be almost impossible for him, and certainly for her, to do so. And finally, in these characteristics of the of the male that are problematic and distinctive is that he is aroused genitally rather than emotionally. The avenue to a woman's arousal is through the head, by and large. Through the brain and the heart, if you will. His is pretty directly eye to genital, and again, it is different. He actually, a man can actually feel it, seeing and will have even feelings in that area of his body. What are some of the societal or institutional proofs of all of this? Is the, of course, pornography is one obvious example which I will discuss at another session. Prostitution is a classic example where, you know, just pay to have anonymous sex. In fact, that's what is part of its allure to many men. They don't have to talk. They could— it's just a biological act. You know, there's no commitment necessary. I pay, I do what I want, I leave. It isn't uplifting, but it is natural. Striptease clubs and topless bars are just other examples. Men will pay just to see women topless, and before topless, They were go-go girls. That was before topless caught on, you know, to see women dance in bikinis. Now, of course, it's countered, ah, but look at Chippendales and women paying to see male strippers. I am sure that there is something erotic that goes on at Chippendales with women, but there are so many differences that it is almost a pointless point to say, ah, well, women love to see men strip too. First of all, in almost every instance of women going to male strip places, and there are very few of them, the ratio of female to male is about 4,000 to 1. But when they go, they almost always, in fact I have never known of an exception, I assume there is, but I've never known of one, they go in a group. Men don't tend to go in a group. Hey guys, hey, let's all go to the strip joint. Men like to go alone, fantasize the woman they want by themselves. They're there to look at naked female flesh. The women are there to have an experience with the girls, almost, I am convinced, in part to turn the tables on men. You see, you think that you can look at us like sexual objects, but we can't see you as sexual objects? Baloney. We're going to Chippendales to prove it. But it is very different. And it is not animated by the same thing, because if it were, there would be just a burgeoning of these places, and women would just do it, and women would buy magazines like this. There were two. Was it Playgirl, and what was the other one?

We?

No, no, We was for men. This was published by Penthouse. and it went out of business. I think it's the only Penthouse venture that flunked. What was it called? It began with a V. Anyway, it doesn't matter. In any event, it went out of business with all the advertising. Women are not craving to see men take their clothes off. In fact, I did an experiment once when I had a TV show and I talked about male-female differences. We took a picture of one of my male producers in his boxer shorts. We introduced him and then showed the picture and everybody laughed. The audience just thought it was hilarious. A picture of my folks, is this the turn-on? Look, Larry with his pants down. The women laughed and the men laughed. Right? Then I said, "Can you imagine though," and then I pointed to a female producer, "if she were here without her pants on?" Nobody would laugh. The place would be sexually charged with tension. "Man's pants fall down" is a clown joke. Correct? That is what clowns do to get laughs. Women aren't going, "Wow, I gotta see more. I gotta see more." It's a joke. Men, pants falling down is a clown's joke. Women, a skirt falling down is an erotic moment. Okay? I mean, is that not— I mean, if that doesn't tell it to you like all the other things, then nothing will. So those are some of the expressions. Gotta change the tape? Fine. And I'll take a drink of water here. I want to— by the way, unlike my other classes, I really do want to get input from you in, in this one, so I'm going to speak for a few more minutes and allow time for questions and comments.

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I will conclude therefore With the 6 challenges that I see as a result of all this, if I'm right, and there are few things I'm more certain of than the male sex as I described it. This is the, actually 5, this is what the male struggle is. And it is not in order of importance, just as I had notated it. Number 1, to regard women as human beings first. This is a male struggle. It is helped massively if the boy has a good loving relationship with his mother. That's a very big help. It's not common. If it were common, the world would be in better shape. This is not an indictment of women. It is not an indictment of men. It is just a sad fact of life. The first woman in a male's life is mommy. If she is loving and he loves her and he bonds with her, then he sees the first woman of his affections and has sexual feelings towards, as we know since Freud, It is combined utterly with love. And therefore he knows that she's a person. I love her. I want to talk to her. If a guy talks to his mother, it's good. If he talks too much to his mother, it's not good. It is a very, very— to produce a healthy male is a very, very tightrope type thing. See, I mentioned this on the radio, but I don't remember what context. I believe it was on radio, that if a woman, if your wife speaks to her mother every day on the phone for a half hour, an hour, it's nothing. To no man does it matter. Regards mom as a great friend, best friend, confides in her. But imagine a guy did that. Called his mother every day for an hour and confided his life to her? You'd sue for divorce. Go marry mommy, is what you would think, right? So it's very hard. I want you to have some sympathy for the male because it's a finer— just today I was talking on the radio where a woman psychologist wrote that boys are more fragile than girls. They are. In divorce we see that. In suicide, it's 95% of juvenile suicides are boys. Boys are fragile. A good man, or as a good man is hard to find. There are many reasons a good man is hard to find. It's hard to make a good man. Because too much loving mom and he's mommy's boy. Too little and he sees women as objects. You want a combination that is not easily created. And men have to work on themselves, obviously, which we'll talk about on another session. But understand that this challenge to males to regard the woman as a human being first is very— it runs against his sexual nature, but may not run against his emotional nature. The, you know, it has often been said when they What is it? When men would rape in war, for example, you know, and women or others who would try to talk them out of it would say, "Think of your mother." But that may not help. See? Don't think of this as a female whose legs you want to spread. Think of it as your mother. And, but that may not, as I say, that may not be all that helpful. There may not have been that much going on with mom. He may hate mom, for all we know. And so there is, so he has to battle his nature in this regard. It's not an insult that he, that the first thing, look, the fact is the first thing a male will see is a female. As one person once said, you can forget everything, you may not remember anything about a person that you meet, but you'll always remember their sex. It's very interesting. That makes a very profound impact on us. You may forget their race even, which certainly is a very quick thing that you can notice, skin color. But sex is never forgotten. And the first thing a man sees in a woman is a woman, not a person. And that's okay. That's not terrible. But if it continues as he has to He has to work to regard women as human beings. Number 2, he has to learn to concentrate on other things in life. Because if he could, he would not. He would just concentrate on sex. Men have to learn how to do this. This is called sublimation. This is Freud's, one of, again, Freud's great contributions. That a lot of creativity is men sublimating their sex drive to create things. Buildings. Works of art. Why do men build so much? And tell me it's not sublimation from the earliest ages. Did you ever see what boys and girls do at an early age, what they build? Boys build big and tall. Girls build circles. Now you're telling me that this is culturally induced, right? Like we told our daughter, "Nope, never build a building." Only circles. Did you ever see doodles of males and females? Women doodle in curves and circles. Men doodle in squares and lines. I mean, it's very basic stuff, the sex part of us, and from very early on. I mean, it is very funny with boys how everything is phallic. Mine is bigger than yours, mine is longer than yours, mine is taller than yours, mine is stronger than yours. I mean, this starts very early, and it is— believe me, I didn't induce this in my boys. I didn't say, "Hey, let's have a competition. Who has the bigger building?" This was, it was just, it came naturally. And this is what men do to sublimate their sex drive, is create things. Music, art, buildings, architecture, you name it, poems. And that's a great thing. And men have to learn how to do this. Some men don't do it. Some men, you know, live the life of basically playboy. And that's what they do, and they're not known for being terribly creative. Third, which is related to the first, to treat women properly. Even if they still regard them as sexual beings primarily, Behaviorally, men have to learn how to treat women. It is much different for women. Women have to learn how to be decent human beings just like men do. I mean, that's universal. But truly, how to treat a woman. Women are teaching us all the time how to treat them. Wives are teaching their husbands all the time how to treat them. And it's because it doesn't come quite naturally, for reasons that have been noted and otherwise. Actually, I will give you 4. The 4th, not 5, because I had another one, is not to live for sex, but I already had that. Yes, oh, I should say that. So the 5th is to be monogamous. This is the ultimate triumph in the domestication of male sexual nature. The monogamizing of a man. It's very tough. A handful of men don't find it tough, but handfuls don't make things true or false. It is a battle for a man, and I will talk about adultery in coming sessions and methods that I think can be used to to minimize it, but to be monogamous, to be faithful sexually— a man could be faithful emotionally, that's not a major trick, but to be faithful sexually to one woman— I'll put it to you in a very funny way. I once said to a Catholic priest friend of mine, You know, the difference between you and me is not all that dramatic. You are not allowed to be sexual with any woman in the world, and neither am I, except for one. Which sounds funny, but is the way a man could put it. A man is celibate except for one woman. And that is how men think of that. Why do men have bachelor parties? Before they get married. Their last chance to do what their nature wants: see naked women strangers. Right? They're not asking their cousin to strip. Right? Total strangers to show up, take off their clothing. I've never thought it was a great custom, I must say. It's not something— I didn't do that before my wedding. But my religion doesn't exactly ask for that. You know, it's not a mitzvah to have a bachelor party before your wedding.

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So to, uh, to be monogamous is the final, uh, is that final challenge. I, uh, if men can work this out, and women can help them. And I will tell you one major way, but that's going to be in the solutions part, but I'll just tell you now and then I'll take questions and comments. Yeah. Okay, here they are: to regard women as human beings first, to concentrate on other things in life, not to live for sex, to treat women properly, to be monogamous. Okay? Yes, because it was basically to concentrate on other things in life. That's why I realized they're not that separate. So it's the same, it's part of it. Not to live for sex is to be able to create something like a family, to be a father, to be a worker, to be a friend, to be many other things in life. I'll tell you how one quick way, and then I'll do more of that next week, that a woman can help her man. And that is to know him. What is it? I don't know if this old saw is true, but it's an interesting one. Women want to be loved, men want to be understood. You might even say the opposite. I don't know. But when I first heard it when I was much younger, it struck me as having some validity. And men do want to be understood. My friend was not happy that he couldn't tell his wife that he looked at the women at the racquetball club. And how could it be good? Do you realize what a massive part of him he is hiding from his best friend in life? I mean, he would tell that to a guy he met on an airplane, but to his own wife he felt constrained from saying it. A man will be a good man, I mean jerks are, you can't do anything with a jerk, but a good man will be tremendously grateful to a woman who wants to understand him and doesn't judge his nature, maybe his behavior. I mean, to know our nature is not to say, "Oh well then darling, whenever you're on a business trip, be—" please feel free to pick somebody up at a local bar. No, that's a separate issue. But to understand his nature and to not to judge it, and then to appreciate, wow, if that's really what you're like and you are faithful, you're quite an achievement. It's worth saying, as men should praise their wives for their extraordinary achievements that they have to that they have created in their lives. So the dilemma— I began this first of the 4 sessions with male sexuality because that's really the dilemma in the human species. Women are a dilemma in other arenas, but in this arena, male sexuality— oh yes, I promised you something. The blow-your-mind sheet. I am going to show you something. I wish I could pass it around, but I, I, I would— it's 12 pages, single-spaced. Every page has 2, 4, 6, 8, 10, 12, 14, 16, 18, 20— I would say about 50. 50 websites just available through one porn site on the internet. This is one porn site with 50 places to click on to see women. Okay? This is what you can see if you click on any of these. Alright? Okay. Alright? See? There we go. Yeah. All right, here you go, folks. Senior citizens. This one has 1,005 total pictures of naked senior citizens. Female plumpers. I didn't click on that one, I'm not sure what it is. Fetish. Fetish wet and messy. Latino. Redheads. Porn star. Teens. Teen female non-nude. Voyeurism. Voyeurism hidden camera. Scat. You know what scat is? Okay, this is all adults here. Scat is fecal matter. Okay? Women relieving themselves. Yes. Okay. Fitness centerfolds. Gothic. Great ass Paulina. Images suntan, underwater, lingerie, petite, tickling, naturism, anal, breasts natural, cheerleaders, co-ed, denim, denim shorts, female body hair, female body hair pubes, Female forearm hair. I missed that one, I must say. I'll have to check that one. Female panties see-through. Panties, plumpers, sapfo, that's lesbians, teen femme, non-nude, celebrities, celebrities female. Photography glamour, amateurs, animals. That's bestiality, not pictures of your pet. Bikini Central, bisexuals, black erotic females. Bluebird. That's not for birdwatchers, that's Japanese. Body art, bras, breasts, Breasts, candid beach, cartoons, celebrities, cemeteries. I didn't quite follow with that one. I didn't click on it. I would spend my life there. Cheerleaders professional, as opposed to the earlier cheerleaders presumably non-professional. Cocks, contortions nude, cops, disabled, men who love disabled women. Okay, amateur facial, amateur, let's see, back to animals again. Asian Indian, Australian female. I'll read you that one. Bestiality, bestiality, hamster duct tape. Do not quite get onto that one. It's another puzzle that only Rashi could figure out. Black females, blondes, bondage, breasts, breasts large, breasts natural, breasts saggy. Breasts small. Brunette. Butts. Chastity belt. Close-up. Like the others are from distance, I'm sure. Close-up. Is that a riot? Close-up. It's probably anatomical. I mean, maybe it's probably internal. Exhibitionism. Exhibitionism public. Female. Female ejaculation. Female anal. Female bodybuilder. Female cosmetic. Female genitalia large. Female orgasm. Back to female plumpers, don't know what that is. Female spread wide. Female toys. Female ugly. Fetish. Fetish armpits. Fetish diapers. Fetish feet. Fetish female socks. There's a website of female socks, I did not know that. Fetish hair. Fetish latex. Fetish leather. Fetish neck. Filipinas. Freckles. Fisting. I know what it is, but don't ask me. Full bush. Furry. Fuzzy. G-string. Garters and heels. Okay? That's only page 3. Page 5. Okay? We do not have anything for male forearm hair in women's internet sites. Okay? There is no female equivalent to this. You might say, "Well, women are embarrassed to buy Playgirl at a newsstand, but after all, nobody knows what you see on the internet." There are no internet sites like this for women. Not one. There are tens of thousands, and they're all for men. So that's what I mean by the orangutan analogy.

This episode of Timeless Wisdom will continue right after this. Now back to more of Dennis Prager's timeless wisdom.

Let me take a couple of— if you have any quick comments or questions, by the way, feel free to think them up. I begin each session with comments. If you had nightmares tonight, you know, on plumbers or ugly or, you know, whatever, let me take one or two. Yes?

Yeah, I thought your comment on the visual, uh, nature of men's sexuality was really apt. Um, it's And also when you talked about blind people, it's interesting, there are just hundreds of thousands of deaf gay men. They have floats in gay pride parades, they have organizations, they have parties. You don't see, and there really aren't very few blind gay men who didn't get it from HIV. And I don't know of anybody who studied blind sexuality or talked to a blind person and said, "How do you know that you're straight?" But I think it's really interesting that there aren't very many blind gay men.

That is fine. I will check into that. Blind gay men. I'll ask about it on the radio. That's my source for everything. You know, "Will all blind gay men call in?" I mean, any, you know, "Will all Bulgarians with one leg call in?" I get Bulgarians with one leg. You know, I mean, in LA, it's everything. That's an interesting thought. Did you have your hand up? Yes. Why? You're right, I did not attempt to explain why, and frankly, that doesn't interest me much. First of all, we don't know. There's the evolutionary answer, that nature wants men to spread sperm to as many females as possible. That may well be. But in the bottom The bottom line is it doesn't matter why.

Doesn't it help women understand men better?

Will you understand men better now that I told you that nature wanted males to spread sperm to as many females as possible? And that if you look at bulls go from cow to cow, you have a good idea of what a man is like? If so, I'm happy I added it.

And that for women to reproduce, they need to have a certain male from the picture?

Yeah, this may be, but you see, that's all theoretical. I am very pragmatic. I'm giving this not because I'm interested in the biogenesis of sexuality. This is the fact. This is the way men are now. Whether it is God, nature, evolution, a quirk, it's interesting, but ultimately of little significance to me. This is what you and I have to live with. You women, I man, have to live with. That's what I was most interested in. It is fascinating, but we all have limited areas to devote our thought processes to before there's a woman in shorts walking by to distract it. Let's get a woman. Yes. I'm interested in the fact that— will you tell me why the project— Yes, that's a good question. "Will I tell her why her father did it?" Probably because somebody did something to him at some point. I say probably, we don't know it for sure. I will tell you this. I will tell you a story about incest that raised the hairs on my back, and I thought I was pretty worldly. Was revelatory to me. This happened in Egypt when I, in 1974, I was visiting Egypt. I was 26 years old. And I went, I hired a guide to take me to the pyramids. And he spoke some English, and so we discussed on the way, it was in the summer, summer in Egypt is It was terribly hot and humid. And on the way, he said, "Would you like to stop for a drink?" I said, "I would love to." And I got a beer and I very foolishly offered him a beer. Muslim, of course, and practicing Muslims don't drink alcohol. But he was very, very nice about it. He said, "I'm sorry, I'm a Muslim and I don't drink alcohol." I've always asked people, I suppose, as opposed to your question, which I should, I guess, ask in light of this: Why? So I said to him, Muhammad, if you would be so kind to tell me, why is it that you don't drink alcohol? You Muslims, plural. You, Muhammad, individually. Do you know what he answered? He said, because if a man drinks alcohol, you never know How he will act? He will go home, he will pass his daughter's room and see her, and only God knows what he will do. And I, in my mind, I was playing the Twilight Zone theme. I thought, oh my God, I ask a guy why he doesn't drink and the first thing that comes to his mind is, if I lost control, I would sleep with my daughter? I thought, holy crow, this stuff must be very near the surface if this is what this guy answered. And that's all I can say to you is that I assume, and here is where you truly need a psychiatrist. A psychiatrist will give you a great answer on this. I can only tell you that certain taboos are created by— and this is by society, not by biology— which can affect the way we view people. I don't understand seeing an immediate relative in sexual terms. It is very foreign to me. Okay? Thank God. But I believe it's because I was extremely well acculturated. The values of the society worked with me. There was nothing unnatural about incest. There was something terrible morally about it, but nothing unnatural. And that didn't work in the case of your father. I still hold him responsible. Nobody put a gun to his head. It's terrible what he did. Using children for sex is to me the ultimate evil.

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