People unconsciously test whether loved ones will stay by giving up money, changing their appearance, or withdrawing emotionally. The body sometimes gains weight as protection against these fears, especially for new mothers who doubt they're lovable. Recognizing these patterns lets you stop sabotaging yourself.
Chapters
Number 16: Testing love and becoming unlovable. If we think that someone loves us not for ourselves but for what we have, is logical to get rid of what we have to see if they are still sticking around with us if we have nothing in our lives. If we think that someone only loves us for our looks, we may wish to test this love no matter how we look. We may also want to push our partners away because we feel unlovable or because they are being too demanding emotionally. If you're a new mother, you may feel like just— you need a little bit of space both from your children and from your husband. I find this to be a very common issue. You may love your family with all your heart, wanting only to give and give, but if you don't find a way to replenish yourself, you're going to run out of energy someday. You need to find the time and the space for yourself, and if you don't do it, your body will try to give that time and space by creating a buffer between you and your life. It does this the only way it can, by creating a buffer of fat that protects you from the outside world. If you feel that losing weight will alienate you from your loved ones in any way, you'll want to stay fat. You might be in a marriage where you're losing weight but your spouse isn't. This may bring out all sorts of tensions. Your spouse could get jealous that you become more attractive, or he might even feel threatened because being fat is good enough for me. Why isn't it good enough for you? Isn't it possible that your spouse prefers to you being fat? If you feel that your spouse is attracted to you because you're heavy, you have a powerful distinctive You have a powerful reason not to lose weight. It could also be, for example, that everybody in your family is fat and that if you become thin, you won't be part of that family anymore. You would be betraying your family. You need to be aware of all these things, aware that as you lose weight, your relationships with people may change. If you are afraid of those changes, you may stay heavy simply not to rock the boat. But if you— if not rocking the boat is an important point for you, either consciously or subconsciously, you'll be fighting this fear unless you eliminate it. Yes, you can eliminate these sort of fears, and you'll discover this for yourself.
