From Blues to Bliss: How to Beat Holidays Blues With TIPP (And Find Joy Instead)

We are now officially recording. So welcome everyone again.

Very good. Well, good to see everyone. Thanks for coming, especially on a Black Friday post Thanksgiving. I mean, these are. These are Die Hards. These are the people that are going to come no matter what, right?

So we love it if we beat Black Friday. You know how much this means to everyone.

That's right. Exactly. Very good. All right, so what I wanted to start with is talking about two different periods in our life, because we're talking about really holiday blues, right? And where holiday blues can come from, what creates them, and what we can do about it. So I want to start off by first looking at. And if everybody can do this individually, I want you to go back to your childhood, and I want you to think about your childhood in terms of the holidays, because it could be a combination of Thanksgiving and Christmas. So not just Christmas or not just Thanksgiving. So that period of time, the thing that was really interesting, when we move from Canada down here to the United States, Canada has their Thanksgiving about a month earlier. So it's in October. And then Thanksgiving, I hear, obviously, is in November. And I remember when we first moved down, we said, this is a really bad idea. Like, why are they having jamming Thanksgiving right up against Christmas? And then I realized I love it because it's like the kickoff, right? It's the start of the holiday season where it's not connected in Canada, so it's sort of completely different. And so, like I said, the. The beginning of it was like, I don't like this. And now I absolutely love it because this is now. Doesn't it feel like we're now starting the holiday season? It's like now a kickoff to it. And I love that whole period of time. So I want you now to think about when you were a child, what did the holidays look like for you? So. And again, this is before you're an adult, now you're a child. I want you to rate it this way. It was either amazing holiday experiences, it was good holiday experiences. Nothing exceptional, bad or horrible. It can fall under any of those categories. So I want you to think about this and think about what was your childhood holiday experiences, and even if you had one or two good ones in there or whatever, I'm thinking as an overall theme, when you think back to your childhood, what did the holiday experience look like for you? All right, so give us some thought just for a second. I want you to really think about it. I want you just to randomly, I want you to really look back and think about the different times and what you sort of experienced.

All right, so now we've got the childhood experiences and what they represent. Then I want you to look at now as an adult. This can come in basically from where you are right now to maybe the last 10, depending on how old you are. 10, 15, 20 years. What did your experiences with the holidays look like from that period of time? And so again, you're going to rate them amazing, good, nothing exceptional, bad or horrible. So give some thought to that and tell me what I don't have to tell me. Just give some thought to that. And I want you to think about what that looks like.

So the reason I'm. I'm asking you to do this is to really get a perspective on what things look like now and what they look like before. And the reason I want you to do that is.

I'm going to go back and tell you what I experienced in mine. And probably a lot of people do know my story. So when I grew up, I had amazing. I would only equate it to being amazing childhood experiences about all my holidays. Now, the thing that's unique about this is I didn't know it was amazing. I really didn't. It just was. That was it. Right. And I'm just assuming. And my parents were not rich, so it wasn't like we got ravished with all kinds of, you know, gifts and things like that. But whenever I had something that was important to me that showed up. And so that was pretty incredible considering how difficult it must have been for my parents to have done that. I certainly didn't appreciate it because that was a lot of money for them to sort of come up with those. Those gifts.

My favorite. One of my favorite gifts is I got a little yellow car. It was a little pedal car that you sit in and you. And you r ride. And that to me, I still remember it's got. Got the headlights, it's got the horn, it's got everything. And I rode that thing everywhere. I mean, not that I could go that far. It was pretty small. But that to me, I remember coming out and seeing it in the living room when I came out as a kid. And there were so many things like that. So.

A bike, you know, getting a bike. Everybody wanted the banana peel bikes, you know, with the handlebars and all that kind of stuff. And I got it. So whatever was really important. So that to me was the experience I had. And I didn't realize that not everybody had that. So an appreciation having an appreciation now of how people did not all have that sort of gives us an idea of how the holiday blues can actually start. So because I went from amazing to amazing, it's pretty hard to have holiday blues, right? Like, I should be fined, right, If I have holiday blues based on the way my life had been led. And it doesn't mean that you don't have difficulties. It doesn't mean because life happens to all of us. So I'm not saying everything was so perfect, but I really led an exceptional life that way. And so even for our kids, we did the same thing. We tried to make it exceptional. So I actually, when I look back on mine, I was thinking, I'm going to need to make my kids even better, right? I really probably didn't have to do anything but do exactly what my parents did. But we just always continued to do some things that we thought would make it even better. So. Probably went too far on gifts, to be honest with you. Brandon can probably tell you some of the stories. One year, Bridget had done some really. That's a really early shopping. And she had put all this stuff away, thinking, I'm going to get a real good head start. And then it was about a few days before Christmas, she forgot that she had put all these presents away. And she says, oh, my God. She goes, we don't have hardly anything for the kids. So we're out there rushing around now, shopping, going crazy at all the stores that are nuts, bringing home all these things. The guilt had overwhelmed us, thinking, we really need to make this exceptional now. And so then, the day before Christmas, Bridget remembered that she had the other gifts. And so she says, oh, they're down in the basement. They're hidden away. Go bring those up. I'm bringing up bags of gifts. And I'm like, you've got to be kidding me. It was obscene the amount of gifts that we had.

Greatest Christmas ever.

It was so bad that we had boxes stacked under the tree. You couldn't even see almost part of the tree. I mean, it was up a couple feet over the tree. And it was. The kids were sort of like another one. Like, here's another present, right? I mean, it really did get ridiculous.

Every year after that was a bit.

Of a downer, I got to tell you.

But. But besides that, the other thing that I think that we did so the gifts, I think we overdid it. But the other things that we did really, really well is we used to make it so magical, so exciting. So we did a. A holiday call, a Christmas call from Santa. And it was a production. This was a Steven Spielberg production. So we had to have me out of the room. So. So we started off where the. We'd have somebody just call us. So it'd be my sister or whatever and she'd call. I'd answer the phone and I'd go, oh my gosh, it's Santa. He's calling. Right? And then it was like the reception was really bad. I'd have to go outside with the antenna so that the kids could talk to him because the reception was so bad. And then I'm out there doing the Santa call. And to the point that we had, I actually went sleigh tracks on the roof. And in the one house we had was actually really like a three story because we had a walkout basement, the main floor and then the. And then above. Right. And so I had to put in. There was one year it was like ice and I'm up there and I'm like, I literally should have probably come down. Like I could have come down flat on my back. But we did those kinds of things. And that to me was really what the holidays were about. Just making it exciting. My parents used to make it exciting about Santa coming and all that kind of stuff.

He's downplaying this a little bit.

Okay.

I think I was a freshman in college when I stopped believing in Santa Claus because of the Hollywood production was so well done. And how I know this is. We'd do a fire in the fireplace the night Christmas Eve. And then that morning my dad would take his old work boots and he'd put them in the ashes at the bottom of the fire and start walking her like around the house so it looked like Santa. If you know my mom, you'd know she would never let my dad in a million years do that. So it had to be Santa.

Right? And then a little magic crystals that were in. Around the fireplace that were. And they'd all pick. The kids would pick them up and put them in a little jar. And those are Santa's magic crystals. But the reason I'm pointing all that stuff out is we just. That stuff really cost nothing. And yet the presents, you know, didn't really mean as much. If you ask the kids now, I bet you they couldn't even tell you many of the presents, but they could remember that. And so, yeah, so those. Those are the things that make. Make the holidays really special is the kind of stuff. And again, I went from amazing to amazing. And Brandon had amazing. We laugh at my daughter because my daughter said that she was in school and One of the teachers said, starts talking. She goes, oh, before I ask, nobody believes in Santa anymore, right? And Ashley's like. And goes straight up. And it's like, oh, my God. She goes, it was so embarrassing. So we made it fun and exciting. So looking at what it was like as a child, what it was like as an adult, for me, amazing to amazing. If you went from bad to good.

Awesome. So you obviously made a change or went from bad to amazing or horrible to amazing. So here's where the issue comes in, is if you went from bad, right, To. To amazing, your mind doesn't forget the bad. And it can easily go back. And then, even though you're feeling, look at what I'm doing for my family, for my kids, and all these really great things, the feeling of guilt could come in about things weren't very good for me, or shame or whatever comes in. There's where holiday blues would show up.

Because the mind is looking at the old data and thinking, it should have been different. Why wasn't it like this or the reversal, you know, went from bad or went from amazing to bad. And then it's all of a sudden going, I'm not good enough. I should have done something better. You know, all of those kinds of things. So when you hear people talk about experiencing the holiday blues, it's really coming from that. It's not coming from the current situation. It's coming from the previous situations where things were either better or worse. And the mind can either go which way it has to go because it wants it to be different and it wants it to be better or wants it to, you know, experience some sort of a change. And so recognizing it is the biggest thing. That's what people don't do. They really don't recognize what created it. So they just try to manage it and live with it, as opposed to saying, what do I need to do about fixing it, making it better. So here are the kinds of things, and I sort of wanted to come up with some.

Ideas of where these things can also come in. So let me just share with you.

Number one thing that can create holiday blues is unrealistic expectations. All you have to do is watch TV to realize how they create it, right? Everything is perfect, right? You've got the big tree, you've got. I mean, you see the commercial, I don't know, you've seen the commercials where the husband or the wife are buying a car for the other, and they got a big bow on the car, and you're just like, oh, my gosh like I had. I'm just not anywhere near that good. I can't buy a car for my spouse. Right. So they create these expectations, and it's all around the holidays. Everything, you know, commercials are all designed to do that. And so be careful that you don't create in your own life these unexpected or unrealistic expectations, because it can happen really easily. Another one is lack of direction.

We just steamroll right into the holidays, and at no point have we ever figured out what we're supposed to do. And so then all of a sudden, it gets overwhelming because now you don't feel like you have control. You're out of control, and everything's coming at you really hard and fast. So you want to try to create some direction. That's another way to stop these holiday blues is to get back some sort of control.

A third one, which is very easy. And you see it all the time. Exhaustion. Just by the time you get to the holidays, you're just worn out. Right. You're very tired, you're exhausted. Could even be coming from just the holidays themselves. Maya was just telling US she spent two days cooking for 30 people. Right. She may fall asleep at any moment during this. Just watch for it. Right.

Any moment. I'm blinking a lot of coffee.

Yep. So you get exhausted. What's going to happen when you get exhausted? You're going to get cranky, you're going to get tired. Right. And then you're going to start maybe getting upset with other people a little easier. And then it creates tension. So make sure you're getting rest as well during that. I was. I don't know why, but I was really exhausted yesterday. I didn't really do a lot to help my wife. I really didn't. Right. I just sort of hid in the office and pretended I was working. I was working, but I wanted to pretend I was working more than I was working. Right. I had to get ready for this.

So the other one is poor health. If we're in poor health, that can also have an effect in the way our minds feel, how we feel about everything. So maybe we did more before, and now we feel like we're not doing as much now. Right. So that poor health can have a big effect. And I'm not saying that it has to be that way. I'm just saying that that's the way the mind can look at it. Right. I want to be healthier. I want to be able to do more. Right. But at the same time, I'm sure you're doing so Much more than you even realize you're doing. And it's the same thing, like I said is when I was a kid, I didn't know how good it was. And sometimes we don't give ourselves enough credit for the things that we are doing. So we need to sort of reflect and give ourselves some credit. My wife is incredible. What she does and how she puts it together. I honestly look at it, there's not a chance I could do what she does. Not a chance. I wouldn't even be close. I'd just be going, picking up stuff through drive through windows and bringing it in for, for Thanksgiving. So she's incredible that way. The other one that's a big one is negative self talk. If you get into the habit of talking to yourself about, oh, I can't believe it, this isn't right, that's not right, I should have done this better and I didn't get this. All that negative selft talk just perpetuates and then creates more and then you don't enjoy it. So be careful. If you see yourself getting into that negative selft talk, dwelling in the past, which is what I already talked about, going back and saying things should have been better, things should have been different, or feeling guilty that you didn't make things better before. But think about it when we are all like when we first got married, we didn't have the money that we had later in life, but you made it the best you can possibly make it. So you buy what you can buy. But if you go back and start thinking about, oh, I've got to make up now for what I didn't do earlier, right? Chances are your family just want you around. That's really all they're looking for.

Another one is selfishness, being selfish, wanting too much, thinking everybody should be, you know, doing more or taking care of things better and being selfish about it. So the whole point of the holiday season is to be unselfish, right? And think about other people.

Another one here is focusing on weaknesses instead of strengths, which is very easy to do. All of a sudden you start focusing on what you're not doing well as opposed to what you are doing well, you know, so I, I had a, a person showing me, she goes, oh, I'm so bad at, you know, cooking and turkeys and stuff like that. She shows me a picture of last year's turkey that she burnt, right? But she's also got a whole bunch of pictures in there of all these other side dishes that were really good, right? But she's Focusing on the turkey that she burned, right? So, sure, it's disappointing, but it's not the end of the. Of the meal.

The other one that's really big is comparing yourself to other people, right? Oh, that family does things. They go on vacations, they travel. They do all these great things for their family, right? It's not important, right? Sure, it's nice, but it's not important, right? Focusing on what you can do at your level and doing it the best you can is really all that makes. Makes sense.

Taking life too seriously, right? It's a holiday. Don't get too bent out of shape over it. Make it the best you can make it. And then there's always next year.

This is a big one. And. And this happens for a lot of people, missing a loved one. So all of a sudden now you start thinking about, you know, oh, when mom and dad were here or, you know, a brother that they've lost, sister or whatever, then they start focusing on that, right? And then that really has a major effect and then can take away from the joy of the season. But the way I always look at it, and this is where I've always looked at it, is people say to me, well, aren't you sad when you think about your parents and they're no longer with you? And I said, no, not at all. And the reason I don't feel that is because my parents never wanted me to be sad. I'm not honoring them by being sad. In fact, I feel like I'm dishonoring them. I want to honor them with all the great things they gave to me, all the great things they provided me. I never feel sad when I think about them. I always think about the great positives that I had in my life because of them. And I feel like that keeps them with me. And I think about them all the time. But it's always. I mean, I could just hear what my dad would say, why are you sad?

What's there to be sad about? Right. He would always make a joke of it. So I understand how it's easy to miss a loved one if somebody has recently lost a loved one. The grief process is a natural process, right. So you don't try to interrupt with that. You don't say, oh, no, don't think about that now. They're going to think about it. Right? It's the same thing, too. When the.

There's a disaster, you know, a big disaster. The Pulse shootings in Orlando, that happened a number of years ago, people said, oh, you need to get in there immediately. Right. And start working. No, that's not going to help them. They're not here to listen to. Oh, it's going to be okay that, you know, it's over. Doesn't. They don't want to hear that stuff now. They need to go through their grieving process the same way we need to go through a grieving process when we lose someone. That's natural. And it really has a big effect on.

On the seasons. Right. And. And how we respond to it. So the other thing is money issues. Sometimes we're short on money. We don't have the money that we thought we would have, or we don't have the money at all. Don't get too hung up on it. Figure out ways. There's so many things that you can do without money. It's amazing. But those can create the holiday blues. Worried about Doc?

It seems that a lot of things that you're. You're talking about are basically the old codes we have. Right. The way we think, plan, analyze, or analyze certain things.

Exactly. And that's what those other audios are designed to work on. So the audios that not only walking out behaviors, but also building resilience, optimism, gratitude, all of those things are all focused on that. So.

We just get busy with life and stop really appreciating, you know, what do they say? Stop and smell the roses. Right. We don't do that sometimes because we're so occupied with everything else.

We had a really good question come in. How would you advise? Like, what do we do if the memories are not great? You had negative parents and things were not ideal. So how is that affecting us now? And what do we do now to end this feeling and start more joyful season for ourselves?

So. So that's a really great question. Again, it goes down to what we talk about in our whole program is what do you need to do about what happened?

Nothing. Right. What could you do? Nothing. So what's the point on thinking of it? What's the point on dwelling on it if it's not beneficial? Appealing, impossible. Those thoughts have no value because all they're doing is pulling you away from being present. Right. With your family. So I'll give you an example. I had a lady, and she said, this is during COVID And so she had three children. And she says, but her mom was always negative. Like, it was just negative, negative, negative all the time. And she says, and I want to spend time with my mom, but at the same time, it just brings me down. And so she says for And I says, give me an example. She says, okay, we play tennis. My sister and I play tennis with my mom once a week. And she says, and we were sitting there and I told my mom that my daughter has to get the vaccine. And my, and my, my mother is like, no, no, no, no, you can't do that. You can't do that. And showing me all these different things about, you know, vaccines and the dangers and all of that. And she says, and it just ruined it. She says, I didn't want to be there anymore. I didn't have fun anymore. And so she says, so what do I do in those kinds of situations? And I said, here's what you do. I said, you say to your mom, mom, thank you, right, for loving our daughter so much. Right. I really appreciate, I know how much you care, but I'm here to play tennis tonight, and I just want to focus on my tennis. Would it be okay if we just play tennis? Right. What's she going to say? And so even if she says, well, what about this? And just say, this isn't the time to talk about that, but I appreciate you doing that. I appreciate how much you love our daughter. And so you have to put a wedge in between that conversation. And she says, but what if I try to put the wedge in? And I, and I said, you walk away. You just say, I can't do this. I have to leave. I want to go and play tennis. That's all I'm going to do. So then I explained to her, as I said, think about it this way. You wake up in the morning, just like your cell phone, and you have 100% of your power. How much of that energy are you willing to give to your mother to talk about those kinds of situations? 5%, 10%? Whatever you're giving her, you're not have available for your child. The what's the most important thing to you, your children, right? So you need to make the decision of how much time you're going to take away from your children, how much energy you're going to take away from your children to give to that. And if that's not the most important thing to you, give it all if you want. But if your children are the most important thing to you, right. Figure out on how to put that, make that a priority and make that decision to do that. But you can do that in a loving way. You don't have to do it with getting mad and yelling. Just saying, I really can't do this right now. This isn't the time for me. Right. I've got this to do and that to do and that to do. But thank you again. Right. For your concern. Right. So show an appreciation. At the same time, drive the wedge in so you can separate yourself from the conversation.

It's something you have to practice doing. It's not natural, especially if it's not in your nature. It's not natural. I'm not a person that likes a lot of confrontation. Right. But if you don't practice it, you'll never be able to do it.

Dr. Wood, that makes me think. As you've talked about this and we've learned this in the program with you over this time and you mentioned the negative self talk, I have realized how much. Instead of a mother.

Old ideas in my own head, arguing with newer ideas in my head and the self talk, saying thank you for those ideas, I don't need those anymore, and being kind to myself in my self talk and practicing that more and more.

That's perfect. It's exactly what I'm talking about. So if you train your brain to bring thoughts that fit, benefit, appeal and possibility, your mind will keep bringing those. If you keep playing and engaging with those negative thoughts, what's your mind going to keep bringing you? The same thoughts. Right. Your brain is basically programming. So it's saying if you accept my messages, think about it as a telemarketer, right. If the telemarketer keeps calling, you keep answering, they're going to keep calling, Right. So you have to just stop answering the call. And that's the thought. The thought comes in, I'm not answering that call. Right. I'm going to think about something different. And you just. And you. It's all about brain training. It's really so simple. You can brain train. So good. Good job, Helen. That's really good. So all of those.

We're moving the conversation towards the angle of doing right. We. You talked a lot about the. What's causing the blues. But now, like, what do we do with all this knowledge we know what's causing it. Like we went, we all went through a tip for this reason or the other. And now how do we deal with it? Like let's maybe dive into like practical solutions for.

You know, the most common problems. Like holiday blues can come up from being lonely. So how do we fix that? Maybe there's no family or friends turn to can come from, like you said, challenging relationships. Like how do we navigate that mindfield so we keep the bliss and joy of the holidays.

So let's just look at the first one you asked about loneliness. What do you do with loneliness? Volunteer. Go out and do something. Make a difference in somebody else's life, Right. Change somebody else's life. Right. Don't focus on yours. What can I do to help somebody else and see the joy that they get, right. And so there's so many ways to do that.

Jess. Jess who? I'm not sure if she's on the call. My personal assistant, Jess. She volunteers. I've never. There she is.

She volunteers constantly. I invited her to dinner for Thanksgiving dinner, and she turned it down because she's volunteering at a veterans.

Homeless, veterans place, right? That is what she does, right. To feel good, right. And to help other people. And so she's dedicated to that. There's so many things that you can do, right, to. To change that. The other thing that we're going to talk about that you just mentioned was, you know, what do you do with other people? So say you've, you want to be around your family, but you've got the one negative Nancy that comes in every time, right? And there's always a person that's going to ruin the. The holiday or try to ruin the holiday. So actually, I had a lady who had come in and that's what she talked about. She says politics, right, has destroyed our family because she says, my father and I have completely different opinions and we get into heated arguments and she says, and he just yells and screams and I just can't take it. And so she says, I'm not going to go home for the holidays. She says, what do I do? Rather than not go home for the holidays? How do I fix it? And so I said, here's what you do. As I said, you work amongst the family. You can do this directly with your father or you can get other people to agree. You come up with terms and conditions that we're going to have for this holiday, right? And the terms and conditions are there's no talk about politics. You're free to talk about politics everywhere else, but not at this holiday, Right. If we can agree to that, right. Then let's all get together. If we can agree to that, then that's okay. So what did you do is if you go and show up and get mad, then everybody's upset that you got mad. But if you set the conditions ahead of time that there's no politics, right. That's off the table. Anything else, too, that could be. It could be something else. But whatever it is, we agree that we're going to spend the time together. Because it's important to spend time as a family. And if somebody brings up. So say she does that. And she says, well, what if he does? And he brings it up and he brings it up anyway, Right. You don't get mad and storm out. You say, I believe that we had an agreement that we're not going to do this. If we're not going to continue with that agreement, then I'm going to probably have to leave. Don't get mad. I'm going to have to leave because it affects me. It has a major effect on me, and I don't like it. And so are we in agreement? Chances are that person will calm down. They should. If they're a good person, they should calm down and say, yeah, you're right. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have brought it up. Or okay, yep, let's agree. Let's continue the family conversation. So. But don't immediately jump in and start getting mad and yelling and screaming because you're never going to solve the problem. I heard a great saying the other day. I thought it was sort of perfect. If politics is the thing that is keeping your family apart this holiday season, right? Politics isn't the problem with your family.

There's something else, right? And so it's not politics that's in the way. So anyway, there's lots of different things that you can do. Create a new tradition, right? That's another way to sort of. If you're coming up with the holidays and you say, let's create a different tradition and you all agree, and then you do it together. One of the things that we do that we've done for years that we really like doing is we take a bowl. I create a whole bunch of different.

Different sayings or quotes or things like that about the holidays. So I had a whole bowl full of them for.

For Thanksgiving. And so we all go around passable around. We each take one out, we go until there's not none left, right? And we just say different quotes and different sayings. Some of them are funny, some of them are deep, right? There are all kinds of different things. You don't know which one you're going to get. And then you just say something you're grateful for, right? So after you give the saying, then you say something you're grateful for. And it's really amazing. And we usually have people over that are not family members. My daughter is the ambassador for everybody. She brings people all the time to our holidays. And. And so we have these new people and they love it. And they get there to. To talk about stuff. So just some really cool. That's a great tradition to sort of use. Bridget was telling some friends of ours about the tradition. They said, we're going to do that this year. That's a great idea. And again, it just gets people talking.

And communicating.

Basically, rather than dwelling and sitting in the feeling. Let's see what we can do. Right?

Exactly. So if you just sit in it, it's never going to get any better. The idea is to take action. So if you remember, one of the things that I'm really big on is emotions, feelings and sensations are what calls for action. The reason your mind, right, goes depressed, the reason it goes anxious, the reason it goes down and depressed or sad or whatever is because it wants you to do something. It's not doing it for no reason. It's saying, move, do something. So when people are depressed, one of the things that is usually recommended is to get up and do something. Don't just sit there and depress. The mind is now shut, shutting down because it can't solve the problem. But as soon as you start moving, you start changing things and then your mind has to start doing something. And so just continue to make movement happen. One of the things that I. I also talk about too is have you ever heard of the runner's high? People have the runner's high. What, what that's actually coming from is it's a actual chemical change in your brain. So when you start moving, what actually happens is there's a neurotransmitter in your brain called anandamide. And when you start moving and exercising, you can also get this. When you eat chocolate. Anybody likes to eat chocolate? Dark chocolate. Dark chocolate produces an endamide. But when we start moving, that's why I love it. That's why you like. It's actually true. It creates anandamide. Anandamide is the precursor to the release of serotonin, the bliss molecule. So that's why when they say the runners get a high is when they start exercising. Anandamide, right. Is released. Anandamide produces serotonin. They get the high. It's a natural high. We can all do it. So just get up and move, do something.

So in the spirit of doing, Dr. Wood has prepared a short video to show you guys that kind of like puts a little more context to the doing versus dwelling choice. And then we have a whole exercise to walk you through.

Yep. I didn't produce this video, but this is a video I want to share with you. So.

Sam.

Sa.

I just love that. I thought it was so good when I watched it, because what did he do? He could have sat there and been depressed about what was going on in his life. And what he decided to do is just for that single moment of lifting up his granddaughter, to put up that star is what he focused on. And by focusing his attention on that alone, Right. Look at the change that he made. So the. The purpose of that whole thing was to say, just do something. Just get out and do something and move, right? So whenever you feel down, right, I'm telling you chemically, you will change your brain, and you will feel better as long as you start moving and start doing something. So the blues are what happens when you sit. Action changes it and start making some changes to your life, even the simple things. So, again, I just love that. I thought it was a great way to sort of illustrate the whole purpose of the holiday season, is to make changes, do things, help other people. Right. If you want to change the life that you're living, change the life of somebody else and do something just to go out and make a difference in someone's life. So.

I think we. Did we have a question or we. Are we just gonna.

I did.

Oh, okay. What was the question?

And Maya kind of brought it up when. When you really don't have any family or there's, you know, major derision in your family at the holidays. I started out this Thanksgiving with my daughter, who you might know a little bit about. She sent me a text.

Saying that she didn't want to spend another holiday, like she spent them for the last 20 years. So she was taking assisted suicide steps.

Right.

So that's how, you know, my Thanksgiving started out. But she said this many times before. Nothing has happened. But I asked her, what can you do to make it better?

That's it? Yeah.

She didn't answer. That's a problem. She didn't answer. And I was thinking about. And, you know, I had a great holiday. I went with some friends, and we had a lovely, wonderful time. And, you know, thank goodness I really hadn't been sleeping well for the last three weeks. So that'll kind of cut into your blues.

Yeah. Exhaustion, right?

Yeah. Oh, my gosh. It was insane. But I. It switched last night, so I'm happy for that. And. And I had a great time. Even I was going on fumes, but it was a really good time. But I was thinking, Dr. Wood, if, you know, if my. My daughter left. She was living with me. She left under a really bad situation, and she said I caused all the problems. Of course. But I was wondering if you think it's a good idea if I meet with her at a neutral place and just let her get it out and. And tell me what she thinks went wrong with the situation and me keeping a very neutral, clear head about it and asking her what her part in it was. But I don't know if that's going to work because she has been a Debbie Downer for so many years, since her father died, that she's one of those that, you know, don't invite her to the party because there'll be a problem.

Yeah. And really where the problem is is probably with her. The big key is to be able to. If you can do this, if she wants to share with you what went wrong, you have to be able to make the decision. Is it true?

I know it's not true already.

So can you accept that, that it's not true, but listen to her.

Yeah. Yeah. I just want her, you know, finally just to get all this spew out, you know, I don't know if it's possible. Maybe it will never end, but just so that she feels like she's been heard, that I don't think she's a horrible person. But, you know, Dr. Wood, it's tough to take. I have to block her because she's so. She's. She's so degrading to me and calling me names and, you know, she has addiction issues. So I know that's part of being poisoned, but it's really hard to just listen to it because it's so insulting.

It is. And. But the big question is, and you said, yes, you can do this. Is it true? So as long as you can hear it, it's like the Mumbai tribe. The Mumbai tribe, when they greet each other, you know what they say? They don't say hello. They say, I see you.

I love that.

Yep.

And Bridget had up on her computer all the time, people want to be seen and heard.

Yes.

If you can do nothing else for her but see her and hear her right. You don't have to absorb it. You just have to see her and hear her. She just wants to be seen and heard. Right. It doesn't mean it's true.

Yes. And I. I also know that, you know, I had someone say, why does this keep recurring in my life? It just keeps recurring, recurring, all these same kind of problems. And the. The answer she got was that it's not the problem, it's you getting stronger and not being swayed by the problem.

Don't be swayed. You're getting stronger, your character is growing, and just don't be swayed. Like the woman who didn't want to talk politics with her dad. It's hard to control other people and say, well, you can't talk politics. But she can't. She can't talk politics. I mean, she can go and decide, I'm not going to talk politics. And if they start, she can walk into another room. She doesn't have to leave, but she can't tell them what to do. You know, that's how I feel about it.

But she could come up with an agreement. So she has a couple of choices. One, she doesn't have to show up at all, which hurts the family. Two, she can come up with some terms and conditions. Right. That they can say no to, and then she's not the bad person for not coming. Or three, she can show up and then walk out of the room. So she's got options. You're right. Right. So she has to decide how she wants to handle it, but she makes.

The agreement and they. They break it right in the middle. Then she's. She leaves. I don't. I don't know.

No, she doesn't have to leave. All she has to say is remind them of the agreement. And we did agree that we were going to not talk politics during this time. Right. Do we. Can we still keep that agreement?

And if they do, then she has. The challenge for her is not to be affected negatively.

Exactly. It's about them, not about you.

Right, Right. So I'm going to try. I mean, maybe I will suggest that we meet at a park or something and just re. Remind myself, is it true? No, it's not true. And just let her. I don't know it. To me, it. Sometimes it reaches the boiling point where I just go, you know, jeez, stop.

You know. But a key word in that is to say, I understand.

I understand how you feel. Right. Doesn't mean it's true. I understand how you feel. I understand how you could feel like that. Right.

Yeah.

But it doesn't mean you have to challenge her. Because as soon as you challenge her, she's got her belief system. It's not going to work. She's got to discover. Right. What was. What was her part in it? And she's not going to do that if you're arguing.

Correct. No, it's going to get worse. Okay, well, that's a good idea. And just say, you know, okay, okay. Because, you know, if I use certain phrases, you know, she's pretty sharp. And she said, well, you could say in the canned. You know, the canned phrase. She go into robot mode or something. But I get it, you know, to say. Okay, I get it.

You know, sometimes we can say I understand without words.

Yes. Right. Just nodding the head.

Yep.

Yeah.

And the other key to read is to understand is that you're probably not going to solve it.

Oh, I know. I've already tried. I've tried to the nth degree, believe me, with your program, too. And I still hope she. She picks up on it sometime. But, yeah, it's been a heartbreaker. It's really been rough.

But the. The key is to just love her.

Yeah, I do. For sure.

Okay.

And so that. That's always. So if something ever happens and you know that you did everything you could do. Right. You showed her all the love that you could show her. Right. There's some things that just aren't in your control.

Yeah, I get that. Thank you so much.

Peace. Okay. Very good.

Thank you. So, sharing. Rita?

Yeah.

Do we have enough time for the exercise document?

Yeah, we could do it really quick if you can't stay. Right. So this is going to be about. You're going to listen to about seven to eight minutes of the audio. I want everybody to just sort of close their eyes and listen. Right. And then when it. When the audio's over, I'm going to give you a little bit more instructions, and then we can end on that. Right. That would be sort of perfect way to end.

Before we dive into that, I gave a promise that we're going to cover one question, so I just want to make sure we get to that really fast. What do you advise? Like, we have someone who went through the program and had, you know, cleared the events that happened, but there is this one particular glitch that they keep going back to. It's almost like a second event that happened to them during their adolescence.

So what do you advise in these situations?

We always say that our mind reboots and does the clearing and stuff on its own. But what if sometimes it doesn't? Can that happen? And if it can, what would be a recourse?

You could have an outlier memory that doesn't fit any category, that it sort of got cleared. So you may need to just go in and just sort of focus just on that and get to. There may be a deeper meaning to it that you haven't identified. And so it will clear if you can get into the root of it. So it's really matter of journal. It Down, Right. Of what it is. Right. And try to get as much as you can into that journal before you start on it. So you want to have it written and going through it so that you have a really good understanding of what the event is. Because sometimes you may not have looked at it from a different perspective and your mind needs to see something different. And if you write it all out first before you start going into it, something may just click of what it was.

Sound good?

Okay, so write it out, go into it in a lot of detail so we don't miss anything and then go through the program with that in mind.

I want you to go into as much detail as you can. I want you to remember what people were wearing. I want you to remember what was in the room. Right. I want you to identify as many things as you can when you journal it because this may be something that you just didn't see or pick up on. I'll give you an example of.

This was a lady, she was four years old and she had a big event happen in her, in her life. Her sister was 10, her baby sister was 1. And a male babysitter was brought in for the first time ever to babysit them while the parents went out for dinner. And then he tried to sexually assault the 10 year old. And when she. So anyway the 10 year old was smart enough to say, let me put my sisters away, don't, don't do this in front of them. And she hid them all in the bathroom and locked the bathroom. He couldn't get in. When the parents came home, she, this is what she was angry about. She says my parents didn't believe us. She says we told them what happened and they didn't believe us. And so what we did is we went and because I was doing it one on one with her, it was a little bit easier. I said all right, is it possible I wasn't there? Is it possible your parents did do something? She goes well, they didn't do anything. And I said is it possible they did but they didn't tell you? As a four year old, did you ever have that guy babysit again for you? She goes well, no. And she says, well, he worked at my dad's work. And I said did you ever see him at work again? No. I said is it possible that your parents had him arrested and he confessed and there was never a trial and they never had to bring a four year old in?

Oh, that hadn't set in. She hadn't seen that side. That that was a possibility. And I'm saying, I'm not saying it's true. I'm just saying is it possible that you missed something? But they're not going to bring a four year old in to a conversation like that and then nobody know. People don't like talking about it. So it was never talked about again. You just saw the shift in her. She had never thought that her parents protected her and all of a sudden it's possible that they did protect her, but that's the way she had perceived it for almost 30 plus years of her life. Right. So sometimes you have to maybe go around it a couple times. That's why I want you to. I want her to write it out as in much detail as possible because you never know what she missed. Right. And so when we're doing the clearing, if there was something that she missed, what was the real true story? Right. It's not going to clear because it didn't fix. Wants to get to resolution.

Good.

All right, so let's work on this audio. This audio, I want everybody who's listening.

Just to Dr. Wood. Can I ask a question about that? What you just said when you said to clear up, you know, about the situation you were just talking about. Are you saying that we can clear up ourselves, the situation, just by like, like in your example you were talking about like having more information.

About the situation to change state of mind. Like are you. And let's say we cannot go there and get more information. Can we like imagine and create something to get out of it, to shift our mind to have peace?

You can.

We have, we have that magic, eh?

Your mind doesn't know the difference between real or imagined.

Exactly. Okay, got it. Thanks so much.

In that kind of a situation, right. If she just, she hadn't thought about it. All I did was bring it up. Is it possible? And then when she looks at it from that perspective. It shifted.

Exactly.

She never considered it before. So. So all your mind wants is some sort of a resolution, Right. And if you can create it, you'll be fine.

Great. Super. Thanks a lot.

Very good. All right, so this exercise, what we're going to do is you're going to have your eyes closed, you're just going to listen to it and then I'm going to wrap up by giving you a little bit more information. I'll explain it in a little bit. So let's go ahead, everybody close their eyes and just listen.

The warmth of summer has gone.

Taking the comfort of autumn.

However, the world has not relinquished all.

Of its warm and comfortable Things.

You can still experience. The reassurance of fire as the logs crackle and pop, the beauty of snow sparkling in the sun and the filling warmth of hot chocolate on cold nights.

The world is cold.

The winter is dark. However, you are not without joy. You are not without peace.

Imagine for a moment the hush of the world after a fresh snowfall.

The way the snow blankets everything, muffling the.

Loudness of the life happening underneath it.

Imagine the snow and accept it. Accept and acknowledging its presence in the world and allowing it to exist.

Experiencing its beauty and peace.

As you imagine the chill in the air and the beauty of the snow bring back to mind the coziness of sweaters. Perhaps your winter storm is mild, only requiring a light layer to fend off some of the day's bitterness. Or perhaps your storm is a blizzard and your sweater is one layer among the many required to keep you warm.

Imagine the kind of sweater you need right now.

Starting with how thick and solid a layer it is.

As you build in your mind, feel the weight of the fabric on your shoulders, the way it hangs off your frame or clings tightly to you.

Next, notice the way the fabric feels against your skin.

Perhaps your sweater is thick wool, a little scratchy but infinitely warm. Or maybe it is cashmere, gentle and reassuring with its cloud like softness.

You can make it any fabric you need, any texture that reassures you that there is still some calm, still some safety in the world.

Regardless of how your sweater fits and feels, it is more than a functional barrier against the cold.

It is a reminder that you have.

Access to good and soothing things even in the most difficult storm.

As you imagine the way your sweater feels, bring to mind some other things that give you a sense of comfort. The laughter of a loved one, A beloved book or movie.

The way you know exactly how to.

Get to your favorite spot to hang out and chill. Perhaps it's a coffee shop or a bakery or a park or trail.

Your life has brought you many good and positive things. This does not change that storms in your life have also delivered, just like storms do not change the good. Both have been present and will be again. And no matter the storm, peace is available to you.

As you bring these.

Bright and soothing moments and memories to mind. Imagine each one is a strand of yarn or thread in the sweater that you are wearing. They come together to bring you warmth, to bring you safety, to bring you protection from the effects of the storm.

Soak in the peace of this moment, of knowing that no storm can rid you of that peace that exists inside you.

Sometimes that peace will be stronger and more present, and other times it will be softer and more of a memory.

However, it will always be something you can summon, like the feeling of warmth from a sweater.

Feel the sweater, feel its coziness and its protection from the cold. And know that you can always bring it back to mind when you need it.

Remember the memories and feelings that you have woven into this fabric, knowing that they are also always available to you.

Eventually, as you are ready, begin to bring your awareness back to the world around you.

Perhaps it is cold, like the winter world you have brought to life with this winter audio, or perhaps it does not feel like winter at all. Let your senses around you back in the present in the way your surroundings feel, smell and sound.

You might stretch or shake your hands or feet to solidify your presence and ready yourself for returning back to the experiences of the day.

However, before you go, finish this audio as you started it with your focus on your breath.

Feel again the way your lungs expand as you breathe, the way that a.

Deep breath wakes your mind up a little and helps ease any tightness in your chest.

You are breathing, you are alive, and you have and will continue to find.

Moments of peace in your storms.

Thank you for making this audio a part of your experience.

And there it is.

Now, just continue with your eyes closed. And as your eyes are closed, I want your mind now to bring you a special gift. And perhaps this is something that your mind wants you to know.

Or perhaps this is something that your mind will create for you. This is something that you need.

And your mind can scan and search throughout your entire life for that message, the message that you needed to hear.

The message that's important.

And just like the snow covers everything underneath it, we're going to ask your mind now to bring to the surface what you needed to hear, what you needed to know.

And soon this will come to your attention. You may know it immediately, you may know it overnight, you may know it in the morning, and your mind will bring you the message that you needed to hear.

And now, whenever you're ready, you can allow your eyes to open.

Very good.

So the purpose of that was to have your mind bring you something that was important to you, especially during these holiday seasons. Something you needed to know, something you needed to hear, something you need to be reminded of. Right? So that gift may have come to you immediately, it may come to you very shortly, Right. But it's going to surface for you at some point.

So happy holidays, everybody. And I'm sure. Anybody have any questions before we end. I could see it's.

I just like to share my thoughts.

Yes.

In my mind.

What I wanted to hear was that we love you and you were our first child.

Very good. Something you needed to hear.

Yeah.

I wish. I. I like to wish a Merry Christmas. Happy New Year to everybody.

To you, too. Very.

All right.

Thank you.

Thanks, everyone.

Happy holidays, everyone.

Happy holidays.

Thank you.

All right, take care and be well. Yep. You too, John. Thanks.

Good to see.