3 Steps to Calm Anyone Down in 90 Seconds (Works Every Time)

#1: Ignore the words. When somebody's yelling at you, don't defend, don't try to justify, explain, rationalize, justify. All you have to do is ignore what they're saying. Don't pay any attention to the words, and that will protect you from getting triggered. They're just words. They mean nothing to you right now. #2: Sit in silence and wait for your brain to process the emotions that the other person is feeling. It'll come to you. You'll feel it or you'll see it. And then #3: Name the emotions with 2 words. You feel— you feel angry, you feel frustrated, you feel disrespected, you don't feel heard, you feel unappreciated and unsupported. Keep naming the emotions until the body nods yes. So you're gonna get a nodding of the head, you're gonna get a sigh of relief, and you're gonna get a dropping of the shoulders. And a lot of times you'll get something like, "Yeah!" or "Exactly!" That's when you know you've succeeded. And you stop, and the de-escalations are worth it. You've calmed people down, and remarkably, you have not gotten upset yourself. So ignore the words, read the emotions, validate the emotions with a simple 2-word phrase. You feel. Wait until the body says yes.