Doug NollI'm called in when human dynamics are getting in the way of strategic leadership execution.

5 Words That Ruin Feedback Every Time

11 Feb 2026 · 1 min

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In this short instructional video, Doug Noll explains why the phrase “Don’t take this personally” sabotages feedback by triggering the listener’s emotional brain and causing fear to override logic. He argues that instead of telling someone how they should feel, you should name the emotions they are likely already experiencing. He provides concrete alternative phrasings—e.g., “You might be feeling anxious hearing this” and “You could feel criticized”—to help the listener feel seen, lower their defensive guard, and allow the feedback to land effectively. The video ends with a call to action, inviting viewers to comment “effective” to receive a list of exact phrases for more effective conversations.

Chapters

5 words that instantly make feedback feel like an attack. And it's because of this one sentence you're using, which is, "Don't take this personally." Now that might seem harmless, but the moment these words land, the emotional brain takes over and fear replaces logic. So even thoughtful feedback gets lost. Here's the shift that changes everything. Instead of telling someone how they should feel, name what they're already feeling. Don't say, "Don't take this personally." Instead say, "You might be feeling anxious hearing this." Instead of saying, "I'm just being honest," simply say, "You could feel criticized." right now. Because when someone feels seen, their protective guard drops and your feedback finally lands. And that's how you can have effective conversations. Comment "effective" and I'll send you the exact phrases that you can use to have effective conversations.