Doug NollI'm called in when human dynamics are getting in the way of strategic leadership execution.

De escalate by Listening #lifeskills

20 Dec 2025 · 1 min

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In this instructional segment, the speaker—who teaches at Pepperdine University—outlines a conflict‑de‑escalation framework that prioritises deep, active listening before any problem‑solving. He calls the practice “listening others into existence,” emphasizing that when people feel truly heard they experience emotional safety, begin to share openly, and typically resolve about 90 % of their own issues without further intervention. The speaker also notes that most individuals have never experienced such profound listening, and that creating this safe space not only uncovers personal challenges but also reveals ways the listener might be of service.

Chapters

What I teach my students at Pepperdine is de-escalate first, then problem solve. And if you, if you de-escalate people by listening to them, I call it listening others into existence. And there's a specific way that I teach people to do this. That you're right, 90% of the time that they'll solve their own problems and you don't need to do anything else. And the other part of it that what you said is that's important is that most people have never felt deeply listened to. And what you've observed is that when you provide that safe space for people to be heard, they feel safe, they feel emotionally safe. And when they feel safe, they start to share and they start to talk. And that's when you can start learning more about who they are as people and also whatever challenges they're facing that perhaps you can serve them with.