Doug Noll shows how to defuse an angry partner in seconds instead of letting conflict drag on for weeks. Skip the angry words, focus on what they're actually feeling, and name it out loud. That's it.
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Hi, I'm Doug Noll. You know how it is when your partner or significant other, the one you're closest to, who probably knows you better than anyone else in the world, you know how they can surprise you with a desperate or angry outburst that seems to come from nowhere? Well, if you don't handle the situation correctly, that outburst can linger for weeks or even years. But if you could just listen with the right ears and maybe a little bit of finesse, you can defuse the tension within seconds and actually open things up for a real conversation instead. So there's no need to duck when an outburst catches you by surprise, and no need to hit back with more insults or put-downs either. In fact, you know they really don't help anyways. Imagine standing in the presence of someone who's angry or in pain or on the attack and staying calm and centered yourself so the argument virtually evaporates in seconds with no hurt feelings or drama left behind. As a mediator and professional peacemaker, I fine-tune 3 steps you can take today to defuse anger and aggression in seconds. Believe it or not, the first step is to ignore the words your significant other is using. That's not ignore the person, by the way, but just for the moment, ignore their angry words. Next, I want you to focus directly on their emotions just long enough to get to step number 3. That's when you'll actually label those emotions openly and authentically right on the spot. I know, but trust me, you'll be surprised at how powerfully this approach actually works when you do it right. Now you can find out just how to do it right and more in my new book, De-Escalate: How to Calm an Angry Person in 90 Seconds or Less. That's where you'll discover the subtle shifts that truly affect how an argument turns out. And they don't have to take long to master, but the effects do last a long time. So check out my book, De-Escalate Today, for answers that are guaranteed to bring out the partners you both know you can be.
