In this instructional video, mediator and peacemaker Doug Noll introduces his three‑step de‑escalation technique—ignore the speaker’s words, infer the underlying feelings, and reflect those feelings back with a simple “you” statement. To illustrate the method, Noll selects excerpts from President Donald Trump’s 2019 State of the Union address, pauses the speech, and labels the President’s emotions (anger, frustration, pride, fear, sadness, etc.). He repeatedly states, “Mr. President, you are …,” mirroring the inferred feelings. Noll explains that in real‑life practice this approach helps people feel validated, heard, and calms heightened emotions. He emphasizes his neutral political stance, focusing solely on the de‑escalation process, and invites viewers to practice the technique and visit his website for further training.
Chapters
Hi there, my name is Doug Noll. My professional training is as a lawyer turned peacemaker and mediator, and I spend much of my time learning and teaching and training and working on how to de-escalate people. And that involves a very different set of skills than most people have learned. So what's really interesting is that I can look for examples of where we see emotion and look at how I might be able to respond to those emotions in a little deeper way, in a little different way. So, in this video, I've decided to de-escalate the President of the United States. I've taken some excerpts from the 2019 State of the Union address made by President Trump, and I've taken out salient parts where he's showing some emotion and I basically label his emotional experience. Now, my experience has been when I'm doing this in a real-life situation is that people immediately calm down, they feel deeply validated, and they feel deeply heard. I'm not sure whether that would be the case with Mr. Trump or not, and I take no political position about whether his policies are correct or not. I'm a peacemaker, and I'm interested in helping people de-escalate so they can solve problems. And I think this might be an example of how you might go about doing this in your own lives. So watch, learn, and have a little fun.
We meet tonight at a moment of unlimited potential. As we begin a new Congress, I stand here ready to work with you to achieve historic breakthroughs for all Americans.
Mr. President, you're really angry. You feel really frustrated. Nobody's listening to you, and you feel completely unsupported as you stand here before Congress.
African American, Hispanic American, and Asian American unemployment have all reached their lowest levels ever recorded. Unemployment for Americans with disabilities has also reached an all-time low. More people are working now than at any time in the history of our country. 157 million people at work.
Mr. President, you're very proud of the fact that you are serving at a time of economic growth. Where unemployment is dropping and people have jobs, and you're confused and sad about why you are not getting the credit for the economic recovery.
An economic miracle is taking place in the United States, and the only thing that can stop it are foolish wars, politics, or ridiculous partisan investigations.
Mr. President, you are really angry about all of the investigations that are going on now and that are about to commence with the Congress. You feel like you've been unjustly accused, treated unfairly, and nobody is listening to the good work that you're doing. You are extremely angry, frustrated, and anxious.
If there is going to be peace and legislation, there cannot be war and investigation. It just doesn't work that way.
Mr. President, you feel deeply disrespected by all of these ongoing investigations. You feel that you've been treated unjustly, your colleagues have been treated unjustly, and that the entire investigative and oversight process has been grossly unfair to you and people around you. This makes you extremely angry and very, very, very frustrated.
We must be united at home to defeat our adversaries abroad. This new era of cooperation can start with finally confirming the more than 300 highly qualified nominees who are still stuck in the Senate, in some cases years and years waiting. Not right.
Mr. President, again, you are very frustrated because you feel like your will is being thwarted by the Senate and by the House of Representatives. You feel betrayed by all of the government agencies around you. Nobody is supporting you. Nobody is listening to you, and you feel as if everybody is trying to drag you down, and that really makes you angry.
Tonight I am asking you to defend our very dangerous southern border out of love and devotion to our fellow citizens and to our country. No issue better illustrates the divide between America's working class America's political class than illegal immigration. Wealthy politicians and donors push for open borders while living their lives behind walls and gates and guards. Meanwhile, working-class Americans are left to pay the price for mass illegal immigration: reduced jobs, lower wages, overburdened schools, hospitals that are so crowded you can't get in, increased crime, and a depleted social safety net. Tolerance for illegal immigration is not compassionate. It is actually very cruel.
Mr. President, you are very frustrated that immigration reform has not moved forward as you thought it would. You believed when you became president that immigration reform would be easy to solve, and you are extremely angry and upset that the Democrats have stepped in your path to immigration reform. And you're also fearful because you made great promises to your base that there would be a wall And now you have discovered that getting a wall will be extremely difficult, if not impossible. And so you're afraid and anxious and frustrated, and you feel betrayed.
Don't sit yet, you're gonna like this. And exactly one century after Congress passed the constitutional amendment giving women the right to vote, We also have more women serving in Congress than at any time before.
Even though many of the women who have been elected to Congress are in the Democratic Party, Mr. President, you are very proud of the fact more women are serving in Congress than ever before, and that makes you happy. I found that the secret to getting people de-escalated when they're very emotional is simple to describe, but not so easy to do. The steps are very simple: ignore the words, guess at the feelings, and repeat back the feelings to the speaker with a very simple "you" statement. That's what you saw me doing as I listened to the State of the Union address. This is not so easy to learn, but it can be mastered in a couple of weeks with practice. And if you'd like to learn more about this, go check out my website, DougNoll.com. See you soon.
