How to Handle a Defensive Partner in Your Relationship

I hate to break it to you, but you cannot build a healthy relationship with someone who refuses to take accountability. Because the sad reality is, when you find yourself apologizing for being hurt, you are surviving, not connecting. But here's exactly what to do if you have a defensive partner. You see, defensiveness is basically fear, and all you have to do is name the fear. You can tell your partner that they seem anxious and a little ashamed, or that they seem worried about being judged. According to neuroscience, naming the fear will then drop their shield and become more open to connection. But make sure to never use the word "I," that will only make things worse. So try it next time. Then later you can discuss accountability calmly. Save this video so you never forget.