Doug NollI'm called in when human dynamics are getting in the way of strategic leadership execution.

How to Instantly Stop Someone From Yelling at You (3-Line Script)

19 Aug 2025 · 1 min

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Doug Noll shares a three-line script to de-escalate someone who's yelling: reflect their emotion, acknowledge what matters to them, and validate their experience. These "you" statements calm their nervous system and lower their voice.

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When someone yells at you, the worst thing you can do is defend yourself. You have to ignore their words and listen to their emotions instead. Steal my 3-line validation script that will make their volume drop in under a minute. First, reflect their primary emotion. Say, "You're really frustrated right now." Next, acknowledge what matters to them by saying, "This is really important to you." Third, validate their experience. Say, "You feel like nobody's listening." Notice I'm not saying, "I understand," or, "I hear you," because that makes it about me. When you validate someone's emotional experience with these 3 simple "you" statements, their nervous system calms down, they feel heard, and their volume drops. Share this post with someone who needs to see it.