When divorcing a vindictive spouse, anger clouds judgment and weakens your position. The speaker outlines four tools: prepare thoroughly, know your alternatives like mediation or litigation, identify what triggers you emotionally, and name your feelings to manage them during negotiations. You have more power than you think.
Chapters
You are in or contemplating a divorce and your spouse or ex has become evil. Maybe he or she is vindictive, seeks vengeance, or wants to inflict pain on you. You can't change the facts, but you can negotiate successfully if you know what to do. In the next few minutes, I'll give you some tips. If you're interested in learning more, you can visit howtomediatoryourdivorce.com. Don't worry, the website address will be at the end in a minute or so. In any negotiation, but particularly in divorce, emotions dominate. You have strong feelings of anger, rage, betrayal, hurt, and abandonment. Those emotions are not going away anytime soon. However, if you allow your emotions to control you in your negotiation, you will likely make bad decisions. Brain science shows us that when we are highly emotional, our prefrontal cortex literally shuts down. You have to have a way of negotiating with an evil ex that allows you to maintain control of your emotions at all times. This doesn't mean that you won't have emotions. It just means that you have to be aware. The second important concept is to separate power from the nature of evil. Power is the ability to get something done, and there are many different kinds of power. You must learn about power And you must understand what power you have and what power your ex has. Evil, as it turns out, is not about power. The secret to negotiating with an evil ex is to ignore the evilness and focus on the power. Without power, evil is annoying but not harmful. Most people focus on how evil their ex is rather than concentrating on the power issues. And don't fall into the trap of thinking you have no power. You have a lot more than you think as a negotiator. You have 4 secret weapons that you will use when negotiating with an evil ex. They are preparation, knowing your alternatives, recognizing your triggers, and affect labeling. Preparation simply means that you understand the basic legal and financial issues of your divorce. You know what your goals are. You are realistic and accept that your wealth is about to be cut roughly in half. No way around that. You are prepared for the harsh realities of being on your own. Knowing your alternatives means that you have identified what you can do if negotiation fails. You understand the differences between litigation, mediation, and collaborative practice. You understand the risks and costs of just walking away. You understand the various outcomes that might be possible through negotiation. When you know your alternatives, you have power. The trick is to become empowered with the knowledge and skills of negotiation. This is not rocket science. You can learn the basics in a few simple lessons. Even if you engage a lawyer to represent you, knowing how to negotiate with your evil ex is very powerful medicine. If you want to learn more, go to howtomediateyourdivorce.com. There you will find resources on how to live an empowered life even when facing an evil ex.
