Doug NollI'm called in when human dynamics are getting in the way of strategic leadership execution.

Relationship Gurus Are Wrong About Anger (Here's What Science Says)

8 Sept 2025 · 1 min

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Doug Noll explains why counting to ten backfires when you're angry. Instead, name what you're feeling out loud or silently, like "I'm frustrated and dismissed." This engages your thinking brain and calms the emotional one in about 90 seconds.

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The dumbest thing you can do when you are angry is count to 10. Internet relationship gurus swear by it, but it always makes your anger worse. According to neuroscience, here's what you should do instead. You have to name the emotion you're feeling out loud or in your head like this: I'm feeling frustrated and dismissed right now. When you put feelings into words, you activate your thinking brain and calm your emotional brain in 90 seconds. But when you count to 10, you're just building internal pressure, and that pressure has to go somewhere. Usually it explodes later. Stop counting to 10 and start naming what you feel. Your brain will thank you. Save this video so so you never fall for that dumb internet advice again.