Doug NollI'm called in when human dynamics are getting in the way of strategic leadership execution.

Stop Saying "Calm Down" – It Makes Things Worse

24 Jan 2026 · 1 min

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0:30

Doug Noll explains why telling someone to calm down backfires: their thinking brain is offline. Instead, name the emotion directly, like "You're angry" or "You're overwhelmed," to actually de-escalate.

Saying calm down actually makes the situation worse. See, when someone is upset, their thinking brain is offline, and saying calm down tells them their feelings don't matter, and that's why things escalate. Instead, do this: name the emotion. Say, "You're angry," or, "You're overwhelmed." That's how conversations slow down and start moving forward again. And that's the difference between escalation and de-escalation. Follow for simple tools that make hard conversations calmer.

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