Doug NollI'm called in when human dynamics are getting in the way of strategic leadership execution.

The 2005 Case That Proved Affect Labeling Works

7 May 2026 · 1 min

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Mediator Doug Noll tried affect labeling in a 2005 divorce mediation where a couple faced $100,000 in attorney fees. He had each person narrate their story while the other labeled emotions they heard. John cried, saying no one had listened to him in 25 years. They settled and walked out holding hands. Research confirmed affect labeling reduces emotional intensity and promotes empathy.

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Okay, let me give you the story of how I discovered this. And that story is a perfect example of what I've been talking about. Back in 2005, I was called into a mediation between ex-spouses, and we'll call them Susan and John. That's not their real names. $18,000 was at stake. Each side had spent $50,000 in attorney's fees. They didn't just hate each other, they despised each other. And as they were sitting there screaming vile epithets at each other, I said, "What am I supposed to do with this?" And then the thought came to me out of the blue: name the emotions. So I stopped them, and I facilitated them telling a story while the other person just named named emotions. We did this for 3.5 hours, and finally John looked across at Susan with tears streaming down his face, and he said, "That's the first time you've listened to me in 25 years." They settled the case and walked out of the room holding hands. It was the most amazing thing I had ever seen. I knew what I'd done, but I didn't know why it worked. And 2 years later, the science finally caught up. So the key here is that they didn't agree with each other, not even a little bit. But when she said, "You feel disrespected," she was not agreeing with him. And when he said, "You feel misunderstood," he was not agreeing with her. They were simply validating each other's feelings, and that's when they changed.