Doug NollI'm called in when human dynamics are getting in the way of strategic leadership execution.

This Toxic Habit is Destroying Your Relationship!

12 Aug 2025 · 0 min

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Doug Noll explains why keeping score of your partner's mistakes breeds resentment. Instead of accusations, say what you actually feel: "This makes me feel ignored" rather than "You always ignore me." The shift from blame to vulnerability changes how conflicts get resolved.

Every time you keep score of your partner's wrongdoings, you're putting a gun to your head and pulling the trigger. You think you're holding them accountable, but what you're really doing is holding yourself hostage to resentment, and that is a recipe for disaster. You need to stop counting wrongs and start communicating your needs. Instead of saying, "You always do this," say, "This makes me feel ignored." When you do this, you make it super easy for conflicts to get resolved because your partner now understands how you feel and how to make amends. Save this post so you never forget.