Why “I Feel” Statements Make Things Worse (Say This Instead)

What does work is the 90-second reset protocol I developed. It's really simple. Ignore the words, read the emotions, reflect the emotions with a simple "you" statement. Two magic words: "You feel." So, somebody's upset or angry or frustrated. "You feel really overwhelmed and ignored." "You don't feel appreciated or supported." "And you're really frustrated." "And you're really worried and concerned." When you do this, you calm the emotional centers of their brain associated with negative emotions, primarily the amygdala, and you activate a part of the brain that's in charge of emotional self-regulation. It happens in seconds, not minutes, not days, days, not hours, in seconds. And every human being on the planet is hardwired to calm down when their feelings are named.