Doug NollI'm called in when human dynamics are getting in the way of strategic leadership execution.

You’ve Been Told to Control Your Emotions. That’s Completely Backwards.

20 Apr 2026 · 1 min

Watch on YouTube

1:01

This content was created by Doug Noll. This content was uploaded by Doug Noll. This is a YouTube presentation titled "You’ve Been Told to Control Your Emotions. That’s Completely Backwards." (created 2026-04-20) featuring a single speaker who delivers a short talk about affect labeling — a neuroscience-backed technique for calming another person’s emotions (and thereby calming yourself) in about 90 seconds. The speaker references 22 years as a trial lawyer and work training inmates in maximum security prisons, and frames the technique as useful in settings from prison yards to the kitchen or an executive team.

Chapters

There's this idea that to stay calm under pressure, you need to control your emotions or control your breathing. The problem is you're not managing your emotions well enough, or the problem is you're trying to manage your own emotions when what you really should be doing is focusing on the other person's emotions. You see, their emotions are overloading your system, and when that happens, you lose control. The good news is I can show you how to flip that in about 90 seconds. It's called affect labeling. Trying to control your emotions during conflict actually makes things worse. It's like trying to put out a fire by fanning your yourself, and the fire is still burning because you're not aiming at the source. I spent 22 years as a trial lawyer, and I learned the hard way that winning arguments doesn't solve anything. Then I took neuroscience-backed techniques into maximum security prisons and trained lifers how to stop prison violence. It's a simple technique that calms another person's brain, which automatically calms your brain. If it works in prison yards, it can work in your kitchen or on your executive team.