3 Rules for Men in Sexless Relationships

This podcast is for you. The Modern Man I'm Dr. Anne Truong, your host. I'm an intimate health medical doctor and best selling author of the book Erectile Dysfunction Fix. I'll do a deep dive into sexual health and performance and how it affects men of all ages and backgrounds. So let's get started and be sure to visit my website@sexualhealthformenpodcast.com for more information and resources from the show. See you on the inside.

Hello there modern men. I'm Dr. Anne Truong. I've treated over 7,000 men with ED. If you're a man in a committed relationship or marriage and there's no sex, you feel rejected, angry, ashamed, frustrated and you're wondering if you're going crazy, not needy, or just done. Stay tuned to this video. You're going to get concrete communication strategies and step by step ways to handle a sexless relationship without blowing it up, blaming your partner, or even abandoning yourself. Stay to the end for specific phrases you can use in your next hard conversation. This video is for men who are in a sexless relationship or or long term relationship and are deeply distressed about it. The goal here is not to pressure anyone into sex. The goal is to help you communicate clearly, protect your mental health and give the relationship a real chance to change. We'll walk you through ground rules with yourself. How to start the conversation, how to listen when you're hurt, talking about needs without feeling, being forceful, rebuilding intimacy, and when to seek help and protect your own sanity. So ground rules for yourself before you talk to your partner about sex, you need a few internal ground rules. This prevents the conversation from turning into explosion or a shutdown. Sit with this question under my anger about sex, what do I really feel? Common answers are hurt, shame, loneliness, fear, maybe you're not attractive or fear the relationship is dying or you're losing your partner. Write it down. If you only speak from anger, your partner will defend, not connect. 2. Get honest about deal breakers vs discomfort Ask yourself, could I live with rare sex? Could I live with non sexual affection? What is truly non negotiable for me? You don't have to decide today, but knowing your own line helps you speak more clearly and less desperately. Number three Drop scorekeeping and entitlement language. Remove phrases like I deserve sex, you owe me. You never. You always replace them with here's what I need. Here's how this impact me. Here's the kind of relationship I want us to have. Now let's talk about starting the conversation. So the first direct conversation about sexless relationship is often the hardest. So script it. Think about it. All right? Pick the right moment. Not in bed, not right after a rejection, and definitely not during a fight. You can say this. Hey, can we set aside like 30 minutes sometime this week to talk about us? It's important to me, and I want to understand you better. And I want you to lead with impact, not with accusation. When the time comes, try something like, I want to talk about our sex life. When we go months without sex, I start to feel rejected and distant from you. I miss feeling close to you as a couple. Notice. No. You never. No. What's wrong with you? You're describing your emotional reality, not attacking their character. Men struggling to stay hard. Most of the time it comes down to poor blood flow. That's why I put together the the Good Morning Wood Smoothie, a nutrient packed blend designed to restore blood flow naturally. My patients often notice improvement in just a few weeks when they take this part of their daily routine. Click the link below to get the recipe and start boosting your blood flow and firmness today. Or go to good morningwoodsmoothie.com Number 3. State what you're not doing. This reduces their fear. Try like, I'm not here to pressure you into sex or make you the bad guy. I'm here because I love you and I'm struggling and I want us to understand what's going on and see if we can work it together. This is how you listen when you're hurt. This might be the most important part. You may hear things you don't like, like no desire or stress. Resentment, health issue and trauma. Number one, strategy. Reflect on what you hear. If they say, I feel pressure, like any touch has to lead to sex, you can answer. So what I'm hearing is that you feel anxious. That if you show any affection, it has to end in sex, and that makes you shut down. Did I get that right? You. You don't have to agree. You're just showing you actually heard them. Number two, get curious about obstacles. Instead of arguing with them, ask what makes sex hard for you right now. Is it stress? Is it kids? Is it body image? Past experiences? Something between us you're not cross examining. You're trying to understand the system you're both stuck in. Number three, thank them for honesty, even when it hurt. You may say parent. That you may feel no desire is painful, but I appreciate you being honest. I rather know the truth. So we can decide what to do. This kind of response makes it more likely they'll stay open Instead of shutting down. So we're going to talk about now the needs and boundaries. Without being forceful. Your sexual partner needs matter. The autonomy matters. You have to hold both at the same time. So state your needs clearly without threat. Try saying sexual and physical intimacy are important needs for me in a long term relationship. I'm really struggling without them and I'd like us to see if there's any path that can work for both of us. Be honest about the stakes without ultimatum. Ultimatum sounds like if you don't have sex with me, I'm leaving. A healthier version is if nothing changes over time. I'm worried I'll become more resentful and that it will damage us. I don't want that. Which is why I'm asking that we talk about this now. Next, Affirm their right to say no. This is what Separate honest communication from pressure. This is what you say. You always have the right to say no. I'm not asking you to force yourself. I'm asking that we talk about how we can both have a relationship that is livable and meaningful. Next, Rebuilding non sexual intimacy. For many couples, especially when there's low desire, emotional and non sexual closeness has to come first. Number one. Add small daily positive touches like a real hug for 5 to 10 seconds. Holding hands while watching TV. Holding hands while you're walking. A quick kiss in the morning, a quick back rub, a sincere thank you for doing X today. Keep these clearly separate from sexual expectations at first. 2. Create rituals of connection that are not about sex. Example a weekly coffee walk together. A meal a day with the phone away, 15 to 20 minutes nightly. Check in. Each of you shares one stress or one thing you appreciate that day. Number three explicitly separate affection from sex for a while. Say I like to cuddle with zero pressure. For a deleted sex. If it ever feels like too much, just tell me. And then actually honor that. When your partner believes affection is safe, they're more likely to lean in. Okay modern man, if you're struggling with weak erection, low energy, the food you eat could be the big part of the problem. One of the best research back way to boost circulation, support healthy testosterone and improve sex extra performance is the Mediterranean diet. It's packed with food that open up your blood vessel, lower inflammation and fuel your hormone naturally. I've seen men notice real improvement in both energy and erection within weeks when they shift to this style of eating. So check out this Mediterranean diet link right here below and get that as soon as you can. Stronger testosterone, testosterone and better erection. So the next part Is negotiating realistic next steps on sex? So when there's a bit more safety, talk about what's possible now, not the fantasy version of your sex life, ask concrete questions. Instead of why don't you want sex? Try on a 1 to 10 scale, how tense do you feel if you imagine us kissing and making out with no intercourse? What kinds of touch feels okay right now? And what is off limit? Next, suggest low pressure experiment, not promises. For example, would you be open to trying 10 to 15 once a week of sensual but not necessarily sexual touch, like massages or making out, where either of us can pause or stop at any point? The goal is to explore, not to hit a quota number. 3. Think in ranges, not rigid numbers. Instead of I need sex twice a week, you might say, if we could eventually land somewhere like once or twice a month with affection in between, that would feel a lot better for me. Does that feel even remotely possible to you? If we keep working on the emotional side. So when resentment is already high, when many sexless relationships are also loaded with years of hurt, criticism, stonewalling, maybe even affairs, this has to be addressed. Own your side without self destructing. You might say, looking back, I can see how my anger ordrance or criticism has hurt you. I'm working on changing that. I'm open to hearing what would help you feel safer with me. Ask what repairs what actually matters. So you can say, if we focus on repairing trust first, what are two or three specific changes from me that would help you feel safer or even more open? Next, if there's been betrayal, work on trust first. If there was cheating or secret porn or lying involved, you probably need to focus on clear boundaries, transparency and emotional repair before expecting sexual closeness to return. The next part is getting professional help or protecting your mental health. Sometimes the most loving thing you can do for relationship is to bring in help or to care for yourself separately. So how do you suggest therapy? You can say, well, we're stuck in a pattern we can't fix alone. I'd like us to see couples or sex therapists who who work with sex and sexual desire issues, just to see if there's a path forward for both of us. Look for people trained in couples therapy and not just generic counseling. If your partner refused therapy, consider individual support for yourself to clarify your boundaries and deal breakers, and to decide whether to stay, negotiate a different relationship structure or leave. So watch your warning sign. Pay attention if you notice persistent depression, thoughts of self harm, strong urges towards affairs or risky behavior as revenge. If that's happening, reach out for professional and crisis support. This is a serious pain and you don't have to carry it alone. If you're in a sexless marriage or relationship with you're not weak, you're not broken or crazy for hurting. Your needs matter and so does your partner's safety and autonomy. Start with one step. Maybe it's writing down what you really feel. Maybe it's asking for a 30 minute conversation. Maybe booking a therapy appointment just for you. If this video helped, let me know in the comment what part you're going to try first and what other topics around intimacy relationship you want to see. I would appreciate you like subscribe and share this with someone that you feel may be helpful and that know that you are not alone when your ED journey and there are alternative to ed if you need ED breakthrough and to see if we can work together, check out the link here and just know that they're all alternative. You are not broken and you do not have to figure it out yourself. Check out our Modern man club@noedman.com and that we are here for you Modern Man. I will see you in the next episode. Okay Modern man. You are not alone and you don't have to suffer anymore. PD can feel isolating, frustrating and even defeating. The endless guessing, the quiet shame, the weight of not feeling like yourself. It's exhausting. But here's the truth. You are not broken. You are not alone. You don't have to figure this out alone anymore. The Get Wood now Bush program is your step by step path to sexual confidence and restoration. No more suffering in silence. No more trial and error. Just real solution, real result and the confidence you deserve. It's time to take back your power on your term. Let's get this journey started together. Check out the course@getwoodnow.com I'll see you there.

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