How To Arouse Your Partner and Make Her Crave Sex with You, with Susan Bratton

This podcast is for you. The modern man. I'm Dr. Anne Truong, your host. I'm an intimate health medical doctor and best selling author of the book Erectile Dysfunction Fix. I'll do a deep dive into sexual health and performance and how it affects men of all ages and backgrounds. So let's get started and be sure to visit my website@sexualhealthformenpodcast.com for more information and resources from the show. See you on the inside.

Foreign.

Hello there, mod and man. So today we're going to talk about if things have been a little stale in the bedroom lately. In this episode, I'm going to show you some simple tips that will help improve your relationship and make her crave for your touch. I'm Dr. Anne Truang and in this episode I we're going to talk about something a lot of guys struggle with, getting your wife or your partner to have sex with you and crave for your touch. So no need to worry. I'm here today with Susan Bratton, intimacy expert to million, a champion advocate for those who desire intimacy and passion. So if you're interested in learning more, stick around and subscribe and leave a comment. I love to hear from you. So, Susan, welcome.

Hi, Ann, how you doing? We're going to have some fun today, aren't we? Yeah.

Yes.

I wore my sexy red lace outfit for your interview today.

I love it. I love it. Yeah, I love it.

Men love lingerie. Men love lingerie. So I figured.

We'Re going to have a fun time, right?

We are, definitely.

Yeah. So I was on your website checking out all the interesting things you do and I, and I know you, you do a lot of stuff and you have a great website with a lot of interesting products and so forth. We'll leave all that in the show note. And today I want to focus on, you know, how a man with ED or with just some performance, you're not in its peak performance, kind of get the woman to crave for his touch and want to be in the mood for sex. Because we know that if a man has ED or some form of sexual dysfunction, if his partner, they have good communication and his partner is in the mood, that's actually a treatment for him as well too because the brain is a larger sexual function and if you stimulate the brain, that will stimulate everything else down below the brain, including, you know, the genitals and the penis and arousal. So this is where the sexual arousal functioning start, not down below the belt. So today I want to focus on what a partner can do to help a man be aroused and then also what a man can do to really help her be aroused and have that passionate sex. So what, you know, what do you define. I'm just kidding. What do you define as passion?

Well, I think passion is when both partners are really into each other, when they can't wait to get their hands on each other, when they look forward to being together, when they're planning dates and confirming that they're going to make love. That when they get together, it just feels so exciting that they have a lot of pleasure of their touch. They love their kissing. They love feeling their bodies moving together. They feel close, they feel intimate. Their hearts are connected. They look in each other's eyes. They like the smell and the taste of each other. They're willing to explore and try new things. Their sex life is a part of and maybe even the most exciting part of their relationship. And they're constantly fueling it with their desire to be together. I'd say that's a good example of passion.

Oh, wow, that's. That's a great explanation. I want that.

Me too. I have it and I love it.

So let's start with what's the one big intimacy killing mistake that men must avoid? And this is the reason why your wife or your, your girlfriend or partner blatantly reject you for sexual.

Yeah, it's offering sex. It's really confusing for guys. And what you and I are going to talk a lot about today is helping your male listeners get into their woman's world and to hear some things they never thought about their partner because they're in a man's body. And the very first thing that's really frustrating to guys is when they offer sex and they get turned down and they feel rejected. And that often then turns into a fear of asking and offering again. It ends up with a lot of times anger and victimhood. You know, like, she's not a good wife. She doesn't love me, she doesn't want me. They start really projecting and thinking a lot of things because they don't understand that they're consistently hornier than she is, that they're ready to go, and she's way back there. And so when you make an offer for sex, it's too big an offer and you have to scale your offers back so that you start getting her to say yes. And I know we're going to get into more details about that and you have a lot of questions, so I'm going to stop there and let you continue to ask Me questions. Because you have such a good list. And we're going to get to. All right, so what should I do?

So the big intimacy killer mistake is that stop offering the sex. Yeah.

Do you want to have sex? Do you want to have sex? I'm not ready for sex. I'm not even turned on. We haven't done any foreplay. Why would I want sex? Sex means intercourse. And that's like a big ask for a woman who's not yet aroused and in her mental state of turn on. He's in turn on all the time because he gets that testosterone bath every morning and he's testosterone dominant, which makes him hornier. So he's always horny and ready to go. What he doesn't understand is she's not there yet. So offering sex is too much. You've got to start smaller. And we'll get to that.

Okay, so let's get to that. So don't offer the sex. So essentially don't offer the entree yet. You gotta start with the appetizer, you know? Gotta start with the appetizer and kind of work your way up. So what do you do? Appetizers.

I'd even go back from there, Ann. I'd say it's not even about offering the appetizers. Like foreplay would be an appetizer. She spent further behind than that. She wants you to make a date with her to take her out to a restaurant in a few days so she can think about it. And then she wants you to get her car door for her. She wants you to tell her how sexy she looks on that date she wants. And I'm using your analogy. I'm just going with your analogy of the appetizers. Right. So we're not even at dinner yet. We're not at table. We're still like getting in the car to get there. Right. So you have to tell her how beautiful she looks. You have to tell her what is sexy about her that you really like. Like, oh, I love when you wear low cut tops because your cleavage is so tantalizing. I love when you wear short skirts because you have the sexiest legs of any woman I know. I love the way your butt looks in that dress. Your butt makes me so turned on. Whatever it is that's true for you about her, sexiness is what you want to be essentially just continuing to remind her that she's sexy to you. She needs to know she's wanted and desired for how sexy she is. But she equally needs to also know that you adore her for who she is as a woman. Because if all you do is give her, you know, you're so sexy types of things, then she feels objectified. So balancing your verbal appreciation and adoration with what it is in specific, specific detail that's sexy about her is a winning formula for her feeling like she's wanted. And the feeling like she's wanted gets her on the slippery slope to wanting you for sex. So before even appetizers, which I would consider to be the foreplay, you've got to really start with those kinds of things. And guys know this, they know, oh, I need to be wooing her every day, I need to be romancing her. But when they give offers for sex and they get rejected and they get pissed off, they don't want to do that anymore. They're like, why should I romance her? She doesn't give me sex. And I'm like, well she's not going to give you sex unless you romance her. So friggin romancer and have a good time and stop being such a grumpster. Because that's what happens to guys. They get grumpy. And nobody wants to have sex with a grumpy old man. We want to have sex with a romantic playboy who likes our ass.

That's right. You know, also the, the woman, the woman's sexual arousal also starts here as well. She's gonna have to feel appreciated. I have to feel ad she's gonna have to be aroused. And you know, several studies have shown that women are more central, the emotion, the emotion integration with the midbrain is more involved than a man. Like you, like you said earlier, a man has a hundred percent, 100 times more testosterone level than a woman. And therefore he's always ready to go. He, you know, his libido is up and up there, but the woman's 1, 100 of the man. So you get her rev up to that hundred level to where the man is. And all starts in here. And that's why the wooing, the all of that come into play to get her emotionally ready. And I love saying that the brain is a larger sexual organ because what you're saying is that it's stimulating the visual senses, the smell, the taste, the auditory and the touch get all the five senses aroused and it get in and all the hormones get released right here in the gland, the pituitary gland, which is right behind the eye. And that starts the cascade of the heart rate going fast and increasing the blood flow and the sweatiness and that aroused horny feeling that Woman and a man feel. But I think the, the, the man feels an expedited way versus a woman. There's, there's more interplay, you know, in, in the brain. There nothing wrong with that. That's just, you know, the pathway and just takes a little slower. So now, now we're on. Are we on the appetizer yet? We're still on the foreplay then.

Well, I think the next thing to understand is that I'll show you some pictures. Men have a lot of competitive advantages sexually. The first one is that they're bathed in testosterone and lots of it. The second one is that, you know, if you pull back the hood from what their penis looks like and you look at the inside, they have these three erectile tissue chambers that go right into their body. That's almost 50% of their erectile tissue is inside their body, 50% is outside. And that corpus spongiosum and corpus cavernosum fill very quickly with blood. They have the benefits of fast acting hemodynamics. And so the blood, when they get turned on, it just rushes in to the penis. And that allows the penis to get hard and stay hard. It locks the endothelial system in so they can get a firm erection. Where with a woman, this is what her vulva looks like on the outside. But if you peel away the skin, whoops, I got to turn it right back up. If you peel away the skin, these are her erectile tissue chambers. She has three erectile tissue systems in her vulva. She has the clitoral structure, which is these little arms, the, the, the, the glands, the shaft, the arms or cora, the legs or vestibular bulbs, the. That's one, that's one erectile system. The second is this urethral sponge, which some people call the G6 spot. But it's a lot of tissue and a long area to touch. And then the third tissue system is this, that's called the perineal sponge. And that's a spongy tissue between the bottom of her vaginal canal and the top of her rectum. And so she's got all these nooks and crannies. And what I say is that a woman is much more like an English muffin. Where you've got this muffin and it's cold and you stick it in the toaster and it pops up and it's not quite done. You got to stick it in the toaster again. It pops up. You got hard butter, you cut the butter, you stick it in there, you smash the sides together. And you wait for the butter to melt into all the nooks and crannies. That's women's arousal. He's like, bing, ready to go. And he's already horny. She's not already horny unless she's in maybe her five day horny window, which starts about nine days after the beginning of her period. She goes into a horny window, which is nice, but she can have sex all the time if you slowly warm her up. And understand, understand that she needs a lot of blood flow and a lot of arousal to get all that erectile tissue filled. And one of the reasons, one of the most common reasons that women stop wanting their man for sex is that you rushed her unknowingly so many times before she was fully engorged, before she had her own hard on, her own clitoral hard on. She was never hard. And you had intercourse. It didn't feel good to her on a relative basis, especially because for you it's so easy to have an orgasm from intercourse. And for her it takes her longer. And so you were done and she's barely started. And she doesn't want to keep having sex if basically you're just masturbating inside her. I mean, if her vagina is a masturbatory sock for you and you've come and come and come and she's never come, why the hell would she want to have sex with you? So all this rushing has just pushed her away and shown her time and time again that it's not really that great for her. If she constantly has to use her vibrator or she has to have a finger on her clit, then her clitoral and erectile tissue structures have not been fully engorged, which means they're not, they haven't been hard. And so the most important thing to understand about a woman is that she needs a lot of stuff, stimulation to get her hard on. And it really comes in three ways. The number one thing you must know, and this is exactly how your Viagra works as a man, is that she needs as much blood flow to her pelvic bowl as you do. And by the time she's 50, she has half the nitric oxide production that she did at 20. And so she's not getting blood flow. Her vagina lubricates through her blood plasma. Her tissue in her erectile systems lubricate or plump up, get engorged, get hard, get erect, get too messed from blood flow. So if she's not eating leafy greens, if she's not eating beets, if she's not exercising regularly, if she's over 40, if she's using an antibacterial mouthwash, if she's using an acid blocker or a proton pump inhibitor. Literally every single one of those things is diminishing her clitoral erection. And so it's no fun. And then as she ages, her tissue is atrophying in her vulva. And so she's feeling less sensitivity, she's getting fewer signals to her brain. As Dr. Truong says, it's the most important aspect of your sexuality. And so if her clitoris is flaccid and not erect, it's small and shriveled, and when it gets filled with blood, it's. It has more surface area, which sends more signals to her brain of pleasure. So I'd say number one thing is to take a nitric oxide supplement. Have your woman taking a nitric oxide supplement along with yourself if you're over 40. I make one. It's called Flo. And Dr. Truong, if you could put buy flownow.com in the show notes, that's a very good nitric oxide booster made from organic fruits and vegetables that sell citrulline based, which works for people who are over 40 very well. Better than an arginine based nitric oxide booster. So I think number one thing is understanding that it takes her a lot longer to get turned on. And there are a couple of paths to getting that tissue giving her an erection. One of them is what I call an everted clitoral erection. Everted means from the inside out rather than the outside in. There's two approaches to getting that tissue hard, fluffed up, if you will. Fluffy. One is inside out, the other is outside in. Inside out is kissing and playing with her breasts and nipples. And if she's the kind of woman who doesn't like to kiss you, ask her to help you learn how to kiss in a way that's sexy to her. Ask for training. Train me, teach me. Let's have a neurotic play date and just practice kissing. Let's figure that out. Number two, touching her breasts and nipples is a direct stimulant to getting her clitoris hard from the inside out. And if she doesn't like her breasts, you need to reassure her that they are beautiful and feel wonderful to you and they turn you on and they're beautiful and play with them as much as you can. Learn how to give orgasmic breast and nipple massages because the nipples are the mouth and the nipples are basically connected to her vulva, and they send blood flow, and they get you turned on from the inside out. And then the outside in is using vibrators and sex toys, using manual fingers and rubbing and, you know, stroking and kneading the. The different parts of her vulva. All you want to activate. You want to activate her whole vulva. Showing this picture again of the vulva. The mons likes to be touched. The outer labia like to be kneaded. The inner labia like to be stroked. The clitoral hood likes kind of a windshield wiper. The clitoris itself likes different light touches. The vestibule inside when you open. The inner labia that likes long finger strokes. The opening to the vagina, which is called the introidal sphincter, loves for you to rest a finger there and just gently tease it, not stick your finger right in there. That's too much for her. Where the lips, inner lips come together at the bottom is called the fourchette. That loves to be played with her little butt cheeks. Like to be played with the perineal area, her groin, the insides of her thighs. All of that rubbing brings blood flow to her vulva, which is what gives her the erection that she needs. So I think those are very, very important parts. Those are why foreplay is so important and why it takes a woman 20 to 30 minutes of foreplay to get the erection that you can get in a matter of seconds.

Yes, yes, absolutely. And the point that I want to stress is that the woman need to get an erection as much as a man getting a penile erection, and that the clitoris, for a woman is a. It's an organ that is mainly for her for pleasure. It has no other function than just pleasure alone, as compared to a man's penis, which has three functions. One is to urinate, and two is for afla. For a seminal fluid, and three, of course, for, you know, procreation, for. As an erection. But for a woman, it's about 4 inches long. And that picture that you're showing right there, that the gray area, the blue gray area, is the whole entire penis. And it's not just the knob that you see and the whole entire clitoris. I mean, it's just not the knob that you see, not the glands, not the tip, right? Yeah, it's not the tip, but it goes all the way in and it splits apart. It actually looks like a wishbone that, you know, is 4 inches in length. And that vestibule that looks like a balloon that actually is right underneath the Skin of the. What's called the vulva, but kind of like the labia minora, which.

The outer labia. Yeah. Underneath the fur, underneath her pubic hair. On each side of the opening to her vagina is where those vestibular bulbs are. And that skin that likes to be kneaded and it gets plumped up. You want to get it plumped up.

Right. And you can tell when she's aroused by the. It looks pink, very pink and moist and like that rosy color. But it takes her a while to get there. It's not like a man who can have an erection within actually less than a minute second as well. So I'm glad you showed the anatomy. I love, I love that picture there. I think you may have uncovered. You already talk about the two secrets already. Was that the inside out and outside in?

Yes.

The two secrets for female desire that nobody ever explained.

Well, I think that's. That is an important thing. The two secrets are, you know, I guess the one secret is engorgement. Engorgement is very, very important. And then I think it's having a lot of very good techniques to pleasure her with. You know, I've published what I do for a living is I run a publishing company. I publish passionate lovemaking techniques in the form of audio, video and ebooks. And one of my programs is a program called the Steamy Sex Edition Video collection. It has eight videos or DVDs. If you live in a place that doesn't have good broadband connectivity and it shows over 200 oral pleasuring, manual pleasuring, erotic massage. I mean, women need full body touch, not just go right for their genitals. And so I think the other piece of it is not just understanding that you have to kind of work your way from your outside, from the outside in. I call that my bullseye touch technique. I say, imagine a bullseye. And what you want is for her to touch your penis immediately because that calms you down and lets you know. It's like, oh, game on. We're gonna, you know, we're gonna be doing something here with my penis. I feel good when she touches it right away. That's the opposite for her. But so many times men are grabbing at our vulva, like not even really knowing how to touch it and just kind of grabbing it like Mr. Magoo in the dark. And that's a turn off for us to be manhandled inappropriately on our vulva and our breasts. And so learning, you know how I was saying, you want to knead this part? You want to Use a windshield wiper here. You want to do the lightest of long touches here, sliding up and down. I mean, you can literally learn hundreds of manual oral and intercourse techniques. Because most men, honestly, they watch so much porn because they're so horny all the time, they've got to masturbate every day. And that's normal. That's perfectly fine. But the porn industry is making, you know, erotic fiction for you to get you off, and that's not what you want to do to a woman. And so often men, when they find. When they go too fast to intercourse, and then all they're doing is just in and out, in and out, in and out, in and out, because that's what they see on porn. They're not doing a lot of the intercourse techniques that she needs to really have an orgasm. And a lot of women think, oh, I'm not. I'm just not the kind of woman who can have an orgasm from intercourse. And then he's like, well, I guess you're not. And then they. And then they give up, not understanding that it's simply a learned skill and that all women can have orgasms from intercourse. All women and all men, all homo sapiens, all human beings have the capacity to have 20 kinds of orgasms and one. And the 20th one is called Wild Card, because there are things that people are doing to get off that I don't even know about. I'm always learning.

So I think. I love. I love it when you said all homo sapien, all human can have orgasm. And I can't tell you how. I wish the number was smaller, but how not too uncommon. I'll see. Women will come and see me, and they say, well, what's an orgasm? And then she already had, like, about three to four, three kids, and she still don't know when an orgasm is. And so that's a shame, because. But you think about it. Nobody really teaches you. There's no manual to have sex. It's not like they talk about it in high school. They, you know, they. And your parents certainly is uncomfortable talking about. I don't know about you, but your parents never talk about the birds and the bees with me. You kind of learn it on your own. You learn it.

You're supposed to learn it on your own. It's your job to learn it, not to just be in the dark. You need to go work with a. Work with someone, you know, follow someone like me or any other sexologist that's teaching sex techniques. I mean, I give away so much for Free that you could get an entire sex education just from my free things. And I would like to give one right now, Ann. It's a technique that I have that probably gets more emails and DMS through Instagram with positive glowing exclamation point thank yous than any other technique I give away.

Oh, give that to us. Yes, give that to us.

You're so cute. I'll give it to you. I give it to you. Dr. Trong, you and I are a match made in heaven. I think a couple of anatomy geeks who love sex. It's called thrust in time and it's@ Thrustintime.com and it solves the two biggest problems of sex. Number one, he comes too fast before she can get off. And number two, she can't have. She. She struggles to have an orgasm from intercourse. And this does not require you to use a vibrator or to touch her clitoris in any way. To touch the tip of her clitoris. The entire. Her entire vagina is wrapped in erectile tissue. So all of this stuff around this red circle is. Is her penis. Essentially. It's just wrapped around like this beautiful bracelet around her vagina. So the mere fact of you knowing what to do with your penis inside her vagina triggers all of this erectile tissue to send massive amounts of pleasure to her brain. But sometimes when you're having intercourse, you can't last. And it's not even about lasting a hugely long time. It's really about being able to confidently last and still stay present and connected to her. Not use something where you're thinking about your grandma's underwear or a dead weasel on the side of the road or coping mechanisms for stamina. That's no good. So thrust in time is an ancient Taoist practice because the Chinese 2,000 years ago were very good lovers. And the ancient Taoist practice I have brought into the 21st century for modern day men and women who are in heterosexual, monogamous relationships where they want to make love and they both want to get off the whole time they're doing it. And it's a counting technique, a counting stroke based on a count of 10 where you're basically doing these short, soft, smooth, very slow, shallow strokes because the opening to her vagina is extremely sensitive. It's called the introidal sphincter. It's a round muscle. And when you're pounding away, sometimes a woman wants to get pounded and she'll let you know when. But that's not how you start out making love to a woman. And she Needs these very delicate almost. One of the techniques I teach is called the heart tongue and it's connecting your heart to your penis and thinking about it as a more articulate thing like a tongue or a finger, rather than just a piston. And when you do the shallow strokes and then you punctuate it with a couple of long, deeper strokes and then go back to the short strokes and then do long, deeper strokes. And I give you exactly how to do it@ Thrustintime.com but what that does is it actually her sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous system such that when you give her a couple long strokes and then you take them away and you give the short strokes, she wants more long strokes. So by the time you're at like four or five, she's beating on you for more long strokes. And as soon as you give them to her, she'll come maybe for the first time she's ever come. And when you tell her, she's like, what are you doing? And you tell her that's a technique, I just call it whatever, make it up. I call it whatever your name is, you know, I call it the sexy man. I call it the sexy Anne technique. So whenever you want it, say, do the sexy Anne technique to me. And she'll be calling you on that one all the time. And that's just one technique, but it's the one that helps women finally get over the hump and come from having intercourse without having to touch the clit and have it in the way. You can have this super close, very romantic, missionary style sex. And she can come the whole time. You can teach her how to come the whole time you're inside her. And all that is a learned skill. And then she's going to want you for sex. But even then, don't offer sex, offer fun, pleasure, how about a full body rub, etc. You know, you got to get her on the slippery slope to her arousal ladder.

Right, right. And I'm all with you on that. And that, you know, slippery slope to the arousal ladder, you know, is stimulating the brain. And, and, but oftentimes, you know, it's like if you're a Mary, you're like, oh my God, you know, the kids are in the other room, let's try to finish this real quick. And, or I got to go to work. Or things like that can kind of come in, in play. But I, I love the way how you give the, the, you know, the tips on the thrust in time. That's something that, you know, listeners, you can start practicing Right now, tonight, you know, wherever you are, you know, at night, right now. Delicious.

Are you gonna try it?

And deep.

What Are you gonna, Are you gonna try it?

Probably, probably tonight, yes. Yeah.

Give it to your.

Have it download it at home, give.

It to your husband, print it out and give it to him and say, do this to me.

But, but also, but, but also, you know, go, go on your website, the site that you have other training videos. Well, what is that website? You have all the training videos on lovemaking technique.

It's called Personal Life Media.

Okay.

And I have hundreds of videos at Better Lover. You can get them for free.

They're all free atbetterbetter lover.com is when they get the videos for free.

Yeah.

Okay. And then what's the other website that.

That Personal Life Media that has all my articles and links to all my free things?

That's right. So this, this is your sex ed here, this website or sex ed here that are techniques that work that are, are not, you know, what you see in porn. Because that's not, that's not real life. That's not, you know what, you know, we're women want, you know, I think you just described technique already that, you know, women will crave for your touch. And so I will put all the website links to on the show notes. So go to the show note to get her free videos. And I know she has a lot and I, I've actually looked at some of it. I have to say I have to probably go back and look at some more now. They're definitely going to try the Thrust in Time technique at this point. So on that part, I thank you so much for being with me on this episode and sharing your wisdom and being so giving and putting out these videos that are probably much needed. And I hope that all our listeners will go to the website and look at, check out these videos. So thank you, Susan, for being here with us today and we'll see you in the next episode.

Thank you so much.