Modern Man's Struggles with Masculinity and Sex in 2024

What is a challenge men face with in 2024 at this time? Sex masculinity. Stay tuned to find out. Hello there. I am glad that I have a guest today, Jason Lang. He's a men embodiment coach, a group facilitator, and he essentially coach men to really wake up to find the deeper clarity in their life purpose and relationship. And that's the reason why I haven't joined the show, because I know that navigating as a man in the 21st century is different than it was 50 years ago, even 30 years ago, with society changing that we have now the Me Too movement. And I'm a mother of a son, and I'm married to my husband, and I'm also a daughter. And so I grew up with four brothers and I have another sister. So I actually more familiar and hang around guys, and I'm actually a tomboy. I'm a daddy's girl as well too. And I know that there are challenges that men face in the world nowadays. So, Jason, welcome to our podcast.

So excited to be here. Thank you for having me.

Yes, yes. So let's dive into it, and we have some good topic today. So tell me about the Nice Guy syndrome, what that is and how that is creating challenges for men nowadays.

Yeah. So Nice Guy Syndrome is a concept popularized by Dr. Robert Glover, who's a mentor of mine. And really, it's kind of a collection of behaviors that manifest as a certain type of codependency. For a long time, many men grew up around other men who just went for what they wanted, took what they wanted, whether that was from the environment, whether that was from women, whatever that might be. And that's caused a lot of damage in society and culture for all kinds of different reasons. And this really came to a head in the last decade with the MeToo movement of seeing what can happen when the unintegrated masculine men just run amok, so to speak. So Nice Guy Syndrome is kind of a reaction to all of that that started maybe 50 or 60 years ago, where more and more men started to be raised more and more primarily by women. So this was a big shift in our culture in that for a long time, men would be raised by the women in their family or their tribe up to a certain age. And then they would kind of get sent off to be with the men when they were 8, 9, 10 rites of passage, becoming young men. That really changed in the Industrial Revolution because men basically went out to work in factories. And so more and more men were left at home with mom and sisters. And then they were put in school systems where the majority of the teachers were women. So more and more men were raised by women. And more and more men were raised with a certain fear of being that unintegrated masculine that causes harm. So nice guy syndrome really often starts at a pretty root level, where at a young age, men learn to disconnect from their bodily impulses, their wants, their needs, their truth, in order to maintain in a relationship with one of their primary caregivers, usually. So I'm gonna kind of withhold myself in order to keep the peace or please and appease whoever I'm with. And then that continues up through teenage years into adulthood, where what nice guys basically end up doing is they kind of withhold their truth. And they just try to be really, really nice and safe, and it's awesome in some ways. They're really friendly. They're really comfortable to be around. But with that shutting down of impulse, a lot of nice guys also shut down their power and their sexuality. So they have a hard time actually getting what they want. And paradoxically, they're often less trustable because if instead of directly asking for what they want, they just try to do nice things and hope they'll get something in return. And these are called kind of COVID contracts. If I'm just nice enough to this woman, eventually she'll see that I'm a great guy and she'll want me. And that almost never happens because there's rarely enough of that erotic charge there for a woman to feel that way for nice guys.

So that's the nice guy syndrome. So there's that codependency and disconnect. Now dive into what that means, the disconnect from their sexuality. What? Clarify that for me.

Yeah, totally. So it literally starts with, and this doesn't just happen to nice guys, but it's intensified in nice guys. Men in general, we are more and more taught to be disconnected from our bodies. So from a young age. Stop crying. People say that to their kids all the time, which essentially means whatever you're feeling in your body, that's not valid. Ignore that. Get over it. Use your frontal cortex to kind of disengage that. Work harder. Push yourself more. We get all these signs from our culture as men to just disconnect from your body. Essentially, that's what makes a man tough. He can keep going no matter what. So we have that. And then with nice guys, what's happening is in order to keep the peace in whatever relationship they're with, they're suppressing their own urges. So they're disconnecting from the truth in their body of, hey, that didn't feel right, don't talk to me like that, or I want to do this, or sometimes as simple as, I'd like to kiss you right now. That impulse towards closeness, men learn not to trust that in themselves in order to try to keep things safe with the other person at all times. So essentially, men start to ignore their impulse.

Gotcha. Okay, I want to kind of add in about what you had alluded to was that I just went to Harvard Medical School sexual medicine conference, and I want to learn everything about the neurobiology of sexuality. And the interesting part is that the nucleus for sexual urges, sexual instinct, is in the primal part of our brain, which is in between the ear, deep down inside that, the oldest part of the brain is the same type of brain that lizard have. We're actually related to the lizard. So the oldest part of the brain, but the newest part of our brain is this part right here that make us more human is this overhang right here on top of our cranium called the prefrontal cortex. That and that prefrontal cortex is involved in what's called executive thinking. Thinking about business, thinking about family, thinking about what you have to do, multitasking and thinking about your schedule. That's all in here. But the primal part is what the sexual centers are, and that is what we instinctively do. These are our basic instincts and urges. But as we grow up or society and family and environmental exposure, we learned to control those primal instinct and urges through the prefrontal cortex, which is this part of the brain that sends messages to the primal center. It's called the VPN nucleus, which is in that part of the brain to control it, to lower the urges. It's essentially like. Well, it prevents you from that way when you go in the crowd, don't walk total naked. Even though you want to walk total naked. You said, no, it's not appropriate. You're outside, you shouldn't do that. But in a sense, from what you're saying, is that some of that may be good in listening to that. And of course, it's in context, but sometimes that will give us the animal instinct, the magnetism that somebody may have and that interestingly, conversely, men and women that have sexual dysfunction, they have too much stimulus from the prefrontal cortex to the sexual primal center, meaning that you're inhibiting that so much that it's hard for them to express their sexuality in almost like a physical Sexuality. So that affects libido, arousal, orgasm, and even physical responsiveness of the genital area to stimulation. So that's an important part. So I'm really kind of synchronizing what you're saying and. And behavior to what's going on in the brain biology, because it makes so much sense of what you're saying. And I know that you're not saying, hey, trust your instinct. Go out there and walk around naked if you want to, but what you're saying is that there should be some integration. And I know that you're not hinting at walking like a caveman. So what's the thing that you're coaching men to be? You mentioned the integrated man. Not so much Mr. Nice Guy, but integrated man. What is that?

Yeah, ideally, we're bringing that primal part of ourselves back online, that drive, that impulsiveness, so we can harness that. And we're pairing it, though, with deep sensitivity and connection to those around us and an awareness of kind of what's going on in our environment with the people we're with. It's much different than the kind of traditional caveman of, I want this. So I take it there's noticing, oh, I want this. And, well, is this person available? Are they interested? So I'm actually sensitive to my environment and to who I'm with to make sure it's a good fit and that integration, really what it's about. And men get to experience this when I work with them. It's feeling a connection to our balls, like our power or, yeah, I'm here. I'm alive. I want this. I want her. I want more. It's in my life and our heart. That sensitivity, that. And, okay, sometimes I can't always get what I want. Sometimes I have to meet someone in cooperation and slow down or whatever that might be. So it's about bringing our balls online and our heart and not just collapsing into one or the other. And that's really challenging because we do not have a lot of models for that as men. We see a lot of guys who are just all that power, take whatever they want, kind of that more narcissistic style and cause a lot of abuse in the world. Or we see more of the kind of nice guy, the pushover, the guy that's perpetually stuck in the friend zone and just gets trampled over. And what we want is that harnessing of both. Who can be a man, who can be really clear, really firm, like, hey, stop. Don't go there. That's not okay. Who has access to that know that power or that I want this, I want you, here's what I'd like to do to you, that kind of thing. Like to have that connection to their vitality and be deeply attuned, so not just be fully living, only thinking about themselves. And that's a process for us men of literally getting back into our bodies. So reconnecting to the primal sensations in our bodies, which then also comes with reconnecting in some pretty big ways to our emotional systems as men and actually getting access to our emotions. Because one of the reasons many men stay up here in that prefrontal cortex ruminating is because when we're in our body, we feel more, including emotionally. And a lot of men don't know what to do with their feelings, so they don't want to be in their bodies. So we distract ourselves with porn, with ejaculation, with alcohol, with weed, with whatever that might be, because we don't know how to deal with negative emotions a lot of time. So the work for us modern men is learning to deal with our feelings and to get into our bodies and access our power so we can be vital presences and frankly, a lot more sexy in the world.

So why is it so hard for men to deal with the negative emotion?

We are just not taught to do that. Most men, from an early age, you've maybe heard it or even received it, stop crying. It's is stuff men get and women get too all the time. Don't show weakness, toughen up, be tougher, don't feel that. And then we get in. As we grow up out of our family systems as young men, we get into kind of locker room culture where any kind of vulnerability is attacked by other men and we can be bullied. So we're taught that we got to be tough, we got to not show any weakness, and we got to just kind of lone wolf it through life. And nobody teaches us but what our emotions are and what to do with them when we're feeling them. And instead we just get bombarded by everything. These days in the kind of hyper consumerist society of, well, buy this or do this and you'll feel better. Just swipe a couple more times on Instagram, check out this porn, buy this new thing and you're going to feel better. And it never addresses the root things underneath of wow, I'm sad or I'm hurt, I'm really angry, I'm, I'm upset about something. And instead us men and particularly nice guys will just totally disconnect from that and try to keep, always be nice, always be nice, never show our emotions, always be tough. And so many men have just never had a model for what it means to see a man who's fully in touch with his emotions and isn't collapsed in them either. So who can grieve, who can be in tears but still feel solid and present and alive and trustable, or who can frankly be enlivened with a type of anger or frustration about something happening in his life or someone to him or in society and not be explosive and destructive, but be a force of like, hey, wow, this is really upsetting me, right?

So is that hard to learn to do? Because you're talking about a man that, let's say 35 year old man that lived 35 years with his learned behavior from the day he was born and then now you say, well, stay attuned to your feelings. I'm married to a guy like that and he doesn't like to talk about things and rather not get emotional like that. He is kind of an alpha guy. And so is it hard to change that?

It does take work. It does. A lot of guys won't step into it until there's some kind of crisis in their life, meaning a relationship ends or they lose something or frankly, as we get older, for a lot of men it starts to show up as health challenges, autoimmune disorders, different things going on with their body, where they're, they're just kind of breaking down. Was way more than people realize can be related to our emotional wellness in our system and what we're not moving or not expressing. And frankly, what I've seen over time is people's bodies will start to take the shape of, of what's unexpressed in themselves. So they might be overly rigid because they can't share anything or they kind of collapse on themselves and we start to see it. So for men to step in, it's a big challenge. But the thing I always work with guys on is frankly, afterwards it's 1000 times easier. Because if you imagine 35 years old, sometimes this stuff goes back to literally our first years of life. Certain hurts or woundings or frustrations that we're then carrying in our bodies, our whole life, holding it in. And every time we're not feeling an emotion, it shows up as holding in our musculature. There's more and more research coming out that it actually tightens up our fascia. We actually tighten up, we become more rigid. And that takes a tremendous amount of energy. That's then not available for us in our lives or in our sexuality. So while it's hard to get in and do that emotional work, what's available on the other side is always 100% easier. Every man I walk through that with, they're like, wow, I wish someone had told me this because I just never knew it was possible, never knew it was an option to feel my feelings, so to speak.

Right. And so I want to add upon that and two things that you have mentioned, and I'm a big proponent of this testosterone. A man testosterone level is the highest when his mid 20s and unfortunately it dropped about 1 to 2% every year, like late 20s every year. So by the time you're 35, it may have dropped maybe from 5 to 10% and then cumulatively year after that. And that's for a healthy man. But if a man is obese, if he is stressed out, if he does porn, he doesn't sleep well, has a poor diet, eat processed food, does an exercise that accelerate the drop, instead of 1 to 2, it may be 5% a year. And oftentimes testosterone is what make a man man. It doesn't make a man look like Arnold Schwarzenegger. That's not testosterone. That's a bunch of other anabolic steroids. No man on testosterone look like Arnold Schwarzenegger. Okay, that, that's a myth. But testosterone is an integral part for a man in a sense, a mood stability. Mood stability. Because a man mood liability or changes irritability can be a sign that his testosterone level dropping to all men, all you guys just know around late 20, you're going to start dropping. And if you noticing that you're in your 30s and you're just maybe not assertive or just the person that you are, it may just be that you need to get your testosterone level checked. Because testosterone replacement therapy can be easily be done and treated to supplement. But oftentimes a man, you know, if he's less than 45, he can probably raise his testosterone level up with diet and exercise. Because if he does that, he'll raise it about 100 and change it in numbers in total testosterone. But it's harder to do when you're older, like over 45, it's harder to raise it up because of the less functioning of the testicles and producing that just because of age. But you can certainly modify that when you're under 45. So the point I want to think about is that check into thinking that testosterone level is dropping, maybe that for those change on top of being disconnected There is a hormonal component to that that is related to your lifestyle, your diet, your exercise, sleep and stress level. But on top of that is that. Think about that and then take a step back and improve your diet, your exercise, and getting enough sleep and meditation. So I always stress this on my podcast. The four pillars of sexual health, but also general health, is diet, exercise, sleep, and stress reduction. Because you do that, your testosterone level is going to increase by 200 points, literally 200 points, if you do all four of them. Because I'm talking about if you're low testosterone, like, you know, the range is from 300 to 900. But if you're. Let's say you're at 300, you do that, you're in 500 point. You can increase it by 500 points if you're under 45. But if you're over 45 is a little bit harder because your testicles, it's hard for it to kind of ramp up and make all that as well, too. So that's why I'm a big proponent of replacing testosterone, to really give the man some more fuel in his tank, because I don't want him to be operating on an empty tank and blaming himself for all of this as well. Because if his tank is full, he can really institute what you're teaching easier. Really a lot easier. This goes for women as well, too. The same goes for women. Their hormones start to drop also a little later than men around in their mid-30s as well. But just know this, women have more testosterone than actually estrogen in their body. Not as much as a man, but they have more testosterone than estrogen. People feel that they have a lot of estrogen more than testosterone, but women have actually a high amount of testosterone as well. So what you were saying about bending over and the tenseness and so forth, that's actually the activation of the stress system called the sympathetic nervous system, which is the stress nerve. You feel stress, then that nervous system in your body start to kind of kick in. But however, if you're in that mode, you're not going to have erection, you're not going to feel aroused, because when you're in that mode, it's preventing you from having an erection. So I wanted to kind of add that to what you're saying in, like, the bodily posture and everything as well. So having said that, you haven't worked with the men. What's the number one challenge or struggle that men deal with in this time, in 2024?

There's a couple, but the first one that comes to mind is a lot of men just, we do really well when we're given a roadmap or an instruction manual or, like, how to win, so to speak. And a lot of men don't know what does it mean to win as a man anymore. These days, even in traditional kind of hetero relationships, women don't need men for the same things they needed men for a couple of decades ago. That's all changing. And so a lot of men are feeling left behind and not sure what we're supposed to grow into. And that can be pretty depressing for a lot of men. Like, I don't know how I'm supposed to show up in the world. Being a nice guy doesn't work. I don't want to be one of those macho jerks, so what do I do? And that leaves a lot of men feeling extraordinarily confused and not sure what action to take in their life. And then when we're not sure what action to take in our life, we start to get stressed out or depressed, and that all starts to feed into itself, right? You can feel, if we don't know how to process our emotions, if we don't know how to win in life, we're feeling anxious in ourselves, or we're feeling not well, then we'll turn to different things to make ourselves feel better, Whether that's porn or weed or booze or staying up late binging Netflix. And then we're not sleeping as well. And when we don't sleep as well, we get more into that stress state. So our body craves carbs more, and it all just feeds into itself and drives down things like our testosterone, and it becomes this cyclical loop. So for a lot of men I work with, it's learning that getting present in our bodies, reactivating our connection primarily to our sexuality, to our power, to our balls, to our drive to that testosterone, and then pairing that with our heart, with our yearning to connect to those around us gives them a path forward. And what I found is the fastest way for men to actually witness that is by seeing it in other men. And it's why I'm such a big proponent of men joining men's groups and spending time with other men, like we used to do back in the day, we would learn, ah, what is healthy masculinity by seeing it be embodied in another man. And there's something too. You know, I haven't done the science on this, but I'd be willing to bet someone could. There's also something that just Happens to men when we spend time with other men. I see it on retreat all the time. Something relaxes in the masculine when we're just around other men, when we're not having to win or perform or. And guys just get it. And that paradoxically, like you said, it allows more of our vitality to come online. So men spending time with other men becomes one of the key ways to discover this kind of pairing of our heart and our power moving forward.

Right. So why do you think that is? You would think that men spending time with men, there will be some competition, there will be more macho men stuff. Why is it that in your retreat that men spend time with men, are you alluding that they're more vulnerable? They want to.

Part of it.

Feeling.

Yeah, as a part of it. The great gift men can give other men in particular, but really anyone is bringing them deeper into the experience of their body in the moment. So the masculine can be right. Deeply present and can actually reflect to another man how they're feeling and experiencing him. Like, hey, I hear you're saying you want that, and you're actually kind of smiling a little bit in a way that makes me not believe you or. Right. There's different cues we start to get. And other men can help us attune and see the parts of ourselves we can't see in ourselves. So we actually go deeper and we connect to our truest self in a sense of what we really want. The main power. I see the type of men's work I lead, which, yeah, it has vulnerability, it has emotions, but it also has a lot of fire and heart and power that comes online for men. But the main thing that happens is men have a safe place to identify what it is they want and need in their life and what they're feeling. And once we know that, then we can take that directly back out into the world with action. Oh, I got to quit my job. Or it's finally time to ask out that woman I've really been interested in. Or, wow, I was afraid to admit it, but my marriage is over. I've been suffering for 20 years and I've tried really hard and it's not going to change. And now I have that certainty in my body that I gotta be the one that changes it. That's the kind of stuff men come back from retreat with, is much deeper clarity about the direction of their life.

I can see that. Yeah, you're right. When we grow up, there is no workbook on sexuality other than porn, other than movies and media. It's how you really find out about sexuality or locker room talk. That's really what you expect to learn. But sometimes that may not be reality. On how things are. And so I'm glad that you have mentioned about the men's group there. So let's talk a little bit about semen retention. What is that and how can that help a man improve his life?

Yeah. So semen retention, you know, it kind of constellates a couple of different things. At the highest end, which you definitely have to practice towards, is becoming a multi orgasmic man, which is the ability to orgasm without ejaculation. Those two things can be separated, but it does take work in a level of control that frankly not all men are willing to put in the time and energy to, to learn how to do. But even before that, what I work with a lot of men on, specifically around a 30 day challenge, is semen retention. So it's just the practice of abstaining from ejaculation for a certain period of time, minimum four weeks. I've done up to five or six months myself. And it has tremendous impact on our lives as men. Primarily for a lot of the reasons you talked about. As ejaculation is deeply tied into our hormonal system. When we ejaculate, prolactin goes up, testosterone goes down. Pretty much every man knows the feeling of I'm fired up, I'm charged, I really want sex. The moment I ejaculate, I just want to drift off to bed, I'm just gone. All that fire is kind of dissipated. And there's a certain bliss in that. The problem for a lot of men these days is, and I consider myself one of these men, is grew up with easy access to porn. So from an early age we're getting highly stimulated like in a way that nobody could have 40 years ago. I can just open my phone now and have access to more naked women than pretty much anyone in the history of the planet before this technology. Our nervous systems aren't really adapted for that. And then. So men will start ejaculating frequently when we pair that with the fact, like we said, men are not taught what to do with our emotions or how to be in our bodies. So we have these uncomfortable feelings and we will actually try to ejaculate them out. So a lot of men will actually turn towards sexuality and ejaculation and as a means to regulate their nervous system. It's not even about actual sexual pleasure or connection. They actually are using ejaculation to regulate themselves. And so this starts to create a pattern of overly masturbating to ejaculation, to self regulate. Our testosterone goes down. It removes our fire, it removes our drive. We adapt all these other behaviors. For me, I would stay up late jerking off to porn, then I'd eat a lot of carbs. I wouldn't sleep well, I might go out drinking. It all starts to feed into itself and kind of make us less active in the world, have less energy to go for what we want. And then the cycle just starts over again. So semen retention is a way to disrupt that and for men to start to take some of their power back and quite honestly rebalance their energy systems in their body. I was extraordinarily depleted as someone who basically ejaculated every day for 20, 20 years. And it took my body some time to recover from that. And I'll tell you, when I did my five months, about four and a half months in, I kept getting comments from people. They're like, did you lose weight? You look so amazing. Like, there's just something about you. Most people, I, I wasn't going to say, hey, I'm actually abstaining from ejaculating right now. I just have a lot more energy in my body. But they were noticing that my presence was different. I had more energy, more vitality. I was more direct, I was more clear. And that fire becomes really useful for men to again get clarity about what actions we want to take in our life. I consider the kind of sexual charge that builds up in us men, what that actually exists for. It's our creativity. It demands us to take some kind of action in the world, whether that's sexual expression or take taking a risk in a job or moving towards something. When we deplete that fire, we don't really have that hunger to make these big changes or to take risks when we do the semen retention. So we take ejaculation off the table for a certain period of time. That fire starts to build up. Men actually feel more heat in their bodies, more drive, more desire, more kind of edge to themselves, and have a little bit more of that kind of ah in their body. That is often exactly what they need to walk across a room and talk to a woman they're attracted to. There's an actual, I have to move over there. My body is demanding it. When we're constantly ejaculating, that just goes away. It's like, oh, I'd like that, but she might reject me. That's the feeling my body would Often have. So semen retention is a way for us men to get our hunger, get our fire back, and then allow us to direct it in our lives so we're moving towards the things we want. And then paradoxically, as men, when we're moving towards what we want, we become a lot more attractive to members of the opposite sex. Wow. That's a man who moves towards what he wants. He's confident. He came up and talked to me. He's taken risks in his life. I like that man. And it starts to feed into itself over and over again. And the way I work with men is it doesn't mean you can never ejaculate again. It's just to become mindful of the energetic expenditure, which I'm sure you know even more of the stats than I do of what happens as men age. When you're 18, it's like, yeah, you can ejaculate pretty frequently, and you still got a lot of vitality in your body. You know, I'm about to turn 44, and it's different now. When I ejaculate, I notice it for days if I'm not careful. And as men get older, it changes. So you want to find what's all.

Related to the testosterone, the production. Because testosterone is really the initiator of how the testicle produces sperm. And it actually gets a signal from the brain, the pituitary, that produces luteinizing hormone, lh, that stimulate the cells in the testicle to produce testosterone. And that testosterone is also affecting the prostate as well, because the prostate is where you make semen. So you make sperm in the testicle, but the fluid, the sperm swim in the semen is actually in the prostate. And that gets mixed together when you ejaculate. So it involves contraction of muscles that are in your pelvic floor area that shoots it out. So it involves muscle contraction, the muscle right below the scrotal and area, as well as the muscle that is near the prostate, to essentially eject the fluid that is stored in the prostate. And that's how semen comes out. So it does involve muscular contraction as well as coordination with the testicle and the prostate. So it does expend energy. In fact, a man, when he has sexual activity, expend about 100 to 200 calories versus a woman. And it depends on position, of course, right position and the length of time and all that, but that is on an average of that. And plus, when you have orgasm, there are multiple neurotransmitter or hormone that gets released in Your brain that create the feeling of fatigue, tiredness. And then a man has a refractory period. So if he ejaculate, it's a refractory period that he cannot get another erection again. And that's because his hormone level is low, testosterone is low, and he can't get it high up again. The older you are, the longer your refractory period. That's why when you get older, you can't do it four times a day. You can when you're in your 20s, or even seven times a day or whatever. Refractory period is longer. And also as you get older, it's all about the hormone, because the hormone level is less. So therefore your contraction is also not as powerful. That's why older men like in their 60s have less fluid, less semen volume. Not because they're making less the same volume, but the exposure, the muscle that expels it out are weaker. So one of the things is pelvic floor exercises. I encourage men to do that. Those are the same muscle that actually start and stop your urine stream. And those are the same muscle that are involved for orgasm and ejaculation. So the same muscle, that little beanie beanie muscle that is in triangular shape like that, that is just below your scrotum, it's above your rectal area. The area is called under the tank. Kind of like that area right there. Those are small muscle, but they're powerful muscle because those muscle actually help with erection as well. Because those muscles will help the penis more erect. So when it erects penis, it keeps it more erect. The two muscles that are responsible for the feeling of contraction during orgasm, as well as responsible for ejaculation. So it does have multiple purposes. So it helps you urinate, it help you the expulsion of the semen and the contraction of the orgasm. And also the ejaculation part. But not a lot of men know that they can exercise that by doing Kegel exercises. And that's how the multi orgasmic man theory is that you can allow those contraction, but don't allow it to expulsion. So that's why it's harder for a man had to be attuned to those muscle contraction. But they're little small muscles like the sides of my hand. And you have to be attuned to the contraction. That's how you have to orgasm. But you have to relax it at the right time to prevent the exposure or the ejection of the semen. So that's why it can be done. But it definitely takes practice. But I encourage men to do Kegel exercises. And that's essentially the same muscles that start atop a urine stream. You know exactly how that feel. Put your fingers underneath the scrotal area, feel for the contraction, and then when you urinate, start and stop your urine stream so you have a sense of what those muscles feel like. And interestingly, this correlates what you're saying is that men with ED or even with sexual dysfunction have tight pelvic muscle. So those muscles are tight, they're tight, so they're not relaxed. So when they're tight, what happens? When they're tight, it's harder for them to get an erection. Those muscles have to be relaxed in order for them to get an erection. So when they're stressed, when they're disassociated from their feeling, those muscles become tight. And they have to learn to relax those muscles so that way they can contract and relax it to control it better. So oftentimes when we treat men with ed, the most of the part, we have to tell them, relax, relax, relax, because they hold it tight. They hold it tight a lot of times, but we don't know that we hold that tight down there because they're such small muscles. And we don't feel it, we don't see it unless you're attuned to it. And in fact, a lot of men, and women too, you can put your hand down there and you can actually feel it, feel the muscle. You can actually feel the contraction, the relaxation. And then you can use that as biofeedback to tell yourself to relax and control. Relax and control. That's what differentiate somebody that can last longer or during penetration, or can last longer for ejaculation. Be able to relax and control those muscle voluntarily. You can control that those muscle voluntarily. Those muscles also control autonomically as well. Because ejaculation controlled by the sympathetic nervous system, which is the system that is fight or flight. But that's the part of ejaculation. But an erection is controlled by the parasympathetic nervous system, which is the relaxation, the feed and breathe autonomic nervous system. So they are split. That's why you can separate orgasm from ejaculation. And also the controlling voluntarily of those muscles as well too. Fascinating area. A lot of muscles are in that area. But if a man take the time to learn to control those muscles, he will be a magnet, like you said, on top of attuned to his feeling. Is what you are alluding to that magnetism that what women want. Because in basics is that women want you to be nice, but they also want to have that animal magnetism as well, too. And it'll come down to it. It's the sexual activity. I would say if a woman has a good time in the bedroom, she's gonna want to have it more. She's gonna want to be with you more.

Totally.

She's gonna want to be with you more because she's having a good time and she thinks about it. Trust me. It's the sexual urges part. It's the primal part of our brain. You cannot control it. It's almost like a part of our brain that is there for millions of years. You can control with the frontal center, but you cannot control it all the time as well. So I think that's mother Nature's way of allowing us to continue the humankind, because if we don't have that, we don't have the urges to breed or to mate. The humankind will not exist. So those urges are strong there. So having said that, I really liked how you mentioned that. So tell our listener how they can find you to find out more about your coaching program.

Yeah, you can check me out at Evolutionary Men. So it's dot men, not dot com. And on there you can find links to, you know me on different social medias. I have my own podcast and I have a couple different programs and men's groups I run for men, Some of which are about accessing our emotions, some of which are about. Yeah, cultivating our masculine energy so we can become even more attractive to the feminine.

Awesome. And you also said that if they go on the website Evolutionary Men forward slash apply, they can get a free one hour call with you.

Yeah. So if you're feeling stuck in your life around, you know, really anything, dating and relationships, purpose, career drive, you can book a call with me and we'll just hash it out and talk and get real about what's going on in your life. And I can kind of point towards where I think, you know, your growth edge might be. And whether that's with me or someone else, it'll help you just get a little clarity about where you want to go.

Awesome. Well, having said that, Jason, thank you for being with me tonight and sharing your knowledge. And I hope modern man, you get something out of this from his perspective as well as my perspective, the neurobiology wise, because it's all an intersection. It's all about human connection. And sexuality is a big part of human connection after all. And so having said that, I'll see you in the next episode. Are you struggling and frustrated in finding a solution for ed? Well, I have just the thing for you. It's called the Modern Man Club led by yours truly Dr. Ann. Together we're redefining male sexuality and embracing a holistic approach to overcoming ed. Without medication or surgery. I will provide a protective environment for community and proven strategy to overcoming ed. It is a safe place. Expert coaching by me and my team. We provide holistic approach to overcoming ED and an empowering community of men with ED supporting one another and lots and lots of educational resources. Visit mensexualityclub.com at the link here on my right and connect with us and reclaim control over your sexual health. I'll see you there. Thanks for listening to the Sexual Health for Men podcast. If you love this episode, then please take a screenshot on your phone and post it on Facebook, Instagram or wherever you post. And be sure to tag me and let me know why you like this episode and what you like to hear in the future that will help me know what's great for you. And I would love to give you the most incredible free gift designed to help you improve performance quickly. Go to my website@sexualhealthformenpodcast.com to get the book the Five Common Costly Mistakes Men Make When Facing Ed. I would appreciate it. If you subscribe, leave a review on Apple Podcast, Podcast or wherever you listen and just know that you can have sexual vitality for life. I appreciate you. Until next time.