https://www.listennotes.com/e/d2ff25e05d3f453eacf0674eaf2eb8fd

Hey my friends, Drew Canole here. I got an exciting episode today. My good buddy, Mr. Ron Lynch, who was on the show a little bit ago, very impactful show, had tons of comments about people's narcissistic parents. So we together, Ron just sent this over to me, decided to compile a list of 50 different things that identify a narcissistic parent and maybe how they have showed up in your life. Now this can be applied to a narcissistic partnership, a relationship, a business partnership, any partnership that you have basically. And also parenting, it's described clinically as an NPD, narcissistic parent. And only 0.5%, right? So literally 0.5% of the population is described as having this condition, but they just simply don't show up. They don't go in for the evaluations. Narcissistic people try to avoid it at all costs. So here's a list of 50 things, and listen to this with in mind, if you have a parent that Maybe you feel falls into this category or a partnership. Share it with somebody because there's a lot of people out here that think that they're crazy. There's a lot of people in the world that think that it's them, that they're the damaged ones. And there's a solution for it at the end of this podcast of exactly what to do. One step, it's simple, it's easy, and we're gonna give it to you at the end of this podcast. I also have all, this is recorded on Spotify and iTunes. So make sure you leave a review at the end of this as well. Share it with your friends, share it with the people that you love. I'm Drew Canole, remember we're in this together. Let's get on with today's show. Starting with number one would be the constant need for the conversation to be about them. Oftentimes victim stories about how hard their life is. Maybe you have a parent like that, that every time you talk to them it's about them being a victim or them even needing money from you, right? A lot of our parents just weren't given the tools when they came into the earth plane. So they're constantly sequestering or needing things from us. And this is one of the biggest signs for having a narcissistic parent. Number two would probably be like in, I would say like a immature and selfish behavior because they're constantly self absorbed in what they're doing. They can't focus on you and oftentimes it can come across as extremely immature. Next up would be bragging about your achievements to others but rarely acknowledging you or supporting you emotionally. using you as something that they've created almost. Like, I'm so proud of my daughter for doing this. But very rarely do they actually reach out and even care about supporting you emotionally. They also blame others for any problems you may have that actually stem from their own behavior. They're real quick to pawn it off on somebody else. Maybe you've experienced that with them. Number five is they also snoop, spy, They'll internet stalk you. They'll even go through drawers in your closet seeking dirt on you, denying it every single step of the way. You have parents that do that. Now keep track mentally, guys. We're on number five. We got 50 of these. And at the end we're gonna have a little quiz sesh for you and what to do. Six would be they deny personal privacy at every age and suggest it is their right as a parent. You literally have no privacy. They're in everything. they're looking at your DMs, they're stalking you, they're looking at all your stuff. You feel like you are essentially property to them, maybe an extension of their property. And it's an attention grabbing thing to bring them more pride, to bring them more glory, more gloating as a parent for you. So it's just basically, you're essentially, you're their property. Being well liked is important to others, but controlling and harsh when no one is looking. So in front of your friends, in front of people that they want to make an impression on, they're very friendly, but behind closed doors they're kind of aggressive in controlling when nobody else is around. Number nine would be they flirt with people that should be off bounds, including other spouses, right? This is a big one. I've seen parents do this. And then even dates extended to other family members. It's just obnoxious behavior. They divulge that their potential interest are interested in people outside of their relationship. They always have the idea of a backup. So maybe they're in a relationship with your dad, your mom is, but she's constantly talking about how cute another guy is at work, or there's these potential quote unquote backups that she has in her mind. Next up would be making you feel bad for not doing what they want you to do immediately. Right? They constantly like twist the screwdriver in your side saying, Hey, you should be doing this, doing X. You should be in the military. I don't know why you're not in college. You're taking this curriculum. You should be a doctor, right? Like the rest of our family. We've all heard these things before. And they want to make you feel bad. It's they feed off the energy of making you feel bad immediately. They make you feel guilty by boasting about how much they have done for you. This is a huge one. I've done X, Y, and Z. I let you borrow $5,000. I paid for your whole entire schooling and this is how you treat me. I bought you an apartment, whatever it is. They live in resentment and they want you to know how much they've actually done for you and they make you feel guilty about it. Guilt is a low vibration, my friend. A lot of these parents actually do that. They're harshly opinionated at home, but putting up a front around other people. So at home, they're strongly opinionated, but maybe out in public, they're giant people pleasers. It's like two personalities that they actually have. Being ruthless and unforgiving, doing anything to be on top. This is a big one. They will literally cut corners. They'll literally cheat. Maybe you've seen your parents cheat in different things. This is a huge sign. This is typical narcissism. Number 15 would be making you feel anxious often about lowering your confidence with sarcasm and jokes. They act like it's a joke, all right? They use humor. to kind of dig into you and it makes you feel unconfident. It makes you feel beat up a little bit. You don't know why you feel so deflated because they just play it off like it's joking around and they make you feel like you're crazy. Like, oh, maybe I should just be able to take jokes a little bit more easy, but actually they're feeding off your energy. So be careful with that. 16 is being absent from your life events. They just don't show up, right? Maybe you have a play or you're in a musical or you're an athlete or you have a big job promotion. You wanted them to go to. They're not there. They don't show up. Typical narcissism. 17 would be they make you engage in sports, musical lessons, or other activities despite your wishes. So maybe you don't want to do that. You don't feel like it's really in your soul's purpose and desire, but they force you to do it. It's like, Hey, you need to do this. 18 would be failing to provide warmth and emotional nurture, nurturance in the relationship. so they're just cold. They're ice. Ice King, Ice Queen. Typical narcissism. We grew up with this, right? Mom and dads that were kind of emotionally disconnected from other people, from you. I think that's a big one. They're just cold. There's no nurturing. You don't feel like your cup is filled up from Mom and Dad. And you aspire for that. You see other parents out there that just have so much love in their heart for their kids. They're very touchy, they're very emotional, they're very loving. But you just didn't have that. You have a ice king or an ice queen and you just feel like that lack of nurturing. That's a typical narcissism behavior as well, my friend. Using you to attain personal gain somehow, some way, leveraging you, leveraging your resources, leveraging the people that you're connected to, leveraging your influence for their own personal gain. 20, being bothered and annoyed when you need time and attention. It's like the biggest deal in the world if you ask for something from them. Well, heaven forbid you ask this narcissistic parent for something from you. This is a huge one and they make up every excuse, which could be 21, they make up every single excuse to limit your time together. They don't want to really be around you that much and they have poor excuses for it. It's like I got to do this and maybe some of these narcissistic parents actually have drinking problems or even different drug issues. This is a typical narcissistic behavior. 22 would be displaying sudden mood changes and volatile anger. Very irrational, very erratic. All of a sudden, there's a burst of energy, of anger, of different things. And it's very sudden. It comes and goes like a rainstorm. Every 15 minutes, it's a different weather pattern. And it forces you to kind of be in reaction versus being in receiving, you know, being and responding, you're in reaction often with this type of parent. They are absolutely obsessive about their appearance, their clothing, their home, their vehicle, everything has to look perfect. If you, heaven forbid, you get their car dirty, it's the end of the world. Their car is an extension of them. And anything in the material realm actually is them. They have a hard time differentiating between the material realm and the things that they own and themselves. It's an extension of who they are. and this could be a narcissistic parent, you guys. And maybe some of these qualities are with the person that you're actually with in a relationship. I've been in a relationship like this, and it's really hard to not feel like you're going crazy with some of the behavior and the activity, especially if you're a wounded empath, if you have a lot of trauma like myself. So they're constantly tidying up and attempting to have the home visually perfect. 25 would be they have issues relaxing. They're always doing, doing, doing, doing. There's very little time human being, or there's very little time being. They're constantly doing. They're very well liked, and they have a lot of charm actually. They can be very charming. Oftentimes they're great salespeople because they know what to say to manipulate and get what they want. They're often highly creative because they're used to coming up with creative stories, creative and rolling algorithms that maybe you can grab onto that will enroll you in what they want. They're very great manipulators. And they also tell good stories to get the attention. And they're often really gifted, storytellers, very charismatic. They're often upstanding in places like churches, schools, and communities. They're pillars publicly, right? Maybe they're on the school board. maybe they're at the principal of the school, but they have this narcissistic tendency. They have this grandiose, futuristic goal, this idealistic, this utopian future that exists where they want recognition, they want wealth, they want fame, they want all these things. And it's so important to them. They oftentimes, they use religion as a scapegoat for actual behaviors, avoiding and acknowledging wrong. God forgive them that they actually have a problem, right? They don't have any problems. Everything's always perfect for these people. That would be 31. 32 would be children feel pitted against each other as goldens or goats, okay? You're either a golden child or you're a goat. You're either a white sheep or you're a black sheep. And children get pitted against each other. Yeah, you're just so much easier than your sister is to raise. You're such a frickin issue all the time. Why do you have to have all these problems? Why can't you be like your brother? Right? Maybe you've heard some of these things before. 33 would be they gaslight you. They deny feelings. And that's a big issue with some of these parents. Another thing that they can do, and this isn't always the case, but it can definitely happen, they discuss marital problems with their kids or run down behind the spouse's back to discuss issues about the spouse with their kids to pit one another against each other. And that creates a lot of drama within the relationship in the household, my friend. 35 would, they do takeaways. So they ask for gift ideas and never get the thing you requested, but they keep coming back to it. You know that thing that you asked for? I was thinking about getting it for you. If, you know that thing you were looking forward to get last year? Well, I found it and here it is. And I was wondering if you could help me with this. They do takeaways. Are you familiar with that? 36 would be love bombing. They execute grandiose words, acts, and early stages to win supply and to win the faith of the kids, the grandkids, the children. And they understand how to manipulate really, really early on in the relationship. And a lot of this is used in relationship, too, between men and women. 37. They're affection consuming. Parents in early years often get affection from a child to feed themselves, then abandon affection once kids mature and gain other relationships. So it's not consistent affection. It's up and down. It's a roller coaster. They don't know how to maintain the affection. In fact, these are broken parents. These are parents that never had the love from mom and dad. So you can't be mad at them. They were just never ever given the tools. These are narcissistic parents. These are dependent dependent on your energy as an empath, as somebody who's a Healer, somebody who's a teacher. And they're just here to teach you a very valuable lesson, which I'm going to get to at the end of this. We only have 10 more to go, roughly. And you're going to know whether or not you have a narcissistic parent. Many of you are shaking your heads like, holy crap. Like, I could totally see my parent maybe falling into this. And then also, there's other people that are like, oh, my mom and dad never did anything. They're the most loving parents ever. and I'm so grateful for that because we get to be, we get to change the generational curse that many of our parents and grandparents have given us. We get to change the landscape. So oftentimes they're deal breakers. Oftentimes they make deals to get you to do things, but they don't fulfill their end and then they actually end up blaming the child. for a new wrinkle or a new rule, something like that, right? So they're deal breakers. Their deals never come to fruition. They talk about it, but they don't be about it when it comes to deals that they have with the children. 39 would be their self-forgiving, expecting, and I'm sorry for anything. You might have thought that that did hurt you. I'm human. I always had good intentions. And then they whitewash. They use that to whitewash anything. So they're constantly apologizing. and they know that they don't have to change the behavior if they just apologize enough. Right? It's like every time you talk to them, there's an apology for something, but there's no behavior change, there's no behavior modification. 41 would be there are secrets your parent expects you to keep. They're constantly putting secrets. They do something, they give you the secret, and you're supposed to hold on to it. Maybe they did that. Money has always been hard to give, but your parent lives in style, right? They, they don't have money for you. Maybe Christmas was spare, sparse. You got a couple things that were 20 bucks a piece, whatever, but they're buying a new car every single year. That's a big one. They have friends that can, that they can outshine and cut down behind their backs. Often other narcissists, or anybody really, anybody that they can cut down. they're constantly belittling, talking about other people, about how they outshine them. There's a lot of drum and there's a lot of gossip when it comes to narcissists. 44 wills and estates are used as bait and ransom to illicit behaviors. And, that older generation loves to do this. You know, I was gonna put you in my will. I put you in my will. But I, after that last breakdown we had, I just, I had to remove you from the will. I didn't know if you were gonna, follow through with some of the things that we need in case we were to pass away or whatever. Right? They're changing these behaviors. They're random and it's not healthy. Oftentimes you feel like a puppet for them. 46, surprise punishments and groundings for kids are common when there are events that are inconvenient or the parent doesn't like the idea of you attending. So if it's an inconvenience for them to take you someplace somewhere, maybe you just won nationals at a baseball game or a dance contest, whatever it is, All of a sudden, you know what? It just works out well that you stayed out 30 minutes past your curfew, which is what? Eight o'clock, nine o'clock, and now you're punished. You can't go to nationals. They didn't want to take you anyway. So typical narcissistic behavior, my friend. Your friends are criticized. You're great, but the crowd, the people that you roll with, I mean, why are they having you do all these things? I liked you the way that you were. You're growing too much is really what it comes down to. You're becoming a brighter light by hanging around your friends. They feel intimidated, they feel insecure, has nothing to do with the crowd, but it's their own insecurities that they're actually projecting on your friends. Sound familiar? 48, There is no lie too bold to tell, and they will double down on it. They will lie to you, and then they will lie to you again. You catch them in a lie, guess what? You got more lies coming. It's a lie train. Choo-choo! Get ready for the lies. Here they come. 49. The overt narcissist will not allow any child to outshine them and they discourage or hamper advancement. It's like tall poppy syndrome in Australia. Tall poppy is a flower. If it starts growing faster than the other flowers, guess what? They cut off the root supply of the big flower and they start draining it of its vital life force. This is what narcissistic parents will do. You don't want to be outshined by your kids. Heaven forbid your kids actually grow and excel and become and just create the life that they really want. It takes somebody very insecure to really do that. So maybe you've experienced that with your parents. The COVID this is 50. This is the last one. The COVID narcissist will passively aggressively insult or demean success and achievement and you're going to get a fat head. Right? So they're not gonna compliment you. They're not gonna tell you how proud they are. Maybe you're 30 years old and your mom and dad has never told you how proud they are. Wow. Think about that. So we get to change all of these, my friend, if you grew up with a narcissistic parent and finally you know that this is factual, right? These are actual errors in the human being and the way that they're showing up and responding to you. flaws that a human being can take on and they're genuine and they're real and they hurt. I can only understand how much you're hurting in this if any of these are accurate or if most of them are. It doesn't feel good. It sucks. So I'm sorry for that. I'm giving you a big virtual hug. Know that they're not going to admit anything. Okay? And everything's a misunderstanding. Everything is about you misunderstanding it and it'll be turned around on you more than you know. Choo choo train of lies, like I said. It's always you. They'll never humbly apologize. It'll just be an apology to manipulate you. In fact, many of these narcissistic people slash parents can cry on demand. They can have a weepathon like, oh man, I'm supposed to elicit some type of emotional response. Cue the tears. Here they come. Narcissistic tears. Wah-bah! Right? You ever experienced that? And you just know in the bottom of your heart or your soul, you're like, this isn't real. Why are they crying like this? They'll never humbly apologize. They'll play hurt, they'll play victim without an end. And you're just a hateful accuser that just can't let it go. It's your fault because you can't let it go. They'll run from responsibility of the past. They may even cut you out. They may even lash out at you. this irrational flying monkeys to intimidate you, to make you appear crazy or outlandish. They might bully you too. And guess what? Guess what? Legally, they might even sue you. I've heard stories of this. They may sue you, they may cut you out of wills, they may tell you horrible and sometimes embarrassing true stories about your past in front of other people that maybe you're trying to be in a relationship with, maybe it's you're trying to impress somebody, they will destroy you. They will use every single attempt to poison your relationships. If they have an excuse or access, actually if they have access to your friends, your spouse, your children, everyone's a pawn, and they will make you move to appear a flawless victim, essentially. And really, like I said, you guys, this is Such a personal thing. But at the center of every single narcissistic parent is jealousy, insecurity, it's shame, it's being a coward. And most of the time, like I said, they're not given the tools. They weren't given the emotional intelligence. They don't have, they're just basically underdeveloped emotionally. Most likely is a result of aloneness and rejection from their own parents. from the people that they grew up with. And they probably had small minded people around them all the time. They were filled with self-loathing and rage. And here's the kicker. The only way to escape is to walk away and leave, period. The sick mind of a sociopath and psychopath and narcissist cannot obtain the rational observation that they're sick. They just don't know. They have unacceptable hypnosis that's happened to them, right? And they can't even see it. It's as if they're blind to it completely. And when you do bring it up, if you ever bring it up to them, there's the ego, the rage, the anger starts to come out. Maybe they just leave, they run out of the room. There's so much cognitive dissonance that they can't even deal with it. and they're really, it's really deep shame in being a coward at the core. And it's not a choice for them, it's a complete reflex. It's a complete reflex that they just fall into because they don't know how to deal with it. They don't have the emotional fortitude or the leadership qualities. They were never given it to be a good parent. That's it. So, listen to this list. There's 50 things on this list. I'm actually gonna post it below. Our buddy Ron Lynch, who was on a podcast in the past, gave me this list. He wanted me to share it with you because he read through your comments. And I wanted to share it because this is something that has been very impactful in my life to just know some of these qualities and characteristics and what to do. So if 30% or more of the list actually applies to you, there's a high likelihood that they are diagnosable by a professional of having NPD. The bad news is only about half percent of the population gets diagnosed due to avoidance. They will never go and really the only resolution for this is no contact. Sorry. I know it'll feel like death to you. Many of these people you actually have codependent relationships with. You're getting neurochemicals from them, from low shame and guilt and all the things that you go through, the ups and the downs, the roller coasters, the avoidant, the anxious attachment styles, you're addicted to it. So you really have to take a break. You have to exit the matrix. Narcissists only feed from empaths because empaths are so loving. You're probably an empath. You're so loving that they just continue to feed on you. These are emotional vampires. They will suck the life out of you. and most of the time you won't even know that they're doing it. They're 100% that they are aware of doing this, but they just can't stop. It's like a crack addict, right? They love, they love getting energy from you. They love making the world about them. So the big thing is accept that you are worth loving and that's why they picked you. You are totally worth loving. You have so much light in your heart. You're a bright shining Light tower, you have so much energy, you have so much love to give to the world. You just have to choose better people, people that will love you, except that they can't love you. And this is unfortunately why they picked you. Whatever you do, don't hurt yourself, my friend. Don't hurt yourself. Just believe. Once you've outed, once you've let go, once you've left, and you prove that you were not crazy, that you're stable, you'll start to gain a whole new supply of attention and sympathy from other people. And people with NPD must win at any cost, just so you know. The only way to beat them is to live your life without them. And as addictive as it is to keep going back, to keep doing the loop, the wound on wound healing that's happening within this, It's better to be without them. One in a million will address their trauma that caused this. But you as their source has a zero percent chance. Let me repeat that a zero percent chance of making them see the light, my friend, making them see the light through their darkness. They're getting the light from you and you're getting your light from source. So remember that. You're not going to lose anything in leaving them. It's going to feel like it maybe at first, but over time you'll feel better and better. You're going to have more energy than you ever know what to do with. I've been through this. I believe in you. And you must leave them in the dark for an act of love for yourself. Good luck. Drew Canole, remember we're in this together. 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