#169: How to Have a Better 2019 by Changing Your Identity

Welcome to the High Income Business Writing Podcast, helping you propel your writing business to a whole new level. And now, here's your host, Ed Gandia.

Hey there. Welcome to the High Income Business Writing Podcast. I am your host, Ed Gandia, and this is the podcast for business writers and copywriters who want to earn more and less time doing work they love for better clients. You can find detailed show notes for this episode@b2b launcher.com and those notes will include a summary of our discussion as well as any links to resources mentioned during the show. Now, before we get to this week's episode, I wanted to let you know that I'm putting together a coaching group where I'm going to work with a handful of private six figure clients to help them earn more and less time without the stress and burnout that often comes with this level of income. If you're at this income level, you already know that your challenges are different. In some cases, it's a different flavor of the challenges you've always struggled with. In other cases, it's just an entirely new set of challenges and you're probably not sure how to get around them. If you're a six figure writer and you'd like to work with me on this, send me an email@eddy lawnshare.com put the word breakthrough in the subject line and I'll send you all the details. All right, so let's get to this week's message. Our main focus in the blog and in the podcast for this month is the topic of habits. The topic developing habits that are going to take you to a much better place in 2019. I firmly believe that habits are the key to successful execution. Strategy is paramount. I consider myself a strategist. I love strategy and planning is obviously very important, but execution is where the rubber meets the road. And habits are a critical ingredient in execution. In fact, they're the most important element to getting steady and improving your results. I had James Clear on the show a few months ago here in the podcast to talk about his new book, Atomic Habits. This is an excellent book, folks. I just can't recommend this enough. Talk about an extremely practical guide to developing the right kinds of habits. Habits that are going to stick and doing this methodically. I haven't seen anything like that before, ever in the market. And it's all in one very simple, easy to follow book with worksheets and everything you need to make these habits stick. And I love it that everything he talks about is based on a very simple, clear and specific framework. For developing strong and sustainable habits that are going to change not just your business, but your life. One of the things that really stood out for me in his book was a concept that he discussed at length in chapter two of the book, and that's the issue of identity, and specifically how your habits shape your identity and how your identity shapes your habits. This idea blew me away because for me, this was the missing link in figuring out why I have trouble developing habits in some areas of my life and in my business, and why it's been so much easier in others. And for a long time, I just thought, well, you know, maybe it's just easier for me in this area, or it's easier for me when it comes to X or to Y, but when it comes to Z, you know, I just. Just naturally struggle with that. I just assumed that it was kind of an intrinsic thing, and it was just my personality or the way I was made and wired. And in this discussion about identity, James really kind of shifted my thinking about this. He talks about the three habits of behavior change, and he describes them using three concentric circles in the outer circle. If you can kind of imagine this, think of the outer ring. I should say it's outcomes. The middle ring is processes, and the inner ring is identity. So outcomes are what you want, processes are about what you do to achieve that outcome, and identity is about what you believe. So most of us try to develop new habits or change old habits by focusing on the outer ring, the outcomes. But James argues that beginning with identity might be a more effective approach. And I couldn't agree more. So let me explain why this is so important. I'm going to try to make this as practical and as possible, because I know this could feel a bit theoretical. So this really starts with an identity question. Who do I want to become with this behavior change that I'm contemplating? Okay, so some examples of that. What kind of writer do I want to become? What kind of a father? What kind of a leader? What kind of a husband or wife? What kind of a Christian or whatever your faith might be? As James explains, behavior change is incongruent with the self will not last. You may want to earn more money, but if your identity is someone who consumes rather than creates, then you'll continue to be pulled towards spending rather than earning. And that's a direct quote from the book. He then adds, and I quote, the biggest barrier to positive change at any level, individual team, society, is, is identity conflict. So here's the thing. When a habit becomes part of your Identity. That's when real, massive change happens and when that change can actually stick. So some examples of that. When you start telling yourself, I'm the kind of writer who writes 500 words a day every weekday without fail. Or I'm the kind of business professional who stays in touch with his network every week without fail. I'm the kind of father who puts his kids first and spends time with them every day. I'm the kind of husband who races to the back of the line. In other words, when my spouse needs help, I don't even hesitate. It's not about an accounting of who did what last. I just automatically race to the back of the line because I'm here to serve him or her. I'm here to make their life easier. I'm the kind of person who never misses a workout, and when I do, I make it up. I find a way immediately to make that up, because that's who I am. I just never miss a workout. I'm the kind of Christian, or whatever your faith might be, who gives freely of his time to serve others in need. And I do that every month. Right. So you're starting to see that when you actually start telling yourself these things and you believe it, it's not because. Well, this is not internally who I believe. I'm just saying this. But when you can. Actually, you don't have to be here yet, by the way. Okay? So this is. This is the person I want to become. I'm the kind of writer who writes 500 words every day without fail. Okay? So let's just take that. When you start making that your aspiration and establishing that as the identity you want to create, things start to move. That's really the first step. We'll talk a little bit more about how to make that happen, but it really starts here. So when you set out to develop a new habit, what happens is you'll do whatever it takes to ensure that your actions are congruent with your identity in that area or the identity that you want to create or that you want to be associated with in that area. The reason this works so well is we want to be seen, again, as consistent. We can't have that incongruency, if that's even a word. We want to be seen as consistent not just to the outer world, but internally. It's very important that we don't have that conflict. So not just to other people, it's very important that we see that, that consistency internally with ourselves. The original motivation for the habit may have been to Boost your income, for example, or to become a better writer, or to improve your relationship with your kids or your spouse. But the thing that will enable you to maintain that habit is when that habit is now part of your identity. And I'm convinced that improvement in every area of your life is about continuously revising and improving your beliefs and upgrading your identity. It really starts with that. There's another reason why I feel this approach works so well. And this hit me the other day. So this is all new stuff, guys. And you know, I should pause real quick and tell you that. So I'm sharing this with you because not only has this been kind of a new insight for me, but this is stuff that I struggle with too, okay? And for me, selfishly kind of thinking through this, sharing it with you helps me. It helps me crystallize this idea, understand it better, and apply it to my own business and personal life more consistently and do a better job of it. So just know that, listen, when I'm giving you this kind of advice, it's not me talking down at you and I hope you don't feel that way anyway, but it's me just sharing something that I'm working on right now. And in a part of working through this, is teaching this information, is relaying it to you, that, that, that really helps me. Again, just crystallize this, get clear and start implementing it better. Because guess what? I want to be consistent here. I want to make sure that I'm consistent internally here with myself and I want to be seen as a consistent person. Okay? So just FYI, I'm not preaching, this is something that, that I'm working through right now in my own personal life and in my own business. So here, going back to this idea, why this works so well, there's a second reason, and this is something I've just recently connected the dots on early in the process of developing a new habit. Let's face it, you don't usually see that immediate result, right? In fact, the pain you experience in trying to develop a new habit is usually greater than the increment result or reward you're seeing on a day to day basis. So I think it's important to explain how a habit develops. And by the way, it's all habits. We're just a bundle of habits, we just don't even know it. So we think of habits sometimes as things we're developing, but the fact is that we're already a mixture of habits every minute of the day. It's really more replacing an existing habit with A new one. So the way that habits work and the way James Clear explains it in the book is the first step in this is the queue, right? There's a cue which creates a craving, okay? That's the second step, which then triggers a response. Which that response or that action you take hopefully yields to a. Yields a reward, which then just solidifies that. That habit, okay? So the cue and the craving, the first two steps are the problem phase. So let's just say that I see a commercial for frozen pizza and on tv and I get hungry because of that. And the response and a reward are essentially the solution phase. And the way I might respond is I go to the kitchen and I grab a snack, and maybe I feel satisfied. So maybe I don't grab the. Make a pizza. Maybe I just grab something to eat. Now, the interesting thing is, we've all been there, right? You didn't even realize you were hungry until you saw that commercial for that pizza. Advertisers are really, really good at that, right? So suddenly you realize, oh, my gosh, I'm hungry. So the cue created the craving. Your response was to walk to the kitchen, grab a snack, and then that satisfied you. That was your reward. Okay? So problem solution. Now, if you're trying to eat healthier, let's face it, grabbing a healthy snack is not often satisfying in the early days of developing a new habit, right? Especially if your existing habit is to just go grab a bag of potato chips. So grabbing a healthy snack, it's great, kale chips or whatever, that's just not necessarily. Or the way you're communicating this to yourself is, wow, this really sucks. This is not very satisfying. I'd rather eat those Pringles or have that chocolate or whatever. But. And here's the cool thing. When your habit is tied to the identity you're trying to create and manifest, that changes. Because staying true to that identity becomes the reward. So in that example, with a snack, if I go grab some almonds or, you know, I don't know, make myself a salad. Yeah. If I think about it the old way, I'm thinking, yeah, what I really want is pizza. This really stinks. You know, this is. This is hard, this eating. Especially in January, right? You just came out of that holiday. You're in that holiday hangover, post holiday hangover, and you're. That you've trained your body to eat the rich foods and, you know, all the calories and just overindulge. And now you're having salad or kale chips or almonds and the Internal talk is usually something to the effect of, ah, this really stinks. This is going to be a long year. Right? But what if you change that conversation you're having with yourself to, man, that's awesome. I just did something that's aligned with this identity that I want to create, you know, and that becomes the reward. So going back to that, those steps cue cravings. So the cue, you saw the pizza, the craving, wow, I'm hungry. And respond, okay, so get a snack, but get the right snack in the reward. Instead of being. Before there was no reward, you felt like you were actually cheating yourself or starving yourself. Now the reward is, man, I'm doing something that's aligned with this identity that I'm trying to create. And I feel great about that. That's awesome. I'm being consistent. I'm doing the right thing here. I am. I just had an opportunity to take the right action and I took that. I took the right action. So what I'm sharing here is a combination of a couple things, is what James Clear suggests in the book and what's worked well for me the way I would do this. Let's talk about practically, how do we implement this in our business, in our lives? The first step, I suggest, is to take stock of your current belief or beliefs in the area that you're trying to improve. So how do you feel about your actions, habits, and performance in that area? Let's just take some examples. How do you feel about your writing? What do you believe about yourself in terms of your writing? Consistency. Okay. And so how much you're writing every day or what kind of writing you're doing, or how often you're doing it? How do you feel about how you're operating your writing business, you're running your freelance business? How do you feel about your most important relationships and your role in making those relationships the way they are now? And just be honest, you know? So take stock again, take stock of your current beliefs in that area and just see where you are. Don't go to what you want them to be. Just be honest about where you are today. Current state. Okay, so that's first step. The first step. The second step is to decide the person you want to become in that area. So what kind of writer do I want to become? Again, you're thinking about that identity that you want, that you're going after, that you'd like to manifest. What kind of father do I want to be, what kind of husband, kind of wife, what kind of neighbor, what kind of community member, you know, what kind of. And think about your roles in your life, too, in terms of, you know, what kind of money manager, so your personal finances. What. What kind of. What kind of person do I want to become in the area of feeding my mind, taking care of my body? Okay, so all those things, right? So think through your roles, personal and professional, and then talk about, and be clear about what kind of person you want to become. You know, that identity that you want to make part of you. You want that identity. You want that to be your identity in that each of those areas. Third, think about someone you feel does a great job in each of those areas, okay? Whether it's personal, professional, just go through each one and write down the name of someone. You don't have to know them, okay? But write down the name of someone you think is really kind of got it together there. And then ask yourself, okay, to become that type of person, to become Jim or to become Jamie, what would he do or she do if she were me? Okay, so this is. This is someone who I think has it together in the area of physical fitness. Somebody I know. It doesn't. It doesn't have to be someone you know personally, but just think of someone and then ask yourself, okay, to become Jamie in terms of my physical fitness and to be that person. What would she do if she were me? Now, if you can't think of someone for any of these areas that you're thinking through, invent someone, okay? Just kind of come up with a description of the prototypical individual. I think you'll probably be able to come up with someone even if you don't know them, but if you don't, that's fine. Come up with a description of what that person looks like or what they do or what they're like, like what their actions are typically, what their beliefs are and so forth. And so. So then start asking yourself some very important questions. Okay, what would she do in terms of taking care of herself and improving her physical fitness? Like, if she were here and we were having a conversation, what would she suggest I do? What would she tell me or urge me to do? What would she do in terms of. It could be any area. Okay, so go through them individual in terms of writing more consistently or improving my writing. And think of it in terms of. I just said in terms of you. But think of it in terms of also what they would do. So if. If Jamie were. Were, you know, starting her off her day, what would she do to improve and to maintain her physical fitness? If were here and if I Were kind of a fly on the wall, what would he be doing right now in terms of writing consistently and improving his writing? What would she do in terms of. Again, now this is a different person because this is a new role or a new area. Marketing her business, asking for higher fees clients. What would she do to raise her fees? What would she do right now? What is she doing to go after better clients? Okay, so what would fill in the blank do in this area? That's really the question. What would he do to develop stronger bonds with his kids? What would he do to again, improve his physical health, to feed his mind to. To really be a. What would he do to be that great member of. A contributing member of his community? And if you're using a prototypical individual, that's fine. What would a super fit person do? What would this awesome writer do right now? So that's the first, the third step. What would blank do in this area? Like, what are their behaviors? What are they? Like, how would they act? Step number four, and that's the final step, is to take baby steps in this direction. So don't try to do right away what your role model would do. Instead, think of the smallest action you could take today to mirror what that type of individual would do. Now in the previous step, you kind of brainstorm all these things that they would do maybe on a. On a typical day, okay, that's fine. But don't try to take that whole list and implement the whole thing. I mean, you're going to get very frustrated very quickly because you're at a certain level, they're at a very different level, okay, in that particular role or area of your business or your personal life. So don't try to do everything and don't let it overwhelm you. Just pick one thing and pick something really, really small that you could do today to mirror what that type of individual or what that person would do. So let's just take some examples. The area of physical fitness. Well, I bet that if they were me right now or they were here advising me and they were advising me on a very small action I could take, they'd probably tell me to go ahead and just pick up the phone and call the gym to schedule an appointment for a tour tomorrow so I can go in, take a look at it, look at all the different plans they have and sign up, become a member if it was going to be a good fit for me. Okay, that's a really small action, right? That's something that anyone could do right now. I bet that if this person were here, Jim was here instead of driving to pick up the kids at the bus stop this afternoon, I bet he would walk over there and I know it's going to take a few more minutes and I got to leave the house a few minutes earlier. That's fine. I bet he would walk over there rather than drive because he's the kind of person who is physically fit and he's not going to drive somewhere where he could walk. Or I bet that she would write something, anything, for just five minutes using a timer, and she would advise me to do that just to kind of get that process kick started. Because right now, what's kind of tripping me is the fact that, you know, I feel like I gotta block out a whole hour and I just can't seem to get myself to. It just feels like a big commitment and I got all this stuff to do. But I bet she would tell me to just block out five minutes, put a timer on and just start writing anything. Stream of consciousness. I bet that she, she would tell me, in terms of prospecting, to pick one company, select one company that I'm going to send a warm email to this week. Not send it, not draft it, not do the research, just pick one company. You know what, I'm going to go after ABC and I'm going to do the research. I'm going to find out who they are and find out who their marketing director is and get their contact information. But that's later. I bet she would tell me to pick one company, one organization that I'm going to send a warm email to this week. James Clear, in his book Atomic Habits, has a great way of explaining the importance of these baby steps and this concept of baby steps. He says, and I quote, every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become. And man, that really hit home for me because that's it. Those votes build up little by little. Remember when I, what I said earlier, I said, hey, the reward you get when you're trying to develop that new habit doesn't usually overcome the resistance you have or the pain of trying to develop that habit. But when you're, you know that you're casting a vote, you're just making small progress and you are being consistent and you are feeding that identity one baby step at a time. That in itself becomes the reward. Because these votes build up little by little. Before you know it, you've become that person. You've become the person that you set out to become. And what you end up with is just an amazing feedback loop here, right? These small actions you take cast votes one vote at a time, which shape your identity, which help you feel better, which motivate you to take more and steadier action, which casts the right votes and so forth. And so the cycle continued. This is a feedback loop, a virtuous cycle that works amazingly well. And that's why habits matter so much. Not because of what they help you attain, but because of the person you end up becoming in the process of trying to get something or improve some area of your life or of your business. As James puts it, you literally become your habits. So let's recap here. When a habit becomes part of your identity, real massive change happens and it just sticks. You're casting votes for the type of person you want to become by taking small actions every day. And that is the reward. And it's a great way to have goals stick. Okay. Especially at the beginning when you're not seeing the improvement, you're not seeing the results right away. You need a reward there because remember the. The reward is the last step of developing the habit. Cue, craving, response, reward. And when the response takes a lot of work, effort, energy, the reward you need to find a reward that's going to help make this thing stick. And casting votes toward the identity you want is a great way of doing this in the early phases. And of course, later, it continues to be a great reward. So that's. That's kind of the concept. How do we do this? Well, first, take stock of your current beliefs in the each of the areas you're trying to improve. Second, decide the person you want to become in each of those areas or roles. Third, think about someone you feel who does a great job in that area of their business or their life and ask yourself, what would he do or she do here if she were me or right now in her life or his life or his business or her business, what would they do? So what would blank do? Write that question down, put it on your whiteboard, your bulletin board, and it's a great reminder, I feel, to just kind of keep thinking about that. What would that person do? Just gives you immense clarity in terms of what you should be doing yourself. And then finally, step number four, take baby steps in that direction. Don't try to do right away what your role model would do. Okay, you know, now you have clarity about what they would do, but let's just take it one step at a time. What's the simplest first step you could take to move in that direction to work toward that identity that you're trying to create for yourself. And that's it. So I urge you to make the commitment to start this process today. Really, if we're going to get really meta here, find just something really simple you could do today. And I think that first step is really a great way to start the process. Take stock of your current beliefs in the areas of your life and your business you're trying to improve. Improve. How do you feel about your actions, your habits and performance in that area? How do you feel about your writing? What do you believe about yourself there? How do you feel about how you're operating your writing business? How do you feel about your marketing right now? How do you feel about your income, your growth? How do you feel about the kind of clients you're working with, the kind of clients that you're trying to work toward? How do you feel about your fees? How do you feel about your most important relationships and your role in making those relationships the way they are? Now be honest and listen if this sounds too overwhelming, that right there is a key that maybe you need to scale it back. So start with one key role or one area of your life or your business and just ask yourself those questions. Start the process today. There's no better time than the present. I hope you enjoyed this episode. This has been Ed Gandia. Have a wonderful rest of the day. Take care.

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