#183: What to Do When Friends and Family Don’t Support You in Your Business Journey

Welcome to the High Income Business Writing Podcast, helping you propel your writing business to a whole new level. And now, here's your host, Ed Gandia. Hey there. Welcome to the High Income Business Writing Podcast. I am your host, Ed Gandia, and this is the podcast for business writers and copywriters who want to earn more and less time doing work they love for for better clients. You can find detailed show notes for this episode@b2b launcher.com episode 183. Those notes always include a summary of our discussion as well as any links to resources I may mention during the show. So today I want to address a question that I received from a listener and I'm going to read it to you and I'm going to keep it anonymous. And then I want to dive deep into this because I know this is something that comes up quite often. Unfortunately, it does, and I haven't really addressed this, at least at this level, in the show in the past. So let me just read this note to you and then we'll dive right in. So he writes, I wanted to ask your advice on something. One of my mental hang ups about doing all of this is that my best friend and family keep saying stuff like when you get a real job, or they'll say things such as keep looking for a real job. And when I hear this, it makes me constantly think that what I'm doing is not a real job. Have you ever experienced that? How do you counteract this? So here's the fact of the matter. This is a very common scenario, unfortunately, that a lot of freelance professionals face. Now, I will tell you right out of the gate that I was very fortunate. So I have a very supportive family. My wife was extremely supportive throughout this process. I'm not saying she loved every minute of it, especially as I was transitioning from my day job to freelancing. But she was there with me all along the way, cheering me on and supporting me. My family was extremely supportive of my decision and my efforts. My extended family, that is. I come from a family where a lot of people are entrepreneurs, they're on their own, and so they got it. It wasn't really foreign to, but I know that many people aren't as lucky as I was. And this is a real issue out there. You know, it can be extremely hurtful to have people you love and admire talk to you that way and treat you this way and think about what you do as really a joke, as a hobby, as, you know, something that's not really serious. And, you know, when Are you going to get your act together? It starts creating doubt. I mean, I don't care how much conviction you have in what you're doing. When it's people we love and admire, after a while it really starts creating doubt and insecurity. And this is not good because for the obvious reasons, outside of the obvious reasons, it hampers creativity, it hampers risk taking, and it puts even more pressure on you because you don't want to be proven wrong, right? None of us want to be proven wrong. So, you know, you already are faced with some serious challenges and having to get your business off the ground, build this thing, maintain it, sustain it, and then you have that. And it's not something that anyone really wants to deal with. So I want to share about 10 practical tips with you that I think are going to help. If you're in the situation now, if you think you might be in the situation, if you're looking to transition to this and based on what you know about your family, you know this is going to be a problem, or if you think you might ever face this kind of doubt, this kind of commentary, how you deal with it. So the first idea that I have here is that, look, just admit that it's okay to feel bad about it. Just tell yourself, yeah, you know what, this really sucks, okay? I know it's a negative thing, but you know what? Let's just face it head on. You need to understand that most people try to lift themselves up by tearing others down. And it's a very sad fact, but it's true. That's the way it works. In order for me to feel better about myself, I'm going to tear you down. And that is just human nature, and it's a very toxic thing, but it is out there, and I don't want you to. This is just part of the human condition. And believe me, it's a shared experience. Many people, if not most people, are that way, at least some of the time, okay? So just look, admit it. It's okay. This. This sucks. This is a. This is bad, okay? I don't enjoy this, but it is what it is, okay? Don't. Don't try to sweep it under the rug. The second idea would be to kind of do a bit of a mindset shift. So this is a challenge just like any other in your business. Wherever you are in your business journey, you're going to face challenges every day, every week. And this is no different. So I don't want you to treat this as like a big outlier, as Something that it's like, wow, this is beyond the scope of the challenges that I have to face. No, I want you to lump it in with the other ones. Because the moment you start making it or treating it as a special thing, as an outlier, as something unusual, you are putting it on a pedestal in a way, and you're focusing way too much on it. So I want you to kind of lump it in with all the other challenges you're going to face and say, you know what? Get in line, buddy. I got all kinds of other problems that are already lined up, and you're just going to have to wait your turn. Okay? You're not special. In other words, it also helps to take some time to revisit your big why, okay? Your purpose. You know, it just. If you don't really have a strong reason that's deeply tied to your values and what you're about, it's going to be very difficult to weather these kinds of storms. Okay? Um, it. It starts with you. It starts with how you see your business, how you see what you're doing, why you're doing it. Um, it starts with your conviction, and it starts with a strong why, a strong purpose. You can't change what others say to you, but you can change how you feel about what you're doing and how you talk about it. Okay? So it. All this needs to be rooted. Your business really needs to be rooted in a strong. Why? When I hear people tell me that there on their own because they just couldn't stand their boss anymore, I mean, I think that's great that they went out on their own. But, you know, if that was really the core reason, that is. That is not a strong foundation. Okay. For. For a successful, sustainable business, you need to have a stronger purpose than that. And the other one that I hear a lot is because of the money. Okay? The money is great. I get it. But if that was your main driver, you know, the money is. You're going to get used to the money after a while. And that is a. That's a treadmill. So while I'm a big believer in just maximizing the income you earn for every unit of effort or time you put into your business, that shouldn't be your core reason for doing this. So you need to find. If you don't know what it is, it's okay. And don't feel like this is something you have to come up with today or this week. Okay. I think if you just plant that seed, if you're not sure what it is, Exactly. Then I think it's fine. I'll tell you, it's. It took me a long, long time to kind of define that. And even today as my business has evolved, that has kind of morphed into something different in terms of my big why and purpose. So there's, you know, there's some really fundamental reasons why I did what I did. But is, is I look to grow and evolve and change. There are more layers to that big why. And that's okay. I've given up on the idea that I need to come up with something very specific and eloquent immediately. And instead I just know that it's just a process and some people can find it immediately. Some people know right out of the gate, some don't. And I think the important thing is just to realize that it's important and just put it out there and know that it's something you're going to have to keep working toward. I also suggest that anyone facing this find and join a supportive community of peers. People who are like minded, people who are doing the same thing, people who understand your plight, people who may be facing something similar. Okay, so, so important. I think as we grow more distant, as we become more polarized in this country, at least in North America, as we become attached and online becomes kind of the main way people interact in so many ways, it's so important to. We can't abandon community. You know, community has always been there. It's part of the human condition. It's just, it's in our DNA, the need for community. And you know, I don't care how introverted you are, this is not about introvert versus extrovert. This is, this is how we're wired. We're really wired to be part of a community, part of a tribe. And you need to find a community where you can be open and vulnerable and you know, you don't have to do that overnight. It can take some getting used to and you know, you need to maybe kind of earn their trust and they need to earn your trust. But find a community of people where you can just put that out there. You know, when this comes up and say, look, I just, I've been having a really hard time with this and I. These are the things that I've been doing and normally it's not an issue, but in this particular situation it's really just taking the breath out of me. You know, I don't know what to do. Any suggestions, any feedback, any encouragement and just have people respond and be supportive and just understand where you're coming from, that. That could be. That can make all the difference. Along those lines, something that I've found can. Can help in this and many other similar situations is to, you know, kind of take the focus away from you. I know that that might sou like, Ed, I'm the one who needs help here. But helping and supporting others instead, like when you need the most help, just kind of letting go of you and putting the focus on somebody else, whether it's a peer, a colleague, whether it's in one of these communities, you know, maybe you're the one hurting, but you're out there and you're just going to focus on others and on contributing and helping others, or whether it's in your personal life, such as getting involved in a charity and going out and volunteering one Saturday morning at a food shelter, for example, there's something very powerful about helping others, that it will bring perspective into your life. And I'm not saying that what you're dealing with is not a bad thing, not at all. But much of the misery, and I forget the exact quote, I think it's Tony Robbins who said, much of the misery that we experience is based on just a focus on ourselves. The moment we start focusing on others, that misery starts going away. So see if you can find a way to help others, support others, and again, in business and out there in your community, I think you're going to start seeing the shift very, very quickly, and you're going to start gaining a sense of perspective. It's like, w. You know, yeah, I have my challenges, but let me tell you, I just met somebody today who is living in a tent. And the food that they were able to get from the group that I volunteered with today is the first meal they've had in three days. And you know what? My life is not so bad. Okay? Something that's worked really well for me. Now, this is just. It depends on your personality. This can and cannot work. I'm going to put it out there, and if you're kind of wired this way, I think you'll know. And if you're not, that's okay. I got plenty of ideas here to share. When you get that kind of response, when you get those kind of comments, use it as fuel. You know, for me, one of the biggest motivators for a long time, even when I was a kid, is for someone to tell me that I can't do it. That triggers a. A response. I guess the best word is anger. I get mad when somebody tells me something along the lines of, you can't do that. Who do you think you are? When are you going to get a real job? That is an instant motivator for me. So I think again, you know, yourself, and if you think that that might be, then turn it around, use it as fuel, Do a jiu jitsu. Move on that thing. If you find that intriguing, I encourage you to experiment with it. It might work. And man, why not? Why not use it, right? It's. If you got it, it's coming your way. Might as well repurpose it somehow to do good instead of bad. I think sometimes when we're dealing with these kind of difficult situations, it's very easy to just put all the focus on the negative and forget about the fact that there are people out there who do support us. You know, it's just natural human instinct to focus on the negative instead of the positive. Take a minute to think about the people who have helped you and support you. Whether or supported you, whether it's in your business or in your personal life doesn't really matter. Try as best you can to just take a breather and just focus on the good. You know, the people who have helped you out before and just take a moment to just send them a quick note of appreciation. It could be an email, it could be a quick text. I love text for these kinds of things because sometimes I feel that if I got to pick up the phone and call, I won't do it because I just feel. I hate to say this, but it just feels like work sometimes. Or I feel like this guilt of, well, they're busy. I don't want to pick up the phone and interrupt their day. Even though that's not really true. I think especially in this day and age of just texting, picking up the phone and calling somebody is a really cool thing and it just really stands out and it means more than it used to 20 years ago. But even if all you do is just send a quick note. Hey, listen, I was just thinking about you this morning and I just wanted to just thank you for everything you've done for me in the past. I want you to know that I value. I value a relationship and I appreciate you. I love you. Okay? So just doing that in and of itself is just. That alone will get you, will put you in a different place emotionally. Gratitude is an amazing thing. When you're in a state of gratitude, it creates a shield around you where you just can't. You can't feel a negative emotion. If you're feeling Gratitude at any given time, it's just virtually impossible. I've heard this before. I forget where I've heard it. I don't know how scientific that is, but I really don't care. There's science behind it or not. I know that if I'm in a state of true gratitude, it's almost like I'm shielded from all this junk and I'm in a special place, even if it's just for 20 seconds. One thing, it's always worked for me when. When I've received this kind of negative feedback or just negative energy, is to read inspirational books or watch inspirational movies about people who made it without the love and support from loved ones. I love a great underdog story. Just absolutely love a great underdog story. Some that come to mind. The movie Rudy Seabiscuit, one of my top five movies ever. What I love about Seabiscuit is just this message of these. These people who came together, they were all broken. They all felt broken and they had lost hope and they came together for a cause as underdogs, and they pushed through and they realize at the end that, you know what? We're not broken. And even if we're hurting, it doesn't mean that we're less. You know, we are exactly who we are and we are valued and we are loved and we can love others. So there's so many great lessons in a movie like Seabiscuit, in a movie like Rudy Jerry Maguire. I love that. That movie. Just. Look, man, it's this. This guy came back from. I mean, he was down rock bottom. The Pursuit of Happiness. An amazing movie. I just cry like a baby every time I see it, which I really can't watch it too much. It's. It's. It's intense. But anyway, for. For these situations, I think it's just reading these stories, watching these movies can. Can really help shift our or perspective and. Or mindset around what might be going on. Because we'll see again that shared human condition. Like others are enduring this. Others have dealt with this and even worse, and they've come out through the other side. Okay, we can't have this discussion without using the word boundaries. Setting and maintaining boundaries. Okay? So if you are in a situation where a loved one and gosh, I've seen and heard of people where, I mean, their parents, their brother or the sister or one of their kids is being. It's beyond just caring. It's really more again, putting them down and they're just saying, look, this is. When are you gonna snap out of it. You know, this is. This is a horrible idea. What are you doing? You're wasting your life. You know, when it. When it goes down to that side, those people have crossed the boundary, and it's up to you, not up to them. It's up to you to remind them or to set these boundaries. And, you know, sometimes it's just as simple as saying, you know, mom, let's agree that we're not going to talk about that, okay? I am. I think you and I are going to disagree completely on this. We have argued, we have talked about this. We see things very differently. I love you, and I don't want to harm our relationship, okay? I want to maintain what we have, and going there does both of us no good. So let's just agree that when we get together, when we chat, we're not going to go there, okay? You can do it in a loving way, but setting and maintaining those boundaries and upholding those boundaries just absolutely key. Don't be afraid to do that. When you don't set and maintain them, people will cross them, and you need to guard those very closely. I'm actually going to do a bit of a shift here with my last tip. And this might sound strange, but, you know, again, I just want to give you just tough love because I don't know. I don't know what's going to resonate with you. I don't know which one of these ideas is really going to be the most helpful. And here it is. Be honest. Do they have a point? And here's what I mean. I want to be cautious here, okay? Because I don't want you to automatically assume, oh, well, yeah, they do have a point. Okay, let me give you an example of what I mean by do they have a point? Have you been buying courses? Course after course after course, event after event, an event, and not implementing what you're learning, okay? If that's you, you know who you are. And if. If you have a loved one who's just concerned because you're spending all this money and all this time on things that you're just not doing anything with, Be honest with yourself. You know, do they. Do they have a point? Should I maybe take what I already have and start implementing it and start getting. I got all this value here that I haven't. That I haven't acted on. What do I have that I can act on? Okay? Do I have a track record of, you know, just jumping from one thing to the other and never really following through? Just be honest with yourself. You know, I mean, it's okay to get mad, but you know, if that's you, nothing's going to change unless you change. And I see a lot of people out there who invest an incredible amount of time, money, effort, energy on things that they never follow through with. And it breaks my heart because, you know, it just so many, beyond the financial consequences, so many broken dreams, shattered dreams that, that's, that's painful, that's gotta be painful. And that just builds and builds over time and it can destroy you, of course financially, but also emotionally. So just, you know, have a good heart to heart with yourself and you know, they might have a point. And this comment, as hurtful as it might be, could be the best thing that's happened to you if you're willing to be honest and vulnerable and make the changes you want to make. So those are my ideas. I hope that if you are in the situation, if you've been here before, that you found this helpful and if you know of somebody who maybe deals with us or has dealt with this in the past and really struggled with it, I love a favor from you. Would you mind sharing this link with them to this particular page? B2B launcher.com Episode 183 I think it it might be exactly what they need to hear and hopefully it will get them thinking about how to solve this problem, how to start dealing with it in a more productive way. This has been Ed Gandia. I hope you have a wonderful rest of the day. Take care. The High Income Business Writing Podcast is a production of B2B business line launcher. Learn more at B2B launcher dot com.