#288: How to Diminish the Power of Your Inner Critic

Welcome to the High Income Business Writing Podcast, helping you propel your writing business to a whole new level. And now, here's your host, Ed Gandia. Hey there. Welcome to another episode of the High Income Business Writing Podcast, the number one podcast for business writers and copywriters who want to earn more and less time doing work they love for better clients. With over 1 million downloads from listeners just like you across 101 countries, you might think that your biggest obstacle is your current set of clients. Or maybe the fact you feel stuck with low fees and you're just going to have to live with that reality. Or maybe that you can't seem to land more interesting or profitable work or shift to a different, more interesting target market, one that pays better, one that is more exciting. But none of those things are anywhere near what your biggest obstacle truly is, because your biggest obstacle, quite frankly, is you. It's your negative self talk and criticism. It's the way you put yourself down, the way you doubt yourself and your abilities, the way you shoot down interesting ideas within seconds of coming up with them. The moment you hear it from a friend or a colleague. It's the excuses you keep using for not trying something new or putting off the implementation of a new idea or game plan that you've come up with and carefully drafted. And I say all this because I know from personal experience that that's the case for me. I know that I'm not alone and my inner critic is alive and well, just like it is probably within yourself. And my own inner critic, let me tell you, he's very quick to point out why I'm going to stumble or fail. He's extremely convincing. And there are many moments, many times during a day, where he just doesn't shut up. So I know about the inner critic. I know what I'm constantly struggling with. I know I'm not alone. I'm my own biggest obstacle in anything important I attempt. Which begs the question, why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we listen to that inner critic and value his or her opinions so highly? Well, we do it because we're all wired to stay safe. At least that's one of the, I think, the most reasonable explanations. Thousands of years ago, that safety instinct was extremely useful. It kept us alive. It kept us from doing something that would harm or kill us. I mean, when you think about it, we're here to reproduce, to carry on our DNA. At least that's my belief. Of course, there's more to life than that, but biologically speaking, everything that can Help keep us safe and fed and keep us able to reproduce would take center stage and it would take president over everything else. The challenge is we no longer live in that kind of world today. We're living in a much safer environment. Yet that same instinct keeps us from making progress in our business and in our personal lives. It's that same safety instinct, except that it's no longer about physical safety. For the most part in today's modern world, it's about a different kind of safety. It's about our identity, how we fit in the world, how we view ourselves. We all have an identity. It's our inner critic's job to protect that identity. And whether we realize it or not, he or she will fight like hell to preserve that identity. So that's why, at least this is my interpretation, this is my theory, my opinion. That's why we avoid doing the things we know would improve ourselves and our business. Things like raising our fees, asking for better payment terms, going after better clients, going after more challenging work. In fact, I would argue that the more something threatens our identity, the more we avoid doing that thing, taking those actions, making those decisions. Why? Because it's scary. There's a certain amount of comfort knowing where we fit in the world. We want to know what role we serve and we want to preserve that role and that identity. And if we feel that taking a certain action will threaten that, our tendency is to pull back and avoid taking that action, avoid making those decisions, avoid taking those steps. And it shows up in the way of procrastination. I mean, think about it. If we trace back procrastination, there's a lot of different reasons we can procrastinate, but fear is a big one. It's not that we're lazy, it's fear doing its thing to keep us safe and comfortable. Fortunately, there are some powerful antidotes to that kind of thinking and self talk. And I wanted to share a couple of ideas with you in this one that I wanted to talk about is I found in the excellent book by David Goggins. The book is called can't hurt Master your mind and defy the odds. It's an outstanding book if you don't mind strong language, because every page is filled with strong language. But it is a natural reaction to any bold attempt to change your life for the better. You can't stop it from blooming in your brain, but you can neutralize it in all the other external chatter by asking what if? What if is an exquisite and I'll just fill in the blank. Basically, he said, F you. To anyone who has ever doubted your greatness or stood in your way, it silences negativity. It's a reminder that you don't really know what you're capable of until you put everything you've got on the line. It makes the impossible feel at least a little more possible. What if is the power and permission to face down your darkest demons, your very worst memories, and accept them as part of your history. If and when you do that, you will be able to use them as fuel to envision the most audacious, outrageous achievement and go get it. Clients who are no longer serving you and found some new, better clients who respect and value you. And just as a side note, you don't have to do this Desire for problems to go away. The desire for an easier life and problems away, especially after a tough day, a difficult week. You ask yourself, gosh, there's gotta be a better way. And there's a healthy side of that question. The tendency that I've noticed in my own life and in my own business over the past few years, I guess, has been one where I want to find the path of least resistance. And rather than that being a healthy thing, I see that it's sometimes taken the wrong turns because it's taken the path of finding easier solutions, avoiding difficult problems, avoiding intimidating or scary situations, and just playing it safe. But you and I already know that all growth requires that you take a leap in the dark. It requires that you try new things, that you put yourself out there, that you continually raise your value, raise your fees, buy journal on that, journal on ideas, and different versions of that what if question. What what if questions would you ask yourself? Start asking yourself a different set of questions, starting with what if? And see what you come up with. So this leads to a related topic that I've been thinking a lot about lately, and it's the desire. My desire. And here again, I know I'm not alone. The desire for problems to go away, the desire for an easier life, an easier business, fewer problems and fewer obstacles. I'm sure you can relate. I don't think I'm alone in this tendency to want to wish obstacles and problems away. Especially after a tough day, a difficult week. You ask yourself, gosh, there's gotta be a better way. And there's a healthy side of that question. The tendency that I've noticed in my own life and in my own business over the past few years, I guess, has been one where I want to find the path of least resistance. And Rather than that being a healthy thing, I, I see that it's sometimes taken the wrong turns because it's taken the path of finding easier solutions, avoiding difficult problems, avoiding intimidating or scary situations, and just playing it safe. But you and I already know that all growth requires that you take a leap in the dark. It requires that you try new things, that you put yourself out there, that you continually raise your value, raise your fees, go after new, better clients, say no more often, stick to your values and non negotiables, even when you're scared to do so. Hire a virtual assistant or a writer or other support professional to help you grow. If you're afraid of doing these things, you'll never do or accomplish anything worthwhile. Now, these examples I gave you, I'm not saying you need to do all these things. Don't take them literally. And in fact, if you found yourself shutting down some of the things and some of the examples I just gave you, that's something to pay attention to, okay? I'm not saying that each of those things is going to be the right move for you or the right move for you. Right now, I'm only giving you examples of different ways that you can make a leap. Put yourself out there, raise your value, try new things, stretch yourself. And I believe that it all starts by just accepting the fact that your problems are never going to go away. You'll always face obstacles, problems, challenges, always. The question is not how can I eliminate obstacles and problems in my business. The real question is, which obstacles and problems would I rather have and would I rather deal with? You see, every profession, every business, every career path is filled with obstacles and problems. You just have to pick the set of problems you're okay working with all the time or most of the time. And you know this. I'm not telling you anything new. It was interesting though. The other day, I. A few months ago, I was talking to my teenage son and he's been working since he was 14 or 15, part time. And it shifted to full time recently, but he's had three jobs and it was interesting to hear some of the problems and challenges that he was experiencing in each of these jobs. And I didn't want to share this with him too early on because he wouldn't have the right contact or experience yet. But now that he's had three jobs, it's been a more productive conversation, a more productive piece of advice. And I basically shared with him that, look, you probably can see by now that every job is going to have its own set of challenges. You get to a point in a job where you just want to leave, you just want to escape everything bad in that situation, in that job, in that role, and you think that this new opportunity that just popped up is going to solve all those problems, that this job is going to be so much better. And at first you have that honeymoon period, right, and everything is great and, oh, I'm glad I made this move. But eventually the honeymoon is over and you start seeing all the kinks and all the warts of this new opportunity, this new job, and you realize that there's a different set of problems there. And then something else comes along eventually and it sounds better, and you're tired of this job and you know the people and the managers and just all the problems, all the nonsense, all the politics, and you take on this other opportunity and there's that honeymoon period and you're glad that you took it and that wears off and you realize you have a whole new set of problems. You always have problems. Question is, which set of problems are you willing to deal with? You can always make them better. You can always get around some of them, you can always make some of them tolerable. And ideally, you want many of these problems to make you better, stronger, more resilient, but you will never be able to get rid of problems. And I found myself over the past few years just trying to do away and get away from problems when really my focus needed to be, how can I become better, stronger, more resilient? How can I deal with these problems more effectively? Again, trying to set up your business or your life so you won't have problems is absolutely fruitless. Not only is it impossible, but even if it were possible, it wouldn't serve you to live a life that had no obstacles and it was filled with certainty. Ryan Holiday writes in his excellent book Courage Is Calling, and I quote, what if there was certainty, if there was a well lit, well defined path, if life were like this, no courage would be required. The fear you feel is a sign. If courage is never required in your life, you're living a boring life. So put yourself in a position that demands you leap. End quote. And you know what? Don't fear what will happen when you leap. Fear what you'll miss if you don't leap. Fear what will happen if you don't act. Because the consequences of always taking the easy path are much more severe than those have taken the leap. The former leads to a life of regret, the latter leads to growth and fulfillment. Motivational speaker Jim Rohn used to say, don't wish it were easier. Wish you were better. That's what I want. As much as I would rather avoid obstacles and problems, because that's how we're all wired. I know that the obstacle is the way problems, challenges, obstacles, setbacks, those are the things that make us stronger, better, richer, more fulfilled. But it all starts by understanding our biology. Why we do what we do, why we get in our own way, why we're our own worst critics. Because once you understand your own mo, once you see these patterns, once you catch yourself, you'll see all these challenges in your whole situation in a whole new light. And you'll have a better understanding of what to do and how to tackle them more effectively. Well, that's it for today. I hope you enjoyed the episode. And just a quick reminder to grab your free copy of my latest book, Earn More in Less Time the Proven Mindset, Strategies and Actions to Prosper as a Freelance writer. You can get your free copy@b2b launcher.com or you will also find the detail show notes to this and all my other episodes. Enjoy and have a great day. It.