12 - My Corporate to Coach Story

Welcome to the business of executive coaching. I'm Ellie Scarfe, an ex lawyer turned executive coach. Over the last 17 years I've coached in house, I've been an associate coach and I've run executive coaching businesses with teams of coaches around the world. My clients have ranged from global brand names to boutiques, startups and organizations doing good in the world. I now run the Impact Coach Collective, a community of executive coaches who want to level up their business skills and take action in a community of like minded peers. I'm a traveller, a reader, a mum, wife and dog parent and I know firsthand that our stories have a huge impact on our businesses. The executive coaching business is tough and I've learnt all the lessons through plenty of mistakes and also with some great mentors. This podcast is all about growing a thriving executive coaching business. You can build a coaching business that is profitable, sustainable and that supports your personal goals, whatever they are. I'll be sharing tips and ideas translated for your context as well as stories from the field with brilliant coaches and mentors. If you want to level up your executive coaching business skills, then this is the place for you. Hi everyone. It occurs to me as I sit here to talk about my corporate to coach story that I probably should have arranged this episode with someone to interview me, but instead you're going to have me downloading stream of consciousness style about my coaching story. Because while you hear the high level of what I do pretty often you might not know the details. Some of you are new to the podcast, to knowing me and I feel like we're all friends here. So you're going to get the full story. I will say ahead of time as a bit of a content warning that I do discuss mental health challenges and suicide. So if you would rather not hear those parts of my story, then let's reconnect next week when I'll have a more practical episode again. But I promise it's not all doom and gloom or dark, but it does feel a bit more personal and a bit more exposing than normal. So any and all moral support that you want to send me would be much appreciated. Now, before I dive in, just a quick note to say that I am really excited to be running my favorite masterclass for free of course in a few weeks. The masterclass is the eight foundations of a thriving Executive coaching business. So if you are just starting up your coaching business, if you want to do a bit of an audit on how your coaching business is going, this is the masterclass for you. We work through the eight foundations but I've also got a quiz that helps you to triage with where you should focus as we go through the session. So the this masterclass is going to run at two different times so that every time zone has a time that will suit on Thursday 9th May. So do go and register. I'll put it in the show notes as well. Doors to the Impact Coach Collective are also opening that week and we only open for a week, once a quarter. So come along and learn more about what I do in the Impact Coach Collective with my wonderful group of members, which I'll talk about a little in the at the end of the masterclass also. Okay, so today, sharing my corporate coach story, what I'm going to do is I'm going to answer the questions that I send my guests ahead of time when I'm interviewing them and then I'm just going to go with what feels interesting. So there might be bits I skate over and there might be bits that I dive in deeper. If it's terrible, I reserve the right to redo it later. So you have been warned. So firstly, what is my corporate to coach story? So probably, like everyone, it's not a simple answer and in fact it's been quite a long and winding road to get there. So firstly, when I, you know, was fresh out of uni, I worked as I qualified as a lawyer and I worked as a corporate lawyer in one of Australia's top tier law firms. I knew pretty early on that it wasn't for me. I loved some of my early rotations in environment law, but I didn't love litigation. And you know, I could see the path towards partnership and I couldn't see myself getting any meaningful joy out of that. And back in those days, so the very early 2000s, there really weren't any female partners or female role models either. So it was really hard to see what that would look like for me. But beyond that, I just didn't have a sense of joy. Right. I didn't find it joyful. Interestingly enough, years later I met the head of HR of that law firm. I was actually talking about my coaching services and she said that I always did seem more interested in the training that we did as lawyers than I did in the lawyering. And frankly, she wasn't wrong, although I'm not sure she meant that as a compliment. From there, you know, I realized that I didn't want to be a lawyer, but it took me quite a long time to figure out that what I did want to do was coaching. So I Meandered through a few other careers. I tried recruitment, which I was not good at. In my defense, we didn't have LinkedIn back in those days, and. But then I found my way back into law firms, and I will say I did try to go back as a lawyer, but I only lasted six weeks before I realized I was right the first time. But I did find my way back to law firms, working in HR and internal recruitment and then learning and development. And while that was a much better fit for me in law firms, the role itself was very administrative and involved a lot of coordination, which I was not great at. So for those of you who are Hogan aficionados, my prudence score is single digits, low single digits, which means that attention to detail is something I have to work quite hard at, so I can do it, but it doesn't feel natural. It's not. Not something I'm going to actively enjoy doing. So, you know, I was great at facilitating workshops with the legal teams, but, you know, data entry on lawyers, compulsory, ongoing learning, not so much my thing. And there was also the cultural dynamics, which back in those days in law firms, if you weren't a fee earner, we were called fee burners. So that really wasn't a lot of fun. But while I was in that role, I started my masters in coaching Psychology at Sydney Uni. So I had a very good friend, and that is Louise Kovacs, who I interviewed in this podcast in episode five. And she had recommended this program. And, you know, I didn't honestly think about it too much before I made the decision to. To jump in. There was a real sense of feeling like it would be a good fit. And I think also I'd learned quite a lot from Louise about what was involved in the program. I had been studying psychotherapy for a while, but it didn't have the same. The same feel of being just right that coaching did. And I couldn't see myself being a therapist in the long run. But when I started coaching, it just felt like a great match. I loved it. And as many of you, most of you who I talk to, coaches, that first experience of training as a coach is a revelation. And it's usually a revelation because we have these discoveries about the practice of coaching, which is great, of course, but we have all these discoveries about who we are as coaches and who we are as people, and what. What we learn about ourselves is usually the thing that makes us realize that this is a good fit for us. And I was no different. I loved it. And it wasn't long before I made a decision, sort of, and I'll tell you why, sort of a decision to jump in to see if I could sustain a business. And this decision or this, this move was made much easier by having such a wonderful mentor as Louise, who partnered with me with some key clients. So I always ask people how they knew they were ready to make that leap into running their own business. And the truth is, for me, I absolutely wasn't ready. But what I had done is unconsciously created a situation where I had no choice. Now I look back on this experience and I can say, oh, thank God. But at the time, it was one of the most stressful experiences in my life. So I had this contract role in learning and development in this law firm, but I had really not received any training. I didn't really know what I was doing right. I was a lawyer, and then suddenly I was in hr. Now, while I was doing great at the internal client work, like partnering with the lawyers and the partners and delivering training, I was not doing great at the other parts that needed to be done. The data entry, the record keeping, the system management, all of that. I was not good at that at all. So in the end, after some very uncomfortable conversations for somebody who at the time was extremely conflict avoidant, I was let go basically from that role. I was paid out to the end of my contract and I was let go. Now, as someone who had always been an overachiever, this was a pretty cataclysmic experience of failure for me. I didn't know who I was, if I wasn't the best at something, and I definitely wasn't the best here, I wasn't even good here. But while this was a really big, bad experience for me, I did find that there was a lot of good with it. And the good was this opportunity, both financial and time, to embrace the opportunity to see if I could become a coach. So, you know, just like all of the experiences of that that we have, where, you know, the earth is shaken, where our ground is taken out from underneath us, without that down, I wouldn't have ended up with the subsequent highs, and I certainly wouldn't be where I am today. I also like to ask coaches what they wish they knew then that they know now. And if I ask myself that, I think that the main thing, and I go on about it pretty consistently now, is that you have to understand that running a business is as much your job as being a coach. And if you don't have that mindset, then everything is going to be exponentially slower for you and harder for you, because you're going to be fighting a battle rather than rolling with what is. So, you know, I think that was a huge limiting factor for me because while I had a, you know, a great opportunity courtesy of a wonderful mentor, I also didn't really view myself as running a business. I saw myself as a coach. And as a result of not viewing myself as a business person, I didn't take necessary steps to run my business well. So I got into some financial trouble as a result of not calculating my tax obligations right. Or. Or at all, to be honest. I didn't do any marketing, you know, and, you know, I was essentially an associate coach at the time, but I didn't have that language necessarily, and I had no idea how to manage a roller coaster of wildly variable income. But I think that if I had viewed myself as a business owner, I would have been in a much better place and much sooner. And I think I would have avoided some of the particularly painful downs that I had. And so from that point of taking the leap, one of the things I want to point out is that it is not the case that my journey has been a steady upward trajectory. In fact, what it has been is a series of serious setbacks and, you know, wonderful accelerations. And I think it's really important that we talk about the setbacks just as much as the accelerations, because I'm as guilty as the next person of only wanting to show the good stuff, you know, about me, about my business, about my. The, you know, the way I. I am in my life. But I want to show the warts and all in this. This conversation because I think it's important. So some of those setbacks that, you know, have been very painful, but I think have ultimately, you know, brought me to. To where I am. Firstly, that I discovered a very hard way that our physical and our mental health are very interconnected. So about three or four times over the last 17 years as a coach, I've fallen into some big holes. And when I say holes, what I mean is periods of up to six months when I have experienced some chronic illnesses that have also triggered some mental health challenges for me. And it's always sort of a chicken and egg situation. Right? So is it the anxiety that triggers the physical symptoms, or does the anxiety come up because of this. This. This health challenge? So, you know, I've learned the hard way that taking care of yourself physically as a business owner is no joking matter. One of the issues that I experienced was developing quite severe migraines as a result of, you know, back and neck biomechanical issues. And if I look back on it, I'm pretty sure they, they developed because of years of travel for work, you know, weekly monthly travel and working on planes and you know, doing either intense physical exercise or nothing. So, you know, run a marathon, then do nothing for months. And so, you know, I'm pretty sure that it is very, you know, I would say it's very hard to keep working at the same level you want to when you have either regular headaches every day and also migraines that could land any moment. So, you know, for me that was a really significant one. And as I've had a few incidences like that one was I was very sick for a few, few months and had no idea what was causing it. I thought I must have been, you know, I was, I really was starting to think that maybe anxiety was causing me to be extremely ill. Turns out I had what they call a rumbling appendix. So I basically had appendicitis for three months before they discovered it when I finally took it out. So, so that one was very definitely physical, but it was very associated with mental health and it was very hard to sustain business during those times. So, you know, we've got to look after our physical health. But I've also learned that we have to be very mindful of our own mental health as a coach. It's so important. So as I alluded to, I've experienced episodes of pretty severe depression and anxiety. And while I have always come out of those periods and recovered very well with therapy and self management strategies, it's really hard to manage a coaching business when you're going through that. And that is why it's so important to me in the work that I do with coaches that we work on the whole puzzle. So yes, we talk heaps about sales and marketing and LinkedIn strategy and the practical stuff, but we also have to talk about boundaries and mindset and stress management and support systems and financial management. Because if we don't put those things in place, all of the sales and marketing and tactics in the world won't help if you can't keep going. So all of those things are super important. I do have in mind an episode that I am going to record about how do we build businesses that are flexible and resilient for navigating these hard times because they will happen and we can't always predict them, but we can be well resourced to navigate them when they do happen. So one of the most difficult Times that I've had as a coach and a coaching business owner was navigating grief through running a coaching practice. And you know, that is something that that many of us have experienced and many more people will experience. I'm not, certainly not on my own. So in 2021, sort of in the middle of COVID the business that I was running in partnership coach was at its most successful. So we'd gone well over seven figures that year and my father died by suicide. Now, as an adult, this is a, you know, a very tricky thing to navigate. Obviously it was quite devastating to me and I discovered that for me, grief, especially complicated grief like this, is something that changes shape on a weekly and monthly and yearly basis. So I was surprised early on by my ability to continue my work, right to continue my face to face coaching practice. Well, zoom to zoom coaching practice, it was 2021. I could do that in the short term and I could show up for my clients. But in the medium term, I discovered that it really impacted how I was able to be as a coach. So while I would be okay in session, I found myself more and more impacted by the emotional weight of what my coaches were experiencing or what I was holding with them. And I was less able to hold my own boundaries in that regards. And, and that, that ultimately led me to do the work that I do with coaches also. So, you know, I wanted to share what I know about building successful coaching businesses because it matters to me that as coaches we, we are, well and we're flourishing personally and professionally and we're not just facilitating that for our clients. Now of course that's a no brainer, but we can't ignore that piece about ourselves and navigating this stuff for ourself. But lest I sound like it's all doom and gloom alongside these setbacks, in fact, there have been tremendous coaching experiences and successes and growth and like, oh my God, so much personal growth, it's coming out my eyeballs. And sometimes I go, God, could I just learn a few less lessons this year? So, you know, for, for example, some of these experiences, I spent five years working at Xerox in Australia in organization development and as the national sales coach for Xerox, where I coached all of the sales leaders around Australia. And I learned so much in that experience and gained so much confidence, probably more than any other role or project or training that I've done. Because as well as doing the coaching and the facilitation, I had an opportunity to be deeply involved in organizational strategy from a sales and Whole organization perspective. I got to take on sales capability and sales strategy. I got to operate within the political dynamics of a big company and you know, to see rollout of huge initiatives. You know, at the time this was a billion dollar organization and I got to see what worked and what didn't over a long period of time. And I just, it was, it was an extraordinary experience. Not to say it wasn't also deeply frustrating as any organization is. But I grew to love the complexity of working in organizational cultures and I think that's really important for coaches to understand. In the 10 years since I left Xerox, you know, I have worked as an associate coach. I have run a number or three coaching businesses both in partnership and solo. I built, you know, personally my practice in all of these umbrellas has been part coaching and part facilitation or leadership development. And I really love that balance. I always recommend that coaches, particularly new coaches, have something other than coaching in your offering set because we need to have a bit of financial resilience in the early days, things that can bring in money other than coaching and things that are complementary to your coaching practice. And I call it our coaching adjacent offers. And we do that because they are mutually supportive and they reinforce each other. But also just to have another income stream is important in the early days. But I've also, you know, I've really loved my clients. I've been very privileged with the clients that I've worked with. So some of them have been, you know, global law firms, big four accounting firms for purpose organizations, high net worth individuals, financial services, private equity, you know, fang tech companies, boutique firms, resources companies, big brand names as well as tiny organizations and you know, not for profits, doing good in the world. And I really have loved the variety of my clients, but I definitely have had success in professional and financial services. I think due to my legal background, which is, you know, I always is quite funny is when I left the law, I swore, I swore off of being a lawyer and being, you know, working with lawyers, which is hilarious because all my friends are lawyers. But you know, in the end, working with lawyers has been among the most satisfying work that I do. Because we can, even as a lawyer we can tend to make these judgments and stereotypes about who we're working with. And it's really interesting to explore that and just actually, you know, see the person, not the role. So I love this question I have. I always ask coaches that I interview whether they've turned down work. And I have, and I think this is really interesting. So I'VE I've turned down work on a few occasions, but they tend to be in two categories. So firstly, I've turned work down where I have an ethical boundary and that would include tobacco companies and companies. Now I can't name these companies, but companies that have knowingly caused health issues in the communities in which they operate or amongst their staff. And then the second category is not ethical, but it's where I feel like there can't be a partnership between me and the organization. So, you know, if the relationship with the person engaging me as a coach or our organization as a coach feels overly transactional or that they are combative with their suppliers, then that's not for me. So I've said no in those contexts as well. Now I'm going to stop there. So that is a bit about me and a bit about, you know, some pieces of my corporate to coach story. There's probably a bit more in there that I might share in another episode. But, you know, I really hope that you know me a little bit better. And particularly I hope I've given you some insight into why I'm quite obsessed with helping coaches to run businesses that are profitable and sustainable and that serve them in pursuit of their life goals and not just their business goals. So that's really important to me. But as I said, I'd love to have a chat. If anything in my story, you know, resonates with you, I would. I'd love to talk to you about it. So drop me a message either by email or on my website or on LinkedIn and I'd love to connect. Okay, thanks again and hopefully I'll see some of you at my webinar on the eight Foundations of a Thriving Coaching business, which you can Register for at www.elliscarf.com 8Foundedations. Thanks again and see you next week. Thanks for listening to this episode of the Business of Executive Coaching. If you found it helpful, please share it with a colleague or friend on LinkedIn. And don't forget to tag me so I can say thanks. I would be tremendously grateful also if you would leave a review on Apple Podcasts. More reviews means more people can find us. This episode was brought to you by the Impact Coach Collective, where executive coaches grow their businesses in a community of peers with business education, mentoring, deal clinics and more. If you'd like to contact me or work with me further, all my free resources, courses and more info on the Impact Coach Collective can be found@elliscarf.com have a brilliant week and I look forward to talking to you again soon.