The Crisis of Confidence Every Coach Has (and How to Get Out of It)

Hello and welcome to the Business of Executive Coaching Podcast. I'm your host, Ellie Scarf, and I'm here to do 2 things. I'm here to share practical advice, and I'm here to share stories from coaches who are out there doing it, to show you that not only can coaches build businesses serving corporate clients that are profitable, flexible, and purposeful, but also to show you that you can do it too. I think as coaches working with organizational clients, we will create a positive ripple effect far beyond our work. And my job is to take all the business advice out there combined with my 20 years as an executive coach and share what really works and what really matters so that you can change the world one client at a time. I also want to just let you know that last week we finished a bit of a launch for the Corporate to Coach Accelerator, my group program helping coaches who want to grow their businesses with more corporate clients. So we ran a promotion, it was about an 8-day promotion We had a brilliant masterclass. You might've seen the recording of that last week. And we had a, it was really a final opportunity for you to join up at our existing prices before we had a price rise on Friday. Now I've had a lot of people reach out and say that they just missed it. And let me tell you, I sent a lot of emails about this, so it's impressive, but admittedly not everyone gets my emails. So what I'm doing is I'm opening a 48-hour window. For you to book a sales call with me to discuss your business and whether the Accelerator is a good fit for you. It doesn't matter when you book the call for, so long as you have it booked in by Wednesday the 26th of August, then you will lock in that pre-price rise investment if you do choose to join. And of course, there are no obligations. To book in your call, just head over to www.elliescarf.com/bookcall. It's a really good deal. It'll save you a About $3,000 over the course of our 12 months, and I don't want you to miss out if you're interested. So please book in even if you aren't 100% sure yet if it is right. Okay, so today's episode is all about what to do when you are having a crisis of confidence. What do I mean by that? I think if you're in business or you know you are thinking about a business, you can probably imagine or you know this very deeply. It is when it's just been that little bit longer than you'd like between. Clients. It is when you feel like the response to your content is trending downwards, not upwards. It is when you forget why this felt like a good idea in the first place. And it's when you are really questioning whether you have what it takes to grow this business. And firstly, it is so normal. So I know I talk a lot about the roller coaster of business. And often we think about the roller coaster part as being just, is money coming in the door or not? Like, yes, lots of money. No, not much money. And that being the roller coaster. But actually, that is often the least challenging part of the roller coaster. Yes, it's usually a trigger, but the real roller coaster is the feelings, right, that come along with it. And sometimes they are directly related to the business outcomes and sometimes they're not, right? And it goes from, you know, feeling on a high, like you can see it all unfolding just how it's meant to the opposite extreme that feels like it's also risky. It's impossible to see how it will work. Like everyone else seems to be doing so well, but not you. So are you nodding along? If you are, I want you to actually remember that this is a good sign because it means you are doing the work. And part of doing the work is figuring out what doesn't work. I think of it as part of the compulsory learning curve, right? And if you go through it, and you can build a pathway out of these tough times, then check. You get to move through to the next stage of business and know that you have the skills to get yourself out anytime you need. Of course, I am saying that it is normal. I am saying that it is necessary to have these moments where we feel a lack of confidence, but I'm not saying that it feels good. I'm not saying that you should stay stuck in this place. So what I want to share today is 9 things that you can do to pull yourself out of it when you feel stuck in this crisis of confidence. So the first one is I want you to remember that you are more than your coaching experience. Now, of course, I mean that holistically, right? So our value is not determined by the number written down on a piece of paper or the number of sales calls booked or anything like that. But really what I mean is a little more tangible and a little bit more business-focused, which is that your professional credibility in your business is not just how many hours of coaching do you have, right? And it's really, sometimes people forget that. They think, oh, well, I've done 100 hours, only done 100 hours of coaching. That's it. Therefore, I'm new. Therefore, there are implications of that. Therefore, no one wants me as a coach. Therefore, how can I compare myself to everyone else? So I want you to take a deep breath and remember, you are absolutely not new. You are not fresh to this. You are not starting from scratch. If that's how you feel, remember that is a feeling. In fact, what I want you to do is I want you to look at your credibility and your experience over the course of your whole career. And I want you to believe that because it is true. Because even though coaching is, you know, context agnostic, coaching is not about you bringing expertise, the quality of Insight that you demonstrate through your questions, through your presence, through the way you are as a coach, your way of being as a coach is not just a result of how many hours have you been in official one-on-one ICF GROW model style coaching. It is a result of all of your experiences, professional, personal, your highs, your lows, the difficult things that have happened to you in your life, the wins you've had at work, the, the roles you've been promoted into. I want you to remember that you're the sum total, not just this tiny piece of credibility since you started your coaching business, right? Big or small, you are all of it and you bring all of it to every sales call, to every coaching engagement. And it's so easy to say, oh, the professional background doesn't count. It counts. It counts especially in selling, but it also counts for delivery, for coaching and for all of it. So I want you to really lean into remembering that you are a, you have a significant professional experience that you bring to all of this work. The second thing I want you to do is I want you to deprioritize needing to feel confident in the first place. So if we talk about having a crisis of confidence, then there is an assumption in that sentence that confidence is something that is vital and required for us to grow our business. And in fact, that is not the case. So I want you to stop requiring yourself to feel confident, right? Confident is not one of the must-dos. I want you to focus instead on courage, right? The courage to do things that feel hard, the courage to try something that you've never tried before, rather than the confidence to do those things. And I also want you to focus on the courage to take action based on your values and your purpose and your why, regardless of how confident you feel, right? So remind yourself that you have done hard things before. You can take action regardless of how confident you feel about it. And you've done it in the past and you can do it again. So I really want you to deprioritize, confidence. Number 3 is I want you to be sure that you have captured all your wins, right? And that you continue to do so. So a few things, a few parts to this, right? One is actually making sure that you are capturing these things on an ongoing basis. Positive feedback, testimonials, wins, successes of your coachees. Inside the Accelerator, it is some of my favorite wins that my clients share when they talk about the impact and the wins that their clients have had, whether it's Promotions, new roles, transformed experiences. That is important. And because as coaches, we are often very purpose-driven, being connected to that is so important. So make sure you're capturing all of that in some way. Save it into— I've got a positive reinforcement folder in my emails. You might have a document. I know someone in the accelerator has got a physical book where they print things out and they stick it in. And I also want you to capture things like all of the big achievements over your life, right? The wins, the things you're proud of. It might be big shiny wins. Maybe you've won an Olympic gold medal, but it might also be the small things like, I showed up for my kid when they were feeling sad, right? And I did that consistently and I was present. I want you to take time. Also, once you've captured all these, the most important part when you're in that down period, is actually look at them, right? So come back, look at them. If you don't have them captured in a centralized place, your task could be, I'm going to go back through emails, I'm going to find them, I'm going to review my notes from coaching sessions for wins, I'm going to do, I'm going to do a filter of my emails to find the positive stuff. So make sure that you take time to look at them and capture them and make that a big part of your weekly rhythm. Number 4 is that I want you to not only capture the wins. Number 4 is I want you to capture the lessons, right? And so I want you to think about where you find yourself right now. Is there a lesson that you are here to learn through this experience? And specifically, what is this experience telling you is not working? Because confidence being low Often happens when you don't have enough evidence to believe in what you're working towards. And so the question I want you to ask is, well, what exactly is stopping you getting that evidence? Is it a strategy that you've tried that isn't working, or is either the wrong strategy or you're not doing it correctly? Is it because you aren't doing something that you know you need to? Are you avoiding it? Is there procrastination at play? All of those things I want you to think about. And you need to do some analysis because avoiding the situation is not going to help you get out of this confidence crisis. You need to look a bit of a searing look at it, right? I'm really honest. And you won't get any Pollyanna, like, just focus on the, just focus on the positive from me. Even though I just told you focus on the wins, I also know that the best solution for low confidence is action. And before you take action, you need to face what is actually happening, what might, what the misses are, are and what is not working and not avoiding that. And so sometimes when our confidence is low, we can fall into patterns of avoidance, and that then perpetuates the cycle. Now, I will give you an example from my own business, which I'm not entirely comfortable sharing. I'm going to do it anyway. There have been times in my businesses, right? And I say businesses because it's happened to me more than once where there's been like a financial dip. Now, a financial dip doesn't mean anything in and of itself because we need to look at it across the board, across the whole of a year or 6-month rolling averages, for example, of what our revenue is. But sometimes you disconnect a bit from that because it feels like it's not good. And so my avoidance in those moments has sometimes been, I'm just going to stop looking at my numbers altogether. And what I would have found if I actually looked at the numbers was that it wasn't as bad as I thought. But that pattern of avoidance kept me in those cycles of feeling low and feeling like it wasn't working, even when it may not have been as bad. So number 4, capture the lessons. What do you need to learn from this scenario? What isn't working? What are you avoiding? Number 5 is that I want you to get some quick wins. So this is the first action-oriented thing I want you to do. And I want you to go out there and I want you to achieve something small. Could be business-oriented, But it could also be personal, and probably personal is an easier way to kick this off. Your gym might have a 7 Days of Pilates lesson challenge. Do that, right? If you've been wanting to, you might be trying to learn a tricky piano piece, really nail it. You might be delaying something, get it done. You might keep putting off going for a run, go for a run. Whatever it is for you, just pick something that you can do today or tomorrow that will give your brain a reminder that you can achieve what you set out to do. Bonus points if you stack these wins, right? Do one every day for a week. You will be flying much higher. I promise you. And that will then leach into business. That self-belief that grows generalizes across all areas of your life. So I would encourage you to think about that. And of course, number 6, this is where the rubber hits the road, is where I want you to take significant business-related action and I want you to apply volume to it. Right? So we're getting business focused now. And to do this, I want you to figure out what tasks really make a difference, specifically with client generation. And I want you to do a bit of a sprint. Now, if you don't know what tasks really make a difference, then definitely book a call with me. Join us in the accelerator. We talk about this all the time. You can do that at elliescarf.com/bookacall. But think things like, Your outreach, your audience growth, your content on LinkedIn. So a sprint could be sending 100 outreach messages in one week or posting every day for 2 weeks on LinkedIn or inviting 100 ideal clients into your audience in one week. Because the reason this works is not only does it get you into movement and it does, right? It cranks up, cranks the wheel. It also has flow-on positives, right? So we're going to see just more activity. You're going to get responses. That's going to generate more action. You're going to be in more action because you'll be having sales conversations. You're going to have back and forth messaging. There's going to be things that emerge. You're going to start seeing new ideas. It'll just be a virtuous cycle. So really get into it. And of course, we want to do these things with great strategy, not random, right? I don't want you just sending shitty pitch outreach messages, right? Where you pitch slap someone. Don't want any crappy AI only. And I'm not saying don't use AI. You absolutely can, but not just like a AI with no context posts on LinkedIn. Make sure you're very intentional about these things. And if you need some help, again, get in touch. Number 7 is that I want you to remember that your nervous system is playing a part here. So you might be feeling really crappy and feeling a lack of confidence because your body is not feeling safe. And it may be that in fact, it isn't about your business at all. It is an echo of a past experience. Or an amplification beyond what is really happening by a nervous system that is already dysregulated. Now, if you wanna learn more about this, check out our episode from last week with Alex Field. She is full of insight on this and she's got so much content to help you with that. Number 8 is to get yourself a cheer squad. And so you need to make sure that you have a community of people who will do 2 things. I've called it a cheer squad. But they're the people who will commiserate with you, who understand what you're going through, and who will also remind you of just how fabulous you are and how much you have to offer with this business you are building. Now, you may or may not already have these people in your world, but if you don't, you need to get them. I often find with my clients that there is a period of time when either I or the community, we hold on to their self-belief and self-trust while they build themselves some evidence so that they can hold it for themselves. You probably need a person, a team, a group of people who support you during times like this and who can remind you why you're doing this and why you're the right person for it. So if you don't have those people, go get them. They are essential. And finally, number 9 is that you need to find some inspiration that is just yours. Right? So you need to remember the things that light you up, that bring you joy, that bring you inspiration, not necessarily related to work, right? And then you need to do those things. So is it walking and being in nature? Is it being on the beach at sunrise? Is it lunch with your business friends where you laugh and you talk and you share the hard and the good times? Is it journaling? If you are in a place where you're feeling really crappy, it's probably the case that you've stopped doing these things. Now is the time to start again. Just pick one. Just make it small. Okay, so those are 9 things that I know will pull you out of a crisis of confidence. I am confident that if you do these things, even most of them, you can pull yourself out of any crisis of confidence, any business funk. The one that I think rules them all, it's number 6, doing a sprint on something that really turns the needle. Because momentum builds results and results will feel really good. I promise you. I'd love to know what this means for you. Are you having a crisis of confidence? Have you experienced it before, and what helped for you? I'd love it if you would contact me on LinkedIn, either connect, or if we're already connected, just let me know. How have you experienced this? Are you experiencing it now, and what do you think would help? I'll be back with more next week, and don't forget that if you would like to join the accelerator, before the investment increases, now is the time. Book in a call before Wednesday, 26th of August, and the call can happen anytime. Just get it booked in for your last chance to lock that current pricing. And you can do that at elliescarf.com/bookacall. Have a great week.