5 Money Mindset Shifts You Need to Hear This Week with Emily Williams

This is the I Heart My Life Show. Hey, it's Emily here coming to you solo on today's I Heart My Life show episode. And I'm going to dive into five questions I've been asked about money mindset over the last few weeks within our money Mindset challenge as well as the I Heart Money program. Now, these are five juicy questions. They're also questions I get asked all the time from other women. I've been asked this many, many times over the last 11 or so years. And so I thought it'd be really powerful to answer these questions live here on the PODC for all of you who also have similar questions about money blocks, limiting beliefs and money mindset. So let's go ahead and dive in. So question number one is, is debt wrong? So I love this question. I get this question all the time. Here's my answer. No. Inherently, no, it's not wrong. But there's a caveat to that. First and foremost, money is just energy. Money just is. There's no right or wrong. It's all about the emotion that you're attaching to it and, and what you're going to do with that money. Okay? So I always say money makes us more of who we already are. So for example, if you are taking out a student loan to go and get an education that's going to support you in moving forward with your dreams, there's nothing wrong with that. Right. Like it's an investment in your future. And when I was living in London, I had to get out a sizable student loan so that I could even move there and get a student visa. And there was a point in time where I felt a lot of shame around that. But. But what I ultimately realized was that it was an investment in my dreams and my future vision. And so there was nothing wrong with that. Right. It was something I needed to do in order to move the ball forward, so to speak, and to start creating the life that I wanted. And maybe it's the same for you now. I think the caveat, as I mentioned to this, is when you consider your spending and are you spending money on things, on credit cards and racking up debt on things that aren't actually serving you? Maybe there's an addiction to spending. Maybe you're spending so that you can boost your self confidence or that you can, so you can feel good. Maybe there's an addiction to shopping and to buying things so that you can boost your self esteem or increase your happiness level. Right? So at that point, we're not even really Talking about money, we're talking about something deeper than money. And so I think it's really important that you recognize the difference and, and acknowledge when you're spending is an investment. And there's going to be some level of ROI versus it's just spending just to spend. And it's not actually honoring money and having an appreciation of money. And so that's why I say that debt is neither bad nor good. It just is. It's all about the emotion that you're attaching to it, the why behind, why you're doing the thing, why are you investing in that thing, what, why are you putting that money on that credit card? And then we're able to get clear on, okay, is this actually aligned with my desires? Is this aligned with my values in life? Is this aligned with the way I want to be showing up, the way I want to be spending money or not? Okay, so we want to go a little bit deeper. And then one of the other pieces here is just looking at, you know, whose belief system are you operating with? A lot of people grew up with parents telling them that debt was wrong. Maybe there's a lot of shame that you're carrying around your own debt. I definitely had that back in the day and I had to really release it and trust that I would pay off my debt quickly and it wasn't going to be hanging over my head forever. And even if it did, I would be okay. Right? Because I had made that decision, I had invested in my future, and there was an opportunity for me to learn how to shift my mindset around that so I could call in more abundance and be more energetically aligned with money and wealth versus fear, feeling that shame energy, which is really low vibration. So if you're in that place where you're questioning, okay, is debt wrong? Well, first and foremost, what do you want to go into debt for? Is there going to be an roi? For example, when I started my business, my husband lent me money. I also utilized credit cards to grow the business. So in many ways, amex was my investor and I was super grateful for those opportunities because I wouldn't have gotten this business off the ground otherwise. So is there an ROI in terms of the debt? And if not, what is the reason for your spending? Do you actually, you know, is it something you really desire? Is there going to be any repercussion to spending that money? And most of the time if there's not some sort of roi, and by the way, it doesn't need to be like a business ROI or A school roi. There are certain things that have different types of roi, but if there's no roi, then you can ask yourself, okay, why am I actually wanting to spend this money? And is going in debt for this? Actually going to provide me with something in my life? So hopefully that's helpful, and hopefully it illustrates why it's not necessarily a black or white answer. Okay. All right, looking at my notes here, next question. How do you navigate or manage others, such as friends and family, who might project some of their negative money stories onto you in a respectful way? Okay, this is a big one for people. So as you're doing the money mindset work, you might find that there are people in your life who don't understand it and are very vocal about that, or they might not even know that you're doing this work. But you start to notice different behaviors, ways of dealing with money, ways of talking about money, that are the complete opposite of what you're trying to cultivate for yourself. And that's really natural because you're doing work that's different to what most of the world is doing. So you're starting to look at life through a different sort of lens. And this often happens with a lot of the women I work with. And in terms of their relationship with their spouse, they start to see that their spouse might be a little bit negative about money, or maybe their parents are negative about money, or even their best friend. And so I always say you have two options. So you get to evaluate first and foremost how important this relationship is to you. Do you want to maintain this relationship? Do you want to cultivate this relationship? Do you want to stay in connection with this person? And if so, then we probably want to have some sort of conversation with them. And so you can say to them, hey, I'm doing this money mindset work. I'm really starting to be conscious of the way I talk about money, the way I think about money, the way I handle money. And I just wanted to share that with you because I am noticing some of the behaviors that you're engaging in or the way you're talking about money and is not helping me stay in that high vibe state. And so I'm wondering, can we change that, or can we maybe just not talk about money, at least for a little bit while I'm strengthening this mindset? And then, you know, later on down the line, we can have another conversation about it, like, is that doable for you? And allow them to choose one of two options. Now, of course, they might get to the point where they're like, I don't care what you're doing. This isn't aligned with me. I'm going to keep talking the way I want to talk, and that's their prerogative. But then you have to decide how much you want to be around them. Do you want to be in relationship with them still? Do you want to see them the same amount that you've been seeing them, or do you want to cut back a little bit and spend less time together? Because the truth is, when you're first doing this work, you're really impressionable. And so it's important to surround yourself with people that are going to build you up and support this new way of thinking. So it's really important to safeguard who you're spending time with. Safeguard your time rather, and be specific about who you're spending time with and who gets your energy. And then, as I mentioned, there's an alternative. If you evaluate the relationship and you're like, actually, this person is no longer aligned with me, then you can choose to end the friendship or the relationship, or you, again, can automatically choose to spend less time with that person. Or you can say, like, hey, this relationship isn't aligned with me going forward and wish them the best. Right? It depends on your situation. So that's normally the way that I recommend people do it, in a respectful way. Just be honest. And this is not about trying to change somebody or transform their way of thinking, because again, they're not going through the same process you're going through. And so just be honest about your current situation and what you desire, and that's all you can do. The rest is out of your control. You can't control how they show up or how they react. You just have to do what's best for you in this moment. Okay? And then I will say, as you get stronger, you've done this work for a while. Certain things won't activate you or trigger you as much. You'll be able to see, like, hey, that's their material. It's not my material. And there'll be less need for safeguarding yourself. I do still think it's important, but you'll be less triggerable and you'll be less impressionable when it comes to other people's opinions. Okay, next question. How do I break free from parental guilt around money? Now, a lot of us feel guilty when it comes to doing something different than what our parents maybe envisioned for us or wanted for us or expect us to do. Maybe your parents have lent you money in the Past and now you have to pay it back, or you can't yet pay it back, but you're still living your life and so you're in this really kind of sticky situation. So first and foremost, again, coming back to the relationship element, you have to decide do you want to have an open and honest conversation with your parents about their own money beliefs, how they're making you feel, or what they're saying that's causing you to be activated or triggered? Because honestly, you are responsible for how you're feeling. But do you want to have an open and honest dialogue with them about what's going on, what you're learning, things that you're changing, or do you want to have the conversation with yourself and decide that you don't want to engage in talking to your parents about money or your spending or the vacation you took, or what you've invested in your team and you leave that information and that part of your life to relationships that are more supportive. So again, you get to decide how that looks. And I think what's really important in terms of the guilt factor. So one example from one of my students was that her parents were very controlling about how she spent money. Even now as a 40 something adult, they had a lot of opinions about it. And maybe your parents are the same. And so there's a lot of guilt that's thrown around when you do spend money. Maybe they think you're spending too much money on your vacation or on your clothes or on your house or whatever it is. So number one, you're an adult, you get to make an adult decision. And number two, I want you to get to the root of what's actually going on there. So when you think about your parents and the guilt that you experience, what is the truth about what you're, what's coming up for you? Because most of the time it's not just about the guilt, it's about a deeper, more extreme fear below the surface. So, for example, if you are worried about what your parents are going to think when you take the big expensive vacation and you don't post about it on social media, you don't even tell them you're going, what is the thought process? Okay, so let's just play the whole tape through. If they see that you went to Italy, right, flew first class, and you automatically think, okay, well, they're going to judge me and I'm going to feel guilty. So they see the picture, they know that you're there. What's the experience? What comes up for you? And you Might say, okay, well, I feel guilty because I'm spending that money. Okay, so you feel guilty. Then what happens? So then maybe you pull away from them and you don't actually talk to them. Okay, so then what happens? Then your relationship falls by the wayside. It's not a healthy relationship. You don't. You're not in communication. Okay, then what happens? Then we ultimately get to this fear of, okay, well, my parents don't love me anymore. And that's actually the root of what's actually going on. It's not just about the guilt. It's this core fear that your parents aren't going to love you anymore and you're going to be alone, you're going to be disowned from the family, et cetera. And I think what's really interesting is sometimes we have all these, like, preconceived notions or even old stories around how we think our parents are viewing us or judging us. And a lot of times it's not actually based in reality. And so if your parents haven't actually said anything, or there isn't even a real. A recent example of them judging you or making you feel guilty or whatever the scenario is, I would consider having an open and honest conversation with them and being like, you know what? This comes up for me when I'm taking a vacation. Is this how you really feel like? Or am I making this up in my head? Can I. Can I share with you why I'm making these decisions? Not that you have to justify anything, but it might be an opportunity for you to heal some of the wounds that are there and see, again, are they rooted in reality or not? Because sometimes I've even had examples where I've remembered stories differently than the way my mom remembers them or even a story from my past. I know that my mom used to tell me that my uncle, who lived in California, he never got to see his kids, never got to see her and all the other cousins, and they were kind of ostracized. And so I always felt like she had a negative opinion of him. But recently, when I had a conversation with her, she shared with me that she actually admired him. And although she had brought up some of those negative scenarios, because he had left our hometown of Ohio, he became really wealthy. He had a whole different life out in Beverly Hills there. My. My belief was she thought negatively about him, and there might have been a little of that, but she also really admired him. And. And so my point is, is there a way to start to heal some of the stuff between you and your parents and use money as your coach and as a way to do that. Okay. It might be a really amazing opportunity for you and bring a lot of peace to both of you. Just a quick note. If you are loving this content, make sure you check out my I Heart Money program. So go to iheartmylife.com iheart-money and you also see it under the shop to to learn more about how you can get our complete I Heart Money program at your fingertips. It includes eight modules walking you through how to uncover what it is that you want, how to start to look at your limiting beliefs and learn how to transform them and ultimately how to attract more abundance into your life. And if you didn't hear the news, we are actually launching our first I Heart Money certification. So this means you get to be trained in my money mindset methodology and you get to be licensed to actually sell the program I Heart Money program to your students, to your community, to your organization in whatever way you choose. So maybe that's a one on one program, maybe it's a group program, maybe it's at a virtual event or on a retreat. You get to decide. So I'll certify you in my methodology and then put you on our website and also give you a license to be able to use this as a brand new revenue stream in your company. So email us@infoheartmylife.com if you want more. Or you can go to iheartmylife.com certifications next question how do I clear a money block around shame and earning a certain amount of income as I'm the breadwinner in my relationship, I also noticed I tend to hide purchases from friends as well as my partner out of fear of being judged. So you're making a lot of money and you're worried about what people will think? This is the fear of success. So many people have this and allow it to hold them back from creating wealth. Please do not do that. I always like to think about this. As you know, again, we follow the fear. What is the real fear here? It's not the judgment around you being wealthy. It's that people won't understand you, you'll ultimately end up alone, you won't be loved, et cetera. And we know that's not going to happen. And if it is, if there are people who don't love you because you make a lot of money, then they probably weren't the right fit for you to be in your relationship anyway. And this might happen for those of you who are Doing this work for the first time, there might be people who are no longer energetically aligned and they're going to bounce off, so to speak. But that's great, you know, now you know the truth and who's really aligned with you in your next level. But in terms of the breadwinner part, again, oftentimes we make this up in our head and we think that our partner or our friends are going to judge us for our spending or for the amount of money that we make. And if you're going to stay in relationship with that person, just have an honest conversation with them and say, like, is this true? Do you really have this belief about me? I know my husband and I have this conversation quite often. He's like, you're making stuff up about me in my head. In your head. Again, I never said that. I was never thinking that. This is your own insecurity. And so let's just move past that. And so this is your opportunity to really heal that and also look back into your family dynamics. Was there a belief that women can't make as much money as men? That you shouldn't be the breadwinner, that you shouldn't spend money on certain whatever it is you're buying money on? Again, are these your belief systems or not? And if not, then you get to develop a new way of thinking about money and about spending and about being the breadwinner. And whenever somebody has a fear of success or fear feels like they're going to be judged for making a ton of money, I always ask them to write out what they want to spend their money on. And if you had five times more money or ten times more money, what would you be spending your money on? And how would it impact not only your life, but your family's life, the world, your clients, anyone you come in contact with? How could you give back again? Money's going to make you more of who you already are. And the final piece that I'll say about this is if there's something in terms of your spending that you're hiding, this is probably more about you than your friend or your spouse. Is there something about your spending that you feel shame for, that you want to clean up so that there's nothing there that's activating or triggering you that you feel like you need to hide? This is about you being honest with yourself and being clear about how you want to be spending your money. What feels good and what doesn't feel good, because we know the difference. We know when we spend money, and it feels really good. It feels energetically aligned, even if it's a little bit of a stretch or it's an investment. And then we know when we're not in alignment with money and there's something else going on there. Okay. And then finally, if I don't want to work with a client, is turning away that client, turning away money from the universe. I love this question so much. And so often when people start to do this work with me, they're attracting money left and right and attracting opportunities. But I also believe that sometimes there are tests in our life. And so a client in particular of mine wanted to know how she could politely decline or have a conversation with a client who wasn't going to be a good fit. And in fact, she believed that it was unethical to take them on because she could serve them, but they really needed to invest in her whole package in order to fully serve them. And they were trying to just piecemeal things together. But at the same time, she was conflicted because it was money and it was going to help support some of her dreams and her vision. And she wasn't sure if it was the universe giving her money because she's been doing this work. And what I told her was, if you had all the money in the bank, you know, this is what I asked her. If you had all the money in the bank right now, if all your bills were paid, if this wasn't about the money for you, would you take on this client? And her answer was a clear no. And so you want to get yourself into an abundant frame of mind and ask yourself what is the fastest, easiest, most joyful and most aligned way to bring in this money? And if I was already fully booked, if I had all the money in the bank, would I want to work with this person? And by sometimes by saying no and not taking the money, it's actually a really amazing magnetic sort of energy to have because. Because you are reminding yourself that there's more than enough, enough money out there. There's money around every corner, and you don't have to take whatever just comes your way. Same thing with relationships, right? You're not going to settle for someone who's not aligned for you and who doesn't excite you and love you and bring you joy just because you happen to go out to dinner with them. Same thing with clients. You don't have to just take what you can get. I know a lot of people have that phrase, beggars can't be choosers in their mind, as they're growing a business or starting down a new journey or. But you're not a beggar. Okay, you can choose and you need to be choosy and hold yourself to a higher degree in order to attract even more into your life. Okay? Now like I said, if this is aligned for you, if this work excites you, definitely check out my I Heart Money program. And also check out our I Heart Money certification. It's the first time we are offering to certify our clients in this methodology, in this money mindset work. I'm sure you can see just by me answering these five questions. If you had this skill set, you would definitely be able to support your clients in an even deeper way. If you are a coach, consultant, teacher, even if you want to help your team to improve their sales and move past their own money blocks, it really starts with you healing and then you're able to go in and support your clients in this area as well. So you can reach out to us@infoheartmylife.com or you can just go to the website or even DM me on Instagram. I'm Onily Williams and you can get more information about working with us in the certification or in the I Heart Money program. I hope you love this session. If you have any questions that you want me to answer live on the podcast, I'd love to hear from you again. Feel free to reach out and message me. Let me know what landed for you during this time and I'll look forward to coming to you on the next solo episode. Bye. Thank you for listening to the I Heart My Life Show. 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