What If You Could Talk About Money Without Fear, Guilt, or Shame?

This is the I Heart My Life show. So today I want to talk about one topic that influences every part of your life. But you were probably never taught how to talk about it or that it was even okay to talk about it. So I'm sure you can imagine this topic is money. And for most of us growing up, we were taught how to avoid it, fear it, judge it, obsess over it. But we weren't taught how to honor it, understand it, or communicate about it, especially not with confidence or love. And that silence, that belief system, that element of shame, it's costing us way more than we think. Especially for those of us who are business owners, we're selling in some capacity, we're putting ourselves out there. And even just, you know, for those of us that are parents, it's. It's really doing a detriment to not only our lives, but to our children's lives. And so today I want to talk a little bit about, you know, why nobody taught you how to talk about money and why that needs to end right now, and we need to open up the conversation. Okay? So I'd love for you to just reflect back on your own personal journey and just think about for a second. When was the first time that you realized that you weren't supposed to talk about money? So maybe there were some unspoken rules, or maybe someone actually told you, don't talk about money at the dinner table. Don't ask how much somebody gets paid. Don't be too much. Don't be too greedy. I remember my husband even sharing a story about how he went to the ATM with his dad and he didn't understand why his dad couldn't just get out an unlimited amount of money. Right? And it was never explained to him. It was just like, you know, you can't. It's not possible. And so even our parents, not wanting to have money conversations, subconsciously told us something about what was right and wrong when it comes to conversations around money. So silence creates shame. It keeps you stuck. And we really learned how to be silent about money long before we ever even touch a dollar and use money. And then, you know, it's wonder that we're paralyzed when it's time to sell, receive, or even ask for more money. So again, think about this for yourself. So what is one of your first money memory memories? And when did you start realizing that there were certain rules around money? Maybe you were at the checkout line with your parents and you wanted to get something, but they told you you didn't have the money for it, or they told you not to be selfish, or you have more than enough, or, you know, if you do something good, then you'll be able to get it next time. And so there was some kind of bargaining involved. And, you know, again, all this stuff, it seems fairly harmless, but when we really think about it and when it's compounded, it really creates such a mess when it comes to our relationship with money. And I'm going to back up a little bit here. And. And for those of you who are new to this type of conversation, one of the things that I always talk about with my clients is that when we really are creating a relationship with money, just like any other relationship, and when you start to think about it like that, it's also really helpful to see where you might be maybe in a negative place around money and how that could be impacting you. So, for example, if I think about, you know, the world of online dating, which I was a part of before meeting my husband, I would go out on dates, and obviously the other person's energy affected me and vice versa. And, you know, similar to when I got into a relationship, you know, if I were to not pay attention to my husband or I was not grateful for him, then obviously that would impact our relationship. And it's the same thing with money. And so if you feel a negative emotion towards money or feel like you should never talk about it or think about it or it's wrong, then that's going to impact how much money you're able to make. And again, this really comes back to this whole theme of us not even allowing ourselves to talk about it. And having a conversation is creating shame, creating guilt, creating just a lot of negativity around the relationship with money. Okay, and the reason I want to talk about this today is because so many women have such big desires when it comes to finances, but they're not willing to, number one, even admit what it is that they want. They're avoiding talking about money and talking about what their big desires actually are. Maybe they're undercharging, not because the offer is invaluable, but they're afraid that people won't pay it. Maybe they're shrinking in sales conversations, apologizing for pricing over explaining value, trying to, you know, compensate in some way. Maybe you're avoiding asking your partner or your team what's actually going on financially. You don't want to have awareness around it. Maybe you're copying other people's money stories and strategies for fear of getting it wrong. Maybe you're Just being polite and humble. But oftentimes there is something else going on beneath the surface where you're just not willing to address it. Maybe you're participating in negative conversations with friends and family when it comes to money, and constantly in a place of believing that there's never enough. Right? And so there's so much that goes on when it comes to finances. And again, the reason I wanted to have a conversation about this is because it's not only affecting us, but it's affecting the world, our children, the clients that we come in contact with. And it's really hard to, especially as a coach or consultant, invite others into a powerful transformation if you haven't yet made peace with that part of yourself, the financial part of yourself. And so I know for me, in the beginning of being an entrepreneur, when I was trying to figure out how to sell, how to put myself out there, and I went through a period of 54 people saying no to working with me. One of the things that I realized was I hadn't yet healed my own money blocks. I hadn't yet healed my money story. I hadn't even looked at it. And when you're trying to lead from that place, it's like trying to build a house on sand. You haven't yet done the work, so you don't have the foundation to be able to support others. And so when I would get on those calls, there was a lot of trepidation around even talking about money. I had. I was projecting a lot. And in this place of believing that my potential clients didn't actually have the money. And so, you know, subconsciously, all this stuff is going on, but people can really feel it on an energetic level. And so maybe for you, it makes you anxious to get on these phone calls and to talk about money and to sell. And if that's the case, you know, it's not even just the calls. It's leaking into your marketing, your pricing, your client relationships. And it just has to be addressed. There's no other way around it. Because, again, it's like you're trying to build a house on sand. There's no foundation there for you to create a structure that is sound, able to withstand challenge, able to support others. And that's why this really starts with you. And I think so often we think, oh, you know, it doesn't matter, and I'll be able to fake it till I make it. And I. I just. I know what happens when people fake it. Other people can tell. And so you have to be brave enough to do the deep work yourself, which we'll talk about in a second, in order to really see the ripple effect within your community and obviously within your bank account. So maybe right now you don't see yourself as a leader, but if you are running a business, if you are a coach or consultant, you are a leader and you're leading your community, you're leading your clients. And the thing that people don't understand is that if you haven't yet healed your money beliefs, you're going to subconsciously attract people who mirror your own unhealed money beliefs. Okay? And you really can't hold space for someone else's expansion if you're not even feeling like you're expanded, if you're not even feeling like you're able to go to the next level, if you're feeling guilty for wanting to expand, I hope you can see that that's an energetic disconnect. And you're gonna attract the person who is in alignment with, with your vibration, with your mindset. And so I want you to really think about that. So not only evaluating your past money story and when the first time was that you realized that there were unspoken rules about money, but how many of those money stories have you continued to believe and bring into your current reality? Especially those of you who have businesses are doing something different in the world. You're needing to show up, you're needing to have some level of influence with other people. How much of that stuff is number one, not not serving you, but also number two, holding you back and keeping you from creating the impact that you want to have in the world. So we all have the potential to do such big things, and yet we're not looking beneath the surface to see is there a foundation there for me to build upon or is it quicks? And I think so many people try and strategize their way out of this and they think, oh, well, you know, I'll just do the next marketing strategy or I'll just put the next offer out there, or I'll, whatever it is, sell the next thing. And I often share this with business coaches and, and you know, people who are helping other people make money, even people, you know, who are health coaches or relationship coaches. It's just so interesting to me because this really feeds into everything that we do. So if you think about it, if you're a business coach, but you're client is terrified of selling or charging for their work, then your strategy is not going to work. If you're a health coach and your client says they want to prioritize their wellness, but they're guilty. They have self worth issues, they have childhood money stories keeping them from investing in their health, then they're not going to truly heal. Or maybe you're a relationship coach and your client is afraid that they're too much, too needy, too expensive to have love again. That's going to affect and sell, sabotage every relationship they try and create. Or even a leadership coach, right? Your client, client can't even ask for the raise or the support that they desire. So your skill set is not going to help them if they're not going to actually take the action. Same thing if you're a life coach. You're helping someone build confidence, but they're afraid of earning too much and leaving people behind. Well, that subconscious story is going to sabotage every next level goal that you set during your sessions. And so this is so important that number one, you're able to do this work for yourself, but number two, that you also develop the skill set to be able to support your clients in moving through it. And it really does start with you. And so again, I want you to consider what were the stories that you were brought up with, but also what are the stories that are currently running the show for you and seeping into the work that you're doing in the world? Your family life, your mindset, your health and wellness, the decisions that you're making. So many people are making decisions from a place of lack and fear and doubt, insecurity. So many people are questioning whether their big dreams are possible for them. So many people are stopping themselves from being at that next level of success because of those doubts and insecurity and fear. And really, I mean, I could go on and on about this, but I'm going to keep it fairly short. This work and this topic really does feed into every area of life. And I want you to really understand that something needs to change and you need to build your own money voice. And that means understanding your current money patterns and where they came from. Learning how to regulate your nervous system when money is on the table. Reframing money conversations as acts of leadership, clarity and love. Practice honest, unapologetic language around pricing, receiving, investing, and I mean even me, you know, this is something that I'm doing on a regular basis. I was utilizing chat GPT for something that I was creating and it was like, oh, you need to price this way higher. And I found myself thinking, okay, well that wasn't what I was planning to do, but let's look at that. Let's see how that feels. And I found some insecurities that came up for me. I found some questioning, some doubts which I explored. And I'm not going to allow any of that to hold me back. But it was super interesting just to realize, you know, firsthand that this work truly is never done. And I'm somebody who sold $130,000 packages like I'm not new to the world of high ticket sales. And this was not even high ticket by any means, but it was just really interesting to see what was coming up. And you know, we all have the propensity to be influenced by the economy and what people are saying and all the negativity in the. And so you might have had a really strong foundation and a beautiful mindset even just a year ago. And now for whatever reason things might have transpired or you've been influenced in a negative way and your mindset is kind of in the gutter. Right. So I want you to consider what's coming up for you and what gets to shift and especially start to normalize the conversation around money. Money conversations don't have to be hard, but they do need to be had, especially if you want to grow and especially if you want to influence the world. So thinking about your current clients and your sales calls and the way that you're talking about money, what could be transformed? How could you start to have more money conversations? How could you be open with people when it comes to their finances? I know for me that was a big one when I started to do sales calls is not wanting to be too nosy and dig into people's finances, especially because they were people I literally just met. But what I realized was, especially if they wanted to work together and for whatever reason said that they didn't have the money or it was going to be a stretch, me going deeper with them and having the money conversation was going to be the, the kindest thing I could possibly do because it would help both of us get clarity as to whether is there a way to make this happen? Or can we put a future plan in place? Or you know, do they not have any awareness of their finances right now? And that's the major issue. It helped me get to the root of what was actually going on for them. And again, same thing with your family, with your children. I mean, I don't want any topics to be off the table when it comes to my daughter. I want to be able to talk about everything. And it's so interesting that there's so much shame and negativity around even knowing how much money somebody makes. Like, I know that's a personal thing, but people share way more personal things on social media and out there in the world now. And there's still such a taboo around money. I remember even at the beginning of building my business, I was one of the first coaches that I saw online actually talking about how much money that I'd made. And at first it was really nerve wracking to put that out there, but I realized that if I could tell people what was possible, that would be more in service to them understanding what was possible for them than me holding back and keeping that information to myself. And. But still, again, there was a whole stereotype around that and worrying about how I was going to be seen, how it was going to be perceived. There's still people in my life who think that all I care about is money, that I'm money hungry. I've had people, I had somebody back in the day tell me that I was a gold digger, even though when I married James, he was only making like 35 grand a year. That one was interesting. But you know, how many ways are there to talk about women and money that are derogatory, that are harmful and we. And yet we need it to survive, right? We need money, we need air, we need food, we need a roof over our head, we need food, need, you know, shelter, all the things. And obviously there's. There's greater degree, there's different, there's varying degrees of wealth and abundance, whereas you need a certain amount of, of air. And you. Anyway, you know what I'm trying to say. But at the same time, it's something that's a necessity, at least in the world that we live in today. And yet it's such a taboo and people don't want to talk about it and don't want to think about it, feel like they're bad with it. Just so much is wrapped in that. So really think about what needs to change in your life and how you can start to make those transformations and get the support that you need to not only be comfortable talking about money, but be really excited to support your clients with that if that's part of the work that you do. Not even necessarily as a money coach, but just in general to have open conversations about financials and hold an abundant space for your clients when they want to work with you. But maybe it feels like the money's not there or it's a little bit of a stretch, be willing to go there with them, look at everything and Again, this is not about talking anyone into. Anyone into anything. I remember I had a client, she said, you know what? I'd love to work with you, and I can get this loan. Here are the terms. And I said, absolutely not. These are terrible terms. I am not letting you jump into this. This is not a good decision. And, you know, we'll figure it out. You'll. You'll figure out, you know, another opportunity. It can be down, further down the line, or, you know, we. We came up with other plans. But this is not about talking anyone into anything or manipulating anyone. But, you know, if I didn't have that information about what that client was planning to do, I wouldn't be able to help her make a good decision. And so just being willing to have that open and honest conversation is so, so powerful. And for that reason, I wanted to share and invite you to a really incredible masterclass series that I'm hosting with one of my colleagues. It's called the Money Method that Sells. And this is all about supporting entrepreneurs, coaches, consultants, leaders in understanding what it really takes to stand tall in your money story. How to lead conversations around money with power and grace, how to drop any weirdness about money, how to shift your own energy around money so that you can hold the space for others, how to identify when your clients are coming up with money blocks and things that are holding them back from going to the next level. Because, again, we were never taught how to talk about money. But you can learn, and you have to learn honestly if you're going to support your clients in greater transformation, and if you're going to support them in getting out of their own way. Because again, this is not about just about you healing your money story and, and supporting them in the sales conversation. It's also about what happens after the sale if they're able to actually follow the coaching or if they're stuck in a place of indecision, doubt, insecurity, fear, that's holding them back and stopping them from implementing anything that you're teaching them, because we both know that that's hard to watch. You are here to help people create a big transformation. And if they're not even taking the steps that you're recommending, then, number one, that's very challenging for them to get the results that obviously they want to get through your work together. It's hard for you to get the testimonials, and just on a human level, it doesn't feel good. And so this work is really, really imperative. And I'm so grateful that I was exposed to it early on in my career. Not even intentionally because I hired the person I hired was a business coach, but she was also obsessed with money mindset like I am and taught me a lot of really incredible things and then I learned from a lot of people over the last 11 years when it comes to the topic of money mindset. So if this is your first experience with that topic, please get on this Masterclass series. Just go to iheartmylife.com method and you'll be able to register for the upcoming masterclass series and learn the skillset to further support your clients and create a ripple effect in the world. Not just from a career perspective, but also within your family and, you know, friends and social circle. You can be that person. And if you're listening to this, I am just going to say, you know you're here for a reason and this is the invitation that is going to change things for you. And so make sure you go to iheartmylife.com method to save your seat and join us on the three day masterclass series. I would love to have you there and if you have any questions at all you can email us@infoheartmylife.com all right, thank you for being here. Can't wait to see all of your money transformations and I'll talk to you in the next episode. Thank you for listening to the I Heart My Life Show. 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