Ep 15: What does having it all REALLY mean?

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Have it all podcast brought to you by me, Emma Naylor, life Purpose and Career Coach. This podcast is for the ambitious and motivated individuals who are ready to take the next step in their life and turn their dreams into their everyday reality. To guide them to live a life of fulfillment within their career, purpose and beyond, and to show them that you really can have it all.

I'm so excited for this week's podcast episode. I'm back after a month pretty much away from the desk, from recording podcasts, from taking on new clients. I really allowed myself, August, to have the downtime that I so badly needed, but didn't really realize how much I needed it until I took that time away. And I'm sure there's a lot of you that can resonate with getting to the point of needing that break. And it really got me to thinking around living to work and working to live. And I know there's so many people that will be coming back with kids, going back to school, with going back to their jobs, starting new jobs, kind of having that back to school feeling and sort of wondering when the next holiday is, when Christmas break is coming, and when they'll have that time to escape reality again. And I really wanted to sort of talk about starting to create a life where instead of wondering when your next holiday is, to start creating a life that you don't need to escape from. You know, this podcast is called you can have it all. It's not called you can have it all on the 25 days of annual leave you get a year when your boss says you can have time off. It really is about creating a life that allows you to travel, explore, grow, work, or whatever, the things that are important for you. It's about making time for them in your everyday life, not just waiting until you can go on holiday. And my goal in life has always been to create a reality where my work and play can live simultaneously, where neither have to be sacrificed, and that I'm able to enjoy where I am, what I've built, but also still be on that journey. And I really think it is an art to try and get the balance right. Because often we see the people that say, I'm just living for the now. I'll deal with the future when it comes. And we often see those people that say, I'll burn myself out now, so when I retire, I can have a good life. And I think it's really around finding that balance and living in it and enjoying every single day and not enjoying every single day as if it's the last day on Earth. Because talking to a friend about this yesterday, we were like, look, that's an unrealistic way for our brain to think. But actually, it's about every day being as special as the next day. And not just saying, I want to get through today, but being able to get the good out of today, even if it's not an amazing day, being able to say something good happened today. I achieved something that I really wanted to achieve. I did something today that made me feel good, that wasn't just for the future, but present me, was able to enjoy it. And I've worked really hard, both burning out and also not doing enough to create the reality that I live. And sometimes I can be that person who doesn't stop and appreciate because I'm so, so consumed and focused to getting to the next thing that I forget. I'm living the reality that I really, really once dreamed of. And I can get so consumed by the next milestone as well. I can also suffocate it and try and control the outcome again, something I'm trying to work on. And I'm being very, very honest in the fact that I haven't found that perfect balance. Am I almost there? Yes. Does it fluctuate throughout the year? Absolutely. There are different times of the year when business is busy or certain times of the year when things are going on. But actually, this episode, I really want to talk about finding that balance. One of the big things that I really struggled with is letting go. Letting go from what I thought I should be doing. For example, the 9 to 5 life that we're told about this hustle, constantly working towards the pension, not taking risks. And actually, one of the big things I have struggled with is moving away from what I thought I should be doing and doing what feels right, because somewhere in the middle is where I need to be with. Ideally, everyone wants to be sitting on a beach, just absolutely loving life, traveling, doing everything, not having to work. But then there's the other side, where it's constant hustle, hustle, work. It's about bridging the gap. And as I said, I'm calling myself out on the fact that I'm not quite there yet, but I'm much better than how I used to be. There's also a lot around, you know, the benefits of being able to start your own business and have the freedom, all the benefits of working for someone else. You know, having that stable income and having that stable salary for everyone. Their ideal life is going to look different now. The reason so Many people stay where they are is because they don't realize that actually it's not a quick win. It's not as easy or as hard as we may think it is. It's easy to be sucked into what could be and then stepping back and going actually. But that's not available for me because of X, Y and Z. The dream life that you want and your reality is available for you. And I sit here because I know that, because I've worked with enough clients who are stuck in something that isn't serving them, whether it be a job, a relationship, a career, their plans, wanting to move abroad, and they've got a list as long as my arm of why they can't make it work actually is available to them. And it's available to you too. But it does require the patience, the determination to make it work, the hard work, the hours and the desire as well as the belief to make it work and that you really want it enough. One of the big things that we're so conditioned by is what we see other people doing, other people's success, other people's failures, failure. And actually a really, really good example is seeing someone starting a business and it not working and them having to go back to a full time job. Now in my opinion, that is not a failure. That is a growth exercise and a learning exercise. And there's a reason that the result wasn't the result that they wanted either. They're not actually meant for that entrepreneurial lifestyle and they did that and they realized that it wasn't the right offering, it wasn't the right product, or they're able to look back and say, actually I didn't go all in because I was scared. Whatever the reason is, we'll then look at that and say, well, if this person can't do it and they've got X, Y and Z more than me, there's no way that little old me will be able to do it. And that's absolutely not true. And that's the internal conversation. This is where it comes back to the really, really big question of can we have it all? And again, it depends. What does having it all mean to you? Is it that you want the marriage, the kids, you know, the white picket fence, the mortgage, the pension? Or do you want to be able to travel and not think about that and not have a plan and not have a strategy? Both of those are available. It's just understanding what does having it all mean to you and how much are you willing to go against what you think you should want rather than what you actually do want. And I speak to people time and time again who go, I'm in a really well paid job, I've got a great partner, we're thinking about getting married and having kids. And I'm so unexcited about it because on paper that's what they should want according to the patriarchy, according to other people, according to their parents. But actually the reality of what they want is to break free from what they think they should want. What they actually want is financial freedom, physical freedom, no ties, being able to just go on a whim. And that's where it's so important to understand. What does having it all really mean to you? And if you haven't thought about it, I really invite you to think about what does that question bring up? What does having it all really, really mean to you? There's four months left of 2022. Now I'm not going to sit here and say to you, let's change your whole life, let's put a whole action plan together for the next 10 years. Absolutely not. But there are four months for you to get focused, to understand your goals, to set things up in a way that works, for you to step away from the comparison, the comparing with others, others lives, others businesses, to stop making excuses around why you can't and why they can. I want you to start finding the reasons you can. And they also can too. The big question is, can you really have it all? If you believe yes, what does having it all look like for you and what needs to happen in order for you to feel that you have it all? Now, one of the exercises that I worked through with a client earlier this week was sitting down and saying what would 20 year old you want? And she went through the usuals. This amount of money, this house with no mortgage, married children, a good pension, a good 10 year plan. And we compared it to what 35 year old her today wanted. And that was one of her tasks. She went away and the two couldn't be more different. But because she'd never sat down and reviewed what really having it all meant to her, she was going and was focused on hitting those goals that 20 year old wanted. So she felt super misaligned because every time she was getting a promotion or a pay rise or someone was asking her out on a date, that's not what she wanted. So she felt that she should be excited and happy and ready to go with that. But actually it was so misaligned that every time something was coming true of what 20 year old her wanted, she wasn't feeling excited and fulfilled. So we sat down and we went through what 35 year old her wants and that's what we're working towards. Are we going to do it all in a week, in 12 weeks, in six months? No, that's not the point. The point is not to just reach the end goal, it's for the excitement to be the journey, not to reach that end goal and say, I finally made it, now what? And that goes back to instead of wondering when the next milestone is going to get hit, when the next holiday is coming, it's starting to create a life that you don't need to escape from and that every day you're living the reality that you want to create with having it all. And as I said, having it all is based on what you want. So if this has resonated with you, I really invite you to take a sit back and do that task that I did with my client which was what did 20 year old you want and what does you today want and how do they differ and what things need to be changed? Because I guarantee you the things that you thought you wanted have either been hit and haven't given you the fulfillment that you thought they would, or secondly, you're working towards goals that are no longer aligned with the version of yourself that is sat here today. And that's not a bad thing. But it's about going. Those goals are no longer serving me. I need to pivot, I need to realign. And I guarantee you things become a hell of a lot easier when you're aligned, getting up, trusting and on the right path. That works for you. So if that's resonated and landed with anyone, I would absolutely love to hear what your goals are, what having it all really means to you. I'd love to hear what having it all means to you as whatever age you are today and what you're going to do to get that. So I'd love for you to share with me on Instagram. You can head over and my Instagram is am Emma Naylor. Send me a dm. I'd absolutely love to hear from you and I hope you have a beautiful rest of your week.

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