EP 6: 'I Don't Give a Shit, but I really do to’, how I unlearnt the stories I was told about being too loud and being too much.

Foreign welcome back to the Career Chronicles Podcast with your host me, Emma Nayla Weston, AKA the no bs Career Coach, Certified Coach and NLP Master Practitioner. This podcast is for the ambitious and motivated individuals who are looking to feel inspired to create a career that they love. Join me in conversation with those that inspire me the most and as well as solo episodes packed with tips and tricks that will guide you to start finding the clarity and confidence to create a career that you love. Welcome back to the Career Chronicles Podcast. I am so excited about this week's episode. It is literally about how I do not give a shit what anyone thinks about me. It's a really interesting topic for me to talk about because for a really long time people used to always say, Emma really doesn't give a shit about what other people think. But deep down inside, I'd go home, I would overthink everything. Everything that I said, I would pull apart with a fine tooth comb. Was it too much? Was I showing off? Was that attractive? Why did I say that for so many years I'd constantly feel that way. It wasn't until this really big shift happened when I started doing the work on myself and I was able to understand why I cared so much about what people thought. And it's because I wanted the approval from people, but I didn't give myself the approval to be the real me. Let me say that again. I wanted approval from other people because I didn't give myself the approval to be the real me. Now, don't get me wrong, I still have moments where I feel like I've said too much or I've upset someone or I've shared something that maybe I shouldn't have said, or I've shared something that's maybe made someone else uncomfortable. And that's okay. Because sometimes I do need reminding that not everyone is as open as me. No, not everyone is available to talk about their emotions, but that's not going to stop me from telling my truth and stepping into that authentic version of myself. If you don't want to share from your side, that's okay. But I'm going to share my reality. If you're not ready to talk about the things that I'm talking about, that's okay. But I'm not going to stop talking because it makes you uncomfortable. Because it's too cringe for you, because it's too open for you, I'm not going to stop there. And I won't apologise for being okay with the difficult conversations and being too loud and being too Much. I've genuinely lost friends because they've said it's too much. You're too much, you're too open, you're too loud. Sometimes people want you to fit in their boxes and that's fine, but that's not me. And if you want a friend like that, I'm not the right friend for you. It was interesting. I had a client once say to me that I was too much, that I was too loud, that I was, dare I say it, too passionate. They said to me they want to be confident but they don't want this level of arrogance, they don't want this level of showing off. They just want to be happy with who they are. But what they also wanted, they wanted the sky high levels of confidence. They wanted to be able to show up as their authentic self. They wanted to be able to show up as the next version of themselves. But let me be really honest with you. When you want more, but you're only willing to do the work that's going to take you to a certain place, that's where it's going to get you. I speak to women all the time who say they really want a promotion, but they're not willing to do xyz. They really want to become a leader in their space, but they're not willing to put their face online. They really want to become the go to when it comes to a specific problem, but they don't want to be too much, they don't want to be arrogant, they don't want to be too loud. And how the fuck do you expect to become the leader in the space if you're sat there being quiet, if you're too busy thinking and worrying about what other people think about you, how are you going to become the leader, the expert, the go to in that place? If you are constantly worrying about being too loud, about being too much, about being too arrogant, that's my question to you. So if you're sat there going, I want bits of this but not bits of that, I will let you into a very, very, very big truth. If you want to step into that next level, you are going to have to do the work and be uncomfortable to get to that. Started doing this work on myself. It really intrigued me to think about what we're told when we're growing up. So growing up, I was often told to tone it down by teachers to stop showing off. No one likes to show off. They used to say to me, don't be too loud, you're too loud. Honestly read my school reports for anyone that knows my mum, she's actively on my social media. My school reports always used to say, Emma has the ability to be very good if she were a little quieter. Emma has so much scope to be an incredible student, but she's just far too social. Yet during these conflicting messages, we were always told, make sure you go for what you want. Make sure you're asking for what you want. It took me years to unravel the complexities of these very contradicting sentences. Society and school conditioned me to really shrink myself, to fit into a mold that didn't feel empowering or fulfilling for so many years of my life. And I guarantee so many of your lives. We were told to quiet down, don't be too much, don't challenge authority. And yet, as we've grown up as adults, we are told to go for what we want. No wonder it is an absolute mindfuck with how on earth we take those stories, with the actions of going to get what we want and then not marrying up. One of the big things that I do with so many of my clients and I really want to do with you, is rewrite those stories. It's time to throw away the rule book that says we should be silent, that we should be a certain way, that we shouldn't be too loud and shouldn't be too much. You're not here to please others by minimizing your own worth or achievements. You don't need to apologize for the ambitions and the drive that you have, and you don't need to dim your own light to make others shine bright. I want you to feel that you can be unapologetically loud about your dreams, you can share your passion, about your goals, and you can be so fearless about your desires that they almost feel within reach. My favourite conversations with women, with my friends, with, you know, corporate men, whoever it is, is talking about success and money and why it makes them uncomfortable. I love talking to so many different people about their stories and the narratives that they heard and how that actually impacts their life day to day. When they're having conversations with friends and families and colleagues. We all have stories that we were told, and more often than not, we've all heard this story of don't be too much. And if you're listening to this podcast, it's probably because you have this burning desire to have more in your career, to be more. But a lot of the time you may be sat there petrified about what other people are thinking of you, of what other people are going to say if you start showing up challenging things if you start showing up being loud because that doesn't fit with the story and the narrative that you have learned for so many years. First started showing up online. I was petrified. I was so scared. And there were specific people and certain people who obviously I won't mention, but there were specific people who I thought were going to judge me. There were specific people that for so many years kept me playing small. Now, those specific people are people that I'm actually not friends with anymore. Those specific people are people who have been in the same jobs since I knew them. And yet for me, the thought of what they thought about me paralyzed me into not doing things for years. Now I want you to think if you are feeling like it's too much or too loud or too this. Whose voice is it that you hear that in? Is it your teachers? Is it your parents? Is it your friends? Whose voice do you hear saying, you are too much? No one likes a show off. Don't be so loud. And I'm smiling as I say this because for so many years it was my own voice. I had listened to the narrative and the stories that were written for me that it almost became my own voice telling me that everything I was doing was cringe. It was interesting. When I first started in the coaching industry, reels were really just taking off. I think this was about three years ago, reels were really just taking off. And I remember thinking, I do not want to do any dances. And one of my dear, dear friends posted a video of her dancing. And there was a part of me that went, gosh, that's cringe for a split second. And then what I realized as I dug deeper in, it made me realize I was so jealous of the fact that she did not give a shit what anyone thought about her. Her thriving business, her incredible relationships, her friendships, her confidence. They were all skyrocketing because she didn't give a shit what other people thought about her. And the reason I'm so passionate about this topic is because I want to lead from the front and show other women that it's okay to be too fucking loud. It's okay to swear. For so long. I was told that swearing was awful and that women and ladies don't swear. I don't give a fuck. I swear. And if you don't like that again, go find another podcast where they don't swear. I love sharing my wins. I love sharing all of the incredible things that I've done. And that's exactly where I sit. And if Someone doesn't like that, it's not my fucking problem. I want you to know that the career, the money, the clarity, everything you want is within reach. But you have to get the confidence and you have to show up not giving a shit to get it. I want to celebrate you, the woman that dares to be loud, who refuses to settle, and who ask for what she wants without hesitation. I want you to know that being loud and being confident is not arrogant and it's not cringe and it's not shaming and it's not embarrassing. It genuinely is the key to unlocking all of those things that you so desire. And if you find this podcast to be too much, I want you to figure out where the fuck that comes from and start working on it. Now. If you find that this is too much, too cringe, too loud, too this, whatever the fuck you find this, dig deep and find out where that is coming from and work on it. Because I guarantee you that is the one thing that is blocking you from showing up as that next level of yourself. My invitation to you either start showing up as that level of you not giving a shit about what other people think, even if it's uncomfortable, even if it feels cringe. This is my invitation to you to start being that version of yourself. And my other invitation to you is. Is if you are sat there thinking, who the fck does Emma think she is? How can she be this arrogant? How can she be this loud? The reason, the way that I am is I think back about younger me, and this is what she needed. Younger Emma needed someone to show her that it was okay to be too much. Because as I said before, the stories that we were told are not the stories that we have to live today. So I want you to figure out where it comes from if you do find this too much, and if you don't want to do that and you think this is too much, this is nothing to do with me. Emma's cringe. This is arrogant. I don't like this and I'm too much. I invite you to go and find less because there will be someone else out there who won't make you feel this way. And that's okay, if that's what you want. But if you've got this far on this podcast, I'm pretty sure there's something that's resonating with you. And it's either that you are gonna go and stop giving a and show up as that version of you, or you're gonna go and question everything and understand what you need to move away from that cringeness and start understanding where that discomfort comes from. This was a really important episode for me so I would absolutely love if it did resonate with you to rate this a five star to share it with a friend who needs to hear this or simply just send me a DM telling me that you liked this podcast episode episode. Thank you so much for listening. Again I absolutely love talking about things that I'm so passionate about and as I've said if someone tells you you are too much go and tell them to find less. Thank you for listening to the Career Chronicles podcast. If you have enjoyed this episode please make sure to subscribe and leave a five star they mean the world to me. I would love to connect with you over on Instagram at. I am Emanela Weston. I can't wait to connect with you further. Until next time stay BS free clear on your goals and confident to go and get them.