Ep 2: In conversation with Lauren White

Welcome to the All Is Wellness Podcast with me, Emma Naylor. Join us in open and honest conversations with wellness professionals and industry experts. Welcome to this wellness podcast with me, Emma Naylor. This week's guest is Lauren White. Lauren is a life coach, addiction counsellor and NLP practitioner. Hi.

Thanks for having me, babe.

I'm so excited to have you on the podcast this week. I know we've been talking about this for a few weeks, so I absolutely cannot wait to discuss your story in more detail. Lauren and I actually met around 10 years ago when we had some mutual friends. We reconnected in 2019 after a friend brought her to one of the charity spin classes I was running. We quickly realized that we actually had a lot in common then, but had a lot more in common now, having both been on our own journeys over the last 10 years. We were both sober and had a huge love for all things wellness. Lauren, firstly, let me congratulate you on celebrating eight years sobriety last week. What an amazing achievement.

Oh, thank you so much. Honestly, it means the world.

Sure. I mean, yeah, absolutely. Eight years, it's such a big achievement. You've done so many amazing things over the years and you've worn so many different hats. I'd absolutely love to hear a little bit more about your journey and how you ended up getting sober and then sort of how the story played on after that.

Of course, I mean, you know, it's so funny kind of celebrating my eight years, you know, tomorrow. Every, every year on my birthday. I always say to like friends, like, it's a very emotional time for me but in a, in a good way. Like it's a life long journey that I choose to, I chose to go on from the ages of 18, but also, you know, it's a lifelong journey of reflection and self love and self acceptance. But you know, looking back, I hadn't always been the person I am now. Positive, you know, vibrant, like you know, a way of life. I'd always been very negative and you know, depressed young child who used a lot of mind altering substances, whatever shape and form to change what I felt because I didn't feel good about myself from a very young age. And you know, from the outside it looked like I had this perfect life. And you know, I came from a good family, I went to a private school, I had everything I ever wanted on the outside, but I didn't feel adequate on the inside. And throughout that, you know, from the ages 11 to 18, I, I, I was on my journey of, of, of addiction and whatever that you know, was. But you know, from picking up that cigarette at the age of 11, to smoking marijuana at the age of 14, to, to drinking alcohol from the ages of 12 by going to parties and you know, drinking alcoholically and then trying class A drugs that I never said I'd end up do, doing. And by the age of 18, I, I had this progressive illness that I didn't realize that was like boiling inside me to the point where I hated myself so much I couldn't look at myself in the mirror. I lost every single sense of worth I ever had in myself. And it was because I became the person I used to, you know, pretty much didn't want to be. But also I was scared to be the person that I was deep down because I was scared to be accepted. You know, I had a lot of issues, I had a lot of issues that I was dealing with in my life. You know, I saw a lot in my childhood. One being like a family member, had cancer, alcoholism. I saw, you know, mental health issues. I saw a lot. But the way that I dealt with it was either make or break. And the way that I dealt with it was, well, you know, if you had my problems, you do the things that I would do. So I did. I drowned my sorrows for years and years and years. And I thought there was no way out because when you drown your sort, your sorrows for years and years and years to the point where you lose that sense of self worth, you lose that self esteem, you lose that ability to even care anymore, you just, you just can't. You just give up. And I was 18 and I was, you know, on the outside. You know, I had a boyfriend. I was at university studying business. I had loads of friends. If you saw me on the outside, you'd be like, that girl is amazing. But I made you see the person that I wanted you to make me see. I was really badly bulimic. I was very, I was modeling at a young age because I thought that was my, you know, way of getting my self esteem and my sense of self worth. I was drinking a lot. I was working in clubs and I loved at the time working in clubs because it looked like I had this amazing lifestyle and this like really cool lifestyle. But on the inside I, I was going home every single night and just drinking and, and, and throwing up and making myself feel like absolute sorry, swear. But you know, my rock bottom and everyone has a different bottom. And actually I'm going to do a post tomorrow for celebrating my eight years and I did a podcast recently and this guy said to me, but was your bottom, you know, in hospital, dying, you know, were you a whiskey drinking a pot bench or a herring out to the side of the street? And you know, looking back at the ages of 18, I wasn't a wicked whiskey drink for drink drinker. I wasn't a whiskey drink on the bench or you know, herring out to the side of the street. But I was a very, very, very insecure, toxic, negative, you know, very, very, very unhappy person. And the way that I was going down, the route that I was going down was going to get worse. And I remember turning around to my mum, you know, after literally hating, hating, hating myself, saying, I cannot do this anymore. And I looked back now and I'm like, you know, if I carried on doing the things that I was doing, I would have ended up 40 years old, an absolute addict on the side of the street and I would have ended up dead. But I decided to nip it in the bud and I decided to go to rehab at the age of 18 to start my journey of recovery.

Wow. I mean, just, you know, we've had this conversation and we've spoken about your journey and obviously I've spoken about my journey coming up to four years sober as well. And yes, go, just hearing you being so honest and open, I mean, eight years ago the conversation around mental health, around addiction, around alcoholism was a very, very different conversation. How, how was it as an 18 year old accepting that you had an addiction and that this illness was going to, you know, as you said, kill you if you didn't do something about it? How at 18 did you make that hugely adult decision to go, actually I have to get clean and sober.

I mean, back in the day, it's much more common now for people to get sober and I absolutely love that. Young people now are looking at, they're looking at alcohol and they're seeing it toxic substance that, you know, and my daughtering substance you pick up will alter your brain. And evidently, you know, alcohol doesn't make people feel good, you know, at the moment in time, you know, it does. But after you end up feeling really bad about yourself, you feel shame, guilt, remorse, you know, the hangovers are getting worse. A lot of people are starting to realize it and people going more towards the healthy living lifestyle.

Yeah.

So people are getting sober without even having issues of alcohol. And I love that dearly. But at the age of 18, when I got sober, I generally, generally had no one around me that was sober at my age. And a family member of mine I'm very lucky to say, and I'm not going to say names, but a family member of mine also was going through the same process as me. And that person went into rehab when they were 15 years old. And I was very lucky and blessed to have that person in my life because I was able to look at alcohol and look at addiction and look at that stuff in a different way to. A lot of people would see it because unfortunately with alcohol is that it is a socially acceptable drug. And it is a drug. It's a socially acceptable drug that a lot of people turn to, to basically deal with any way, shape or form. And it takes away that pain at that moment in time. It's a number.

Yeah.

Unfortunately, you know, what people don't realize is that it doesn't get any better when you numb things. It only gets worse and you wake up the next day and you feel even worse after.

Yeah.

But, you know, I was lucky because actually because of that person. And also my mother was also. Is also sober. She's my. My family member is 15 years sober. My other family member seven years sober. So, wow. I've got a family in recovery. And, you know, I was very lucky because when they got sober and they went through the 12 steps, which is the process I went through, and they started to get, you know, this kind of sense of clarity and this kind of sense of recovery and this kind of sense of happiness. And, you know, when you go from such a negative person to such a positive person and so happy, you know, it's attraction rather than promotion. And you know, people say, you know, so I would be, I'd be this like depressed down person, like, hating my life, like angry, miserable. And then I'd see them and I'd be like, oh my God, they are serene, they are happy. And I wanted what they had. So when I was struggling at my most, and this is why I think it's so important to just literally just. That's why I give back to people. Because there will be one day where I say something to someone else and that will trigger them and plant a seed in their head. And I wasn't ready for years and years and years. But when I was ready, I saw what they had and I said, I want it. And that's when I decided to get sober. And that's when I realized that actually alcohol is not just a substance. It can kill you and it can be bad for you. And, you know, there are some people that can have it and leave it. And there's some people that Can't. And I was that person. And I'm like that. And that's why I don't identify myself as an alcoholic or a drug addict. I identify myself as an addict because I'm the type of person that will pick up anything, change what I feel, and do it in a very addictive behavior, because I have a very addictive personality. But at 18, at that time, there wasn't many sober people my age. And it was very difficult because the people I was surrounding myself around with were like old men that were like 50 that were talking about, you know. But as I got older, I started to find my people and I started, you know, I lived in Hong Kong and, you know, there was a huge, huge, huge emphasis of women in recovery in Hong Kong. So all my friends in recovery out There were like 20s, 30s, you know, and I started to really, really find my people. And, you know, at the end of the day, I wasn't doing it for anyone else other than myself. And that was my main, main priority as I got younger. But it was difficult because when you're 18, you justify it.

Yes.

And you think to yourself, well, I'm just at university having fun, doing drugs and drinking and being bulimic and this and that. Like your head will tell you that, but really, at the end of the day, it doesn't matter whether you're 20 or you're 30. Like, if you're drinking alcoholically and you're using addictively, you've got an addiction. It's not about age. And I was so lucky and blessed that I decided to make that choice. But it wasn't until I went into recovery and I went into rehab that I got stripped off everything. My ego, my self centeredness, my self loathing, all that stuff. I took a step back and started to see life for what it was. And I started to see that actually it's not about, you know, substances, it's about living. It's about living my life. And I want to live my life today. And I have a choice. I have a choice to literally screw it up, or I have a choice today to stand up and do what I need to do. And there was something inside me, Emma. There was something inside me that was saying, lauren, you want this? And I went for it. And it was the best thing ever did.

Honestly, just hearing you talk about it so passionately, it's just amazing to think that at 18, you know, eight years ago, as a child, you were a child, you made this decision and you made the hardest decision of your life. To get sober and you're now reaping these amazing rewards. You know, I got sober at 25 and I thought that was young. I thought, you know, 25 years old and sober. And actually I have so many friends now who are sober for various different reasons for, you know, for the addiction side, the health benefits for wellness, whatever it is. There's so many people now who, who are sober and you know, I think about all the things that I've been able to achieve in just four years. I'd love to hear a little bit more about kind of what you've been doing and how your life changed over the last eight years of getting sober.

Oh, it's mad. It's honestly mad. Like it's so funny though because I remember when people would be like, yeah, my life, I'm drinking, I'm doing drugs, I like when I got sober, that's when my life started. Yeah, it was mad. Like I didn't realize how much I was in for when I got sober. Like my, my brain was clear, my goals were, you know, aligned, my vision was like, you know, just so set out. And you know, I was so lucky that at the age of 18 I, you know, started working for the Amy Winehouse foundation. For two years. I was going into schools all over the UK to do talks around mental health and addiction, mainly my story. Then I worked for the Princess Trust. I was going into hospitals, I was going into rehab, you know, I was, I became a personal trainer. I started to train celebrities and well known people but help them. And then at the age of 21, you know, I ended up moving to Hong Kong and living out there and, and working out there in fitness, but also working out there, going into schools and doing talks and you know, talking and helping people, inspiring people for change. And I wouldn't have done that if I was drinking. I, I literally like, I saw the world in such a different place and you know, when I, I knew what I wanted and I know what I want. And when I came back from Hong Kong, I decided to do a masters in ethics and psychology. So I'm qualified an addiction counselor. And then I worked in a rehab. Then I was like doing loads of talks like for different companies and different brands. And then I started to do a life coaching course last year and now I've like launched my life coaching course. I've got a couple of clients at the moment and I'm just doing talks. Like I'm passionate around motivational speak. I'm passionate about helping, I'm passionate about spreading Awareness around change. And I feel like the journey is never ending for me. But look, all these things job wise are incredible. But for me, what I got back the most was I got back my true love of myself. I got back, you know, the ability to be content, wake up in the morning and actually be truly happy. And that is forever incredible. I've got back my relationship, my family, because I never had a good relationship with any of them when I was drinking or doing whatever I was doing. I got back my relationships with, you know, friends. And every day I wake up with a smile on my face and I see life in a different angle. And it's not about me going through stuff like, honestly, Emma, this last year I've been through a lot of stuff, like one of my family members got diagnosed with cancer, you know, another family member's ill at the moment, all of that stuff. And it's not about what I go through. It's not about the problem. It's about how I deal with the problem and the tools that I pick up. And that's why, you know, I say to people like you will go through true. When I got sober, I thought my whole life would be perfect because the problem was the alcohol and the drugs and the food and the men. It wasn't. The problem was me and how I dealt with life. And when you start to deal with life, life head on, you start to realize that actually you don't have to suffer in it, you can deal with it. And that's the most incredible journey that I've ever had on in my life. And I'm going to keep going. Whatever ever happens, I will always keep going to help people because I found my purpose in life and my purpose is in life is helping others.

Honestly, I love hearing that, your purpose in life. I think it's so amazing to kind of have that vision and just keep going for it. I think that, you know, there's so many times in our life, as you said, like, life happens on life's terms. You know, just because you're sober, just because you have the best job, just because, you know, you do X, Y and Z, it doesn't mean that life isn't going to happen. But you know, the, the more we have the conversation around mental health, the more we have the conversation around therapy, the more we have conversation around addiction. We can learn to deal with life on life's terms without having to, you know, try and run away from things. We can deal with it head on because we're now more equipped with the tools to actually deal with things rather than just pushing it to the back of our head and trying to cover up what's actually going on. And you mentioned obviously you'd worked in the fitness industry and that you'd kind of gone down more the NLP and mental coaching rather than the fitness coaching.

Yeah.

Why for you, you know, why for you did you want to go down more of the mental side of things rather than kind of like the physical fitness coaching industry?

Everyone has their own experience with, you know, the. Everyone has their own experience of everything. And, you know, I became personal trainer because I was passionate around fitness from a very young age. And I've been in the fitness industry since I was 18 years old. But the main issue that I had with the fitness industry was that most I looked back and most my jobs have all. All been about my physical. All have been about what I look like. And it got to the point where I put so much pressure on myself. That's where my eating disorder derived. Like, you know, I had to have a six pack. I had to be doing a million burpees a day. I had to have, you know, as many numbers in a class. I had to, you know, look a certain way. And I worked in clubs for eight years. I worked in hospitality. I did some modeling. Like, it was all about the external for me. And a lot of the things that I did work around was, you know, learning to love myself on the inside. And slowly and slowly I started to really start to see this. And for me personally, the more I put the emphasis on my external, the easier I found being happy, even myself. And I'm not saying you shouldn't be in the fitness industry. I'm not saying that, you know, you shouldn't do the whole fitness thing. I honestly, fitness is my life. I train every single day. But for me, it became a passion by the end of it. And for me, I really, really wanted to help people to learn to love themselves truly from the inside out.

Yeah.

With my life coaching clients and even with my addiction counseling clients. I've got clients at the moment. I turn around to them, I go, you need to train every day. You know, you need to do something every day. But there's no right or wrong with how you train. Like, and there's no right or wrong with how you look. And I slowly started to realize the more I, you know, put pressure on the way that I look within this industry about, you know, the aesthetic, the more pressure I put on myself. And I started to become happier as a person. When I started to work with the mental health stuff. And I am a much happier person when I'm not really caring as much about what I look like. Even though of course you've got to give that, you know what you look like. But I got to the point that I really, really just don't, you know, I don't want to fit. I'm not a shepherd, I'm not a sheep, I'm a shepherd. Like, I don't comedian, Like, I don't care. And I'm much happier doing that.

No, absolutely. You know, one of my friends who was on the previous podcast, Esme, she always said this, and I will always remember, this is one of the first things she said to me. She said, don't work out for the physical side of things, work out for the mental side of things. Science will have your back and it will sort you out physically. And it's so true. Yeah, because so many people, you know, including myself, we go, you know, we go to the gym to feel a certain way, we go work out to look a certain way. But actually if we go for the mental reason, to think running makes me feel really good. Yoga really relaxes me. Science is going to sort you out. Science is going to do that part for you. You need to go for the right reasons. So, you know, just hearing that come out of your mouth and talking about, yes, you tell people to train daily and yes, you train daily, but it's for the mental side of it rather than the physical side, it's so powerful. And I think that really, really changes the way people will see the fitness industry and go. Actually, it's not just about how I look, it's about how I feel 100, 100%.

And actually, you know, society shapes us and molds us and makes us believe that there's one, you know, size that fits all and there really isn't, you know, there isn't one size that fits all, you know, and you've got to celebrate your body for what it is and you've got to celebrate your mind for what it is. You've also got to celebrate, you know, the fact that you can move. And I found myself in the fitness industry putting so much pressure on myself, teaching five classes a week. So much pressure, you know, to compete with the other people. And it got to the point where I burnt out. And even like when I got back from Hong Kong, I was doing a year of fitness fitness events for being a fitness influencer. And it was non stop nonstop photos, camera, and it just made me feel really insecure So I started to just go away from that and I started to just, like, realize that, you know, I love fitness and, you know, if I still, you know, I still am a trainer, if someone asked me to become a, you know, do a training for them, I will, like, I'll do one on one PT or whatever. But, you know, at the end of the day, like, I knew that when I got 18, I turned 18 years old and I got sober. My passion lied with speaking and helping people, you know, truly, truly love themselves from within. But when you truly, truly love yourself and within, it will come from the outside as well. 100%.

No, absolutely, honestly, just absolutely love everything you've said. And I just. It just resonates with me so much, and I just relate to everything you said. So for all of our listeners, Lauren, what would you say is the one piece of advice that you could give them?

It's so funny because I do so many podcasts, and I feel like every single podcast I say the same thing. Like, look, guys, at the end of the day, like, I promise you now, the. The less you try and compare yourself to others and the more you're trying to learn to, like, to accept who you are and love who you are and really kind of take that in and really kind of, you know, learn to figure out who you are within a person, the happier you are going to be. Like, whether or not I say what society is like, whether or not you feel like, you know, social media is putting a lot of pressure on you. Like, there is no such thing as pressure. If you don't put that pressure on yourself and you. The two power you have in your life is you, like, work on you and learn to love you and trust the process. Trust that everything is where it's meant to be at this moment in time. And God has a plan for you. And whether or not you like it or accept it, it is what it is. And most of the time, when you look back, you look into your life, and at that time, you were like, oh, my God, I'm never going to get through this. You always get through it, and you always succeed and just see life as an experience and a journey and just love yourself no matter what in that journey. And that's always, always my piece of advice to everyone.

Thank you so much. Honestly, I have the biggest smile on my face listening to you talk and how passionate you are. It's just. Honestly, it's amazing and it's so inspiring. I'm so thankful for you being our second guest on the all is Wellness Podcast. If you want to find out a little bit more about what Lauren's up to, please head over to her Instagram, which is at I Am Lauren White and you can work with her and see what she's up to. Again, Lauren, thank you so much for being so honest.

My love always. Anything for you.

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