Ep 3: The journey is not always linear!

Welcome to the youe can have it all podcast, brought to you by me.

Emma Naylor, life purpose coach and Mentor.

This podcast is for ambitious and motivated.

Women who are ready to take the.

Next step in their life. To support them in turning their dreams into reality, to help them and guide them to turn their magic back on step into their purpose and live their most authentic life. Good morning, good afternoon wherever you are listening from. Thank you so much for joining me for this week's podcast. We are going to be talking about the journey not being linear. And when I talk about the journey not being linear, I. I am talking from a place of experience. I've been there, I'm still there. And I'm continuously going through this journey that is not linear. When I first started my sort of personal development journey around five years ago, I was in a really, really low place. I had just tried to quit drinking. I was at my rock bottom and I genuinely thought this is how I was going to feel for the rest of my life. You know how it is when you're in that headspace and you can't see, you know, the trees from the woods, you can't see anything long term. You cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel. You constantly just feel like you're going to be in the same place forever. Now when you fast forward a few years, things are totally different. But there's no specific day where you suddenly just wake up and everything feels better. It's a journey. There's ups, there's downs, there's good, there's bad. And it took me a really, really long time to learn that the journey is not a linear one. And God, once I learned that, it absolutely changed the game for me. So for me, one of the big things I really, really struggled with was when I started on my journey and things started to get better and I thought that everything was an uphill sort of trajectory from there. And I was wrong. Very, very early on into my recovery and to becoming sober, there were lots of life events that I hadn't had to deal with before, one of them being grief. And I thought that when I got sober or I worked on myself or when I, you know, really, really started putting the work in, life would be easier now. Life was easier in the day to day. You know, I wasn't waking up hungover. I wasn't waking up full of anxiety, full of fear, full of worry, you know, getting those Sunday scaries, whatever it was. However, I wasn't exempt from life, from life. I wasn't exempt from Things happening. I wasn't exempt from deaths. I wasn't exempt from, you know, situations that were so painful. I wasn't exempt from heartbreak. I wasn't exempt from loss. However, what I did have is I started having the tools to be able to deal with things on life's terms. Now as I said, there's been so many ups and downs and my really, really big learning from this episode that I want you to understand is that the journey is not, not linear. And as I said before, as soon as I learned this, I learned to accept the good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful, the sad, the happy and just really be able to ride those waves of emotions and ride those waves of the journey that I was going on. I had proof that things could go wrong and things would still be okay. I had proof that you have those massive, massive highs and you also have those massive lows. But again, you come out the end okay. Now as I said, I've been on this journey of personal growth for around five years currently. Where I'm sat, I'm sat in a good place. However, I'm not naive to think that this is how I'm going to feel, like forever. However, the future of how I'm feeling is nothing to do with me. I cannot control what is going to happen externally. Today, tomorrow, next week, in a year, three years, four years, five years, time. The only thing that I have control over is what I do, the feelings that I want to feel, the things that I do, the way that I handle situations. Now when I think about this journey of growth that I've been on, I really want to share with you the sort of top things that I've done to really, really help me. So the first thing has been learning to work on myself and not other people. Now this sounds blatantly obvious when you're on your own sort of personal growth and development journey. However, so many of us in life have spent so much time and energy prioritizing other people that we haven't had the time or energy or resources to really prioritize ourselves in our own journey.

Now what do I mean by this?

It can be anything from as small as saying, right, one hour a day, half an hour a day, one hour a week, whatever it is, I'm gonna have some me time. And it is a non negotiable. Often we say, I'm gonna do this and I'm gonna do that. And we set ourselves all these wonderful personal growth tasks and what happens is, because they're so massive, when we are starting out it's so easy to feel so overwhelmed that we just don't start. We just don't do anything. And often a friend will say, do you want to come out for lunch? Or, oh, you said you would do this. Or, you said you would help me with this. And our plans get overridden them first. One of the earliest things that I heard in this journey, and it absolutely changed everything for me, was when you're saying yes to someone else, make sure you're not saying no to yourself. And wow, I often never, ever thought about it that way. I thought I was just being a good friend by saying yes, which I absolutely was, and that's the reason I was doing it. However, it also meant that I was saying no to myself and I was being a bad friend to myself, which is the most important friendship and relationship to have. So, as I said, my first piece of advice is prioritizing yourself. My second piece of advice is starting to do more things that make you happy again. This is not rocket science stuff. This is very, very obvious stuff. But it's not obvious when you haven't done it before. So when I talk about doing the things that make you feel happy, it is that yoga class, it's going on that walk, listening to that podcast, going to that restaurant, signing up for that course, signing up for that cooking course, that yoga course, the yoga class on a Sunday morning that you've seen all of those things that make you feel good. We need to start doing more of those. And the reason we need to start doing more of those is, A, it makes us feel good, and B, once we find things that make us feel good, we're gonna want to do more and more and more. And this is where that journey starts of being able to invest time and energy into ourselves. And we keep growing and growing on that. My final piece of advice when it comes to the journey is just allow what is going to happen to. To happen.

We.

And when I say we, I'm talking from experience. I spent so many years of my life trying to control external things, and the outcome. Was I successful in any of them? Absolutely not. Because they weren't my things to control. I would try and control what other people thought, what other people did, you know, how people would feel about things. I would often put my feelings aside to make sure that someone else felt okay. Once I realized that I could not control everything, I felt free. I felt free that it wasn't my responsibility to make everyone happy, to make everyone else satisfied, to make sure that everyone else got the outcome that they wanted or in fact, the outcome that I wanted for them. Once I realized that letting go of control was such a big part, it really, really helped. Because as I said, the journey of growth and the journey of personal development is not linear. There are going to be ups and downs, and often the reason we want to control is because we don't want the downs. We want everything to stay up and we want everything to be as great as possible, but it's not realistic. It's not realistic when those things are out of our control. So it's important to really, really identify what is in my control and what can I work on and what is out of my control and what do I need to let go of. I really, really hope those three tips are something that you can implement as of today and really, really start the week by understanding and accepting that this journey is not, not linear. Wherever you are in your journey, there's always ups and downs and there's always learnings. I used to often think that the start of the journey would happen and then the end of the journey would happen and I would be fixed and life would be beautiful. But the beauty of life is the continuous growth, the continuous investment, the continuous learnings and the changes and the loss and the sadness and understanding how to use that in the future. So I really, really hope this podcast resonated. I really hope it gave you some tangible tips to use. Thank you so much for joining me on this week's podcast. Over the next few weeks, we're going to have some super, super exciting guests. I'm so excited to explore their journeys and come to you with some different perspectives. I hope you all have a beautiful week and I will see you all very soon.

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Welcome back to the you can have it all podcast. This week I'm going to be talking about the fact that I had four jobs in the space of two years. Yep, you heard that correct. Four different jobs, four different companies, and four different jobs that did not fulfill me. The answer to the question, why did I have four different jobs? Is because I kept changing my job for the wrong reason. I wasn't clear on what I wanted. I kept going after the money. I kept going after the job title. I kept going after the change and the jobs for completely the wrong reason. What I really, really wanted to do was have my own business And I knew I wanted to have my own business. But there were certain things that kept me going back to the security of having a full time job, of going for more money, of going for a better company, going after the promises of having an amazing career at a certain company. Now hear me out. Not everyone wants to run their own business, but everyone does want to feel satisfied at work, right? This week's podcast is going to be really, really deep diving into why I had four jobs and how you can make sure that you do not make the same mistakes that I did. So just to take it back to basics, I've worked in the corporate and startup world for seven years. I absolutely loved it at the beginning and I always thought I would be climbing the corporate ladder, I would be growing within a business, I'd be reaching that, that six figures, very, very young. I'd be getting amazing titles and I did a lot of that at the start of my career. I had some amazing opportunities that got given to me at a very, very young age. And when I say given, a lot of it was being at the right place at the right time, but also putting myself forward and showing that I was capable for certain things. I love the recognition of doing well and being rewarded financially, but also people telling me how amazing I was at my job and how great I was at my job. Unfortunately, that feeling didn't last forever and it just became the norm of constantly needing to perform. I became a manager within one of my companies at the age of 23, which is very, very young. I only had around one year experience under my belt, not even managing a team, just sort of my first look into the corporate world. Now it was the most amazing experience of my life. But wow. What came up for me was absolutely wild imposter syndrome, self sabotaging, not feeling good enough, limiting beliefs that they'd made some mistake and that they were going to truly figure out who I was. After this job, it became a repetitive journey of going for something, getting the recognition, getting worried that they would find out who I truly was and then quitting. I let the fear of people really finding out who I was drive me away from so many businesses. Now, there was two reasons that it didn't work out at companies. One, it wasn't the right fit and I was chasing the wrong things. Money, title, recognition. And the other side of it was the fact that I was so scared, as I said, that they were going to figure out who I really was, that I wasn't capable of doing the job and that they were going to fire me anyway. So I may as well leave on a high. I was so unclear on what I wanted that I just kept jumping from job to job, hoping that the next job would satisfy that gaping hole that I was feeling. A feeling so unfulfilled, so dissatisfied, so drained. In the jobs that I was doing, I did get to a point where I completely burnt out. I was done with corporate, I'd completely burnt out and I decided that I wanted to go and do my own thing. Now, I'm not telling you to go and quit your job tomorrow and go and start your own business. In fact, I'm actually advising you to do the complete opposite. I did the first one. I went and quit my job without really having a plan. I went freelance, I did some consulting, which was amazing, and I made great money. However, the cracks really started to show when things started not going as well as I had thought out. I would be going to pictures and I wouldn't get them or my contract would come to an end and I'd start having anxiety around money. And it was clear to me that I had not done the work on myself and therefore all I had done is move the self sabotaging behaviors and the limiting beliefs to something else, which was going freelance for no other reason than the fact that I didn't want to work for someone else and I didn't know what I wanted to do. I then got trapped back into the world of corporate, got another corporate job and stayed in that industry for far too long. I jumped around a little bit more, I went to a few other startups until it got to the point where I really had to take a deep look inside myself to understand And Emma, why do you keep quitting jobs and moving jobs? What is it that you're looking to fulfill? And that's really where my journey started in understanding and looking back and going. You've had so many jobs, at one point you had four jobs in two years. Where is the mismatch? So I really, really want you to understand that I'm not saying go and quit your job. I. I'm asking you to take action. I'm asking you to show the universe that you're ready for change. So if you are sat here listening to this podcast saying, emma, I'm that person. I keep quitting jobs, I keep moving. I'm so unfulfilled and I'm so unhappy in my job. I want you to start showing the universe that you're ready for change. I want you to start taking inspired action. Okay, one of the examples that I want to give you is going for job interviews, even if you don't necessarily want that job. And the reason I say that is because it's going to give you the confidence, the confidence to show up and start selling yourself and talking about all of the things that you can add. It shows the universe that you're taking action, that you're ready to step into that next level. And it also shows you what you want and what you don't want out of life. I have a client that I've been working with very recently, and we've been really working through her career stuff. What is it that she wants and what is it that she doesn't want? And the best results have come from her taking inspired and imperfect action. We often wait until we're so ready, or until, excuse my language, shit has really hit the fan, for us to take action. Why not take action before we get to that stage so that we're able to make the right decisions. We give ourselves the time to explore rather than making a reactive decision. So when I'm talking about inspired action, I want to give you a few examples that you can go and start straight away. So first of all is go and do that thing that you've always wanted to do. Whether that be a cooking class, class, a dance class, an art class, whatever it is. Go and start feeding your soul with the things that make you feel good. Do that as often as you can. Don't wait until you have the time to do a dance class, until you can commit to six months. Go do a dance class. Don't think about the future of going, I can only do this one off. Go and do that one off dance class. Go and do the things that set your soul on fire, that make you feel good, that make you feel happy. The second thing is to start investing in yourself. And if you're listening to this podcast, you already know that there's so much free content out there. Webinars, podcasts, free ebooks. But it's also investing in a meditation subscription. If that's something that's important for you, do that. If it's investing in a course, a nutrition course, that something that you're super, super interested in, that in the future you possibly think that could be a career path you can go down, or investing in a coach or an online group coaching program, whatever it is, really, really start putting yourself out there. Start investing in yourself. Start exploring the things that make you feel really, really good. The third thing is one of my favorites, and it was a Massive, massive turning point for me when I was really trying to figure out what my next move was. And this is to go through all of the things that you loved about your current job in your previous roles, and all the things that you didn't love. Write a non negotiable list. And when I mean a non negotiable list, this could be anything from I want to go to the office three days a week to I want to be able to work remotely, to I want to be able to bring my dog into the office, or I want to have a clear progression pass over the next five years, or I want to know that in two years time I'll be able to get a promotion within my current role. Whatever it is, it's super important that when we're going for something that we have a clear goal that we're aiming for and we don't have goals, we're just shooting in the dark. And we don't actually know if we've achieved what we really want because we don't actually know and haven't identified what it is that we truly, truly want. So it's really, really important to make sure that at the start of any journey we're going through and having a look at what it is that we specifically, specifically want. The last thing that is fundamentally one of the most important things is to understand why you are doing this. Okay? And this again is going to start showing the universe that we are going in from a heart led way, a heart led purpose. We're driving with our heart. Again, I'm not saying that you can't talk about the finances, you can't talk about the recognition, you can't talk about the promotion. But it's really, really important to dig deep and understand why it is that you're doing this and put it out there to the universe. All of these things are really going to help you to start deep diving and understanding what it is that you want out of your career. What is it that drives you, what is it that makes you feel good? Start doing more of that. Start taking inspired action. Start putting one step in front of the other. Right now, a lot of you will seem so far away from knowing what you want to do or what your purpose is or what your career is. And the only way that we can get that is by working through it. For me, the journey of really figuring out my career and really understanding what I came here to do has been a bumpy ride. I've always been so all in. I've been one of those People that's always thrown myself in. And the beauty of that is that I learn very, very quickly about what I like and what I don't like. So I really invite you to start taking that action and start understanding what is it that I like, what is it that I don't like. When we talk about our careers, it's really, really important that we don't define our life purpose by what we do as a career. So many of us think that our sole purpose is, is to work, and it's not. I was having a discussion about this with someone the other day while I was in New York, and we were saying that so many people, and we're so conditioned to think. We grow up, we go to university, we get a job, we work until we're 70, and then we retire. We retire to enjoy the last, you know, 15, 20 years of our life with the money that we worked so hard, the sacrifices that we've had to make. And a lot of people really think that in order to be successful, you have to sacrifice everything, that it has to be hard, that it has to be difficult, that it has to be draining, that you have to work 100 hours a week. And this is why it's so important to start understanding what are the small things that you can do to start moving towards making those bigger changes, showing the universe you're ready for more and really start stepping into that copy career that is going to allow you the things that are important to you, whether that be more money, more freedom, more recognition, leaving a legacy for yourself, serving others, showing up, whatever it is. It's so important that we're able to jump in, start making those moves and understanding that we don't just have to hand our notice in tomorrow and that everything, you know, is going to be awful if nothing works out. It's really important to understand that there are little steps that we can take. Before, the reason I quit so many jobs is because I didn't think that was possible. I was all in or all out. And I kept handing notice in after notice after notice, and it became a running joke. And frankly, I became so embarrassed about it. But now I realize it's because I wasn't living in alignment. I wasn't living with what living and doing with what I came here to be and who I came to serve. I was doing what I thought I should be doing. It felt so misaligned and so, you know, out of whack that I couldn't physically stay in those jobs any longer. So I really, really hope this episode for anyone who is at that turning point in their career or after Covid has started thinking there must be more to life than me sitting at an office hating my job that I do every single day. And there is. This is available for you all. All of these things that you see and everyone else that you see doing all the amazing things that they want to do that is available for you. So I invite you to start taking the small steps before you take those big leaps. I really hope this podcast resonated with you. If it did, please do drop me a dm. I'd love to hear from you. And we will speak on next week's podcast, where I have a very, very special guest.