10 ways to build extreme confidence using neuroscience

Research shows that the same actions taken with different energy get you different results. Confidence makes you more likely to get what you want. And in this video, I want to tell you my science-backed formula to build extreme confidence using neuroscience. This is the formula that I use to completely shift my mindset, and it's the same formula that I give thousands of my clients all over the world that I coach. So strap in because this one's going to be good. And if you're new here, hi, I'm Emily, also known as Em on the Brain. I'm a trained neuroscientist I've got 2 degrees in neuroscience as well as many years of research experience in the lab. I am now a coach to people in over 55 countries all over the world. I help them rewire their brains, shift their energy, and completely change their lives. And I'm here to help you do the exact same thing. So now let's talk about my top 10 science-backed secrets for extreme confidence so that you can stop doubting yourself and actually start to make your dreams come true. Number 1 is to regulate your nervous system. People think that confidence is just a mindset, but it is also biology. When your nervous system is dysregulated, your prefrontal cortex activity actually turns down. Your prefrontal cortex is the same brain area that is important for confidence, for belief in yourself. It's the CEO of your brain. It helps you be the CEO of your life. And so when your nervous system is dysregulated, the exact brain area that you need to be strong and active for confidence is not there to support you. Biologically, you're not set up for success when it comes to confidence if you're dysregulated. Now, a few kind of signs that you are dysregulated— if you're just like, I have no idea, is my nervous system dysregulated? I don't know— well, that looks like trouble relaxing. If you have trouble sleeping, trouble relaxing. If you are constantly overwhelmed, stressed, you feel like you're under this constant pressure, maybe you feel anxious a lot of the time, you're very irritable or easily triggered— these can be signs that your nervous system is dysregulated. And I'm sure you've felt this before. On a day where you've slept really well the night before and you get a really good workout in, it is way easier to feel confident versus a day where you slept terribly and you just wake up and you don't feel good. You're— you don't feel as confident. Why? Because biologically you are not set up for success when it comes to confidence. Now, if you are someone who hears structure and you immediately kind of wanna run for the hills because that feels too rigid, I get it. I have been diagnosed with ADHD. I am right there with you. I don't like kind of super rigid schedules, but structure is so important. Giving yourself some sort of structure and systems, a solid morning routine that allows you to have flexibility within the routine, is extremely, extremely important. Structure holds you in place so that you don't crumble to the ground like a cookie. I just use that example because I actually spoke at South by Southwest and I was talking about how important systems are, especially for focus. This, and I had a picture of a chocolate chip cookie on the slide and it was crumbling to the floor, and I was like, this is me without structure. Number 2: stop rehearsing failure mentally. A lot of people are unknowingly practicing being insecure every single day. They walk around imagining the worst-case scenario, imagining them failing. They speak to themselves like someone who was already losing. This is the way that neuroplasticity works. What you repeatedly practice externally, but also internally in your mind, gets strengthened. So the thoughts that you repeatedly practice in your mind, that you rehearse, that becomes your dominant way of thinking, feeling, and being. If you are rehearsing failure mentally every single day with your thoughts and imagination, you can't expect yourself to be confident. Your brain strengthens whatever you repeatedly simulate in your mind. So if you're walking around all day long, just beating yourself up, imagining failure, Talking to yourself unkindly. You can't expect yourself to feel confident, so check the way that you are talking to yourself. Talk to yourself like you would your best friend. I actually have a practice of this. If I catch myself maybe not giving myself the grace that I know I deserve, I will pause and imagine that my best friend is coming to me with the exact same issue. So whatever it is that you're holding against yourself right now, whether it be pressing snooze too many times, it can be as simple as that, right? Like, oh, I pressed snooze too many times. I didn't get the work I said I was gonna get done. Whatever it is that you're replaying in your mind right now, whatever doubt that you're replaying in your mind right now, whatever negative thing that it is about yourself, imagine your best friend walks up to you and says that thing to you. What would you say to them? Usually it's giving them grace, giving them love, showing them acceptance, and being like, hey, you can't change the past. All you can do is do different moving forward. We don't expect the people we love to be perfect. Like, I don't know about you, but I don't expect the people that I love to be perfect. So you have to give yourself that same grace. Like, why do we expect ourselves to be any different than we expect others to be? Give yourself the grace and the love and the acceptance that you deserve and that you give others. Another practice that I really like to do here is kind of pattern interrupts. And the way that neuroplasticity again works is whatever you repeat strengthens. So anytime that you catch yourself in a negative thought pattern about yourself, Pause and give yourself 3 put-ups. You gotta counterbalance the emotional intensity of whatever it is that you're practicing. But start also imagining best-case scenarios. It's just so much more common for people to imagine worst-case scenarios than best-case scenarios. It's like, it's so interesting that imagining a worst-case scenario, like, what if this goes wrong, is more normal and socially accepted than imagining, well, what if it all goes right? That's delusional. But imagining what if it all goes wrong isn't delusional. But the other half of number 3 is mirror work. When you practice looking at the image of you in the mirror while hyping yourself up, while saying affirmations out loud, while, you know, talking yourself up, maybe even while dancing— I like to dance in the mirror as well— doing something that boosts dopamine, standing in front of the mirror actually helps to rewire how your brain sees you. Because in case you didn't know, you don't just see the world with your eyes, you see the world with your brain. All your eyes do is just take in light signals, and those light signals travel through the brain, and your thoughts, emotions, memories, and beliefs are all incorporated before the image is put together that you see. There, there are differences in brain activity in people that have, for example, body dysmorphia. They've shown differences in brain activity. Their brains are literally putting together the image of them differently. It's not just all in their head. Their brains are literally constructing the image differently. And so you can train your brain to construct the image of you differently. One more thing about affirmations, if you struggle to do them, if you're just like, ah, I try to do them, but I don't believe them. And my logical mind is just like, that's not true. And I don't feel good. Doesn't make me feel good when I do them. I had a client that was in the exact same situation, somebody that I coached, and something that really helped him was he actually got this old junk jet ski, fixed it up, and then every morning he would go out on the water next to where he lived and go out on his jet ski and listen to my affirmation tracks while on the jet ski. And he found that they actually helped him feel good when he was already feeling good. And this is so important. It is so much easier to wire in a new positive belief when you are already feeling good. And so if you're feeling terrible, it might be not be the best time to practice an affirmation, but try combining it with dance or with something that you enjoy. In the beginning, for me, I combined affirmations with going for a walk in the morning. I would make a matcha— actually, at the time I was still on like 4 espresso shots a day, so I think it was like espresso— but I would make my latte and I would go out and I would walk throughout the city streets of Austin because I went to UT Austin at the time when I was beginning my journey. And I would just walk and listen to these affirmations and say them out loud. And because I was walking, I could actually process them easier. And when you walk, actually, your amygdala activity turns down, so you kind of turn down the part of your brain that might resist because you're in optical flow. It's actually a lot easier to absorb. Let's move into number 4, which is to build evidence aggressively. Now, there are 2 parts to this. The first part is to understand that you have already done hard things and you are doing way better than you give yourself credit for. Because I coach people all over the world, and it's such a common thing that nobody gives themselves enough credit for what you're doing. Recognize that you are— you've already done so much. So I want you, after you're done listening to this video, to sit down and write out a list of everything that you've ever accomplished, all of the reasons that you already are a winner, all the reasons you already have to be confident. I had a client that I coached and she actually printed out her resume. She printed out her resume and she put it on her bathroom mirror. And every morning when she went into her bathroom, she saw her resume and it reminded her that, oh yeah, I'm a badass. Like, I've done so much. I have so many reasons to be confident because I've already completed and accomplished so much. Celebrate your wins. Give yourself more credit. But I told you there was a second part to this, and there is. It's to actually do things that you're not Confident doing. Do more things. Like, get out there and do things. Like, build confidence through action. Post the video, send the email, set up the website, make the call, speak up for yourself. Go and do that hard workout. Take the risk and do things that challenge you more often. And when you do those things, pause at the end of your day and celebrate the win. Because if you don't do that, you're not cashing in on the wins. Number 5, take care of your physical body. Exercise, shower, get ready, put on an outfit that makes you feel good. Do your hair, get a haircut, change the color of your hair. Do something that makes you feel confident with your physical body. Take care of yourself physically. I can't tell you how many times maybe I'm not feeling the best and it's just like, okay, I just need to take a shower. Maybe style my hair a little up extra than I usually do, actually get ready, maybe do my makeup, whatever it is, work out, and I feel so much better. Another important note here for number 5 is to get curious about yourself, right? Like, take care of your physical body, exercise, but also what other activities make you feel confident? Like, have you sat down and asked yourself, like, what are the activities that when I do them I feel confident? Maybe that's another list that you can make after listening to this and then start to do more of those things more often. I find that a lot of times those activities are activities that help you get reconnected with yourself, that help you sort of draw back in to who you really are and build that connection. Number 6 is to keep your word to yourself. Do the things that you say you're gonna do. If somebody that you knew was always telling you they were gonna do something and they never did it, Would you believe that? You'd be like, okay, yeah, sure. If you repeatedly tell yourself that you're gonna do something and you don't do it, and then you wonder why you don't believe in yourself, you have to keep your word to yourself. And you— this can happen with small things at first, like make small promises to yourself and then keep them. But don't make promises to yourself that you can't keep. Don't like pack your schedule with things and be like, oh yeah, I'm gonna do all of these things, and then you're only gonna beat yourself up when you don't do them. Don't set yourself up for failure like that. Include buffer time and make promises to yourself that you can keep, because keeping promises to yourself trains your brain to see yourself as trustworthy, and self-trust is extremely important for confidence and belief in yourself. Number 7: Cut the people pleasing. If you struggle to say no and allowing people to take from you, one, you're not teaching other people to respect you, and then you're also not teaching yourself that you are someone worthy of respect. Kindness is not always giving everybody what they want, and kindness also involves being kind to yourself and taking care of your own energy first. I remember when I first heard that you got to be a bad person to manifest, it took me off guard at first. Like, huh, you got to be a bad person to manifest? But I like that saying because if you haven't really gotten comfortable saying no and not people pleasing, it is going to feel like you're being a bad person. It will feel like that. Over time, you'll begin to understand that you're not being a bad person. You're just taking care of yourself and honoring your own energy, values, and boundaries. But at first, you will feel like a bad person. That's how it feels. But the bottom line here is that it really will be difficult to say no if you don't know what your values and boundaries are. A lot of times your boundaries are learned through experience. So it's okay if at first, you know, somebody drains your energy or someone makes you mad or, you know, frustrates you a little bit, right? But if you are angry, frustrated, or drained, Those are clear signs that a boundary needs to be put into place. And so you learn through experience where you need to place boundaries. And as long as you honor that, don't hold yourself— don't hold it against you that, you know, you didn't know, because how could you have? But when you see these clear signs, don't ignore them. And getting clear on your values is something that you absolutely can do today. I have all of the people that I coach in the very beginning of working with them. Like, who are you beneath the conditioning, beneath the programming? Like, you came to this planet and you were programmed. Your brain was designed to be programmed. You were conditioned by your environment, by the people that raised you. And you have to then wake up to this fact that you are not your conditioning and you're not your programming. You are something much deeper than that, right? And when you become aware of that and you kind of go on this journey of discovering, like, who am I really and what is actually the most important to me? And you become very clear on your— on who you are and what your values are, like what are your core wants and needs in life, then it becomes a lot easier to say no to things when they don't align with your values. But if you don't know what your values are, it's going to be very difficult to set boundaries and to say no. Number 8: Protect your mind from people who normalize limitation. Confidence is contagious. So is doubt. I say this coming from personal experience. I grew up around people, and the people even that raised me, like, would doubt my goals and dreams and laugh in my face and be like, "How are you gonna do that?" Now, you can use that 100% as fuel, which is what I did. But also, you get to this point where you're on this journey of building belief in yourself and confidence, and it's just, again, it's a self-respect thing where you don't really allow or tolerate anyone that doesn't believe. In you and that doesn't have this sort of like confident or abundant mindset. And I totally get that that can be a very lonely journey at first because it was for me as well. But when you shift your energy and you begin to live in this new state with this new mindset, I promise you, you will be attracted to more people that have the same mindset. And when you get around people that have this mindset, it just becomes so much easier to be confident, to believe in yourself, right? And we could dive into the neuroscience science of this. We've got emotional contagion, which is this psychological concept where emotions are contagious, energy is contagious. And I'm sure you've heard that spiritually, but scientifically speaking, it is true. We've got mirror neurons, which were discovered in monkeys. They were recording one monkey's brain activity, and this monkey was watching his friends, his monkey friends, eat food. And what they, they saw, this monkey that they were recording from, his brain activity looked like he was eating food. And they were like, he's not eating food, why does his brain activity look like that? Because he was watching his friends do it. Your brain activates in ways similar to the people that you are around. There's also brainwave synchronization where your brainwaves actually sync up with the people that you communicate with, and the level of sync correlates to the level of connectedness that you feel with the people. So the whole saying that you become like the people you spend the most time with is 100% true. Now, this includes people who gossip, or talk badly about successful people. If you are around people, if you yourself or people that you surround yourself with gossip or talk badly about others, or especially people who are successful, you are literally training your brain to view success and view that level as unsafe, as bad, because you're talking bad about people that are successful. There are so many other reasons why talking badly about others and gossiping and focusing on negativity is not good for your brain. So many reasons. This is really the major one when it comes to confidence, right? Surround yourself with people who think big, take risks, and put themselves out there. What I have noticed about really successful people is that they don't have the time or the mental energy to focus on what other people are doing to tear them down. And so be like that. If you want to identity shift into a very successful, very confident person, super confident people don't feel the need to tear others down or talk badly about others. They just don't. Because they already feel secure in themselves. Number 9: Don't let temporary circumstances define your identity. Don't even let your present circumstances define your identity. When I was in my PhD and I was kind of realizing that in order to make my dreams come true, I was going to need delusional level confidence and belief in myself, like I just knew it because I would listen to interviews of all of these successful people, and there's a very common thread in the mindsets of most successful people, and it's delusional level belief in themselves. And so I knew that I was gonna need that. And so I worked on developing that. And I remember when I first kind of graduated, I moved across the country to Miami Beach to start my business and work on becoming a full-time creator and start, start a business and do what I'm doing now. I really didn't have logical reasons to be as confident as I was. When I moved across the country, I had 30,000 Instagram followers. In less than 2 years, I hit a million Instagram followers, and now I have 2 million. But I really, like, when I decided to full send that dream, I really didn't have, like, logical reasoning behind why I should believe that I was gonna be able to do that. And I remember when I actually told someone that used to be in my circle that I had this dream of reaching this certain financial income. And this person literally laughed in my face and said, who told you you could do that? Now I don't have a relationship with this person anymore. And of course that motivated me to prove them wrong. And within a couple of months I did it. I reached that financial goal. But my reason for these examples is really just to say that there wasn't really a reason that I thought that there wasn't a reason to believe I'd be able to do that. There wasn't. And so you can't let your temporary circumstances, your present circumstances define the level of belief that you have about yourself. And yeah, that might seem delusional. It might, but in my opinion, you kind of have to have that delusional level confidence. Like, I, I see it all the time, like, out there. There's this, there's this kind of common advice that I see that, oh, you're not going to feel confident until you go out and achieve things. Like, I, I have a hot take where, no, I think that you got to feel confident before you go out and achieve things. And if that's delusional, fine, but that confidence and that energy is going to make you so much better when you actually go and do the thing. And yes, going and doing the thing and putting it— that, that will help to build confidence as well. We already covered that earlier, but I'm giving you permission right now to believe in yourself and to be confident in yourself without having any real huge wins or big things that you've done. Like, it's fine. And this moves us into number 10, which is gonna wrap it all up and send us home. And it's really, honestly, in my opinion, the most important point that I'm gonna make in this entire video, which is that true confidence comes from knowing yourself. True confidence comes from knowing yourself on a deep level, on a soul level. Because if your confidence relies on achievements and external validation and wins and doing things all the time, then it can be taken away from you in any moment. But when your confidence comes from within because you know who you are, that's extremely powerful. I— my life completely changed. My level of confidence completely shifted. When I developed trust in myself and trust in the Divine. Now, I didn't used to believe in a higher power or be spiritual at all or anything like that. I did not used to be that way at all, um, and my confidence completely shifted when I understood that I was divinely guided and protected, that I'm connected to everything that exists, and that I'm not alone, and that I am Divine life force energy in a human body. When you begin to believe that your life has meaning and that you are here on this planet for a reason, then you will also begin to understand that doubting yourself is doubting the divine. And I'm going to say that one more time because it's important: doubting yourself is doubting the divine. And if you're like, okay, Em, cool, like, how did you develop trust in yourself? Start listening to your own intuition. Like, practice it. Now, I had an interesting way of working on trusting myself, which was actually when I was in my PhD, I would go hiking and I would purposefully go off trail and get kind of lost. Google Maps, I still had maps, so I wasn't actually getting lost. I wasn't in danger, but I would get lost on purpose. And then I would try to get back to my car without checking the maps. And at first I would, you know, I'd get like halfway back and then I would check because I would start to question myself. And every time I would do that, I'd be like, damn, I was on the right track. I shouldn't have questioned myself. And over time I started to build that trust in myself, listening to myself. This is where I developed this whole kind of saying that I tell all the, the people that I coach, which is that you don't need to know how to get to the top of the mountain from the bottom. All you need to know is the next right step. And that is applicable to so many different areas of life. You practice trusting yourself by listening and acting on your own intuition, and then over time you get better at that. But all this is to say that true confidence comes from remembering rather than proving. Like, real true confidence is not about proving to yourself that you're worthy. It's about remembering that you already are, remembering that you are divine life force energy in a human body and that you're divinely guided and protected. Like, imagine if you could have that level of trust in something, that it— you almost become fearless. And that's what happened to me. I kind of had this whole realization before I went into the PhD, and people would ask me like, oh, aren't you scared? Because I was moving to a different state that I've never really been to before, people would ask me like, oh, aren't you scared? And I just wasn't because I just had this trust and this belief that I was divinely guided and protected. If you made it all the way through this video, shout out to you. I hope that you get the most extreme level of confidence and belief in yourself that you've ever had using these tools. And if you want help, if you want to work with me, if you want to go through the Minecraft Method and experience the community and the program and the transformation, you can find links for that and everything that you need to know about coaching with me and, and the Minecraft program will be in the description. But other than that, I'm sending you so much love, and until next time, stay blessed.