5 neuroscience-backed tools to become extremely magnetic

Neuroscience shows that the state of your nervous system determines the frequency that you are tuned to, which determines what you attract into this life. And if that sounds crazy to you, I want you to know that there are studies that show that the same action taken with different energy gets you different results. So in this video, I'm going to share with you the top 3 reasons I've seen people fall out of alignment with what they want, and then give you my 5 top tools for staying super magnetic, maintaining your frequency, and actually achieving and manifesting what you want. By the end of this video, you are going to know exactly how to get your energy and nervous system in alignment with what you want. And if you're new here, hello, I'm Emily, also known as Em on the Brain. I'm a trained neuroscientist turned coach. I work with people in 55 countries all over the world, and I'm here to help you rewire your brain and manifest your best life. So the first reason many people fall out of alignment with what they want is that they are living someone else's path. They are doing what they should do, what they were kind of grown up thinking is normal or realistic, and they're just kind of following the plan. That was given to them, and they're not really truly living in alignment with what they came to this planet to do and be. And I always say, your purpose is you. There's not some like grand outside thing. Your purpose is you. You came to this planet to be the unique expression of life that you are. That is your purpose. And if you are living your life in accordance to someone else's rules, someone else's plan, someone else's outline of how you should be doing things, and you're not living as you. You're not being the unique expression of life that you are. And I've seen it time and time again with my clients and the people that I coach. Like, someone finally gets really, really true and really clear on who they are and allows themself to be themselves unapologetically, and they allow themselves to be a little unhinged, a little unfiltered, just be themselves. And all of a sudden now they're getting brand deals, making making so much more money than they'd ever made. I have one client that actually is literally retiring early from his job because he leveled up his income so much. So really being true to yourself is so, so, so important. And I don't think a lot of people spend enough time getting very clear on who they are, you know, outside of the noise, outside of what social media or your family or your friends or society or culture tells you who you should be. Number 2, the second thing that is stealing your frequency and keeping you from manifesting what you want is that you're too busy being nice. I used to be this way. So many people struggle with people pleasing and just putting others before themselves, which is not a bad thing always, but if you're always putting others' needs before your own and you're— oh, I remember I was at an ice cream shop once with a friend and we were trying a whole bunch of flavors and they all sucked. Like, they weren't good. And my friend, you know, He ordered a thing of ice cream. I was like, why did you do that? And he's like, well, we just asked them for all these samples. I feel bad not buying anything. I'm like, these people that work at this ice cream shop are not making the money that you're spending buying this ice cream. Like they're making the same money whether you're buying something or not. Like it doesn't make a difference. He's like, well, I just, you know, and what the fuck? What is that? You know what I said to them after that? I said, you kind of got to be a bad person to manifest what you want. And now this is a silly example, right? Like whatever, he bought an ice cream, but This is a simple example of what shows up in a lot of people's lives all the time. Bottom line is that you are being the unique expression of life that you are, and you are being fully and authentically you. You are probably going to ruffle some feathers. You are probably not going to please everyone, because if we're being so honest, you can't. Reason number 3, the third reason I see people fall out of alignment with what they want is that they lose their frequency in the face of challenges. Maybe you're in a plateau, maybe you're being tested, as the game of life tends to do, and you let your emotions get the best of you. You maybe catastrophize, or you prolong the emotional experience beyond what it really needed to be. And we're going to talk more about that in a second, because now I'm about to share with you the 5 tools for maintaining your frequency, maintaining your energy, and actually being able to achieve and manifest what you want. Every single one of these tools will help you shift the state of your nervous system so that you can actually be in energetic alignment with your desires. Number one is to know yourself. You must know yourself if you want to manifest your highest timeline, if you want to live in alignment with your highest self, if you want to live a life that is beyond your wildest dreams. You need to know who you truly are. I love talking about this topic. When I first started my coaching program and community and course and all that, Mindcraft, it's the complete system that I built step by step, everything that I ever did to go from struggling mentally, emotionally, physically, hormonally, like struggling to thriving and actually manifesting the life of my dreams. Everything that I did. And step 3 in the modules is getting really, really clear on who you truly are. To my surprise, after the first cohort of people that went through my program, there were people quitting their 9-to-5s. There were people literally leaving long-term relationships. I had one woman get divorced. I had people move to new continents, move across, travel the world, and It's something that I really wasn't expecting from the program that I built, but in hindsight it makes a lot of sense. Because when you go through this program and you get super clear on who you are, it becomes obvious where you are out of alignment in your life. This is why getting very clear on who you really are is crucial. It is necessary, is the first step. Because if you don't know who you really are deep down, like on a soul level— I don't just mean personality traits and strengths weaknesses. I mean knowing yourself on a soul level. When you know that, then it becomes very clear what you want to do and what's out of alignment, whether it be a relationship or a job or an environment. I'm going to give a little bit of an unconventional tip for this one. Ask the question to your brain, to your highest self, to God, the universe, whatever you believe in: Who am I? I remember when I first kind of woke up to the idea that maybe I am something deeper than this human body and brain. It was during my PhD, actually. And I just kind of planted the seed of, who am I? I was meditating every day, which highly recommend for this step as well. I would meditate and I would just ask the question, who am I? And the answers came to me in unexpected ways. Literally, I had someone come to me knocking on my door to tell me about a dream they had talking about who you are on a soul level in a past life. Not kidding. Do not underestimate the power that you have to ask and the power that you have to receive answers in unconventional ways beyond what you are expecting. This is true for everything, not just who am I. This is true for all sorts of stuff. I ask for things all the time. Do not underestimate it. Number 2, self-love and acceptance. Now I have an entire video on ways to build confidence, boost self-love, and all that. And I can do more if you want. Let me know in the comments. You have to know that you are here on this planet because you are meant to be here. You exist because you're meant to. You don't have to earn that, you just have to believe it. If you find yourself, you know, negatively speaking to yourself, judging yourself, criticizing yourself, I really do want you to just— when you're doing that, like, imagine that you are talking to the 5-year-old you. Go ahead and reparent your inner child, like Imagine saying what you're saying right now to the 5-year-old version of you. That doesn't resonate. Imagine saying whatever you're saying to yourself, how you're treating yourself, to your best friend or someone you un— you love unconditionally. Would you treat your best friend like that? I hope not. If my best friend came to me and told me that she made a mistake, she went on— let's say for me, she went on a podcast and she said some shit and she's like, God, I can't believe I said that. I messed up. And I'd be like, hey girl, like It's okay. Everybody makes mistakes. There's no point in beating yourself up for something that happened in the past. All you can do is learn, plant it as a seed for next time, which you're not gonna do in the future. How can we prepare better? How can we prime our brains better? Wire in a different resolution, wire in a different situation so that the next time this exact thing occurs, that it doesn't happen again. That's what I would say. We often are better at giving advice. Than we are in taking our own. I'm sure you've experienced that. Like, I have a client that she asked me on a call, she said, you know, I'm so good at giving my friends advice, but when it comes to me, like, I just can't do it. And I'm just like, well, it's because you're not, you're not putting your issue into a third person's perspective. So I actually do this. This is a little bit of a tangent here, but something that I will do in the face of a challenge or an obstacle or a difficult emotion or really anything that I'm dealing with, if I'm finding myself not really loving myself through something that I should be, I will imagine that my best friend came to me with the same thing and what I would say to her. Like, make up a pretend fake situation in your head and flip the script. I've done this plenty of times. It works very well. You can also just talk to yourself out loud and hear your own thoughts out loud. It's so interesting. I've had clients ask me questions and I don't like to tell people what to do a lot of the time. You know, I'm here to help you become the strongest version of you. And so a lot of times I will just ask them like, well, what, what do you think? Like all of the answers to the questions that you have are within you. Maybe not if it's about like neuroscience or something, like I'll let you know. But I remember she just started talking out loud when I asked her that, my one client, and she started talking out loud through something and she answered her own question. Maybe you're in a relationship, maybe not. Let's imagine your soulmate, like how do you want your soulmate to treat you? How do you want your future partner to treat you? How would you want them to treat you? How would you want them to speak to you? Show up for you. You gotta start treating yourself like that. Especially if you don't have, you know, if you're not, you know, currently in a relationship with your soulmate right now, it's even more important to do it. Otherwise, you will accept some love beneath what you deserve. Before I met my fiancé, I was calling myself babe in my head because I gave up on dating— detachment— and I just decided simply that I was just gonna date myself and be the love that I thought I deserved. Within a few days I met my fiancé. Treat yourself the way that you would want your best friend or your soulmate to treat you. It's extremely important to do that. Now, I will just add a little bit of research here. Your self-worth has been shown to be directly correlated with your net worth in studies, and that is controlling for IQ, for background, for education, for all of that, controlling for all of the other metrics. They have found that your Self-worth is directly correlated with your net worth. I'm sure you've heard the saying before, like, we accept the love we think we deserve. It's true for more than just love. It is true for your income. When you value yourself more, you feel more comfortable asking for more, for asking for that raise, for working for it. But this is so, so, so true, and it really is so important for manifestation. There is this story in the book The Mastery of Love. I don't know if you've ever heard of this book. It's so good. And in this book, he talks about the magical kitchen. He says, if you are starving and you don't have enough food to eat and you're hungry and somebody comes to you, knocks on your door with a pizza and says, I will give you this pizza in exchange for control over you, you might accept it. In exchange for love, but I'm gonna love you, but I'm gonna be a little toxic or whatever. You might accept it because you're starving and you don't have any food. But if you're, if you have a magical kitchen, every single cupboard opens up and it's, it's the food you exactly desire and you have everything. You could ever eat, and someone knocked on your door with a pizza and said, I'll give you this pizza in exchange for love— it's a little unhealthy, a little toxic— you probably, unless you are, you know, desiring a toxic relationship, are going to say no. But if someone came to you and said, hey, I have this pizza and I just want to give it to you because I think you're so amazing and I don't want anything in return, you might be like, hey, yeah, come on in. Like, come add to my life rather than subtracting from it. So this is another reason why Self-love, self-acceptance does make you more magnetic. Number 3, the third thing that will help you be more magnetic: boundaries. Because if you are always letting other people drain your energy, how can you expect to be magnetic? If you are people-pleasing, if you're overgiving, overexplaining yourself, doing too much, pouring out more than you are getting back, how can you expect to be magnetic? You can't. And I want to talk a little bit about how to set boundaries. I've been asked about this before. I've also been asked to do a whole video on this, which I'm open to it, let me know. But one of my top tips for sort of establishing boundaries are really tuning into your energy. Tune into your energy and how you feel in certain situations. I had a friend in my PhD actually asked me once, like, how do you know if a person's good for you? I said, easy. Pay attention to how you feel in your body after you spend time with them. On average, because we're all a little draining sometimes, let's be real, but on average, do you leave interactions with them charged up or drained? Calm or anxious and stressed? Pay attention to how you feel. Anxious, expansive, or constricted? Shining your light bright or dimmed? Now, I talk a lot about soft boundaries and hard boundaries. Soft boundaries are established in these kind of moments where you love the person, you want to continue spending time with the person, but you just need to establish boundaries to protect your own energy. This is extremely important, extremely normal. I remember I had a friend once ask me, you know, like, I don't want to like set boundaries because I'm afraid to push the person away, etc. I told them, boundaries are sexy too. If anything, boundaries make you more desirable. Would you want someone who's just always available to you? No. Like, this is, this is just how the brain works. If something is always available to you 24/7, it's not as valuable to you. That's just how the brain works. That is, that's just how it works. But when you have less access to something, immediately it becomes more valuable to you psychologically. And so when you set boundaries, you become more valuable. You, one, allow yourself to recharge, right? You allow yourself to recharge. You gain that energy within that you really need. You pour into your own cup, but also you become more valuable to others. Your energy is read as more valuable. Now, before we get into hard boundaries, I want to share with you a little story because I think that it can be a little sneaky sometimes about where boundaries are needed. And I was in a situation once where I had given a lot to someone And then this person kind of did me dirty, acted in a way that I didn't appreciate, and I immediately was frustrated. I was angry. I was like, how can I pour so much into someone and they don't reciprocate? And what I realized, what I had to learn, was that if you are getting upset that somebody is not reciprocating the energy that you are putting in, that's on you. That is on you to set a boundary and not pour so much out of you. That's not on them. They're showing you who they really are. They're not gonna change. So if you're getting angry or frustrated, that is a clear sign that a boundary needs to be put in place, that you need to stop pouring so much out of yourself. Now, hard boundaries look like knowing your values and being cutthroat when people go against them, when people step over those lines. I have a hard boundary when it comes to belief. I know that belief is contagious and doubt is a dopamine destroyer, so I don't surround myself with people that project doubt or limitation onto me. Now, I've been in relationships before with people that maybe they say something and it's projecting doubt or limitation. I'm swift with the scissors. If somebody isn't aligned with where I'm trying to go mentally, energetically, physically, like, I have no problem exiting from that relationship. Now, if it's somebody that you still want in your life, I have a saying: you can love people from afar. You can love them from afar. You— but that doesn't mean that you're going to spend all the time with them and you're not going to talk to them all the time. People are portals, and energy is contagious. People are portals, meaning that they— you enter the world that they are in. They Like, people are quite literally portals to different worlds, different experiences, different timelines, because everybody, right, is living in a different mental reality. Everyone is living in a different subjective mental version of reality. And so when you have people in your life, you invite their reality into yours. You go through a portal, an entryway into their reality, to their timeline. So ask a question to yourself about certain people that you have in your life. Do you want to be on their timeline? Do you want to be a part of that? Do you want to be entering through their portal? And it's not always easy, but I'm telling you, I've seen people exit from relationships. I've seen myself exit from different relationships that I've had and watched my reality shift like that. Manifestation that I was waiting on, a certain goal that I was working toward achieving, boom, happens right after I exit the relationship. Because if you continue to surround yourself with people, places, or things that you know aren't aligned with where you are trying to go You are blocking your blessings. Tip number 4 for maintaining your frequency is to hold the energy that you want to be in, in the face of challenges. And I know that can be difficult, so I want to talk about a few ways to do that. The first is to understand The Dip. The Dip is based on a book by Seth Godin, and the way that it works is essentially when you are beginning to work towards something, and I have seen so many people actually experience this with manifestation itself, but it's true in business, it's true in sports, it's true in just so many different areas of life. When you start something, you get an immediate surge of momentum, success, achievement, etc. And you know, that surge kind of proves to you it's exciting, it motivates you, and you're just like, hell yeah, I can't wait to keep going. And then you kind of get into this dip or plateau or season where things aren't growing as exponentially as you want, and A lot of people give up in this phase. A lot of people give up in the plateau phase. They give up when they are in this dip because it can feel when you're in it, like you're gonna be in it forever. And this isn't just true for, you know, working toward things, right? It's also true for, I mean, if you're ever, if you're in a relationship and the person does you dirty, it can feel like it'll never be resolved. It can feel like the, the situation sucks so bad. And then, you know, weeks, months later, it's like everything's resolved. You've worked through it and all of a sudden now you're just like, I wish I would have just at least held my frequency a little bit better, knowing and trusting that it all was going to work out in the end. And it is true that everything works out in the end. Like, you have to, you have to hold that belief as well, that everything works out like it's supposed to. But what I have found— I'm going to share with you a little story about the dip. Oh, there was— it was a while back, over a year ago. I was in a little bit of a plateau with my content. I just felt like it wasn't going how I wanted it to go, and it was frustrating. And that frustration only made my videos worse because the energy that I showed up with, I wasn't magnetic because I was allowing the dip to make me frustrated, to mess up my frequency. And then that's the energy that I was creating content with. And then what do you think I got back? The reflection of that energy. Like, that's— you get back what you put out, right? And so anyway, I remember I was actually writing about belief and about how you kind of have to be delusional. But what I realized is that it's actually more delusional to believe that you're gonna stay stuck in the phase that you're in than to believe that you're eventually gonna get out of it and grow again. Like, the realistic belief when you are stuck in a situation or facing a challenge, the realistic belief is that you're gonna grow again. The delusional belief is that you're gonna be stuck forever and that you're never gonna grow again. And I'll tell you why. Nothing in nature stays stuck the way that it is. The seasons, literally, we have, we have periods of growth and abundance and, and thriving, and then we have periods where the trees lose their leaves and go dormant and basically look dead, and then they sprout again in the spring. The seasons, the tides, the phases of the moon, everything in nature goes through these cycles. And so why do you think that you're any different? You're not. So To believe that you're gonna be stuck in a dip forever, like that's the delusional belief. And I'll tell you this, it also prolongs the dip because the end of my story, this content story, was that as soon as I realized that, oh yeah, like I'm gonna, I, I just need to, to move like it's already mine, hold the belief that it's, this is completely temporary, which it is, and go create in this new energetic state. And boom, the next video I created after I made that shift 3 million views or something like that. You prolong the dip, you prolong the challenge that you're in, you prolong the experience when you continue to mentally reinforce the negative emotional state that you're in. Give yourself the support that you need. When your best friend calls you and says, I'm sad, or whatever, I'm stressed, I'm overwhelmed, I'm whatever the emotion it is that you're feeling, do you tell them, oh, that sucks, you just feel better? I don't know why you don't just feel better. No, that's crazy. But the thing is, it's like we tell ourselves that. It's so nuts. It's so nuts that we think that way in our own brains. It's nuts because we never treat somebody else like that. When my best friend comes and tells me, like, well, one, I hear them, I listen, I hear them, validate them, validate their experience, truly listen, and then ask maybe what I can do to help. What do they need right now? Sometimes it's not even to fix the emotion. Sometimes it's just love and support and to feel like you're not alone. So do that same thing for yourself when you're feeling certain ways. Like, there have been times in the past where I'm overwhelmed or I'm stressed or I'm anxious, and I just take a deep breath and I close my eyes and I'm just like, what is this emotion asking from me right now? Like, what, what does it need from me? Sometimes it's like, okay, like I know you have a lot to do, but you just need to go sit on the couch for 5 minutes and take a deep breath and just like chill and drink some water and just relax for a sec. The answer isn't always to immediately fix or push through. Sometimes, you know, I've had times where it's like you just need to let yourself feel sad for like the next 5 minutes and think about all of the emotions and just drown in them. That way you're not going to be distracted by them later. There's no right or wrong answer to this, but again, show up for yourself the way that you would show up for the people that you love deeply. But I promise you, you are not going to be stuck in the phase that you are in forever. I promise you that. Think back on the times in the past where you have faced challenges, where things have happened and it sucked, and there have been periods where you didn't know if you'd ever get out, but you did. You continued to survive and push through. Like, you made it through, and you will make it through again. And Trust that. Surrender to the flow. Surrender to the waves of life and stop outsourcing the way that you want to feel to something outside of you, to an achievement or a goal. Don't outsource your feelings. Give yourself permission to feel the way that you want to feel regardless of what's going on outside of you. And tool number 5 for becoming the most magnetic version of you is to regulate your nervous system. Now, I could not make a video about being magnetic without talking about regulating your nervous system. If your nervous system is out of tune, your energy will be out of tune, and then your reality will be out of tune. That's just the way that it works. So regulate your nervous system. Give yourself the safety, the security, the stability, the predictability that your brain loves and needs to feel safe and to feel grounded. I have an entire video on regulating your nervous system, so we're not going to rehash all of that right now. I can make another video. Let me know in the comments if you want that. But give yourself the safety and security and the stability that you need from within. That looks like establishing correct routines. That looks like meditation, toning your vagus nerve, maintaining high heart rate variability. Fun fact, heart rate variability is directly linked to your intuition, the accuracy of your intuition. They have found that when your heart rate variability is low, your accuracy of your intuition goes down. That is all I have for you today. Write in the comments your biggest takeaways from this video. Writing things down will wire them into your brain so that you remember them more. And leave any questions in the comments that you may have, and I can work on answering them and maybe even making future videos about them. And if you are interested in coaching, learning more about Minecraft, or coming to one of my free classes, or coming to see me on tour, check out the links in the description below of this video and you will find everything that you need. Until then, uh, I'm sending you so much love. I believe in you and you got this. I'll see you next time. Bye.