Your reality will not change until you do this first (science-backed formula)

Neuroscience shows that you have to act like you already have it before it can happen, because research shows that your brain does not just listen to your thoughts. It listens to who you are being. The way you move, breathe, think, act, and feel sends signals to your brain that shape your state of mind. And your brain does not just construct or react to reality as it is. Your brain predicts reality based on who you are being and how you feel. Think about the way that you fall asleep at night. When you are lying in bed, you close your eyes, you breathe slower, and you pretend essentially that you are asleep and your brain makes it so. You have to embody the state that you wanna be in before you can be in it, before your brain makes it so. And this perfectly aligns with a law of manifestation, which is that you cannot have something that you don't have. Research on the Broaden and Build Theory shows that your emotional state changes what you notice. Broadens your perception, allows you to become more aware of opportunities, aware of the things that you want, but they also change the decisions that you make and the actions that you take, which both of those things together align you with different timelines. In this video, I'm going to share with you the exact tools for shifting your physical state and emotional state so that you can align with whatever it is that you desire, or so that you can simply live in the feeling state that you desire, feel the way that you want to feel now, shift your reality, and actually begin to experience the life that you want to experience. Okay? And if you're new here, hi, I'm Emily, also known as Em on the Brain. I'm a trained neuroscientist. I've got 2 degrees in neuroscience as well as many years of research experience in the lab, but I now coach people all over the world, help them rewire their brains, level up, and manifest their dream reality. Now, research is really cool, but I personally love when these concepts show up in real life. A few months ago, I was not feeling the way that I wanted to feel. I was not living in the state that I desired, and I was aware of that. And so I sat down to journal and I was writing about the thing that I wanted, how it just couldn't come fast enough, and I was feeling stuck and I wasn't experiencing the feeling that I wanted to feel. One thing that I know to be true is that as long as you are waiting for something outside of you to change before you change, you will be waiting forever because it's just not the way that life works. When you shift internally, that's when things externally shift. The longer that you wait for your ins— as long— the longer that you wait to change what's going on internally, you're just prolonging the shift that you're going to experience externally when you finally do change the way that you feel and the way that you're acting. You got a paid actor in the background. Okay. So I sat down and I journaled and I became aware of the feelings that I was really after. I was like, I wanna feel. Like I'm growing. That's actually one of my top 3 wants and needs in life. One of them is to feel love and have joy in my life. The second is to feel like I am growing, is growth, internal growth. And the third is to make a positive impact on the world. And so I wasn't feeling one of my top 3 wants and needs in life, which was growth. And I sat down and I decided to activate the feeling now. I decided to give myself permission to feel the way that I wanna feel, to feel the way that I thought this goal, achieving this external thing was gonna make me feel. Gave myself a whole bunch of reasons to feel that way. Shifted my internal state. Within 1 hour, I got a phone call about a huge opportunity that I had actually been manifesting. My external reality shifted to meet me within 1 hour. I have clients that I coach. They come to me, they get on these calls. I love having people share their wins. Someone says, oh, I manifested like $36,000 last week. I'm like, how'd you do that? Oh, I just lived in the feeling state of my desires. Just embodied the version of me who has it all. Oh, I made so much money. I'm literally retiring early from my 9 to 5. How'd you do that? Oh, just embodied the feeling state. Just embodied the version of me who has it all, lived in the feeling state of my desires. Other people are making their dreams come true, getting opportunities, leveling up within their 9 to 5 job because they wanted more responsibility. When you embody the feeling state that you desire, when you move, breathe, and act like the version of you who has it all, reality shifts to meet you. And it can happen very, very quickly. Very, very quickly. Period. Now I wanna talk about how to do this, how to put this into practice. I broke it up into two sections. The first is feeling and the second is action. All right? Because they're both extremely important. Let's talk about the feeling state first. Number one, stop outsourcing your emotions. Stop giving things outside of you power over the way that you feel. As long as you are waiting to achieve something, to receive something, for someone else to not be mad at you, for someone else to, you know, be okay with the choices that you've made, as long as you are waiting on something external to shift in order for you to feel the way that you're wanting to feel, you are outsourcing your emotions. You are giving something else outside of you power over you. You are actively giving your power away when you outsource your emotions. Now I have a formula for taking your power back and gaining control over your emotions again. Let's go through it. Step 1 is to get really clear on the feelings that you wanna feel. This might seem obvious, but it's, it's really, it's really not. And I feel that most people haven't done this practice and there are 2 different ways to do it. Okay. The first way to do it is to sit down and think about the thing that you really want and ask yourself, how is this thing going to make me feel? Is it gonna make you feel more confident? Is it gonna make you feel more successful, more accomplished? Is it gonna make you feel relieved? Is it gonna make you feel expansive? Is it gonna make you feel abundant? Or is it going to maybe change how other people perceive you, right? I mean, there's no right or wrong answer here. Get very clear on how the thing that you want is going to make you feel. Now that's one way to do this step. The other way to do this step is let's say you don't really have a specific thing that you want. So I've experienced this also with the people that I work with. They don't really like have something that is, they feel is outside of them that they're outsourcing their emotions to, you know, they're, they're living the dream. They're, they're getting the job done, but they're just not living in the feeling state that they desire. So there's two ways to do this first step. Number one is to get clear on the feeling state of your desires and or the other Part of this is to get clear on the feeling state that you desire. If you don't know exactly what you want, ask yourself, how do I wanna feel? How do you want to feel? Do you wanna feel relaxed? Do you wanna feel confident? Do you wanna feel abundant? Do you wanna feel joy? Do you wanna feel love? The world is your oyster. That's step 1 of this formula for taking your power back and gaining control over your emotions. Step 2 is to give yourself permission to feel those feelings now. You don't have to wait for the thing. You don't have to wait for the achievement. You don't have to wait. To meet your soulmate, for the job, for the money, for the certain accomplishment. You don't have to wait for something outside of you to change to feel that you want— the way that you want to feel. I remember the first time that I followed this formula. I kind of made it up as I went, and I did it for manifesting 1 million followers on Instagram. I sat down and I was like, how is 1 million followers going to make me feel? And I realized it was going to make me feel official and accomplished. And I realized that I needed to give myself permission to feel those feelings now. Recognize that I had plenty reason to feel that way now, which leads me to step 3 of the formula, which is to become aware of all the reasons you already had to feel the way that you wanna feel. I promise you, you have reason to feel the way that you wanna feel now. Like, let's say you're after competence. You have done hard things. You have accomplished things. You have, I promise you. You've been through it and you're still here. Are you kidding? Like, you have plenty reason to feel confident. All right, and then that's just confidence. Let's say you wanna feel growth because in my personal example from earlier in this video, I talked about how I wanted to feel like I was growing. We don't give ourselves enough credit. Look in the mirror. If I looked in the mirror and I was like, hey, you know what? I might not be growing in this one area, but I'm growing in all of these other areas. So let me acknowledge that. Let's say you're trying to manifest a soulmate. Maybe you're not gaining the love from that one direction, aka a soulmate or a partner, boyfriend, girlfriend, whatever. Maybe you're not gaining love from that one place, but you are gaining love from so many other places, from other people in your life, and hopefully from yourself, hopefully from you. And if you're not getting love from you, You could be blocking your own manifestation by not loving yourself and not treating yourself the way that you would want your future partner to treat you. This is just a little side note, but if you are actively trying to manifest a soulmate right now, or a partner in some way, shape, or form, and you sit down and you get very clear on the values, how this person is gonna make you feel. I mean, this, that's step one of this feeling formula, getting very clear on how this thing is gonna make you feel. You have to give yourself those feelings. You have to. This is a part of the formula. This makes it easier to detach and actually enjoy your life as well, because now you're feeling the way that you want to feel now, and you're not waiting for something outside of you to make you feel that way. And you're not just living in the discomfort and the perpetual stuckness and the perpetual never good enoughness. Because one thing I also know is that as soon as you get the thing that you want, there will be another thing. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. Like, that's human of you. That's very human of you. To want more. You should want to continue to grow and evolve and want more and level up. But the problem happens when you, you don't allow yourself to feel the way that you want to feel now. If you constantly outsource your emotions to something in the future, you never get to feel the way that you want to feel now. And then you're just not feeling how you want to feel. Okay. Now this is, this step is not just, this is not just about manifestation. This is about helping you enjoy your life. So now that you have one, gotten very clear on the emotions you want to feel. 2, you've given yourself permission to feel them now. And 3, you've taken a look in the mirror and you've taken stock of all of the reasons you already had to feel that way. Now, I often find that just after step 3, after I make a list of all of the reasons I already have to feel that way, I feel better. This is actually all I did that day when I journaled about wanting to feel like I was growing. I just took a look in the mirror and I wrote down all the reasons I was already growing, all the different areas I was growing. Boom! Opportunity smacked me in the face that I had been manifesting, a big-time opportunity too. One of the top podcasts in the world reached out that I had been manifesting. So oftentimes just these first 3 steps is enough, but we have to take it one step further because I don't want this to all be in your head. I want you to embody this as well because feelings don't just live in your head and your mind. They also live in your body. Step 4, I want you to make a list of things that you can do, that you can, that you have complete control over to help you feel this way more often. If it's confidence, maybe it's making a small 3 things that you can do every single day you have complete control over. And if you check those 3 boxes every single day, boom, you're accomplished. Now you have a reason to feel confident. If it's loved, because a soulmate's gonna make you feel loved, how can you make yourself feel more loved? How can you love yourself right now? What's your love language? Is it quality time? Take yourself on a little date. Spend some quality time with yourself. I have to do that. Like my, my love language, quality time, showing up for myself, spending alone time with myself. That's how I show myself love. Physical touch. You already know what to do. Okay. Give yourself a little massage, a little, give yourself even a hug. Whatever the feeling is that you are after, make a list of things that you can do right now to help yourself feel that way. This list is going to be very helpful. Both of these lists. Are gonna be very helpful for the next thing that I wanna talk about, which is what to do when you are triggered, what to do when you are sad, what to do when you're feeling low. Now, the first thing that I wanna say here is that negative emotions are a part of a good and sexy life. Being sad, getting mad, what, uncomfortable. The, these are all a part of a good life, a successful life. Okay? Contrast is important because if you never felt sad, you just wouldn't know what happy felt like. And I, I don't know who said this quote. I heard Tony Robbins say it, but he quoted somebody else. So I'm not exactly sure whose quote this is, but he said, one of the greatest problems that people have is that they think they're not supposed to have them. You grow through what you go through. If you are feeling down, if you're feeling sad, if you're feeling stuck or stressed or angry, one thing that you should not do is judge yourself, invalidate yourself, punish yourself, get angry at yourself. That's no way to show somebody that you love them. I saw a comment recently on, I think, my last video, and someone said, you know, what do I do when I'm in my luteal phase? I'm feeling very hormonal, emotional. I want my ex back. And this is a great example of an opportunity to show up for yourself the way that you would show up for somebody else that you unconditionally loved. Or let's say your dream partner. Like how, what would they do for you in that situation when you are feeling this way? Okay. Which is completely valid. First of all, don't invalidate your emotions. Like it's completely valid to feel hormonal and be sad and thrown off. Like that's valid. You're allowed to feel that way. Okay. But now go and look at your lists. Like, how do you want to feel? Do you want to feel loved? Do you want to feel supported? I cannot answer that question for you, but maybe that looks like putting on a comfort show. And eating a snack, something healthy that's gonna make you feel good, and putting on a comfort show and just cuddling with yourself. Maybe it's getting up and going to the gym or going outside and getting some sunlight. Okay. I know in times like that, the thing that you want the least is to get up and like to go work out or to go to the gym or to go for a walk or a jog or whatever it is, whatever's normal for you, whatever you're comfortable with. But oftentimes that's the exact thing that we need. Now, if you are in that state or in that place where you're just maybe feeling low, maybe feeling stuck or stressed or whatever it is, I need you to acknowledge that you are doing the best that you can. You are getting up every day and you are showing up. The fact that you're watching this video, like the fact that you're interested in this kind of information, like you are showing up for yourself. You are doing the best that you can. Give yourself more credit for that. Now, if you're not doing the best that you can, if you are not doing your best every single day, that's a whole other thing. All right? Because there is nobody more anxious than a creator who is not creating. It's just pent-up energy inside. There is nobody more anxious than a creative person who is not creating. And before you say, oh, I'm not a creative person, so I don't fall into that category, that is not true. Every single one of us is here to create our life, to express ourselves, to express our energy in one way, shape, or form. That doesn't have to look like art. It can look like sport, communication. Dance, whatever, whatever expression. For me, a lot of them, a lot of the time it's content. But if you're not expressing yourself, if you are not creating and showing up and doing your best, no wonder why you're anxious. No wonder why you don't feel good inside. So I would start there. If that's resonating or hitting, striking a chord with you, if you're like, you know, I don't feel my best right now, but I'm not giving it my all, then I would start there. All right, let's dive into Section 2. Section 2 is all about actions. You need to move like the version of you who has it all. You need to move like you are guaranteed to get what you want. You need to move, breathe, and act and make choices like the highest version of you. Now, it is going to be very difficult to move and act and choose like the version of you who has it all if you have not met them? Have you met the version of you who has it all? Have you met the version of you who lives in the feeling state that you desire? If the answer to that question is no, that's your first step. You need to meet that person. Uh, my favorite way to do that is through visualization. Go deep into visualization. Picture yourself at some point in the future, at some point when you have everything that you want, and meet that person, meet that version of you. What do they look like? What do they move like? How do they feel? What do they believe? What are their habits? What are their actions? What do they do in the face of uncertainty? What do they do when they're challenged? And get very clear, come up with that full identity description of the version of you who has everything that you want. Make it detailed. Now, if you are not keen on visualization, or if you are one of the people that cannot visualize, an identity description written is, is just as powerful. And actually, when you visualize it, I I often recommend to my— I always recommend to my clients that you write down the description afterward. It makes it that much more powerful writing it down by hand. Keep it in a journal. Having a written identity description is so, so, so helpful. Now, I was having one of these down days recently where I just was not feeling it. I was drained. I was tired. I had been working hours on end, not sleeping for a couple of weeks. Not properly fueling myself for a couple of weeks, and then went straight into traveling. So it was just a lot, all right? And I wasn't feeling it, all right? And so I was laying on the couch and I was just not feeling great, okay? But what did I do? So I allowed myself to feel my feelings. I didn't invalidate myself. I said, you know what? You've been through it the past couple of weeks, working your ass off, pouring all of your energy into writing your book to get to this deadline. And so it's completely valid that you feel this way. The first thing I asked myself was, what do you need? I showed up for myself the way somebody that unconditionally loves me would show up for me. I said, do you need to just lay here, maybe watch a comfort show, or do you need a change of scenery? And I'm telling you guys this, a lot of times all we need is a little change of scenery. When you, when you change locations, I actually, this was the first research lab I ever worked in. I studied learning, memory, and the perception of time depending on the location that we're in. Okay. And A really cool thing about our environment is that we experience something called the doorway effect, where when we walk through a doorway or change locations, our brains sort of segment or like reset. The easiest example I can give to you to understand this is, you know, if you've ever walked into a room and forgot what you went in there for, this is why. Because when you change the locations, your brain sort of shifted. Your brain kind of segments memory and events. By location. It also segments and keeps track of time. So if you've ever, you know, spent a day where you just were in your room all day long, you might look back on that day and be like, that day just blurred by. But if you spent a day where you were changing locations, like boom, boom, boom, boom, I was everywhere all day long, then you're gonna look back and be like, damn, like that was like a long day. Like I did so many different things. I ask myself, what would my best self do in this situation? Would she lay here and prolong the emotion that she's in, or would she get up and do the things that are within her power and control to shift into a state of feeling maybe not great, but better. And so I got up and I went to the gym. Was it the most amazing workout I ever had? No. But what, what I will say is just that change of scenery, the change of location, and then moving my body did help me to sort of reset. So when you are in the face of a challenge, when you are triggered, when you are In any sort of situation, ask yourself, what would the version of me who has it all do? And if you're not sure, go into visualization or go back and read your identity description and visualize it. I've had scenarios where I'm like, I don't necessarily know what would my best self do right now. And so I go and I visualize my best self and I put her in this position, like, what would you do, girl? And I observe. The answer is not always the easy thing, but it will be the thing that is aligned and it will be the thing that helps you to shift into the state of feeling at least better if not good, so that you can actually continue to create the reality that you want to live. Because you're not creating the reality that you want from a negative, stressed, overwhelmed, easily triggered state. You're just not doing that. If you are interested in coaching, interested in my community, or interested in seeing me on tour, which is also happening, check out the description because all of the links to everything that you need will be there. Until next time, I am sending you So much love. I believe in you. I'm rooting for you. You got this. Bye!