Jennifer Phillips teaches a two-pen journaling method: write raw frustrations with one color, then switch colors to circle the underlying needs like support or fairness. The practice moves from emotional release to asking what you can do right now to meet those needs, or compassionately accepting what can't be met.
Give yourself room for like a jackal journal where it doesn't need to be as pretty, and it can be kind of that jackal energy of frustration and sadness or anger, maybe around fairness. And what I often have people do is I'll— if you take a piece of paper, right, with lines on it, And you take one pen, one color pen, and you just let it rip. Let the jackal rip, and you write every other line and just let it free flow. You know, this isn't fair. Why is it all on me? You know, why do I have to be the strong one? Whatever comes up, just let it be. Because the jackal has so much to say, and it might come out with fire sometimes towards other people. But when we do it as a journaling You go every other line and you just let it rip till it feels like you've gotten it out. And then when you're ready, you go back with a different color pen every other line and either circle a need word if you see it above, or in the line between, write some of the needs and emotions if you want, but mostly the needs that you see in the line above, right? So you're going to come in and giraffe the jackal. Is basically what happens. And the key is to see what your needs are and then notice if some repeat, if they're kind of related to each other. And that way, either one, when you give yourself some empathy, right, just breathe into the need words. So support, certainty, reassurance, fairness. Right, balance, whatever the words are, kind of breathe into those so you align with the energy of the need. And then we can always ask ourselves the question, what can I say, do, or think to support this need in this moment? Or where else is the need getting met? Or where else can it get met? Like, I would identify your top 3, like, from that whole sheet, and then, okay, which one of these is most alive? And then what can I do, say, or think in this moment to help support the need? And then also, are there any other strategies available to get these needs met? And if not, if it's in the dark, you know, hours of the night and the kids are crying or they don't feel good, let yourself mourn, right? Let yourself mourn that it's happening. The suffering comes from thinking something or someone should be different than it is. And the idea is to try to find The stabilizing moment of acknowledging what you need, either taking an action to get it met or just mourning that it's not meetable by the preferred strategy.
