122. The Truth About Career Transitions No One Talks About

When we go through these transitions, we don't always give ourselves awareness of all the things that will get in the way and how it's going to make us feel. Even when it's a good thing, there's an emotional and a sense of self that also in transition.

Are you a woman in medicine, feeling overwhelmed and disconnected from the personal fulfillment that you desire? You're in the right place. Join doctors Joanne and Erin as they rewrite the rules for women in medicine.

Let's begin in this episode. I am so excited to share with you messages from my Amazing Co host, Dr. Joanne Sotelo. She's going through some big transitions right now, and she's bringing such intention and such powerful tools. I wanted her to share them with you because medicine has so many transitions now and, and so many individuals going through transition. I didn't want you to miss out on these amazing strategies. So, Joanne, I'd love to hear from you. How do you even define what a big transition is?

Thank you, Erin. And this is another one of those kind of behind the scenes episodes. It's gonna be very candid, very from the heart. Erin and I usually meet on a regular basis to talk about what's going on. And we're friends, so of course we talk. And as we are getting ready and putting on makeup for this podcast, we were just talking about how has it been lately? And talking about this big transition that I'm going through. And then Erin is, why don't we just record this? Let's go to the studio and record this. It's like, okay, great. And it starts with even defining what a big transition is. I think as women in medicine, we tend to minimize what we go through because we're so busy and we do so many things and it's hard for us, for us to pause life to go through a big transition. We kind of have this expectation of ourselves that we can have our busy lives as physicians and professionals and as parents and daughters and all the roles and still somehow go through this transition. So mine to share. I have been working in this big institution for almost 18 years, and I have decided to go back into private practice. And I'm going to pat myself in the back because it's a big deal, but it's, it is a big deal. And there's not just a million things that I have to do, but it's sort of like a grief as well. Like there's a lot of mental emotional drain because it's, it's big. And I've been telling my patients that some I've been seeing for more than 15 years. So it's a lot of goodbyes. It's a sense of safety that I've had for a long time. So I can go on and on and on. And it has been challenging in so many ways. Other things could be, even if you're moving so it, it could be good things. Even if you. I don't know who plays the lottery, but I always use that example of even if you win the lottery and everything is great, it is still a transition. There still can be mental emotional drains or you change jobs, you became a parent or an empty nester like Erin and I are soon to be and. Or maybe you or someone in your family has had a medical diagnosis with. Even when it's, it's not severe, it's still a transition. Maybe you had a promotion, a big leadership role or you're taking care of a parent. All of a sudden a parent moves in.

Right.

Like some of these are things that both Aaron and I have gone through. And I think the message, because it could be really almost anything, just fill in the blank. It's knowing that it takes a lot. That even though you're capable, it doesn't mean that it's not going to be that it's supposed to be easy. I think that that's very important. And it's also what are the questions that we are asking ourselves. It's not about can I do this? Of course you can. It's more about asking how difficult is it going to be? Is there going to be surprises along the way? Do I need help? How much time do I need to set aside so, so many things to consider that it's not just can I do this or not? And give ourselves permission for all the emotions and the gigantic list of things that you have to do. And that of course it can be overwhelming at times.

So many great points that you bring up, Joanne, and just listening to you share about all of the intentional things you're thinking about, it takes a lot. I'm capable. Can I do this? Or how can I do this? You're asking yourself questions so you can provide those answers ahead of time. Even though this big transition is over a month away, all of these pieces and I was thinking about two big transitions I went to through. One was when I had my twins. They were my first children. I literally had. I had a scheduled C section. So that was nice timing wise I could prepare for it. But I ended up adding a patient and seeing a patient the day before. I was Delivering my twins, a special patient who had complex history. And I thought, I'm just going to go in, even though that wasn't my initial plan. And I'm thinking, how did that impact my transition from, you know, working full time to becoming a parent for the first time? And I didn't have the coaching, I didn't have the training. And just think, how much better off could I have been had I had some of this advice and tools that you're sharing and even transitioning from one job to the next. I remember thinking, oh, I'll take a week or two off between my second position I had in my third and ended up working one till Friday, and then on Monday showing up and doing the next job without any break or transition at all. And I'm so grateful, number one, that I've had a coach and I've had support to help me with those transitions. And number two, that we're sharing, you know, the next piece of that is, why is this so important for women physicians who are dealing with transition to even know about this and how to prepare?

As women in medicine, we have so many roles, where I like to say it, many capes, we, or physicians, caregivers, many of us are partners or parents or daughters. And then we also have leadership roles and all the things we volunteer for, and it's hard to balance it all. And then we somehow do the resiliency that we talk about that we don't always like, but because it's been used against us, or so we feel sometimes we have all these abilities. And then when change comes, when we go through these transitions, we don't always give ourselves the awareness of it, of all the things that will get in the way and how it's going to make us feel and how it might mean that your identity can be challenged or that part you might feel like you're losing a part of yourself. And again, I say that even when it's a good thing, there's an emotional and a sense of self that also it's in transition. And I've shared here as well that a couple of years ago I stepped down from a leadership position. And that was a huge sense of self for me. And it's not just kind of egotistical, like, yes, I am the boss. There was a. Almost like a mama hand feeling, if I, if that's said correctly, that I've had, because I started that clinic by myself. And then by the time I stepped down, there were 40 employees and we worked at 12 different clinics. And of course that Wasn't just myself, there was an amazing team behind it. But I have this sense of responsibility, but then also love and like a sense of, I don't know, like, again, like as if they're, these are my family. And then it was a big change in my identity as well. And I don't believe that as women in medicine, we give ourselves that space to really look inside and say, what else is going on? How is this affecting how I feel about myself? Is there growth that needs to happen, which is amazing, but is there also a lot of letting go that needs to happen? And again, I'm projecting all that I am going through here. But this is also so much of what I've heard other women in medicine talk about. And I've coached many women in medicine through transitions. It's one of my favorite things to do. And it's, I'm surprised of how much they are surprised of this emotional peace and sense of self peace in transitions, in how much or how little space we give ourselves to process it all. And we were rarely praised for that. But then again, we rarely give ourselves that space to grieve and reflect and then also celebrate. And again, I can go on and on because it's, I am in the middle of it. So it's very recent, raw and real for me right now. And I'm happy to share with you.

All so powerful, Joanne, about the specific things that affect women in medicine maybe differently than women in other careers. And as always, I want to know what can we do about addressing transition? What are the things you've found that have helped you so far along the way?

I'll start with normalizing domestic middle. So again, without being very technical, because I've been preparing for it, people say, like, oh, it's not that bad. All the things that you need to do, you can do a lot of it yourself. And this is a weird analogy, but what comes to mind is, and you mentioned when, when you had your twins, that when, when we talk about motherhood, when that first pregnancy, we hear just the most beautiful stories from other moms, like, this is the most beautiful time in your life. You're going to love it. It's wow, congratulations. And then really it's, you don't hear. You're going to be in pain, you're not going to be able to sleep, you're going to be super stressed out, you're going to be resentful with your spouse. There's going to be times that you don't want to take care of your kid. We don't talk about those things. And that's what's been coming to my mind in all the things that I. That I'm having to do right now. And I've been doing a lot of self awareness and self talk of. Of course this is overwhelming at times. There are a million and one steps and it's. You think of the big steps and you're like oh this doesn't look that bad. But every big step has 37 items under it. So again, without getting technical about my specific transition. But most big transitions are like that. That they have a lot of small parts. And that's what I mean with really having the awareness of the messy middle that it's. It takes time, it takes effort. You need help, you need to give yourself time. You need to even give yourself time to be frustrated. And it's all part of it. So then saying that another big thing that I've been doing is making space for emotional processing. And I was joking with Erin before we started recording. Then I have. I talk about my. My right. Like a tool belt. Is that how you say it? And that I was telling her I have mine on all the time now. It's like what tool do I need? Do I need to journal? Do I need to have self talk? Do I need to check in with my coach? Do I need to just meditate and relax, have fun with the kids? I've been using it all and I've practiced things that are very fancy in my. You know, in all the coaching tools that I have and processing emotions or other kind of very straightforward self talk. Like don't worry a lot of these things. It's a lot of effort upfront but it's one and done. And then you'll have other challenges later on. But. Or things as simple as. As of course you can. Another big thing is that I am not good at. And I know a lot of women listening might not be really good at this either. Is asking for help. So I gather a lot of information ahead of time and I told everyone I might call you again. And I hesitate. And lately it's been easier. And I kind of joke with them. It's like my texts start with this is question number 857. What service did you use for this and that? But I think the asking for help is huge. And then another big thing that I mentioned earlier is revisiting the identity of who am I in this process. And again it. It feels. I keep on using this word of grief because again I have been in this big institution for 18 years. It's. It is like a relationship that, that's like. It feels like a breakup. And then I have been connecting so much. This is important, and we've talked about this in the, in the podcast, is really connecting with that future self that's around the corner and the why behind it that has been so important and kind of putting in the balance the uncertainty and the fear and then the excitement and the vision of the future in the other hand, and making sure that the excitement and my future vision always weighs at least a little bit more without minimizing that there's uncertainty and fear there as well. And really connecting with that future self while I grief the parts of me that are changing. And a bonus here, which I think are every single episode we talk about this. It's the community I've had, including Erin. She's listened to so much of my transition. Even when I started thinking about this a while back, it's been so important. I believe that in any transition, it's good to have friends that will hear you and that can cheer you on, but then also have the empathy of saying, of course this is hard. That compassion that we can have with each other and within ourselves. And that has been so important and everyone has been so excited for me. So when I can't tap into it myself and I connect with others and they can help me remember why all of this is so important.

I love that you talk about having your tool belt all the time and we sometimes forget we have our breath with us all the time. We have our body that can move and shift things all the time and yet oftentimes we ignore the tools we can tap into. And that you talked about being your own cheerleader, coaching yourself and also asking for help when you needed it. We were also talking this morning, Joanne, even about your self care and your exercise routine because you have been working with coaches for so many years. You have done so many personal growth and development activities over the years. Such an inspiration. And I believe that's one of the reasons why you are such a great role model for others. And how can we do things better? Because you have so many tools. Would you mind sharing a little bit about your routine and how you've adjusted that in order to better meet the current demands?

Oh yes, I forgot to talk about that. The important part, I think the key here is you know yourself better than anyone else. So you know the tools that help you and then also the tools that are easy for you to access. So these are probably not the times to start something very rigid just because you read it in the book. So for me, working out is very important. And it's. I'm very grateful that it's part of my life, but I've been intentional about it in making sure that I'm keeping up a good routine that makes me feel good. And I've been doing a little bit more of easy walks around the neighborhood without having my earbuds on, just really connecting with myself and nature. So even a twist of what I usually do. I have been very mindful about my sleep. I have been eating better. Like, I've been actually eating a little bit more in things that really fuel me because I know that this is a time to be literally strong in my body. And I have been probably doing a lot of gratitude, connection with gratitude. I. These are kind of some of the cheesy talks. Literally. I tell myself I am so happy in my life right now. I am so grateful for all the things that I have. I am so excited for what's coming. And I allow myself to feel it, even if it's for a few seconds, even if the next thing I have to do is overwhelming. And then when I do get overwhelmed, because it happens often, I just realize, okay, what. How do I need to break things down? What's the right next step? What is the small thing I can do to move forward? And those are some of the things that I have been doing. And again, I think the message is finding out what's good for you. Because I've had seasons. We were talking about that also. I've had seasons and I focus more on my sleep and I focus more on leisure and fun. We talked about that recently, and now it's been more focusing on staying organized, staying on task. Task with a lot of breathing room and literally doing my breath work. Right. Like activating the. The parasympathetic nervous system just to relax. Like, we talk here and we'll be talking some more about that in. In future episodes. So again, I can go on and on, but it's. My routine has been very important in keeping me feeling steady and connected and forward moving.

So many great points. I'm going to do a quick recap. Joanne pointed out that when we go through transitions, we oftentimes minimize what we're going through. And let's not ignore how overwhelming it can be and deal with all the parts of it, including the grief. You also talked about why it's so important specifically for women physicians. And we oftentimes don't give ourselves space. I Call it like white space on our calendar for the bumps that we're going to encounter that maybe weren't expected for our own emotional adjusting to what's going on and just acknowledging that. And you pointed out the importance of not only taking time to grieve, but also to celebrate what can be celebrated in this transition, even if it's learning, if it's a difficult time in your life that you're dealing with. And then you talked about so many things we can do to better address transition, including having awareness about the task, your self talk. And what I hear you saying is all this self coaching that you're able to do because of you investing in being coached and becoming a coach so powerful in the moment, making space for the emotional processing, being your own cheerleader and making sure you have a community who can cheer you on and help you with information that you don't have on hand and being okay with asking for that and then paying such close attention. Oftentimes we think I'm too busy to eat healthy, to sleep well, to move my body, and that's precisely when you need those things the most. So thank you for being such a great role model in that and then also demonstrating that gratitude you have and finding the emotions that are going to serve you. Any additional pieces of wisdom you would like to share with our listener about transition?

I'll add something else that's in my toolbox that we've talked about here. I have been celebrating everything I can scratch off my to do list as if it was a party. I have a friend I call every day just to tell her okay, because it's easy to share and connect about the things that we're struggling with and that's beautiful. And we also need to normalize connecting with the things that we want to celebrate. So it's those are my messages. I am here to say that today I was able to wake up early and I made that phone call I didn't want to make and then be like yay in a cheesy way. So do not forget to celebrate every single step along the way.

So powerful. And with that, if you found this message helpful for transitions you might be going through, don't forget to leave us a rating and a review that helps put our podcast in front of additional listeners so we can get the word out on how we can practice medicine and rewrite the rules for women physicians. We look forward to seeing you in our next episode. Stay tuned.

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