150. How Marketers Hack Your Brain: Simple Rules to Buy Less

If you never take time to reflect on your shopping and spending habits, how are you ever going to learn what's motivating you, what those triggers are, how the marketing's working against you?

Are you a woman in medicine, feeling overwhelmed and disconnected from the personal fulfillment that you desire? You're in the right place. Join doctors Joanne and Erin as they rewrite the rules for women in medicine. Let's begin.

What if holiday shopping isn't the stress reliever you think it is, but rather it's having a negative impact on your health? I am here with my Super Co host, Dr. Erin Hurley, and that is what we are going to be talking in this episode and consumerism and how it can go against us. So, Erin, I am going to go straight to the first question. How do we raise awareness of this, of how neuroscience around shopping can be used against you?

We've talked a lot about neuroscience on this podcast and one of the things my hope is is that when we raise awareness about how things are used against you or how your brain is trying to protect you or just working its normal circuitry but it's not doing you a service, then how can we use that awareness to then overcome any negative outcomes? And with this being November and in the US Black Friday right around the corner and all of the ads making you feel like you have to buy, you know, all of these items, they are using the marketing and all of our neurocircuitry against us. And so I wanted to highlight some of those areas so that you can maybe pause and recognize it for what it is and be able to take a really intentional choice, not just that fear that they're using against you and spending more money than maybe you had planned. And also asking yourself, what will this item cost me to keep in my space? Do I have space for it? So we can talk about some of those. So as far as the neurocircuitry being used against you, one of the issues that it uses is our fear center, our amygdala, that this item is not going to be there if you wait or this sale won't be there because it cuts off. And they will use triggers like a countdown timer or, you know, only three left. This person just bought this. And so like, oh my gosh, who else is in the competition to get this? And it works because they're using it. And can we then say, oh, okay, what if I'm not worried about the sale, can I be so intentional about my shopping that I'm going to create a list, verify it with whoever else needs to be in on it, whether it's a partner, a spouse, do we really need this? Is this the right time? Is this the right price? And if not, can we wait when we are thinking about buying something, can we pause and check in and maybe make sure it fits criteria? So Joanne and I as coaches, I think we might both use this statement with our clients where we would say make a rule and then follow the rule. So if the rule is I won't make any purchases without at least 24 or 48 hours to think about it, even if it might miss that cutoff for when it's on sale, can that prevent me from doing some impulse buying? So again, what's the fear factor they're using against you? The opposite is getting you excited. Buy one, get one half off. Oh my goodness. And now I'm coming home with two items instead of one. And I may not have even needed that one item. And so getting that excitement and then the dopamine, that can happen where we're getting dopamine release, we're getting some positive feelings when we go through that physical register and check out and we have these items that we think are going to make us happy or even online and we click that purchase button. It's our brains are creating chemical releases and they're really short lived, really short lived. And yet if you're buying stuff, then how long is that stuff going to be in your household? Where's it gonna go? Who's gonna use it? And is it gonna be just one more thing that gets in your way of really being able to experience life? So that's where I know I have been trapped. So just as a smart physician who's got lots of education and life experience, doesn't make us immune to the neuroscience, especially when it's being used against you, just like they do with junk food.

Right?

The right crunch, the right flavor combination, the right meltability factor is all using neuroscience to say, I'm going to eat that whole bag of snacks that have no nutritional value because my brain is, is working against me.

It's so interesting. My, my brain is giving me so many ideas because like, shopping is not a bad thing. Wanting things is not a bad thing. Wanting expensive things is not a bad thing. We just need to be aware, like Aaron is saying, that we are doing very intentionally, that we're planning for it, we're being responsible. We're not just doing it because of external pressures or because the retailers are using all this information against us. I know that I am I've gotten better and I'm just gonna put it in my cart and I'm gonna wait until tomorrow just to see if I still want it. And of course, a lot of us, we've learned that and now they're using that like you're saying like 24 hours only or only three left. And then we get this pressure of buying things that we don't always need. And I think also kind of in terms of society, and I think in this world of medicine, we might feel it a little bit different. Where unfortunately, part of our sense of worth is defined on with what we have and what we're showing. And it's. Even if other people don't see it and it's. Again, it's kind of. There's a thin line because there are some things that it. If you genuinely want it and they make you happy, you have the resources, go for it. We just don't want to do it for the wrong reasons just because it's what we're supposed to do. And all the women in medicine are wearing this brand or this jewelry or this shoes, right? Like, I do love my shoes. But I was telling Aaron before the show that one of my filters now, because I have gotten better at thinking, how is all these things I have around me, how is that energy in my house affecting me? Because there's so much stuff. So I have gone a lot better in terms of what I buy and what I give away and make it also a contribution factor. But then thinking when I have things what I want to buy, or even things that are offered to me at a very low price or for free, I think of, am I going to want to give this away the next time I do deep cleaning? And I don't know why it's working. I'll be like, yes, I think this would go into the donate or throw away pile. And then it's like, I don't need it. And also I do love my heels. But then I think I'm working from home most of the time. Do I need that? And I'll be like, oh, I guess I don't. In getting a little bit more responsible with it and making sure that it's not that I'm not just responding to this constant external stimuli that we have to get us to want more, to feel better when we buy, to have that kind of constant need for newness, which is the other thing that our brain needs. Our brain needs novelty. It's something else that gives us a lot of dopamine. So it makes Sense, we just want to make sure that we're being responsible and intentional.

Well, and I think when we're tired, we want to feel better. And so when we are doing something in the moment, one of the things I'm encouraging my coaching clients to do is asking ourselves, is this good for me now? Is it going to make me feel better and is it good for future me? So is am I shopping because I'm frustrated because I got in an argument with my child or my spouse and I'm guilty of that. I used to do that frequently and came home with way too much spending and a whole bunch of stuff because I was really miserable or frustrated. And is this good for future me? Is it going to stay on a credit card bill that I now need to address? I talked to somebody who was, you know, not just shopping for themself, but they're wanting to buy the perfect gift for that relative's birthday or Christmas, spending way too much money that they don't have. And now they've got the credit card bill to deal with. And, you know, even if you're earning a great salary doesn't mean that you may not be going into debt because of your purchasing habit. So is this good for me now? Is this good for future me? And if you're like, oh, I already have stuff for me, at what cost? I've spent so many hours cleaning up my garage, dealing with stuff that was from relatives that have passed, that have landed in my space, and hours and hours with my husband, with my son. There's a cost to stuff to saying yes to other people's stuff coming in or things that we've brought in the house. And I think about all that time wasted or feels like wasted, going through stuff that we didn't really need in the first place in order to now get it out of our space. And I was sharing with Joanne, I finally was able to park my car in the garage for the first time in years because we had that much stuff in our garage and it's not a small garage. And I think, man, what if I could have made different decisions? What if instead of self soothing through retail therapy, I could have gone for a walk with my husband? So no more stuff in the house. I'm going to feel better from that too. And. And I'm going to be even more connected with my spouse. Right. So are there substitutions that we can do if we need to feel better? Absolutely. And what's that choice we can make that's going to have a better outcome in the moment and isn't going to cost us time, money, energy, space, clutter in our future.

That is so good. And I love that question because it applies to so many things. This is this decision that I'm making right now that feels really good right now. Is it good for future me as well? Am I serving her in the future? And if the answer is yes, great, go for it. But it, it does force us into a pause that increases the awareness like we talk so much about. And then again wondering, will I have regret when the credit card comes in or will me spending this money in this keep me from investing in other things like yourself, your care. We talk so much about the importance of coaching and having things that are good for you. So it's also kind of managing resources. So it's so important. And I wanted to ask you, you've mentioned some of these things already, but how can we examine our own psychology about shopping, right? If we take accountability for it? It's not just the external pressures, but then also internal. What would you say?

I talk about this a lot. Is that time to reflect, looking for patterns? And so if you look at your credit card bill or your, you know, your spending, what happened that day? How did you feel in the moment? Was there a trigger? Or what are the. What are the patterns? If every Christmas you promise you're not going to, you know, overspend, and then you do, and how long does it take to pay that off? So if you never take time to reflect on your shopping and spending habits, how are you ever going to learn what's motivating you, what those triggers are, how the marketing's working against you. And then if you can learn what those patterns are, that's when you can figure out, okay, how can I. So with changing habits, one way is how can I make the more difficult habit easier? How can I make it easier to save instead of spend? You get an automatic deposit with your pay, and then maybe you have an automatic transfer to an account you don't see, or an automatic goes into your retirement, wherever that is, a fund that you don't touch. So you never see that money, you never get access to it. So that's making it easier by doing something automatically. The other part of habits is how can you make it more difficult to do the habit you want to break? How can you, you know, does that mean taking shopping apps off your phone and only having them on your computer? Could that mean some people, I remember reading somewhere where you take your physical credit cards and you put them in the freezer in like ice cube trays so they can't be used. Although with all the online stuff that's a bit outdated because they're going to have your information automatically anyway. So thinking about what barrier, you know a rule, I won't buy anything without 48, 72 hours. Whatever you can put in the way that is going to make it harder for you. I won't purchase anything above this amount without having a conversation from my partner. So looking at some rules that will help you make it harder to do the things that you don't want to do and easier for you to do the things that you want to do to get your outcome. And what I didn't start with that I should have that Joanne's so good about is getting clear in what you want, what's the outcome that you want. And you can have amazing gifts by creating simple experiences. You can have over the top experiences. I know I've done that with my daughter. We've had amazing trips to go to concerts and other things. Those memories will last a lifetime. You could create the same. So she's a big Billie Eilish fan. We've seen her in concert. It's cost a chunk of money, but it's been this amazing experience. You could create a similar experience by buying a Billy Beanie, renting the documentary or watching the documentary in your home with a fun meal and having this amazing experience with your child. So you can create really meaningful experiences with memories that last a lifetime that don't create more stuff to deal with.

It's so important to, to go deeper and being very honest and vulnerable with ourselves of, of asking what's really driving this need for more. Is it a sense of worth problem or confidence where you're feeling like you're not enough? Is that comparison. And then you constantly feel like you're falling behind. Is it a reward which is awesome but then not always defined correctly but it's like the, the you deserve it by more which again there's a thin line with reward versus it being this feeling of lack or, or deprivation. And in this kind of societal definition that we, our bodies need to look this certain way in your skin does too. So you have to spend here or you know, you have to have like this picture perfect Instagram reels for your home looks amazing and in it's there's so much And I remember a time when it was as easy as like you're saying don't get in your car, don't go to the mall, leave your credit cards behind. I Have mine memorized, which is not a good thing. It's good for emergencies. Not good when you're just shopping impulsively. And now it's. Even when we take the apps out, we're bombarded because the. Their algorithms are so good that if you have like a slight pause in something, they'll know that that grabbed your attention. And then it's, did you leave something behind in your cart? Or if you like this, you will also like this. And, and it's so well designed that even when we're not in a shopping cart or store, we will still get some of the right. Like there's reels that say this is what TikTok made me buy. Even the title of the videos, it's like sad. Like I have those conversations with my kin. And then from a psychological standpoint, then also thinking of what are the hidden costs literally in terms of money. But then is it going to add to your stress? Because you might be wanting. Part of you wants to be saving for retirement and this is getting your way, or it's keeping you from spending and other important things, like Erin is saying of experiences and vacation, then the sense of clutter, it's a reminder of that, you know, all the things that, that we're buying. And then again, if we think about it from a neuroscience perspective also it's almost like the, you know, like you, you're in a casino that you're. Or like drug seeking, right? Like where you're constantly searching for that rush and then you build a tolerance. I mean, these are the same pathways. It sounds like an exaggeration, but there's studies behind it that there's very similar reward pathways of the anticipation of when you're gonna use a drug. Like the same areas of your brain get lit up and sometimes that's even more exciting and then you buy it and it's like a little buyer's remorse or then you're like, that's, you know, like that rush goes away. So, so many psychological aspects to the consumerism that, that we're talking about. So this is not just about responding to the external pressures or money. Like it. It's multiple layers that we want to.

Bring to your awareness and just to also highlight because one of the other things I see specifically for women in medicine is that oftentimes they're putting themselves last. They're not prioritizing themselves. And so if I'm talking to somebody about, you know, could there are. If you're feeling burnt out and you could use some support, but they don't have the time, the energy, the money, you know, to invest in either getting a therapist or working with a coach or investing in themselves. And yet I look at what are the other behaviors that they're doing and what is the cost of not investing in yourself and instead, you know, spending all this money on stuff or the new car or whatever that is. And so one of the other pain points I feel is that I want these individuals in medicine to not feel so stressed out all the time. And you know, if you look at your shopping behavior and like, ooh, that's maybe not so healthy. Is there another thing that you can invest your resources in so that you don't even have that trigger anymore or that you can minimize it getting the help and support and for some people that might actually be working with a therapist or hiring someone like a coach, getting some help, some accountability. So that's just my plea for our listener. If you're struggling with those decisions and you don't have this help and support you need, I would encourage you to figure out what could that look like for you?

There is so much wisdom in this conversation and this is never meant to be for judgment. Don't beat yourself up if you're hearing this and you're like, oh no, that sounds like me. Use it as a lesson, as awareness and a lot of compassion to move forward so that you can do even better. And then thinking how this anti consumerism to make it catchy can give you more peace, more clarity, emotional freedom, more space to feel and breathe and not just to save money. So so many benefits to this. And Erin mentioned so wisely how the retailers are using it and, and I love what you mentioned, the fear factor and the excitement factor because it'll tap into the different reward systems that, that we have and the importance of noticing your patterns, especially this time of the year. And I love what you said, create rules and then follow them. So much wisdom here and different ways to think about this. And with that, because Erin mentioned it so well, it's so important for us to invest in ourselves as well. Frequently we don't feel guilty necessarily about buying the expensive handbag, but then we'll feel guilty about doing something that's for our own well being. And we wanted to invite you. Erin and I are creating some things that are going to be very helpful. So if you want to Visit our website, createmeaninginmedicine.com we're going to have some resources, information of how you can work with either one of us in coaching and more information. So that's our invitation of this time of the year so that we can do even better. And with that, stay tuned because our next episode is coming right up.

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