156. Practical Ways To Feel Connected This Holiday

Make that decision and take that first step knowing that you do not need that external approval. And make it doable, make it simple, keep it aligned to your bigger goals.

Are you a woman in medicine feeling overwhelmed and disconnected from the personal fulfillment that you desire? You're in the right place. Join doctors Joanne and Erin as they rewrite the rules for women in medicine. Let's begin.

In this episode, we're talking about the moment your life shifts, when you stop waiting for permission and start trusting yourself when it comes to your well being. I'm here with my Amazing Co host, Dr. Joanne Sotelo, and we're going to be diving deep into this no permission needed topic today. I can't wait to hear your thoughts and I would love to hear from you. Joanne, what does it mean when someone says to you those words, no permission needed?

I love this topic. Thank you, Erin. And I love talking about confidence. I believe it's such an important trait that we need as physicians and we have it and as women in general. So this no permission concept is a great foundation for confidence. And I like to think about it in different ways. So one place where I like to start is kind of that self trust in motion. And if you think about it, when we work, we follow all these protocols, we know our research, we like to do our checklist, but we stop paying attention to ourselves. And we really don't have that programming to trust ourselves. So this no permission can mean trust your instincts, listen to your gut as we say, and make sure that your steps are in alignment with that inner knowing. So I know it, it sounds a little bit abstract, but we frequently outsource our decisions or we kind of doubt ourselves or we question ourselves. So it's coming back to that inner knowing and that self trust. That's kind of a one way to think about it. Another way is of no permission. And this is so hard for us. And I'll say it, and even I have, I struggle with this is acting before we feel ready. And it goes back to that self trust as well. Because we have this need for perfection and we need to do it all exactly like to the T. And it's good. We want that when we're treating patients. We want that precision over perfection that I talk about. But this no permission then allows us that we don't have to be perfect before we begin and we don't need to have all the details figured out and we don't need anyone's approval to do what we need to do for ourselves. And that kind of burnout Proof life that we were talking about to have it be that sustained life of joy and fulfillment. Another way that we can think about it is reclaiming your power to choose. And again, we're programmed as physicians to follow order, do workflows and we need to start writing our own right like it's almost like our own workflow and know that yes, there's rules that we need to follow. And yeah, a lot of people work in institutions and things like that, but can you start having more authority in terms of your schedule and the things that you can control, your workload, how you feel throughout the day, your guilt. You're free and reclaim your power to choose those things that you want to do, recognizing that there's things that we can control, but really paying attention to those things that we can. Because you don't need to ask for permission to know how you want to feel and how you want to show up and how you want your day to look like. And then another way is that confident leadership, regardless of the title. And it's also, it's almost like I, I think about it like an intention internal leadership of I go first, I set the time, I model the behavior. We talk about these topics in. In different episodes and we can bring it back to this. No permission of. We set boundaries with clarity. We. We make decisions without apologizing. How often do we say oh, I'm sorry or we're like hesitate or we walk on eggshells when we want to say what we need and it's standing a little taller and saying it with a. With more confidence, knowing that we don't have to be asking for permission to. For these things to stay in alignment to lead by example and really embodying that presence, that energy you want to feel. And it's without that sense of perfection or feeling like you need to please everyone.

I love that. And two of the words I wrote down that this makes me think of is empowerment versus victim and advocating feeling empowered to advocate for ourselves and as women. I think that those aren't oftentimes features that are encouraged or taught or even role modeled. And I would love to hear your perspective on why is this so important specifically for women in medicine as far as this waiting for permission versus not.

I like to talk about that Dr. Programming. And we are conditioned to follow rules and, and again, it helps like we want. If, if you're treating a patient, you want to make sure that you're following protocols and right like you. You use your intuition. But there are certain things to follow and then we also need to know where our control is in terms of our personal lives to, to have that sense of fulfillment and balance. But it's not the role models that we see. It's not how we're programmed. So it's really difficult to turn it off once we're outside of work. So that's something that we need to get better at. We also again we're going to keep on mentioning this perfectionism and approval seeking. It's something that gets in our way and it can paralyze us. So we, a lot of us do it. It's again what we learn and we are in systems that rewards compliance and following the rules again and kind of that the good doctor mentality rather than encourage courage. So that's awareness that we need and then knowing that our bigger dreams outside of medicine or even within our jobs require decisive actions. And it's with they require you and you being in alignment and you having clarity for what you want, knowing that you don't have to wait for permission. You give yourself permission to move forward for what's important to you. That'll give you that beautiful fulfilling life in a sustainable way.

I love that. And when we think about these concepts and the different roles that we play at work and at home and that shifting, I would love to hear from you what would be a no permission action plan.

I love that. The first step, I would say it's creating a new identity where you put yourself first. And I know that this sounds cheesy sometimes like that, you know, make sure that you put your self care first and self care is not selfish. But those are important phrases. We need to really listen to that and know that we can't move forward if we are not taking care of ourselves and that we're prioritizing ourselves without guilt. So it's not overnight. Identity shifts require action so that we rewire it in our brain so we embody it. But it can start with affirmations like I am a woman who goes first, my self trust is enough so I'm sharing this affirmations. But find what one that you believe that settles well in your body so that you can use it as a reminder of this is okay because you're going to have all the feelings. This is not easy work. We're making it sound simple but we understand it's not easy. But yet the simple steps can create meaningful and long lasting changes. So don't ignore them. So then a second one would be recognizing an area where you're hesitating because you're waiting for permission. And we can give so many examples of this. And even realizing where have you cut yourself short ahead of time, even without asking that where you're already kind of in that helplessness of oh, they're going to say no or that's not going to work for me or that that's not how my clinic runs. In things like changing your schedule, changing your roles a little bit or if you want to do something outside of medicine, all those things, right? Like it makes sense if you're hesitating because we're. That's not how our days are programmed. And you might be waiting for permission. So I remember when I first started thinking about what would life be if I wasn't in this institution, if I went back into prior practice, that's a huge decision. But I checked in with a lot of people and it wasn't always about getting good information or advice. Like I can recognize that I needed permission of someone saying oh that's a great idea, you can do it right. So I recognize that I needed some of that external permission. But what I really needed to take the big step was me giving myself permission. So that's right. And that it's the next step in the action plan. Make that decision and take that first step knowing that you do not need that external approval. And make it doable, make it simple, keep it aligned to your bigger goals. And it can start with a 30 minute block at least once a month if you want to save some time for yourself, if you want to eventually go part time. Or it could be that you buy the journal if you want to start journaling more or keeping a different schedule. It could be booking an appointment for a facial that you haven't had in years. These are all details that will remind your brain, I can do this for myself. I can gift myself these things that I want without needing that external permission. And when your brain starts giving you all the shoulds and all the doubts, just interrupt the overthinking with this mantra. So I go first. I trust myself. This is important. I deserve it. And then the last step. Celebrate every single act of this kind of self permission. Like you giving yourself that permission to do these things that you want to do.

I love that Joanne and I love that acknowledgement when we are sometimes seeking that external validation. And the permission really just needs to come from yourself and being able to trust your instincts and get in tune with yourself. And sometimes it may not agree with what that external says. And can we be courageous enough to trust in ourselves knowing that we have our own best interest in mind. So many amazing points here when we're talking about moving forward with courage and not always waiting for someone else's permission and giving it to ourselves sometimes to make even courageous leaps like making a big pivot in our careers like you have demonstrated so beautifully over these last few months. With that, I have really appreciated your insight on this topic of courage and no permission needed. And to to our listener, if you found this episode helpful, we would love for you to share it with someone you know. That's how we get in front of more people and hopefully bring more positive impact to women in medicine. So don't forget to share this episode and we would love for you to stay tuned because our next episode is coming right up.

Do you want exclusive resources and the opportunity to connect with us? Then visit createmeaninginmedicine.com now where you'll dive deeper into how you can create meaning in medicine. And if you're serious about optimizing your results, take two quick steps now. Number one, connect with us on the website and number two, tune in to the next episode.